How to reconnect with people and regain social interaction/make new friends/connections

[Thelongestroad]

Hi im a 37 year old single man struggling to regain a social life again due to a combination of things such as depression, unemployment, addiction, jail. And life constantly being disrupted and set back time and time again.

im constantly isolated from people as i live alone. I just feel stuck in life. I wish I could find a way to meet someone and build a new life but I don’t know how.. I’ve drifted apart from all my friends and family but want to move forward and want to life a fulfilling life but struggling with not only being unemployed but poor and depressed and lonely. I’m just tired of living that way I want to live a more fulfilling life but struggling with direction not knowing where to start. 

[Thelongestroad]

Thanks I appreciate your help. I had some positive feedback today In regards to work so I’m gaining positive momentum in that area for the time being, I used to love going to car events when I was younger but have not been to any for years.. something I might look into returning to in the future. Online dating groups have been a mysery for me as I don’t have a lot of photos and things to show a glimpse of myself and my life.i have never been good with having lots of memories and things to post about so I really only use facebook for things like chatting to people I rarely see but even then that is a rare occurrence. I wish there were local cafes where people go to casually talk to new people or something along those lines.. I like physical interaction as it just feels more organic and natural. 

the strategy of doing the opposite has worked for me with decent success at times funny you mention something like that as I share similar strategies in my own head dealing with life’s curveballs. 

How has your week been? 

[white knight]

I've been in the car/motorcycle game all my life. I've had road going race cars (Lotus powered), built 2 caravans and 2 trikes. Am on the end of building a trike now and I'll be attending events after that. It's to be my interest, attending shows and talking to other enthusiasts. The only problem with cars is it doesnt attract the ladies.

However, if you get to own a interesting car you will expand your friendships. Some models like Vauxhall, Austin etc have a following and the cars arent expensive to buy but hard to find parts. Another thought is to search for say a Holden roadworthy but in need of some pampering. It will surely go up in value.

I think you dont need a lot of pics to display to a site, one is enough. Your life can be a subject of conversation. Reckon any location where people gather is a good place to mingle. I attended markets where people sell their wares, one single lady was selling her jams once and she actually asked me if I was married, I told her I was. Single people are out there but there isnt many opportunities now to meet each other. With computer dating the benefit is that you narrow down the type of person you want to meet. That process alone saves you from meeting many hopefuls before meeting that compatible one.

Getting good feedback on your job is a good sign and thats one thing you dont have to worry about. This reduction of problematic things in your life will result in less anxiety and a better quality of life.

You're doing well

TonyWK

[Thelongestroad]

• cars and motorcycles are something I also enjoy/have enjoyed in the past when I was younger I studied to be a mechanic but lost my license and never ended up filling through with it. I used to to work on my cars when I could afford to. I used to have a old skyline r31 rb30 a vh commodore and a Val commodore both the holdens did a little cosmetic work on to try and restore paint and a few bits and pieces and the skyline I serviced myself and bought a spare motor and manual transmission to convert it from auto but I just never managed to have enough money or a spare care in the process to get it done. Working on cars is such a fulfilling hobby from basic servicing to rebuilding things like power steering pumps changing wheel bearing and water pumps setting valve clearances and all the little things to get them running just that little bit better was so satisfying. I used to attend car events here in Melbourne with friends that had modded cars going on weekend cruises and the like was always a day well spent. Finishing off the day with a few beers and pizza and things like that.
• I think it’s time for me to start actively reaching out to meet people maybe that will motivate me to get myself out of this rut I have sunken into so severely without really paying attention to how bad it has become.
• i think i will try to get myself back into the gym and get my fitness back up as that has always helped me in the past, its an uphill journey for me as i smoke.. i want to be able to run well again and drop the cigs, start looking after the way i look a bit more and maybe it will be less daunting to meet people haha

[white knight]

I think you've done an about turn, now the sky's the limit. 

Whatever you do, the gym for example, is moving forward. Even if gym fees are high, daily exercise and positive mind reaps benefits.

