Learning to become comfortable with myself

[Nwo]

I am a guy who likes other guys. I wonder...how can I become comfortable with my sexuality? How can I become comfortable with who I like?

[Only_I_know]

Hi there and welcome.

it really just starts with accepting that you do. I always knew I did too, but I guess I didn't accept it until last year when after nearly 20years of marriage, the depression almost took me.

You need to not worry about what others think, and live your life the way you want and should. There is nothing wrong with the way you are. Easy said than done - true. it took me a long time, but I'm glad that I now have internally and externally accepted it.

[eight]

this is a very. nebulous question since there’s no real silver bullet for self-acceptance and getting over yourself. or anything short enough to fit 2500 characters. this might be complete bogus for you since none of this is a magic cure, yknow? commend you anyways as the first few steps about getting over yourself are steep ones to take.

say it to yourself first. in the dark, maybe to a mirror if you can. hide under your covers and whisper to yourself i’m gay and i like guys and there's nothing wrong with that. even if it feels completely asinine say it and say it and eventually, it’ll feel normal. feel good

surround yourself with other lgbt people and a community that loves you too. if you’re not brave enough to do it irl there’s always a space for you online - hey look where you are, congrats on your phenomenal sense of direction - even if its like, someone you met on twitter. talk to those who accept you and open up about your insecurities because every lgbt person experiences this and its easier thinking someone’s been through it too. watch gay movies, read gay books. isolation is bone-crushing and breaking out of that is how you come out to yourself

[Emre]

I came out rather smoothly at 18. That being said im now 45. I was once really comfortable in my own skin. Young and in demand, after so many relationships that were so intense, obsessive and fulfilling at the time, i now find myself drained of what i thought was love. Left with not so much interest i once had. Thats so hard, i know it sounds shallow but hey thats what i was used to. I've had some great moments in life, doing what i love with work. Financially secure but feeling rather empty. I do agree with your comment about being being surrounding by other LGBT people. I guess it makes you feel less isolated.

[therising]

Hi Nwo

How would it sound to say 'How can I become comfortable with my natural self?' as opposed to 'How can I become comfortable with my sexuality?' I believe sexuality is only one aspect of our natural self. Maybe you could even pose the question to your self 'How can I be more naturally me?'

Have you considered all the ways you can be naturally you? Perhaps you could start with little challenges and gain the confidence. With 'coming out' to be a massive challenge, being true to your self in a number of small ways could be compared to turning the handle, before coming out.

You could consider inspirational people around you who love inspiring people to be their natural self.

You could consider exploring the world of those who are naturals like you.

Perhaps you could give thought to any artistic passions you've always wanted to explore and play with, for example, but you may have been left thinking 'What would others think of me if I did this?' Be true to yourself and just do it. Start being a natural!

Being or becoming our natural self is a very soulful experience yet it can be a very challenging one at times, given the opinions and beliefs of those around us. Being our natural self is the greatest gift we can give our self in life, whilst true or honest love and consideration lies behind our intentions and our acts.

So, the challenge is to start becoming your natural self and then rise to greater challenges. Look for those who can help you rise. Part of the process may also involve discarding or challenging the things, beliefs and people that aren't natural to you. Another way of phrasing this is 'Break the ties of that which brings or holds you down'.

Sometimes I find that when others aren't prepared to raise me to greater heights, I am led to the challenge of raising myself (an achievement to be proud of).

🙂