Sexuality and gender identity

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Welcome! Read this to learn more about this section of the Forums

replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Sexuality and Gender Identity section of the Beyond Blue Forums. This is a safe space to discuss sexuality and gender identity and share with others who have a lived experience of how these factors impact their mental health and wellbeing. We welcome all conversations here and want to know how you feel and what has helped you to be your best self. A few important tips and rules for this section are below. What is important is that this is a welcoming, kind and supportive space for everyone. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ+) a safe space to talk about how issues relating to gender identity and sexual orientation impact on mental health and wellbeing. This includes discussion of and support around chronic illnesses such as HIV which disproportionately affect gay, bisexual and other men who have sex with men. As this is a safe and affirming space for LGBTIQ+ individuals, please note this is not an appropriate space for debating the "rights and wrongs" of homosexuality, bisexuality, or gender fluidity itself. This includes use of terms such as "lifestyle" and "choice". This sub-forum is and always will be a safe and supportive place for LGBTIQ+ people concerned with what we all need to do to stay well. That said, others are welcome provided they respect that this is primarily a LGBTIQ+ space. Thank you and welcome Beyond Blue

by BeyondBlue •

Community Manager•

Posted in Sexuality and gender identity

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04-03-2025

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LGBT+ members - got a question - need somewhere to start - here is the place

replies: 224

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations Here you can ask questions about anything from questioning your sexuality/gender identity, coming out concerns, dating, mental health etc. If you are an ally (an Ally is a person who considers themselves a friend to the LGBTQ+ community) you are also welcome to come here to be a support to our community and ask questions as well. This is a supportive place for people to discuss their questions and concerns, we are not a place of judgement. As Thumper from the movie Bambi said "If you can't say somethin' nice, don't say nothin' at all." If you are looking for a more social and light hearted conversation might I suggest joining us on the thread under BB social/rainbow cafe. Copy and paste the link: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/bb-social-zone/let's-chat-about-anything Feel free to introduce yourself below and ask any question/s I thought I'd answer one common question in the intro post and this is one I have heard a lot. What do the letters mean? When referring to the community it is shortened to LGBT+ as there are more letters than just the 4. I have put some of the common ones here: Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Transsexual Two-spirited Queer Questioning Intersex Asexual Ally Pansexual Agender Gender Queer Welcome everyone and hope to see you around on this thread and around the BB forums MP

by MsPurple •

Blue Voices Member•

Posted in Sexuality and gender identity

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22-08-2017

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224 unread

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Am I Transgender or a Transtrender?

replies: 7

(Not sure if this is too straightforwards but...) I was born a girl and recently in the past three years I have kind have felt less and less associated with my gender. It just started with little things such as wanting to be in a band with just boys (me being a boy as well) and at the time I didn’t really think much of it until it slowly became more and more as I started going through puberty (I’m 13) until I came across the term transgender. It’s just every story I heard about someone who is transgender all said pretty much the same thing “I’ve always felt like a (opposite gender) ever since I was really really young” and that’s where I differ. I was the most girly child imaginable, I loved make up, I would only wear dresses etc. and all that only changed when I was about 10. The next thing is everyone else seems to experience really bad dysphoria 24/7 where as even though I have days where I hate my body from my chest to my curves there are also days where it doesn’t bother me at all which makes me feel like I’m making something out of nothing and I’m just what everyone else calls a ‘transtrender’ and to make matters worse whenever my step mum refers to how boyish I’ve gotten (I haven’t told any of my family anything about this) she always just says “oh I’ve been through that stage to don’t worry you’ll grow out of it in a few years” which just makes me feel completely unrecognised and like this maybe is just a stage. I just don’t know what to do anymore because I have no idea who I am anymore or who I’m going to become or even whether or not I actually am trans or not. (Sorry for that being so long)

Anxious about language surrounding sexuality... Help?

replies: 17

Hi everyone, Today I saw a news article (and I'm usually way out of the loop so most likely this is very old news) about the singer Sam Smith asking to be referred to as 'they or them' as they are considering a sex change. It raised a feeling of anxiety in me that seems to come up all the time... I couldn't care less about judging other people's sexual identity (that's their business just as mine is my own)... But I do care about hurting people's feelings and saying something unintentionally hurtful. I grew up in rural WA and never met anyone who identified openly as anything but heterosexual until I went to the city for uni. At school one of the most commonly heard phrases at the time for something friends didn't like was "that's so gay". My family weren't intentionally discriminatory but I felt there was an expectation of what they felt was 'normal' (far out I hate that word). Most of my life I have felt ignorant and I feel awkward and uncomfortable in conversations. I'm constantly feeling people feel judged by me and am unsure of how to improve this. Which brings me to my question. Does anyone feels able to share experiences of things that felt welcoming and inclusive? How can I be more accepting and respectful without seeming patronising or ending up feeling like a total idiot? Thanks in advance. Nat

