Motivation....How do we get some....

[Ggrand]

Hello Everyone..

What is motivation?......Its our general willingness to do something. It is our troubled minds that makes it hard for us to take action..

Nearly all of the stress and anxiety in doing something is at the beginning of starting it...After we start, our motivation, seems to progress more easily ....It’s more easier to finish something than it is to start one ...One of the easiest ways of getting motivated is to write a list for a particular time of day and try to stick with it...hopefully it makes them easy to start, if we have already made that decision earlier on.

Setting a routine or a regular time for ourselves to do something..etc...makes it more likely we will follow through..

Does setting up a routine and sticking to it, help our motivation?..If your like me and struggle with your mental health,..Do you start to procrastinate about doing them or try waiting until you feel inspired or motivated..which isn’t very often...

By doing choirs the same time each morning starts to develop a habit of motivation...We repeat it each day, which makes it easier to do as the days go by....Ex: each day you get up and immediately make your bed, freshen up, have a beverage and breakfast..By doing things this way we have begun a habit of motivation.

The power of habits..develops into a mindless way of motivation..It makes starting to do something easier and following through with them on a regular daily basis much easier..helps us to develop a daily habit doing them..

We need to try and make something to do easy and hopefully it becomes automatic...that’s why setting up a regular time is so important for us, it’s often too much work to figure out where to start or what to do... if we have written out a daily schedule of what and when to do something. it solves the problem of not knowing what to do.

In saying all that....Does it help you to have a list ?....Making a list I still find motivation hard...I will admit that I’m a person, who’s motivation is nearly non existent ... I am still trying to learn...

I thought that I would make this thread in the hope that we can share different strategies that might help to get each other with motivation and maybe together we can find something that can work for us...

Do you have strategies that work for you?....How motivated are you?...let’s try to help each other to find our motivation...

Grandy.....

[tranzcrybe]

Hi Grandy,

Haven't forgotten you, just processing your question.

"Do you people need to have a reason, or a use for what you do..I mean apart from daily housework, garden work and so on...or can you just do something for yourself, that’s not really needed by you or family members..it’s just something to fill in time, that has no significant value or use to you at all"

I enjoy taking things apart to see how they work - clockwork is a particular interest of mine. I find much pleasure coming to terms with the logic of internal mechanisms, unravelling the mystery of gadgets and machinery (then trying to remember how to put it all back together again!).

Practising on non functioning equipment is a safe path (in preference to dismantling that 100 year old pocket watch) since its destination would otherwise be the bin. It can be mentally engaging, also requiring a steady hand and attentive eye, with the added bonus of finding the problem and making it all go again: and then I can sit in wonder at my genius (lol, when all I have really done is tighten a screw or replace a connector). I guess it's my own personal meditation.

Although these endeavours produce things of value and usefulness, the overriding purpose is self awareness - coming to terms with how much I don't know and yet still feeling the need to grapple and comprehend.

Then again, isn't this the very essence of life?

Regards,

t.

[ecomama]

Hi Grandy

I love this thread and your questions are really apt for what you're going through.
I admire this self seeking very much.

I don't have my own friends over much AT ALL.... can't remember the last time actually.

I have dear friends who are going through serious (terminal) health problems.
I felt really low about this earlier this year... then I turned this thinking on it's head.... I have NOW. That's all I have with those friends... the precious present.

I had a book called "The Precious Present" ages ago and I think I had a paradigm confirmation lol as opposed to "paradigm shift".... use every second.

I started a thread about Healing... I truly believe that one of the most important things we need to be able to heal, is relationships. Don't cry please! I'm not saying we CAN heal relationships... that takes TWO or more ppl.

I mean forming ANY relationships. Being and feeling connected.

When I had this conversation with my adult children earlier this year (they were also feeling disconnected)... we all made a pact to contact someone and ask how they were going. Even via text is great! We do this weekly or more now.

Just that opener has revealed the most awful times ppl are going through. It's very sad but they know they are not alone. We care.

We are the lucky ones lol... we have the BB forums.

Even dropping by on a neighbour on our walk and asking how they're going can MAKE THEIR DAY. Even their week or month you may be surprised.

Grandy if you don't have IRL people then THEY are REALLY missing out on a wonderful kind and caring lady in their lives. I feel really lucky to have you, just saying lol.

