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BeyondBlue Welcome! Read this to learn more about this section of the Forums
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Sexuality and Gender Identity section of the Beyond Blue Forums. This is a safe space to discuss sexuality and gender identity and share with others who have a lived experience of how these factors impact their mental he... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Sexuality and Gender Identity section of the Beyond Blue Forums. This is a safe space to discuss sexuality and gender identity and share with others who have a lived experience of how these factors impact their mental health and wellbeing. We welcome all conversations here and want to know how you feel and what has helped you to be your best self. A few important tips and rules for this section are below. What is important is that this is a welcoming, kind and supportive space for everyone. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ+) a safe space to talk about how issues relating to gender identity and sexual orientation impact on mental health and wellbeing. This includes discussion of and support around chronic illnesses such as HIV which disproportionately affect gay, bisexual and other men who have sex with men. As this is a safe and affirming space for LGBTIQ+ individuals, please note this is not an appropriate space for debating the "rights and wrongs" of homosexuality, bisexuality, or gender fluidity itself. This includes use of terms such as "lifestyle" and "choice". This sub-forum is and always will be a safe and supportive place for LGBTIQ+ people concerned with what we all need to do to stay well. That said, others are welcome provided they respect that this is primarily a LGBTIQ+ space. Thank you and welcome Beyond Blue

MsPurple LGBT+ members - got a question - need somewhere to start - here is the place
  • replies: 224

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations H... View more

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations Here you can ask questions about anything from questioning your sexuality/gender identity, coming out concerns, dating, mental health etc. If you are an ally (an Ally is a person who considers themselves a friend to the LGBTQ+ community) you are also welcome to come here to be a support to our community and ask questions as well. This is a supportive place for people to discuss their questions and concerns, we are not a place of judgement. As Thumper from the movie Bambi said "If you can't say somethin' nice, don't say nothin' at all." If you are looking for a more social and light hearted conversation might I suggest joining us on the thread under BB social/rainbow cafe. Copy and paste the link: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/bb-social-zone/let's-chat-about-anything Feel free to introduce yourself below and ask any question/s I thought I'd answer one common question in the intro post and this is one I have heard a lot. What do the letters mean? When referring to the community it is shortened to LGBT+ as there are more letters than just the 4. I have put some of the common ones here: Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Transsexual Two-spirited Queer Questioning Intersex Asexual Ally Pansexual Agender Gender Queer Welcome everyone and hope to see you around on this thread and around the BB forums MP

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Lovepugs Lonely and gay need friends
  • replies: 2

Hello. my name is Steve and I new to this. I’m 45 and live in southeast suburb of Melbourne. My partner decided to leave after 19 years together. I have a lot of back pain and have had deep depression and anxiety which started about 4/5 years ago. Al... View more

Hello. my name is Steve and I new to this. I’m 45 and live in southeast suburb of Melbourne. My partner decided to leave after 19 years together. I have a lot of back pain and have had deep depression and anxiety which started about 4/5 years ago. Although I’m so much better then where is was, I felt useless after my love of my life decided that he couldn’t deal with it any longer and left me after 19 years. I’m not into Grindr or any of these hook up apps and finding it hard to find new people and make new friends. It time for me to move forward and look at making new friends and hopefully find someone to spend my life with. So for now I’m hoping to find new gay guys to make some new friends. In regards to a relationship, it’s something that I would love to be in but my problem now it that I’m not very sexually active currently. I’m not sure why and I must be the only person that doesn’t need sex to make me happy. And being gay everyone seems to want sex. I’m not saying that I don’t have sex but I just don’t need it all the time. So rather that give you my life story I would be happy to talk to someone who may want to get to know me more. So at the moment I’m hoping to make some new friends. Thank you for reading.

TigerLily187 Spouse of coming-out trans mtf
  • replies: 8

Hi, firstly im sorry if I get all the terminology and acronyms wrong, my experience in all of this is zero. I’m 31, About eighteen months ago my partner of 13 years came out to me as being transgender when I came home unexpectedly and disturbed him d... View more

Hi, firstly im sorry if I get all the terminology and acronyms wrong, my experience in all of this is zero. I’m 31, About eighteen months ago my partner of 13 years came out to me as being transgender when I came home unexpectedly and disturbed him dressing. He was very emotional, however I wasn’t really phased by it and reassured him that I didn’t want him to be upset and that it was ok. Ive noticed lately he has been having lows and very depressive spouts. I know it’s because of his inability to act or do anything about transitioning and the guilt he feels about it. We have two children (10 and 9) who don’t know, and I don’t know how to approach this. His next issue is we live in a tiny community of 800 people and he worries about the backlash on him and us if he acts on his wishes. He wont be able to earn an income here. I know this is where a lot of his guilt comes from. You can imagine the backward thinking we’re dealing with out here in the middle of nowhere! We’re not in a position to leave, I wish we bloody could. I may be getting ahead of myself, but now after all this time eighteen months later, I can’t sleep with worry. I don’t know if he does proceed with this what it will mean for our relationship? I love him and have no intention of leaving him, I just don’t know where I fit here and what to do. Also, does this now make me a lesbian? What does it mean for my sexuality, and his? I support him fully but I am terrified of losing him aswell. any advice will be grately appreciated. thanks V.

