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Just Sara A Bouquet for Pearls - share your appreciation for other members
  • replies: 715

Every now and then, members share a beautiful Pearl of Wisdom. How often do you think to yourself; "OMG that's great! I wish everyone could see this." Presenting someone with a bunch of flowers is a generous way of acknowledging their insightful word... View more

Every now and then, members share a beautiful Pearl of Wisdom. How often do you think to yourself; "OMG that's great! I wish everyone could see this." Presenting someone with a bunch of flowers is a generous way of acknowledging their insightful words. I hope this thread stays active through members giving out praise regularly to people they feel deserving, and therefore keep generosity of spirit alive within the pages of BeyondBlue Forum. My bunch of Red Roses (my choice) goes to Wishful for the following sentence; 'Personally, I see no reason to be praised in me, but I'm learning that seeing through the eyes of others can be more accurate!!' I so hear you Wishful. Just beautiful... Try to keep your leading comments short to focus on 'their' words. Choose specific flowers (or a gift if you like) to present to them. Sign off respectfully and sincerely. I hope this takes off... Spreading the love...Sara

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MissJ94 What career?
  • replies: 2

I just finished up with an appointment with a career advisor and even more confused now. Im a nurse and i work in aged care. I went into nursing because i wanted to be a midwife. I started midwifery last year and the demands of the course are extreme... View more

I just finished up with an appointment with a career advisor and even more confused now. Im a nurse and i work in aged care. I went into nursing because i wanted to be a midwife. I started midwifery last year and the demands of the course are extreme. You have placement, classes, continuity of care women to follow and more. They warned us its like having a full time job but i thought i have the determination to get it done. But trying to work while study and keep up with those study commitments, be a single mum, its impossible to do. And now im almost tempted to drop out. Another option is family/child community health. Its an extension of nursing, no shift work, still get to work with the women, babies, families which is similar to the midwifery. Ive done 2 placements in child/family health and loved it. Love it even more than the placements ive had in postnatal and birthing unit. Having that appointment with the careers advisor just left me questioning so much. Do i go into community? Do i keep going with midwifery? Do i find a different career completely? I did the job outlook quiz and its all mixed! 40% administration, 20% enterprise, 20% helping, 6% analytical, 6% creative. Plus doing the quiz and the results really depends on my mood. The results are never the same. I just dont know what i want to do as a career. I hooked on to being a midwife for 10 years because i loved being pregnant and guess i wanted to share that experience with other women by helping them? When i think of other careers i just think of the worst. That i wont be good at it, i wont enjoy it, ill mess up massively, ill make a fool of myself. I just want something ill enjoy that doesnt cause too much stress and has a decent pay. I love gaming but not like i could be a professional gamer. I love to dance and sing but way too old to do that now. Love learning piano but no way id ever get good enough at play it to make a career out of it. I love travelling but cant really do that as a single mum. I love photography but thats too expensive. Hate this!!

may_04 overeating - how do i stop?
  • replies: 10

hi everyone. I hope you are all happy and well. for years now I have had problems with food. I'm not sure if it's just a being lazy thing or something more serious, but I definitely have a problem. I just keep eating all the time. whether I'm hungry,... View more

hi everyone. I hope you are all happy and well. for years now I have had problems with food. I'm not sure if it's just a being lazy thing or something more serious, but I definitely have a problem. I just keep eating all the time. whether I'm hungry, full, bored, sad, happy - I just eat and I can't control myself. especially when I'm out at a party or something and there's a table of food where I can just eat anything at any time. when I want to stop eating I'll either go and brush my teeth or chew gum, but that only works for around 30-60 mins. Is there some way I could stop overeating? - may

The_Bro DOES IT BOTHER YOU TO SAY 'NO'? ARE YOU A 'YES' PERSON?
  • replies: 9

Hi Everyone I used to be very much a 'Yes' person. I always wanted to keep my colleagues or friends happy, didn't want to be seen as selfish, would always say 'Yes' even when I was groaning internally with my own time pressures. Invitations, favours,... View more

