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Just Sara A Bouquet for Pearls - share your appreciation for other members
  • replies: 715

Every now and then, members share a beautiful Pearl of Wisdom. How often do you think to yourself; "OMG that's great! I wish everyone could see this." Presenting someone with a bunch of flowers is a generous way of acknowledging their insightful word... View more

Every now and then, members share a beautiful Pearl of Wisdom. How often do you think to yourself; "OMG that's great! I wish everyone could see this." Presenting someone with a bunch of flowers is a generous way of acknowledging their insightful words. I hope this thread stays active through members giving out praise regularly to people they feel deserving, and therefore keep generosity of spirit alive within the pages of BeyondBlue Forum. My bunch of Red Roses (my choice) goes to Wishful for the following sentence; 'Personally, I see no reason to be praised in me, but I'm learning that seeing through the eyes of others can be more accurate!!' I so hear you Wishful. Just beautiful... Try to keep your leading comments short to focus on 'their' words. Choose specific flowers (or a gift if you like) to present to them. Sign off respectfully and sincerely. I hope this takes off... Spreading the love...Sara

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Shep_71 I'm new here. My wifes an alcoholic
  • replies: 10

I'm heartbroken. My beautiful wife who i love very much is an alcoholic. I'm angry at myself because i never saw it coming. We used to socially drink together but she was always more keen than me. This has come like a freight train. Thinking back, th... View more

I'm heartbroken. My beautiful wife who i love very much is an alcoholic. I'm angry at myself because i never saw it coming. We used to socially drink together but she was always more keen than me. This has come like a freight train. Thinking back, there was a change in her behaviour towards me. She appeared emotionally disconnected. We've always been so close but lately she's been distant. I noticed 3 evenings running she would come back from work drunk. I thought she was drinking at home but there were no bottles. I secretly took her office keys and and my world fell apart when i found a 4 tier filing cabinet full of empty wine bottles, cans, beer bottle and a stash of new bottles. I just sat in her office and cried. I worked out she was finishing work at about 3.30 and drinking until about 430 The next day i deliberately paid her an impromptu visit at work during these times. She acted pleased to see me but was clearly rattled. She tried to hide the pint of wine on her desk by leaning to one side hoping i wouldn't see it. I don't know why i needed anymore validation. Tonight she came back from the pub with a friend and she could barely walk. She tried to pick something off the floor and went headfirst into the wall. She was angry with me when i tried to help. She went to bed but when i checked on her she had a bottle of wine next to her bed. Anyway enough waffling from me, I'm just venting. I don't know how to handle it. I have been in touch with alanon and have been advised to simply love and support. I'm utterly broken. She's beautiful inside and out and a great mum to our 4 kids.

Kazzl Helpful books and resources
  • replies: 103

Hi everyone Members often refer in their posts to books and other resources that have helped them. This thread is a place to list those books so all members can find them easily. The titles might include scholarly, mass market and self-help books, sp... View more

Hi everyone Members often refer in their posts to books and other resources that have helped them. This thread is a place to list those books so all members can find them easily. The titles might include scholarly, mass market and self-help books, specialist websites or blogs, podcasts, vodcasts or print or online journals or magazines. Please note BB has a list of websites and resources under Get Help, so maybe check there first for online resources. (Also note that we cannot include live links to online resources.) To make things easy to find, please put the category of the content first in bold, then the title of the book and then, if you want, a brief comment. Please note that anything listed here reflects the member's views only. Publications and other resources are not necessarily endorsed by beyondblue. Happy reading!

car10001 borders re opening making friends during restrictions
  • replies: 5

hi with the coronavirus restrictions am finding it hard to get together sort of because of that. what is a way to get together or make friends during the restrictions or both. when place you live at which youre happy doing at moment isnt big enough t... View more

hi with the coronavirus restrictions am finding it hard to get together sort of because of that. what is a way to get together or make friends during the restrictions or both. when place you live at which youre happy doing at moment isnt big enough to have self contained space what would you do until youre able to buy your own. sometimes just feel isolated and like its going to take a long time to go back to before Thanks

Missy456 Grieving and alienated from family.
  • replies: 1

Hi there I am a 45 year old woman, married, we just moved to a new area for work. My husband's job is demanding and he is at work at the moment a lot. I don't really know anyone here yet and I have just had my dog put to sleep. (He was 13). I have de... View more

Hi there I am a 45 year old woman, married, we just moved to a new area for work. My husband's job is demanding and he is at work at the moment a lot. I don't really know anyone here yet and I have just had my dog put to sleep. (He was 13). I have developed a bad habit of having a few wines to take the edge off and this does not seem to be helping me at all. Just tired. Pre existing family issue is that I am alienated from my adult daughter after a nasty divorce 13 years ago, (been 4 years since we saw each other). She has a lot of resentment toward my new husband as we moved away for work. She is pregnant and not in the best position to be starting a family. I want to try and help, but I am just so low, I don't know how to reach out and fix things. Feeling a bit lost. Any advice would be good.