IfThenElse Bisexual son questions
  • replies: 8

Hi all, my son sends myself, partner and other brother a text the other day stating that he is bisexual. It appears he wanted to "let the immediate family know". I replied with a "whatever makes him happy" etc (because at the end of the day that's al... View more

Hi all, my son sends myself, partner and other brother a text the other day stating that he is bisexual. It appears he wanted to "let the immediate family know". I replied with a "whatever makes him happy" etc (because at the end of the day that's all I ultimately want for my kids) response. His brother responded much the same. I'm happy to talk to him about it (and have a little) but wanted to canvass others in what I should be considering... if anything. We have a great relationship, but i'd like to have an informed discussion rather than go in 'boots and all'. He is young, so I'd like to at least be aware of things I should consider and understand. You can see I have absolutely no idea... For example, would it be appropriate to consult a professional together? Purely aimed at understanding where he is coming from and if there is anything I can do to support him. Thanks

Kosmo Hocd
  • replies: 5

HI, I’m a 16 year old male and as of August last year I have had really bad anxiety about possibly being gay. Before this really bad anxiety I had thoughts like what if I am gay but they were brief. I also before smoking for the first time was nervou... View more

HI, I’m a 16 year old male and as of August last year I have had really bad anxiety about possibly being gay. Before this really bad anxiety I had thoughts like what if I am gay but they were brief. I also before smoking for the first time was nervous that I would put myself even though I wasn’t gay. In the past i have had ocd about many things, most notably diseases. Ebola when travelling, cancer, schizophrenia etc. All convincing myself I was going to die. Now I’m worried about if I’m gay. I think I’m worried is because of rather than the thought of being gay, the thought of not being in control of who I am, (lgbt people saying they were born that way etc). Never had anything against gay people and my family I know would accept me although I did go through an edgy phase when I was like 13 making racist, homophobic jokes etc, I have had one girlfriend before and it wasn’t the smoothest as she was busy a lot and we didn’t get to spend too much time together. During that time my ocd acted up aswell and I just bottled it up, it was about her doing things with other guys which I knew she wouldn’t but I still beat myself up about it. We only kissed once and I’m not sure exactly how I felt, My heart was racing and I ran out of oxygenSince breaking up I’ve talked to two girls whom I broke off becauseI was stressed. My ocd brings up all the gayish things I might’ve done in the past and torments me. im also worried I like a guy cause now whenever I look at him I get a weaker but similar feeling to when I look at a cute girl and get all nervous. My ocd is so annoying I remember times that I thought I was the only human in a simulation or that I would wake up and everyone would be dead and beat myself up about that. I get intrusive thoughts about being gay a lot and it’s hard for me to get turned on to women anymore cause I think I think too much. Note that since I was pretty young like 8 years old I had been exposed to erotic content through porn etc due to a friend who I suppose got ahold of it from their older brother. I had never had any thoughts of being with a guy till earlier this year. I’ve always liked girls but now I think that I’ve been faking it due to society shunning homosexuality. Honestly being bi wouldn’t even bother me if I actually knew that’s what I was because I hate this what if my brain throws at me. I feel like if I get in a situation where I have sex with a girl that I won’t be able to perform because I’ll think I’m gay or I actually am gay

3Crybaby3 I'm a lesbian and I have a crush on a guy...
  • replies: 5

I'm sexually attracted to girls and not guys but I frequently develop crushes on guys. Does this make me bisexual or is this normal? Has anybody else experienced this?

I'm sexually attracted to girls and not guys but I frequently develop crushes on guys. Does this make me bisexual or is this normal? Has anybody else experienced this?

Purplebear Finally accepting myself
  • replies: 8

Hi people! I've been struggling with this for a long time but I just wanted to know what other people's processes were when they finally accepted their identity? I'm 26 and just accepted myself as bi-sexual... I've had feelings towards women but alwa... View more

Hi people! I've been struggling with this for a long time but I just wanted to know what other people's processes were when they finally accepted their identity? I'm 26 and just accepted myself as bi-sexual... I've had feelings towards women but always thought they were just feelings you got from being friends with someone. I'd thought I'd only be attracted to members of the opposite sex but since high school I've been struggling with knowing what was going on with me. My family doesn't accept me but my friends do. What makes things worse for me is that every girl I've fallen for doesn't feel the same way (which is fine) or I've had one call me greedy for liking both males and females. I've felt happier since coming out even though I haven't had a successful same sex relationship. I've only every had successful relationships with guys. One other thing I've been struggling with is also being poly. Said friend also called me greedy for that... I appoligise if this part shouldn't go here I just don't know where to post it. Any thoughts on dealing with unhelpful family?

Queerqueen New to dating trans MTF
  • replies: 2

So I dated someone who was male. After a while he transitioned to she. I'm so happy for her and am supportive but now I'm needing some advice as to dating a mtf bi woman. I've always identified as cis female and pan/queer so it's quite natural for me... View more

So I dated someone who was male. After a while he transitioned to she. I'm so happy for her and am supportive but now I'm needing some advice as to dating a mtf bi woman. I've always identified as cis female and pan/queer so it's quite natural for me to be attracted to her. I'm worried however she might not be sure of her sexuality as she is still new to HRT. So I guess my main question is how to tell if she is still interested in me or am I just a safe choice as we've dated under different genders?