Hi Everyone I used to be very much a 'Yes' person. I always wanted to keep my colleagues or friends happy, didn't want to be seen as selfish, would always say 'Yes' even when I was groaning internally with my own time pressures. Invitations, favours, work, helping out, it was all the same. Then I met a boss at work who took me under his wing. What happened was I was often late with project work, and told him I was too busy helping other with their requests. Of course that reflected badly on me in my Bosses eyes. He made the point that helping others was tremendous, but not when it meant my own work and personal progress was sacrificed. So I learnt to say 'No'. The trick he taught me was to be assertive and empathetic, but make it clear you cannot say yes to that request and why. An example of what to say might be something like 'I'm really sorry but I can't fit that in today, I'm going to have to pass on that". Say it with meaning and attention to the person making the request. How much better is that reply than simply saying 'No I can't help with that?" What this does is keep your personal rights intact, yet still shows the other person some respect and empathy. Keeps things from becoming an argument too! It will help with your own feelings if you realise its not up to you to always solve other people's problems at the expense of your own progress. Yes it will be easy to feel rejected or hungry for approval of others, but over time respect towards you will grow. Importantly, this doesn't mean never saying yes, there will always be occasions when its perfectly OK to do a favour, but not if it causes you angst and hurts your own self esteem. It was a learning curve for me at the time, but became much easier with practice. The trick is to let others see your reason for saying no is genuine and important to you, rather than just not wanting to. You will have set boundaries without offending anyone needlessly. What I was taught helped me a lot with relationships with myself and my friends. Does anyone else have issues with being a 'Yes' person? Regards, The Bro

The_Bro PRAISE OR CRITICISM - WHICH WORKS FOR YOU?
  • replies: 6

Hi Everybody I made a mistake for an organisation I volunteer for recently, only a small one with very minor consequences, but was 'bawled out' in no uncertain terms in front of others, by the person I report to. I tactfully reminded him I am an unpa... View more

Hi Everybody I made a mistake for an organisation I volunteer for recently, only a small one with very minor consequences, but was 'bawled out' in no uncertain terms in front of others, by the person I report to. I tactfully reminded him I am an unpaid volunteer and was told that was irrelevant. Naturally I didn't have the best of days after that. It reminded me of a great boss I once had who used to begin a reprimand by saying in private 'I have spotted an opportunity for you to improve'. Compare the two above approaches, no prizes for guessing which worked best for me! This has led me to write a post about what works best - criticism or praise? Can our children today handle criticism when at school it seems all they receive is praise, even for not very good effort or work? Are employers these days very skilled at how to motivate, correct behaviours and give positive criticism? It seems to me that 'Thanks' is indeed the most neglected form of compensation! My Grand Daughter asked me last week what I thought of the story she had written. I made it clear that I was very happy to do so, but was she happy for me to say the good things as well as things that I thought she could improve on? Having her agree to that led to a pretty successful 'review' of her story and she happily agreed she had learnt from my gently constructive criticisms. My neighbour teaches at a primary school and agrees that kids being unable to handle criticism is a pretty big problem. If they are not open to feedback, how will they progress and improve? Apparently they are saying that they cannot handle criticism so please don't give it to me! Wow so how are those children expected to cope when entering the workplace later in life with all the pressures, ups and downs, disgruntled bosses and criticism they might well encounter? My belief is that everyone will learn better from not only praise, but also their mistakes, as long as they are recognised and discussed positively with an outcome in mind. To give feedback that is only positive all the time, regardless of the quality of the work, is a misguided effort to improve self esteem. It certainly is a skill to give constructive criticism, as it is also a skill to welcome criticism, embrace it, be thankful for it and act on it. Someone once said to me when reviewing work - 'Give three positive strokes before a negative one'. Thoughts on that? Anyway, of course I am very happy to receive any feedback on this thread! Bye for now, The Bro

Here2Talk Accountability partner
  • replies: 10

Hi all, From searching google I saw a post about this topic on the BB forums from five years ago. What was recommended was a couple of paid things (e.g., personal trainer). There are communities on sites like Facebook and reddit, but these seem to be... View more

Hi all, From searching google I saw a post about this topic on the BB forums from five years ago. What was recommended was a couple of paid things (e.g., personal trainer). There are communities on sites like Facebook and reddit, but these seem to be more geared around either lets have a big group and all motivate each other, or one on one and let’s drive each other in an entrepreneurial style.... I was more thinking of something non-paid, more altruistic where two people who want to improve their life and their habits mutually help each other. Like a one on one life coach sort of gentle caring motivator listening person - like myself .... those are hard to come by I guess, and they don’t tend to be public self promoting types.

car10001 borders re opening
  • replies: 2

Hi everyone Guess you’s heard of the borders re opening, just wondering what’s chance of the coronavirus coming to south australia and the chance of restrictions or lockdowns. Wondering because am at a life point of needing and wanting own self conta... View more