In answer to your question, I don't have to "make myself" do most of the things I do.
I CHOOSE to. Even if they're yucky like cleaning out our "dungeon" of ex demons stuff and RUBBISH. I'm giving lots of stuff to a family of 5, both parents lost their jobs and they're selling it for money to keep.

HELPING others is deeply rewarding. Have you thought of looking up a Local Food Pantry and asking if you can help?
My Church has a BRILLIANT food pantry and they always want helpers. You don't have to be a Christian to go to my Church lol EVERY ONE is valued and welcomed.

Being Socially connected is REALLY important for our healing.

So much motivation can come from helping others.
It's my entire career and being a mum of many, it's most of my personal life too.

Love EM

[Elizabeth CP]

Grandy asked can you just do something for yourself, that’s not really needed by you or family members.. it’s just something to fill in time, that has no significant value or use to you at all ?..

My answer is NO. If something has no value or meaning doing it to fill in time is VERY unmotivating.

To be motivated we need to have a reason to do something & that is personal. For example my SIL loves knitting & makes lovely jumpers etc. She loves the satisfaction from achieving something but also finds the process relaxing. On the other hand I hate knitting I am terrible at it so I could never produce anything worthwhile so it is a waste of time & energy me doing it because all I'll get is more frustrated. We need to find things which we find some benefit from doing not what suits others.

Meaningful activities don't have to produce tangible concrete results.

Some time ago my psych sent me a list of 100 activities to try. Because of my depression it was hard to find pleasure in anything. The psych explained that I needed to start feeling small boosts of pleasure to help lift me The idea was for me to go through the list & pick a few things that I thought might work Then whenever I had a short period of time I could refer to my list & try something I'd marked on it. In this case the goal wasn't about filling in time or doing something others would class as useful. Instead the aim was to see if doing that thing helped my mood. If it did then that was useful to know to help my depression but if it didn't I'd learnt something about what doesn't work so still useful for me.

To become motivated we need to see some benefit for ourselves even if that benefit is relaxing us or helping our mood both essential in managing MI.

[ecomama]

I agree with you ElizabethCP.

Some things that relax others and they find enjoyment in would DRIVE ME CRAZY lol.... but I know it's the same for me... some things I LOVE doing like gardening, drives most ppl I know mental lol.

I love that your psych sent you a list of 100 things that might spark an interest for you!

That leads straight to my undies drawer lol!! No one else SEES my undies drawer but when I heard the most delightful ideas of Marie Kondo and Konmari I decided to DO THAT. There's a free online Audio book to listen to.

Now my undies and socks are all folded the Konmari way and they are in rainbow coloured order!
So are my t-shirts... all standing upright and in colour order.

There's a purpose to this for me. It lets me see all of them at a glance and I LOVE that I don't have to rummage through to find what I want to wear.

I have to redo my wardrobe and shoes... that's gotten out of hand lol.

With THINGS like photos around the place, the idea is to surround yourself with things that "spark JOY". You hold it in your hand and if it sparks joy (or is very useful like a potato peeler lol) then keep it. If not, discard or store in the case of photos.

Gardening sparks joy for me! My problem is that I have TOO MANY projects that I'm excited about and never enough hours in the day lol.

Did you find what sparked joy for you ElizabethCP?

Is there anything that sparks joy for you Grandy?

(I'm about to try to SPARK JOY in cleaning the downstairs bathroom grrr. I will need some upbeat music to help there!)

Love EM

[Ggrand]

Hello Transcrybe, Elizabeth, Ecomamma and all..

I like the 100 things to do list Elizabeth and your thoughts about how they are used to find out what you like doing..

I have done many things over the years..Transcrybe I have even dismantled clocks and fixed them...Every time I started doing something, ie: long stitch, cross stitch, antique doll and ornament collecting, knitting, embroidery, painting or drawing..my late husband took over and started doing my work...why? because for those few hours, he wasn’t the centre of my attention, he took over completely from me..and I was sitting next to him watching him do my projects...These “hobbies” have no joy in them for me anymore...

Gardening I like, but my arthritic bones don’t allow me more then a few minutes before they start becoming to painful to do much...mowing my lawn, knocks me down for a few days afterwards...

Internet games..yes I can spend hours on...but these are not healthy, physically or mentally stimulating...

Right now I’m searching the web to see if I can find something, or some kind of hobby that could hold my interest longer then a few minutes...

Tomorrow I need to mow my large lawn...motivation or no motivation it has to be mowed...