An old friend of mine joined the Melbourne hiking group (25 years ago) and met heaps of people. Another friend attended a meeting where locals were organising a Irish musical and dancing show, he didn't sing nor dance but he did take tickets at the door and went to the party after the show where he met a lady he dated. It's sad how society has made it difficult to meet people though.

TonyWK 

[Thelongestroad]

Hey just thought I’d check in, how’s your week/weekend been? I ended up joining the gym again been so sore after the first few sessions. My general mood has improved a bit but it’s still early days I’m on my way to a healthier routine albeit still quite sedentary.  

[white knight]

Well, that's great. You might notice as you do your activities in the gym your problems drift away. This is the distraction I mentioned. Keep busy, means better mental health. 

The other thing is not to dwell on what you can't change. I've had a friend, single mum, 3 kids and struggling to financially survive. Daily she'd try to find ways to spend less money but the reality was- she'd already done that process many times. The only escape was to get a job.

Easier said than done. There's only limited ways to find work- persistence,  grit and determination, widen your scope of professions, wake up each day with a positive attitude.

My weekend was quiet, mainly watched AFL, bulldogs follower. Too cold here to venture out. 

TonyWK 

[Thelongestroad]

The gym has been good so far it’s been a struggle with my body aching to the point where I can’t go back even after a few days, but I’m supplementing that with light cardio and walking. My energy levels have been better and I don’t feel that fatigue as much so it’s motivation to continue. Some good looking women at my gym as well so I guess that helps too 😉

Yeah it’s not a good thing feeling like there nothing you can do to make a better life for yourself or in her case also her kids.. that’s good to know she found work it will make things better for all of them hopefully. 

Sometimes those quiet weekends are the best, especially coming into this colder weather now. I ended up having a quiet weekend as well then caught up with family and went to a lunch which was the first family gathering in a long time so that was good I got too see my two nephews and niece which was good considering I haven’t spent a lot of time with them. 

Really appreciate you taking the time to have a chat on here man! I even though I haven’t spent a few friends and family no one seems to have the time to listen and give good advice. Just from something as small as that it’s managed to help to make changes to my life and get things rolling. You’re a top bloke tony👍

[white knight]

I appreciate your compliments,  makes my day. Volunteering, it's been 11 years has had its challenges but I always feel good when support works out.

I think I learned a long time ago that when my mood is low say to myself that it's temporary and the next day/week will be better. Wiping days off as days of dark clouds is productive.

I'm glad you met up with family especially the innocent kids.

So is there any ideas you need with seeking work? It looks like, with gym and family contact, a job would reintroduce some normality into your life.

TonyWK 

[Thelongestroad]

Sorry for the late reply, 11 years is a long time! What kind of volunteering work do you do?

i first started working when i was 17 in a pick packing job and have pretty much done factory jobs like assembly work, manufacturing, warehousing and some landscaping and automotive stuff. I have had a lot of gaps unemployed though and to this day I don’t really have much to show for it.its really depressing and I feel like I’ve never really accomplished much in the years I’ve had. The last week has been a real struggle for me I’m finding myself taking naps throughout the day even if I’m sleeping at not too late a time my energy levels are feeling really low again.. I feel like such a loser with nothing to show for myself. Other than damaged relationships and pain. The times I have lost my license and become unemployed have really taken a toll on my mental health and self esteem. This cycle seems to repeat itself over the course of decades I just want to have a fulfilling life full of happiness social interaction healthy relationships and hobbies,travel experiences ect. Being poor is so embarrassing for me at this age and I’ve been through the same bs so many times I don’t really know how to get out of this cycle of despair. 

I hope you’re doing okay man thanks for listening 

[Thelongestroad]

There’s so much I have missed out on in life from going to weddings birthdays family events and friends events to missing out on having a good woman in my life for more than a few mere months at a time , I feel like I may never end up finding a soulmate and having my own family which were things I dreamt of having by this age by my younger self. I only see a future of misery and being alone and being embarrassed for the rest of my days