Introducing myself

[Gaga_june31]

Is this where I introduce myself on BB?

I have joined to find some information on living with a husband who denies he has Borderline personality disorder diagnosed many years ago. I have found the older he becomes the more difficult it is to communicate with him. He turns just about every verbal interaction with him into argument followed by accusations that I am yelling and causing the argument. He has poor insight into many aspects especially when I answer a question that he has asked - no matter how I answer he just makes an argument . Over the yrs of 40yrs marriage I have thought he is narcissistic, autistic, just about everything on the DCIM  profiles. 
The psychiatrist at time of his diagnosis told him cognitive therapy would help but he would need at least 12months continuous therapy. He did’t stick with it CMH therapy. He started again just before COVID Pandemic. He was always better after a consult but then his therapist went on family leave. He found another therapist. Once again he was better for it. Unfortunately he doesn’t go regularly for many reasons.

Question I want to find a therapist for myself to support me living with my husband. Mind you I often worsen the situation by loosing my cool. I am finally realising it is futile to get caught up in his verbal manipulations. I have to not let him press my buttons.But I just need support.

[Sophie_M]

Hi Gaga_june31,  This sounds like a really difficult and isolating time. It sounds like it’s been a really difficult time for your partner, and yourself. It sounds like you care for them deeply and are trying to be supportive and understanding through this, but it’s also hard to manage your own wellbeing through such a big change. We’re glad you could share this here, as our lovely community will have kindness, advice and understanding for you.  Is there anyone that you feel able to talk to about this? It sounds like you could really do with talking things through, so please don’t hesitate to give the lovely Beyond Blue counsellors a call on 1300 22 4636 or speak to them on webchat here. There are also some really good pointers here for staying connected, and finding support through a trying time.   It’s also really important to check in with yourself while you’re going through this, so it might be good to have a look at our pages on looking after yourself while supporting someone. There’s a really useful part about how it can affect relationships which might be useful to you, too.   It is wonderful that you have been able to reach out for support here on the forums, it must have been difficult to write this post, but you never know who might read it and feel less alone in their own experience. Please keep sharing whenever you feel comfortable to do so. We hope our warm and kind community will spot your post and offer their support soon.   Kind regards,  Sophie M 

[jaz28]

Hi there,

I am sorry you and your husband have been going through a challenging time. It must be hard for him to accept his diagnosis and hard on you in supporting him. Have you thought about organising to go along to a session with his next therapist? You might learn ways to work together and strategies of communication that may work better. I would start by seeing your family GP and seeing if they have any therapist recommendations/referrals to get you started. Sometimes it can be difficult to find a good fit, but sticking with therapy in the long-term is the only way it can work well. You will need to work together to support your husband.

I hope you find what you're looking for,

Jaz xx

[mmMekitty]

Hello Gaga_june

This sounds like a very difficult situation, with much stress & all sorts of emotions between you & your hubby. It's unfortunate he's not seeing a therapist regularly.

Of-course you can seek out a therapist for yourself. It's just how your hubby may react to that. Yet, you have a right to care for yourself, both your physical health & your emotional/mental health, too. 

It would be great if he would agree to go to couple's therapy. Then there would be no cause for him to have suspicions or concerns, because you'd be going together.

All the best

mmMekitty