Lesbian Thoughts After Hetrosexual Rape

[Tash1995]

18 months ago I was raped by an older male, ever since then the thought of having a relationship with a man has absolutely frightened me. I have also noticed a strong attraction to other women, to the point where I am sure I am a lesbian. This is so confusing for me as I never noticed this before the rape and am really unsure on how to proceed.

 I'm not sure if the rape brought out these feelings due to me not being able to be around men or if this has always been the case and I have just never noticed it before. 

 Thoughts and advice?

(19 yrs old, female)

[hugomax]

Hi

I am not a woman, a lesbian, I am not even gay. And I am certainly not a rapist. In my time I have met a lot of women who have been sexual abused. It is shocking how common it really is. For what it is worth I would like to give my advise/opinion. You are 19 years old so have many years of loving ahead. Whether you are genetically gay and never realised it or are having a reaction to men because of the rape, it doesn't matter. Trust your feelings. Today's society is must more accepting to lesbians than they are gays. If you feel comfort in the arms of a woman go there. If your attraction for men returns later. Then go there as well.

But DON'T. Beat yourself up for feeling the way you do.

Well that's my 2 penny's worth ...  

[nad19]

First off im so sorry this has happened to you. 

Dont put pressure on yourself to figure out wether or not you are gay, just go with whatever you feel. I have often wondered if my abuse had anything to do with my sexuality, so i understand your confusion. But in saying that did you have any kind of attraction towards men before hand?  It may be that it just bought up feelings that you were not aware of yet, just go with your gut feeling, figure it out in your own time. If you meet a girl and fall for her thats fine, same goes if you fall for a guy, just go with how you feel at the time, dont pressure yourself. Also have you thought about counselling at all, this might help clear some of the confusion up for you, possibly? 

[Tash1995]

Nad19,

Thanks for your advice, Yes I have been to a Sexual Assult Service after a referral from the Dr, and it just brought back memories of the attack and caused more troubles then before, I have stopped going for now, but I might reconsider that?

I had High School Boyfriends etc, but nothing serious, I think you are righ tint hat I am just going to have to let it all play out... 😕

[nad19]

Tash1995,

I understand your stoping, I did the same thing, I was quite young and I didnt want to talk, I thought I would just get over it or something, but I sort of regret not talking.  Just think it through, if it made it worse going the first time then dont force yourself to go back just yet, there will be a time when you are ready, also take into acount the positive and negative things that could come out of going and not going. I dont want you to have any regrets or what if's.

Try not to stress too much, you will be ok. You are young, youve got so many years ahead of you to figure out who you are 🙂

[Zoooooe96]

Hi Tash

I was reading your post and it did help me find some understanding. I was raped 8 years ago and it was the first time l had sex at age 19. I have been in therapy and treatment for many years. 

I find the effect of rape has been difficult. At the time, l did not want to have sex with a male again. I went on my first date with a female and I did think l could be lesbain. 

I realise now, this is part of the healing process. I do find l'm more romantic towards women but l would not consider myself a lesbian either. I also think it is this idea open to change and does not need be decided. I don't have an answer and l think you will know what is best for you. 

I also made a choice not to seek relationships but to find close and reliable friends to navigate the world after sexual assualt.

I'm 27 now and l don't have the experience of having a partner in my life. It has been a time of growth and recovery. I have some strong friendships. 

I hope that helps address your concern and gives some perspective. I did have the same thoughts and feelings about this too. 

All the best,

Zoe