Managing Borderline Personality Disorder

[AGrace]

Hi,

I was looking through some of the posts and couldnt find any related to Borderline Personality Disorder. 

I was diagnosed at the end of the year along with Anxiety and Depression. I was hoping to reach out to anyone in a similar situation to get some advice on how to deal with living with this condition.  I left my employment last year so I could focus on my health which has been useful but now I feel anxious about ever being able to go back to work full time, having children, and doing day to day things whilst managing my illness. To add to this, not doing those things leaves me feeling a little useless. 

Does anyone have some advice, or personal experience with this?

Thanks. 

[xmin]

Hello again Christina!

It was, and such lovely weather. Luckily I snuck that trip in because it's turned pretty nippy and gloomy now. It really is gorgeous around there aye. I know it's known as a tourist hub and some locals snub it, but I do have a soft spot for bondi. There are a lot of great coastal walks all up and down. Yeah, rent is something I am not looking forward to, but I must! There are things I gain by moving, so I will focus on that. Yeah, it's not a cheap city to live in but you make it work. When you think of living in a small town most people think about the shops and bars and city life that it doesn't have, but there's also the health care that you miss out on. It's lovely having that nice cosy environment, but not the crazy waiting lists or just plain lack of availability. 

I have been poking around online, trying to find people to engage with. It's going alright, hopefully I'll meet people I can connect with in person. And I've been considering message that ex-friend again to try and nudge them into responding. 

I know, it sounds icky but it actually wasn't that bad. 

Well, yes and no. I do somewhat like my job, I work with some great people, it's a nice pace and so on. But there are things I am not so pleased with. I complain about not making that much money at work- my profession doesn't exactly rake it in. Also my hours are too long for my liking. Along with some other points, it might be for the best to get away, but I'm in no rush. 

I do find it comforting to hear that an issue I've been struggling would affect an average person a tremendous amount. Helps me feel like I'm not overreacting too much- and it is validating. Progress is good, it's great to hear you creeping along well. I've been on a number of meds, but they're just like insulation for me. It does make things a little easier sometimes. Actually, I was hoping to ask my psych next session whether she reckons I should go back on meds, although I have improved somewhat. I have been quite depressed, and I wanted something to help me get through this rough patch. 

That's pretty comforting to hear, I somehow have gotten negative feelings and stereotypes about psychiatrists. Not really sure how to go about finding a decent one in Sydney...

No worries! Art is a beautiful thing that enriches the soul, and it's nice to share the journey and support it. 

[xmin]

Clothes! Haha nothing exciting. I did manage to pick up some nice bargains and didn't go crazy, so it was a pretty pleasant morning. 

Wowee, sounds like a great weekend lined up for you. I'm going caving with friends, and that's all I have planned so far. Probably going to be a quiet restful one. I hope I don't feel too frustrated that I've wasted it. 

Travel time is definitely part of it! I am very much looking forward to cutting down travel time. And public transport time, eurgh. 

Thanks for the contribution spiltbean, I'll have to look more into it and maybe bring it up with the psych next time...

Goodnight! xmin

[hope4joy]

Hello xmin and spiltbean, its nice to find comments from both of you here. I wonder if you happened to post at the same time and not see each other's replies - it happens quite a bit on the forum.

Yeah wow spiltbean, you're the first person i've heard express my gripes with dbt so succinctly! I totally agree with you that dbt is a helpful stabilisation tool and important in early recovery. But it is only the beginning! Apparently there are meant to be four stages to dbt but i don't see how the material promotes this - it seems dbt courses just address the at risk and overt emotionally charged behaviours.

Whoa spiltbean, my main goal of schema therapy is to overcome my chronic detachment. I hope you don't mind me quoting you:

"Ultimately you can still feel very confused many years after DBT without the right individual psychotherapy, and when I say 'right' a therapist that understands how 'deliberate detachment' occurred in the first place and what starts the borderline off on the trajectory of compulsive compliance, leading them to numb out and become chronically uninvolved in their own lives."

Self responsibility is something i'm very passionate about but find incredibly difficult - I relate so much to what you describe. Yet externally almost all the time i'm a high achiever and appear fine. But the loneliness from having shallow connections, being chronically in fear of people (kind people or otherwise) and that sense of disconnection, well yeah it is something not many people see or understand. I have decreased my overt disassociation a lot over the last few years - for a while I thought I had a dissociative condition I did it so much - but now my disconnection occurs on more subtle levels. I guess this is why I'm seeking more help - and its what led me to schema. I want more joy, connection and love in life.

Where did you learn this info spiltbean? Thank you so much for sharing. I'd be keen to hear more, although sorry i can't offer answers. Does anyone else have something to add about this?