Hi everyone Guess you’s heard of the borders re opening, just wondering what’s chance of the coronavirus coming to south australia and the chance of restrictions or lockdowns. Wondering because am at a life point of needing and wanting own self contained space and either wanting to be able to quarantine seperate so you don’t possibly have to extend quarantine or not be affected because of a member and the place am living at is not big enough for that to happen. Also am at a point of wanting and needing own self contained space and not wanting to be affected because of a household member and every time there’s lockdowns or certain restrictions the only thing you to get it at moment can do usually closes and you never know if or when it’s going to happen. Am hoping to build something or renovate something cheap in next 5-10 years but needing something that’s not going to cost much to get through until then. What could you do until it happens even if part time to start off with and in event that accomodation places close is there a way that you can register a part time place to go to like you can with a single person if you are single and live alone and not leave unless travelling between that and primary residence or essentials in lockdown or if restrictions close that can you register a part time accommodation place What else could you do until you can buy as am waiting until am able to buy and feel there’s some hope it’s however going to take a long time and just trying to make do until then. Am mostly happy living at current place at moment Thanks

romantic_thi3f What are you most looking forward to when restrictions ease?
  • replies: 12

Hi everyone, COVID-19 is having a really awful impact on everyone and I thought this might be a more positive post - thinking about some of the things we are looking forward to doing and some of the things that we miss. Feel free to share if you like... View more

Hi everyone, COVID-19 is having a really awful impact on everyone and I thought this might be a more positive post - thinking about some of the things we are looking forward to doing and some of the things that we miss. Feel free to share if you like, nothing is too big or too small. I'll start: - Going to see some family. My grandparents live interstate and because they're old it's going to take a long long time to be able to do this, but I'm really looking forward to their hugs. - Having lunch out in a cafe or restaurant and not thinking about if we are allowed to enter, if there's too many people there, if I'm standing in the right spot or if we are distanced enough from each other. If you are struggling, here's an extra resource to look at https://coronavirus.beyondblue.org.au rt

quirkywords Words: Friends or Foe? How can writing help you.
  • replies: 171

People can be afraid of words as they have no confidence in what they write. Maybe at school teachers have said negative things about their writing or their parents have said they don't write well. Some people are anxious to write their first post as... View more

People can be afraid of words as they have no confidence in what they write. Maybe at school teachers have said negative things about their writing or their parents have said they don't write well. Some people are anxious to write their first post as they wonder if they will make sense to others. I believe words are your friends and everyone who can read this can write in meaningful way. I want to look at how writing can help you 1) by helping you to explain and express your feelings to others 2) allowing you to connect to others through your words 3) by keeping a journal or starting a thread here and learn from your own writing and read others. 4) by helping you work out how to change certain behaviours and many more we can share with each other. To start at the beginning : Are words your friend or foe? When you see a blank page or screen are you filled with fear or are you excited at the challenge. Does writing words down help you more or in a different way to speaking them? Everyone is welcome to contribute, first time posters , regulars, people who don't like writing , people who find they go the character limit for the post every time. Write on Quirky PS writing in this context is same as typing , or using voice to text. I want to look at how words can help you express your thoughts and emotions?

Banksy92 I named the thoughts in my head Barbara - it helped.
  • replies: 10

One of the most valuable pieces of advice I was ever given on my mental health journey was this: You are not your thoughts, you are the observer of your thoughts. It really helped me to realise I can detach myself from the stories that pop into my he... View more

One of the most valuable pieces of advice I was ever given on my mental health journey was this: You are not your thoughts, you are the observer of your thoughts. It really helped me to realise I can detach myself from the stories that pop into my head and keep me down when I don't feel my best. In fact, they aren't really even me. To help myself 'observe' my thoughts rather than go along with them, I named the voice Barbara. She's toxic, she's insecure, she's mean and she wants to drag you down the moment you're feeling weak. So now whenever I catch myself caught up in anxious, unhealthy thoughts and worries I tell Barbara to go away. Out loud if I need to. I stop her in her tracks and tell her to shut up. This might seem really trivial or silly to some, but it's a really helpful tactic for me to cope with my crippling anxiety. Has anyone else tried something like this before? What are your tactics to quiet down the voice in your head? Let's share

Clues_Of_Blue Managing money to make life easier
  • replies: 95

One of the big things that causes stress and sure kicks you about when you already have mental illness to play with is money. Whether you're in debt, just scraping by, or feel like you're working to much to maintain a lifestyle. Here is a place to ta... View more

One of the big things that causes stress and sure kicks you about when you already have mental illness to play with is money. Whether you're in debt, just scraping by, or feel like you're working to much to maintain a lifestyle. Here is a place to talk about how to make your dollars go a bit further and take off some financial pressure. I'll start with some basic pointers: - Plan a little with food. Make work lunches, decide on meals for the week and stick to your shopping list. If you shop a bit later you're also likely to get a lot of fresh produce at a discount. - Check regularly (every six months or so) on your utilities. Often there is a better plan out there to switch to. As customers, loyalty to a company usually just gets us a quietly growing bill instead of discounts or rewards. Vote with your feet. - Same with your home loan, you can refinance to one with a better interest rate, just watch out for exit fees (and LMI if you still owe more than 80% of the house value) If you have any tips or questions, feel free to share or ask.