Need help to overcome from being in love with my straight best friend

Josh_7 · ‎06-12-2019

Hello All,

I presume lot of gay guys would have gone through some what similar situation as me. I have fallen in love with around 5 guys to date. All the guys were so called best friends. Interestingly Love was the factor to get close and become best friends.

I overcame from everyone but one since now we live in different cities or countries. But the current one-way love going on for now almost 15 years. He's the best of all since we connect better, some what similar interests, clean, beautiful skin etc.

My current situation is that I married to a girl and have a kid as well. My best friend is married but no kids as yet.
You might wonder why I married a girl, there were so many reasons why I made this commitment and I'm managing marriage life ok.

What's affecting my life is my love for my friend. We both built a house and live in the same Neighborhood (under 10min walk between our houses).

Issues I face as follow:

I have my cousin, who interacts with my friend on social level. The problem is that I don't want to interact with my cousin as a friend and on social gatherings and when my friend and my cousin mingle I'm not much keen to join in as well as I get bit upset since out all the people why my friend has to have a overboard mingle with my cousin. Even though there are lot of people around when I don't get enough attention from my friend, I get really low. Once I confronted my friend over the phone saying why he doesn't noticing me much on social gathering. His reply was nothing has changed between us and not to accuse him also he said I'm not the only friend he interacts with. I got bit embarrassed by his response as I felt I was longing for his attention and company. So I get anxious when I have to go to a social gathering where he is expected to participate. I'm helpless with the way I feel.

The other thing is that we visit our homes time to time. When he comes to my house, when we are having a chat I get aroused, I make every effort to have a physical contact without him suspecting, sometimes you want to grab him make-out.

FIY: he suspects that I could be gay but he never popped the question on me. So no how do I deal with this unhealthy situation?

Thanks.

Josh.

smallwolf · ‎07-12-2019

Hi Josh,

welcome to beyond blue. It sounds like a tricky situation.

If you had a friend who was in a relationship and really liked someone else as well and they confided in you, what would you tell them?

I suppose what I am trying to say is that I cannot tell you what you should do. At some level, only you know what is the right decision for you. And suppose you did tell your wife or friend, what are the consequences?

Perhaps you might like to write a little more about your marriage. And if your friend did not live so close to you how would things be for you? Some decisions are never easy, and the people here can support you through this time.

Tim

Josh_7 · ‎09-12-2019

Thanks Tim for your reply.

It is a tricky situation indeed. With respect to my marriage, like it or not it has to go on due to various reasons specially because of my child. Marriage life is not head-over heals, but managing it and my wife seem reasonably satisfied.

What's bothering me is that my relationship with my best friend. I don't know how to un-love or have a platonic relationship. As mentioned on my original post I know him for last 15 years, again I just feel not right or come to terms with to interact as just 'Hi Bye' given the length of our friendship.

This situation is stressing me almost day in day out not knowing what I must do or have a closure. If you could suggest me with some options will be great. If can sort this issue out, that way I can pour all my energy to my small family.

Thanks.

smallwolf · ‎10-12-2019

There are many forms of love - the Greeks have different words for different forms. Perhaps you could look up the

7 type of love

and see which applies to you.

Unloving someone also seems to go against everything our natural emotions, and would be a struggle for anyone?

Unfortunately, I don't have the answers. Sometimes the grass might look greener on the other side. Until you step in it. Your marriage might not seem to be that you see in the movies. What would a head-over-heels marriage look like? What do you think is missing from your marriage that you see in this relationship? Or what would make it special or you?

Tim