Its sad that so much of psychology and psychiatry is about treating symptoms and not helping people live more meaningful, connected and happy lives.

Kind wishes to all, Christina

[hope4joy]

Hi xmin,

wow, caving sounds adventurous? You don't get scared being in confined spaces? The idea kinda freaks me out, but i've not really tried it. I'n guessing the sound acoustics would be amazing, with heaps of echo. Studying sound and music production this year is making much more conscious of what I hear 🙂

And don't be too hard on yourself xmin, going caving doesn't sound like wasting a weekend!

Yeah i hear what you mean about meds being like insulation. I see them as raising my base level a little, but not actually changing anything. But they can make things seem more manageable, and i think the placebo affect works for me too. I'll take whatever helps! I opposed meds for a long time but in the last year, well actually only since new year i decided that if they make things a little easier and if there are no major side effects than i'd take them. Fingers crossed my increased dose helps.

You're right, big cities have their advantages for health care. Sounds like you have some big things ahead with seeking out new work and a new home! Its good you're not rushing it.

Well i'm a bit worn out from a day at uni - and actually have my psychologist session tonight - so best go get ready. Nice chatting, kind wishes xmin 🙂

Christina 

[xmin]

Hello again Christina,

Ugh, gloomy weather is scheduled for this long weekend, so we're most likely going to postpone our caving adventure. Honestly, I'm not a huge fan of confined spaces. The images my friend sent me of the place we're supposed to go didn't look too bad. Ahh, that sounds very interesting! Cool =). 

It's not the caving, it's the other three days! I think I will try to go climbing, even by myself. I realised as I've gotten older I am much less willing to do things on my own. Which probably isn't great. I look back on things I've done and I am kinda surprised, as I know I wouldn't do them today. Like my first job- no way would I sign up for that now. 

Medication can definitely make things a little easier to manage. I have experienced the side effects, and I really hate the withdrawal process. The last one I tried was pretty good- no side effects and no withdrawal, but it came with a nice big price tag. 

Slowly, slowly! I am very slowly growing up. 

I have been spreading out and trying to talk to people online- I might be meeting someone this Sunday for coffee. Which I'm pretty excited/nervous about. 

One thing I just remembered- I was wondering how are your self esteem levels? I have been realising how bad my self esteem levels are recently. I feel a deep need for approval from other people, and I never tell myself that things are acceptable. It's like a big empty hole. 

Hope you're keeping well, have a great long weekend 😃

[hope4joy]

Hey xmin, 

I hope your caving goes ahead... shame about the weather. Have you made it climbing? I know what you mean about not wanting to do things alone. Sometimes I'm okay, more likely if it is a morning or daytime event, in evenings I'm far less likely to want to go alone. I also worry that I'll run into people I know and they'll see I'm alone and think i'm such a loser, eek that's harsh hey?! But it is so nice having company. I've got a new buddy for checking out exhibitions so that's nice, I often don't go cause i'm too scared to go alone. Like for the opening events in the evenings.

Hey what was your first job xmin? I'm curious!

Yes meds are super expensive when they're not on the pbs. I tried one recently and it was like $70 a month, but i reacted badly against it so had to stop. So financially that was phew. But my current one seems to have less side effects than the last, even though they're in the same class, so that's a plus. But sometimes they can't take away the sadness or loneliness. I'm finding this holiday a bit hard to be honest, don't have much planned, one of friends who i see mostly is in hospital for her poor mental health, and i'm a bit of a loss. I've been trying to study but i study better when i've got fun things on too. Am out to dinner and games with my old neighbours tonight, and have some stuff happening from mon, but pretty quiet till then. It seems to be a recurring issue for me that i don't have enough friends to hang out with and really feel it in the holidays 😞

How are you going with the easter break?

I like you're sentence that slowly slowly you're growing up. Me too!!!!

Oh cool, is the sunday person a sort of date? Or a possible friendship? Or? Good on you for reaching out. And great to choose a public venue so its safe to meet up etc. I've never had any bad experiences with meeting people online but i think it pays to be careful.

Yes, I'm also really hard on myself and nothing is ever good enough. I can be so encouraging and supportive to others - but my standards for myself are harsh without me realising half the time. I just finished an online course - through the mood gym - and the feedback from the counsellor was that she hoped i could lower my expectations for myself. I also find that always being in problem solving mode is so hard - i'd like to have self acceptance and also continue to grow at the same time. Its  good topic xmin. What are your thoughts on increasing self esteem? 

Happy easter! Christina

[xmin]

Hey Christina, 

I didn't manage to go caving, but I did go bushwalking for over three hours on Friday, and yesterday I did 4+ hours of kayaking. Phew! I did also manage to throw in a little bit of climbing too. Nah, I totally get you. I'm not socially comfortable to be seen out and about by myself. Fair enough, that is nice that you have a buddy. 