poss93 Work life balance
  • replies: 6

Hey guys, I am struggling to make a choice for a job change. Here are the options. All are retail. Working for big sports brand as a store manager, 55k per year in AUS dollars. Super paid and bonus paid separate, roster is a Tuesday to Saturday roste... View more

Hey guys, I am struggling to make a choice for a job change. Here are the options. All are retail. Working for big sports brand as a store manager, 55k per year in AUS dollars. Super paid and bonus paid separate, roster is a Tuesday to Saturday roster. Free parking, more responsibility. Second option, Assistant store manager at 55k per year again everything else is paid separate, Sunday to Friday roster with a day off during the week and Saturday off. I will have to pay for parking which will be $25 a week. little less responsibility than previous role. Option 3, 49-51k per year, Monday to Friday roster and also leave from 3-4pm in the afternoon. Weekends off. Parking is $50 a week. turns out to be the same if not less pay than what I am currently on. more life balance and less work stress as it is a stock role, so out the back and no customer interaction or big store decisions go to me. Current role, Assistant manger 45k per year, Bonus and super paid separate. I have quite a lot of responsibility so I would rather get paid more if I'm doing this much work. Free parking. I also study and go to the gym at the end of my work shifts. I am also renting and would love to make more income to help my partner out and so we can save for a house. I do also need some extra time for my self as I get burnt out easily with everything I do. plus I have ADHD which is a strug for those who know.. you know.. what would you choose. More money and same roster or less money and more work life balance.

The_Bro OVER 30 AND MY LIFE GOALS ARE A SHAMBLES - DOES IT MATTER?
  • replies: 9

Hi everyone Through my daughter's friends I am hearing more about how unsettled they are with what they see as lack of progress in their lives. In their 30's - their career, marriage, house, kids etc have just not where they are 'meant to be'. Does i... View more

Hi everyone Through my daughter's friends I am hearing more about how unsettled they are with what they see as lack of progress in their lives. In their 30's - their career, marriage, house, kids etc have just not where they are 'meant to be'. Does it matter? I read recently about a successful person who, when reaching 30, had achieved debt, divorce and lack of direction. So she reacted by partying her life away for a few years, then on reaching 40, 'blew up' her life and started again. 20 years later, she has never been happier. Happy relationship, family, financial comfort, going places and in disbelief that it all happened! You see, society has this way of judging us by our milestones, all set into life stages. Job, marriage, baby, (big) house, flash car, overseas holidays and so on. But who gives a rats about those milestones - are they really weights around our necks? Some of us achieve them, others may take longer, others change them as they get older. Others don't have milestones at all. Who cares? Let's just call these guys 'Late Bloomers'. I was one of those and am amazed at how life changes and what you can effortlessly achieve once you get past the mid 30's. Perhaps we should say goodbye to milestones and run our own race. Do life at your own pace and believe the best in life is certainly yet to come! I would love to hear views of forum members who have yet to hit 30, and those who are well past it. Long live the prime of life and letting things happen when they are ready! All the best. The Bro

MissJ94 What career?
  • replies: 2

I just finished up with an appointment with a career advisor and even more confused now. Im a nurse and i work in aged care. I went into nursing because i wanted to be a midwife. I started midwifery last year and the demands of the course are extreme... View more

I just finished up with an appointment with a career advisor and even more confused now. Im a nurse and i work in aged care. I went into nursing because i wanted to be a midwife. I started midwifery last year and the demands of the course are extreme. You have placement, classes, continuity of care women to follow and more. They warned us its like having a full time job but i thought i have the determination to get it done. But trying to work while study and keep up with those study commitments, be a single mum, its impossible to do. And now im almost tempted to drop out. Another option is family/child community health. Its an extension of nursing, no shift work, still get to work with the women, babies, families which is similar to the midwifery. Ive done 2 placements in child/family health and loved it. Love it even more than the placements ive had in postnatal and birthing unit. Having that appointment with the careers advisor just left me questioning so much. Do i go into community? Do i keep going with midwifery? Do i find a different career completely? I did the job outlook quiz and its all mixed! 40% administration, 20% enterprise, 20% helping, 6% analytical, 6% creative. Plus doing the quiz and the results really depends on my mood. The results are never the same. I just dont know what i want to do as a career. I hooked on to being a midwife for 10 years because i loved being pregnant and guess i wanted to share that experience with other women by helping them? When i think of other careers i just think of the worst. That i wont be good at it, i wont enjoy it, ill mess up massively, ill make a fool of myself. I just want something ill enjoy that doesnt cause too much stress and has a decent pay. I love gaming but not like i could be a professional gamer. I love to dance and sing but way too old to do that now. Love learning piano but no way id ever get good enough at play it to make a career out of it. I love travelling but cant really do that as a single mum. I love photography but thats too expensive. Hate this!!