S_e_O_16 Am I Transgender or a Transtrender?
  • replies: 7

(Not sure if this is too straightforwards but...) I was born a girl and recently in the past three years I have kind have felt less and less associated with my gender. It just started with little things such as wanting to be in a band with just boys ... View more

(Not sure if this is too straightforwards but...) I was born a girl and recently in the past three years I have kind have felt less and less associated with my gender. It just started with little things such as wanting to be in a band with just boys (me being a boy as well) and at the time I didn’t really think much of it until it slowly became more and more as I started going through puberty (I’m 13) until I came across the term transgender. It’s just every story I heard about someone who is transgender all said pretty much the same thing “I’ve always felt like a (opposite gender) ever since I was really really young” and that’s where I differ. I was the most girly child imaginable, I loved make up, I would only wear dresses etc. and all that only changed when I was about 10. The next thing is everyone else seems to experience really bad dysphoria 24/7 where as even though I have days where I hate my body from my chest to my curves there are also days where it doesn’t bother me at all which makes me feel like I’m making something out of nothing and I’m just what everyone else calls a ‘transtrender’ and to make matters worse whenever my step mum refers to how boyish I’ve gotten (I haven’t told any of my family anything about this) she always just says “oh I’ve been through that stage to don’t worry you’ll grow out of it in a few years” which just makes me feel completely unrecognised and like this maybe is just a stage. I just don’t know what to do anymore because I have no idea who I am anymore or who I’m going to become or even whether or not I actually am trans or not. (Sorry for that being so long)

Quercus Anxious about language surrounding sexuality... Help?
  • replies: 17

Hi everyone, Today I saw a news article (and I'm usually way out of the loop so most likely this is very old news) about the singer Sam Smith asking to be referred to as 'they or them' as they are considering a sex change. It raised a feeling of anxi... View more

Hi everyone, Today I saw a news article (and I'm usually way out of the loop so most likely this is very old news) about the singer Sam Smith asking to be referred to as 'they or them' as they are considering a sex change. It raised a feeling of anxiety in me that seems to come up all the time... I couldn't care less about judging other people's sexual identity (that's their business just as mine is my own)... But I do care about hurting people's feelings and saying something unintentionally hurtful. I grew up in rural WA and never met anyone who identified openly as anything but heterosexual until I went to the city for uni. At school one of the most commonly heard phrases at the time for something friends didn't like was "that's so gay". My family weren't intentionally discriminatory but I felt there was an expectation of what they felt was 'normal' (far out I hate that word). Most of my life I have felt ignorant and I feel awkward and uncomfortable in conversations. I'm constantly feeling people feel judged by me and am unsure of how to improve this. Which brings me to my question. Does anyone feels able to share experiences of things that felt welcoming and inclusive? How can I be more accepting and respectful without seeming patronising or ending up feeling like a total idiot? Thanks in advance. Nat

Josh_7 Need help to overcome from being in love with my straight best friend
  • replies: 3

Hello All, I presume lot of gay guys would have gone through some what similar situation as me. I have fallen in love with around 5 guys to date. All the guys were so called best friends. Interestingly Love was the factor to get close and become best... View more

Hello All, I presume lot of gay guys would have gone through some what similar situation as me. I have fallen in love with around 5 guys to date. All the guys were so called best friends. Interestingly Love was the factor to get close and become best friends. I overcame from everyone but one since now we live in different cities or countries. But the current one-way love going on for now almost 15 years. He's the best of all since we connect better, some what similar interests, clean, beautiful skin etc. My current situation is that I married to a girl and have a kid as well. My best friend is married but no kids as yet. You might wonder why I married a girl, there were so many reasons why I made this commitment and I'm managing marriage life ok. What's affecting my life is my love for my friend. We both built a house and live in the same Neighborhood (under 10min walk between our houses). Issues I face as follow: I have my cousin, who interacts with my friend on social level. The problem is that I don't want to interact with my cousin as a friend and on social gatherings and when my friend and my cousin mingle I'm not much keen to join in as well as I get bit upset since out all the people why my friend has to have a overboard mingle with my cousin. Even though there are lot of people around when I don't get enough attention from my friend, I get really low. Once I confronted my friend over the phone saying why he doesn't noticing me much on social gathering. His reply was nothing has changed between us and not to accuse him also he said I'm not the only friend he interacts with. I got bit embarrassed by his response as I felt I was longing for his attention and company. So I get anxious when I have to go to a social gathering where he is expected to participate. I'm helpless with the way I feel. The other thing is that we visit our homes time to time. When he comes to my house, when we are having a chat I get aroused, I make every effort to have a physical contact without him suspecting, sometimes you want to grab him make-out. FIY: he suspects that I could be gay but he never popped the question on me. So no how do I deal with this unhealthy situation? Thanks. Josh.