In another thread I covered self praise so you can boost your self esteem particularly during the post marriage separation period.
Why do we need praise? With many people we lack security. Feeling insecure is a natural phenomenon. As an atheist I've envied religious people because they have an ultimate being that they can worship. That alone would be enough to fill the void of any insecurity. For me there is nothing that does that, the closest I have had is my love father that passed in 1992 at 65yo (I was 36). So that leaves people that feel insecure with searching for methods to improve our own self esteem. Here are some ideas-
- Financial security
- Aging
- Improve knowledge like travel, education
- Ask for reassurance from a partner eg communicate your needs
- Share your skills
- Change professions
- Forgive yourself
- Become more positive (like attending motivation lectures)
- Reject persistent criticism that lacks recommendations
- Accept yourself
- Praise yourself
Self praise in a mirror as mentioned in my other thread was instrumental for me post separation. It took a few months of "you are a good man, you are a good father, you will create a good future for yourself and my children". More importantly it was reaffirming what was right and not allowing my wife's abusive labels to remain within my mind.
Feeling insecure can effect you emotionally and even physically. Dr Lisa Firestone (Co author of the book Conquer Your Critical Inner Voice said- “The critical inner voice is formed out of painful early life experiences in which we witnessed or experienced hurtful attitudes toward us or those close to us. As we grow up, we unconsciously adopt and integrate this pattern of destructive thoughts toward ourselves and others.”
So, to overcome the feeling of insecurity we must counter it with an equal reaction.
TonyWK