may_04 overeating - how do i stop?
  • replies: 10

hi everyone. I hope you are all happy and well. for years now I have had problems with food. I'm not sure if it's just a being lazy thing or something more serious, but I definitely have a problem. I just keep eating all the time. whether I'm hungry,... View more

hi everyone. I hope you are all happy and well. for years now I have had problems with food. I'm not sure if it's just a being lazy thing or something more serious, but I definitely have a problem. I just keep eating all the time. whether I'm hungry, full, bored, sad, happy - I just eat and I can't control myself. especially when I'm out at a party or something and there's a table of food where I can just eat anything at any time. when I want to stop eating I'll either go and brush my teeth or chew gum, but that only works for around 30-60 mins. Is there some way I could stop overeating? - may

The_Bro DOES IT BOTHER YOU TO SAY 'NO'? ARE YOU A 'YES' PERSON?
  • replies: 9

Hi Everyone I used to be very much a 'Yes' person. I always wanted to keep my colleagues or friends happy, didn't want to be seen as selfish, would always say 'Yes' even when I was groaning internally with my own time pressures. Invitations, favours,... View more

Hi Everyone I used to be very much a 'Yes' person. I always wanted to keep my colleagues or friends happy, didn't want to be seen as selfish, would always say 'Yes' even when I was groaning internally with my own time pressures. Invitations, favours, work, helping out, it was all the same. Then I met a boss at work who took me under his wing. What happened was I was often late with project work, and told him I was too busy helping other with their requests. Of course that reflected badly on me in my Bosses eyes. He made the point that helping others was tremendous, but not when it meant my own work and personal progress was sacrificed. So I learnt to say 'No'. The trick he taught me was to be assertive and empathetic, but make it clear you cannot say yes to that request and why. An example of what to say might be something like 'I'm really sorry but I can't fit that in today, I'm going to have to pass on that". Say it with meaning and attention to the person making the request. How much better is that reply than simply saying 'No I can't help with that?" What this does is keep your personal rights intact, yet still shows the other person some respect and empathy. Keeps things from becoming an argument too! It will help with your own feelings if you realise its not up to you to always solve other people's problems at the expense of your own progress. Yes it will be easy to feel rejected or hungry for approval of others, but over time respect towards you will grow. Importantly, this doesn't mean never saying yes, there will always be occasions when its perfectly OK to do a favour, but not if it causes you angst and hurts your own self esteem. It was a learning curve for me at the time, but became much easier with practice. The trick is to let others see your reason for saying no is genuine and important to you, rather than just not wanting to. You will have set boundaries without offending anyone needlessly. What I was taught helped me a lot with relationships with myself and my friends. Does anyone else have issues with being a 'Yes' person? Regards, The Bro

The_Bro PRAISE OR CRITICISM - WHICH WORKS FOR YOU?
  • replies: 6

Hi Everybody I made a mistake for an organisation I volunteer for recently, only a small one with very minor consequences, but was 'bawled out' in no uncertain terms in front of others, by the person I report to. I tactfully reminded him I am an unpa... View more

Hi Everybody I made a mistake for an organisation I volunteer for recently, only a small one with very minor consequences, but was 'bawled out' in no uncertain terms in front of others, by the person I report to. I tactfully reminded him I am an unpaid volunteer and was told that was irrelevant. Naturally I didn't have the best of days after that. It reminded me of a great boss I once had who used to begin a reprimand by saying in private 'I have spotted an opportunity for you to improve'. Compare the two above approaches, no prizes for guessing which worked best for me! This has led me to write a post about what works best - criticism or praise? Can our children today handle criticism when at school it seems all they receive is praise, even for not very good effort or work? Are employers these days very skilled at how to motivate, correct behaviours and give positive criticism? It seems to me that 'Thanks' is indeed the most neglected form of compensation! My Grand Daughter asked me last week what I thought of the story she had written. I made it clear that I was very happy to do so, but was she happy for me to say the good things as well as things that I thought she could improve on? Having her agree to that led to a pretty successful 'review' of her story and she happily agreed she had learnt from my gently constructive criticisms. My neighbour teaches at a primary school and agrees that kids being unable to handle criticism is a pretty big problem. If they are not open to feedback, how will they progress and improve? Apparently they are saying that they cannot handle criticism so please don't give it to me! Wow so how are those children expected to cope when entering the workplace later in life with all the pressures, ups and downs, disgruntled bosses and criticism they might well encounter? My belief is that everyone will learn better from not only praise, but also their mistakes, as long as they are recognised and discussed positively with an outcome in mind. To give feedback that is only positive all the time, regardless of the quality of the work, is a misguided effort to improve self esteem. It certainly is a skill to give constructive criticism, as it is also a skill to welcome criticism, embrace it, be thankful for it and act on it. Someone once said to me when reviewing work - 'Give three positive strokes before a negative one'. Thoughts on that? Anyway, of course I am very happy to receive any feedback on this thread! Bye for now, The Bro