Thank you all for your inspiring posts...

I agree with your psych Elizabeth...finding small boosts of pleasure does lift us a bit... Unfortunately..Depression can even make those small boosts of pleasure impossible to find..

Kind and caring thoughts..

Grandy..

[tranzcrybe]

Hi Grandy,

Sorry if I triggered anything for you regarding hobbies, but I think we may have stumbled upon the cause of your lack of motivation... The negative association of your late husband and his intervention is something you would not want to revisit, and when you attempt to embark on any project, these feelings may still be shutting you down - even subliminally.

Take care Grandy, I also find relaxing in the sunshine a productive way to fill my days, just a human being is good enough in place of a human doing.

BTW, you might be motivated to buy a goat - nature's lawn mower!

Regards,

t.

[Elizabeth CP]

Grandy I wish I could disagree with your statement . Unfortunately.. Depression can even make those small boosts of pleasure impossible to find.. My psych's ideas are great but depression gets in the way. Lately I am given good ideas which make sense but things get in the way & depression takes over so even little things are hard.

Another thing I was told was to reward approximates particularly important when struggling. Having a go is better than not trying. Getting part way even if it's not finished or done perfectly is better than nothing. Notice the little achuevments.

I went for a walk with my grandsons the other day (physically distanced, with masks & within 5km of home so all legal!!!) Someone had made some massive bike jumps out of dirt. The older one managed to jump between two of them & was very happy. The younger one accepted that he was too small to make the distance without injury (fortunately) so he would leap up to climb the jumps & was proud of himself making it up to the top & then jumping down. There is a lesson for us. Rather than comparing ourselves with others & feeling like a failure it is far better to celebrate our successes based on our own abilities & the effort we have made to improve. If only I could follow my own advice!!!

[ecomama]

Hi Grandy

I get exactly what you mean about your LATE H.... ex demon from here would ALWAYS do that but with alot of bad language and name calling and destroy it all anyway... I'm finding so many destroyed projects of mine downstairs atm and they're going out for a Council pick up this week!
If it doesn't "spark joy" then it's not staying and they don't.
I had bad PTSD triggers even thinking about doing any of those things after Courts were done.

SO now we are both on the other side of those ppl.

I reclaimed my life and I say affirmations of that type all the time. I also had CBT and exposure therapy to help me reclaim my life.

What helped me.... having another person with me to "co-regulate" my feelings.
I hired a gardener to work WITH me.
This worked!
I can now garden keeping my focus if it strays and knowing it can't harm me if memories come.

Doing things differently... I am doing EVERYTHING MY WAY. And it's not here to carry on lololol.

If you can use your computer without much discomfort have you thought about doing online drawing?
Maybe learning how to create Birthday cards for your grandies online?

You can take a photo of the lovely surrounds and turn it into something WILD and beautiful then make it into cards to mail. Stuff like that.

EM

[Ggrand]

Hello Everyone..

tranzcrybe, no you didn’t trigger me at all..Please don’t be sorry...I know that the reason I cannot do the previous hobbies I used to do is because of memories...So I stay away from them mostly..but will at times give them a go..(a bit of exposure therapy)...as my psych says...just can’t get the interest in them anymore...

Eco..I am very happy that you have reclaimed your life and doing things your way...That’s gold dear Eco...I admire your strength and determination...I am still trying to discover who I am..or who I would have been, if I hadn’t been abused and told how, what and when to do things....Since I was a very young child up until 7 years ago...

I don’t have a computer..only an I pad...

I have been thinking and wanting to try to make peanut butter cookies...Last night I just got up and made them..my furs love them...me not so much..

Today..I mowed my lawn..It looked quite nice, so I decided to continue to stay outside and I weeded the garden...That all took around 4 hours...

Mowing the lawn was hard to get started, but once I did, mowing and being outside motivated me enough to also weed the garden...Yay me..

Did any of you beautiful people, reading or posting here..got some motivation and did something today?..

My kind and caring thoughts..

Grandy..

[Elizabeth CP]

Good on you for making the biscuits (you now know they're not your favourite flavour so you learnt something)

Great that you did the lawn & felt like weeding afterwards. That illustrates what motivation is about. That bit of success inspires more motivation.

Today I finished editing a medical summary for my husband with his speech therapist's input. Have printed it & put it in his file so it can be used if/ when he goes to hospital. Good to get it finished.