Husband gay but in denial. How do I help and survive this?

[Tired_of_being]

I guess my title says it all.

My husband, best friend and person I knew has finally faced up to years of cheating. While floored by the betrayal of monogamy and the trust issues, I want to know how I can help him. This is doing my head in. I don’t care about the sexuality, but the lies and hurt he has caused has stripped my confidence and self worth to 0.

We live in small country area and he is widely known (also all his mates know as he has tried it on with some of them). He keeps saying he loves me and wants to stay married, we don’t have sex or intimacy. But he has cheated with only men and our gay friend believe he is gay not bi.

Ive looked for somewhere to be supported and help my husband through this. I know our marriage is ended, but this should not have to end badly. How can I help him, while ensuring my anger at the betrayal of trust is reined in?

We are both around 50, kids, etc.

[smallwolf]

Hi,

Late comer to your thread, but it is OK to be "negative", when probably the better words might include angry and hurt. Friends may believe what they are told. And if told the truth, if counter to what they have seen in the person, can find it hard to believe.

my psychiatrist also told me there will be be people you won't be able to along with, and your reaction is natura, and not to let them get to you.

I replied that it is not that easy. (She agreed with me on that point.)

You know the truth. Does it or should it matter what his friends think?

[Tired_of_being]

Unfortunately as time goes by, it is less likely he even cared. Prior to marriage he was putting the word on guys. I have only been told recently.

As for the rest, I think I have wasted 20+ years and now I have no children and a gap where I could have had a real life. I hate that the sexuality issue is involved here. He was a horrible person that cheated and was abusive. He just happened to be gay.