Oh dear, it's more embarrassing than anything. I was a casual DJ- but not anything cool, more like a button pushing monkey. We just had two CD players and would switch between tracks. 

That is true. Pills cannot be my friends, but they could help me feel less depressed and crappy about my situation. I'm sorry that you didn't manage to have enough things planned to keep you up. How did the weekend go for you? 

I think I did alright. I had some sad moments thinking about the ex-friend, but I am slowly getting over it I think. It will always trouble me at times and depress me if I think about it, but I am at least trying to move on. 

Hmm, well after the meet up I think it's more of a possible friendship- which is great. We have some things in common and it's nice to have intelligent conversation. I haven't made any new friends for a while, and I guess I had forgotten how it can be nice. Had a quick brekkie, headed out for kayaking, then came back and had dinner with their sister and her boyfriend. I don't think I've had a bad experience, but I guess I will always be a bit nervous meeting someone for the first time. Most of my friends I've met online. 

Yeah, it works like that, doesn't it? I wonder if most people don't think others as they do themselves. I think not. I have no idea, right now I feel like all I'm doing is identifying my problems, and seeing their possible origins, and just mulling them over(perhaps unhealthily). Age does help. I think generally I have gotten a little better over the years, more sure of myself and less panicky. But I'm still currently not at a good place. 

Happy Easter! I do hope you've been keeping well 😃 xmin

[hope4joy]

Hi xmin,

sorry its taken me a while to get back to you, i've been somewhat stressed this week and sort of buried myself in studies. but did yoga yesterday and had a nice night out with a friend and feel more balanced today. i'm finding uni really challenging this year. last year it was new and exciting but this year its really sunk in as to what i'm chasing - a big goal to work in contemporary arts - and a big part of me just want to bail and do something easier. but i'm pretty determined to finish this degree, its been many years coming!

and hey, why is that embarrassing to have been a dj of sorts? sounds cool to me!

and seems like you're also a very active person. nice to hear you got out to do so much. how's your week/ weekend been just gone?

I think sometimes with therapy stuff there is the 'getting worse before better' thing where we start to notice our difficulties more and they seem to grow as we become more and more aware of them. i also feel like change can destabilise me and make me feel like my world is falling apart and only after can i realise how much i grew. i dunno, i really hope that within say 5 years i wont need so much therapy! and that i can just grow through my art instead.

what sort of work do you think you'd like to do xmin, if you were to make a change?

This last week i felt quite demotivated to think that i'll probable have emotional sensitivity and sensitivity to depression for life. but i guess we can't change our lot in life and i hope i can instead keep focussing on what i can do today to make the world a brighter place. it is really hard living with mental illness, but what can one do but try? i dunno, i guess i'm still trying to accept my limitations in life without being depressed by them. i'm not sure if this makes any sense at all?!

Happy Sunday xmin, nice to chat,

Christina 🙂

[xmin]

Hello again Christina,

Sorry it's been a while but here I am! How are your studies going? Physical exercise and social interaction- tick tick! To me your goal sounds very impressive and inspiring- I wish you the best of luck with it.

Exactly- because it sounds 'cool'! Complete opposite. Playing Justin Bieber six times in an hour really demolishes the cool factor.

Skimming back over my posts I don't think I mentioned that I had that a talk with the owner about that director's behaviour. Went pretty well and I feel confident about how it has been addressed. Work is same old, I am going through a period of frustration and boredom. I'm terribly bored! It's not that I need a new job I think, just that my mind feels that way and I've read it's a bpd thing. So I'm trying to plan things and book things in to look forward to. I'm considering doing a short beginners course in martial arts. I'd love to do it with a friend but there's no one who I could see getting to do it with me. Also planning on going to the snow this winter for snowboarding.

Hmm I see. And also I just thought that if you aren't aware of what the problem is, you aren't going to be able to fix it. I'm going to try and be more settled in being aware of my problems, before stressing out about them existing and fixing them.

No idea! I know what I wouldn't like to do. I'm ok with my job at least for a few years, but I'm have to narrow it down and see how I'm going to move on.

That's true, and it's a good attitude to have. It definitely makes sense, and it's good to hear your positive and realistic mindset.

I've also been talking to another new person and I think I might have made a new friend possibly. It's always really nice to find someone to have intelligent and easy conversation with. I'm also planning on seeing my doc soon and asking to be put back onto anti-depressants.

Tell me how you've been keeping? Chat soon!

xmin

[CB33]

Hi everyone

My girlfriend has been recently diagnosed with BPD and I am in need of some help. She wants to find an online forum whereby she can chat to someone without everyone seeing it? Is this possible? Also can anyone recommend any good online forums for carers?

Thanks

Chris