Need help to overcome from being in love with my straight best friend

replies: 3

Hello All, I presume lot of gay guys would have gone through some what similar situation as me. I have fallen in love with around 5 guys to date. All the guys were so called best friends. Interestingly Love was the factor to get close and become best friends. I overcame from everyone but one since now we live in different cities or countries. But the current one-way love going on for now almost 15 years. He's the best of all since we connect better, some what similar interests, clean, beautiful skin etc. My current situation is that I married to a girl and have a kid as well. My best friend is married but no kids as yet. You might wonder why I married a girl, there were so many reasons why I made this commitment and I'm managing marriage life ok. What's affecting my life is my love for my friend. We both built a house and live in the same Neighborhood (under 10min walk between our houses). Issues I face as follow: I have my cousin, who interacts with my friend on social level. The problem is that I don't want to interact with my cousin as a friend and on social gatherings and when my friend and my cousin mingle I'm not much keen to join in as well as I get bit upset since out all the people why my friend has to have a overboard mingle with my cousin. Even though there are lot of people around when I don't get enough attention from my friend, I get really low. Once I confronted my friend over the phone saying why he doesn't noticing me much on social gathering. His reply was nothing has changed between us and not to accuse him also he said I'm not the only friend he interacts with. I got bit embarrassed by his response as I felt I was longing for his attention and company. So I get anxious when I have to go to a social gathering where he is expected to participate. I'm helpless with the way I feel. The other thing is that we visit our homes time to time. When he comes to my house, when we are having a chat I get aroused, I make every effort to have a physical contact without him suspecting, sometimes you want to grab him make-out. FIY: he suspects that I could be gay but he never popped the question on me. So no how do I deal with this unhealthy situation? Thanks. Josh.

Learning to become comfortable with myself

replies: 4

I am a guy who likes other guys. I wonder...how can I become comfortable with my sexuality? How can I become comfortable with who I like?

Confused and hurt by people's reactions

replies: 5

Hi, I've been in a lesbian relationship for nearly 20 years now. I am 17 years older than my partner and we have a 14 yo son from AI (assisted insemination) and I have four children from previous marriages. Increasingly I have noticed other people being uncomfortable when meeting us or meeting us again particularly if they are parents of children around our son's age. For instance they will talk or look at my partner but not me, they will engage with my partner and not me. I particularly noticed it with my son's soccer parents this year and mainly the dads. I'm not sure how to manage it or what it's about. I'm a very friendly outgoing person and am easy to talk to, and after another incident that happened last night I wonder what it's about and how I could manage this. It leaves me feeling ignored, disrespected and hurt. I don't think my partner notices it or when I have said anything she just says oh they are like that with me too but they aren't. Anyway I was just hoping someone might be able to help me with how to manage these situations or how I might not be so hurt by feeling left out or not valued.

Lesbian, married and depressed

replies: 12

Hi, I have been married for 8 years but my husband and I have never had sex. I can’t, for physical reasons, but I also don’t want to because I love women and am not really attracted to men anymore. In fact, the longer I stay married, the less interested in males I become and I am almost physically repulsed by my husband, sorry to say, although I do love him. We are both Christian and so decided that we would wait until marriage before having sex. Well that was a mistake for me. Anyway, I have loved women since a very young age but thought that my love for my husband would be enough. It isn’t though as the lack of intimacy is slowly driving me around the bend. Recently I joined a lesbian dating site and have found a woman I really like. We clicked straight away and over a couple of months fell in love with each other. Last weekend, we finally met and spent the night together. I loved it. I love her and cannot get her out of my mind. The last three days I have felt utterly miserable because I don’t feel that I can leave my husband. It would absolutely destroy him. He is totally devoted to me. If I left, he would literally drink himself to death. That is no exaggeration. My unhappiness comes from feeling like I’m completely trapped. I could never bring myself to do something that would decimate my husband but I also don’t know if I could spend the rest of my life in an intimacy-free marriage. It’s killing me. I feel that I made a monumental mistake by getting married and that I’m doomed to a life of growing unhappiness. I’m not on here looking for answers of any sort; I just need to talk....

purposely isolating myself throughout life due to Gender dysphoria

replies: 2

I have isolated myself as much as possible throughout life because people and the world scare me. I have never been able to work people out, and don't like playing games. I have finally become myself after 54 years of terror and would like to try and make friends. I have worked and "socialized" to the degree i could. But i always have a wall up. I find that i put people off. I don't know exactly what I'm doing wrong.but desperatly need company. I am very passable and don't look my age( not that those things should matter) But they do to some people I'm am very interesting and very interested. Please....someone help...............I have only just started my life, and have to make the most of the years left BTW.....I have tryed trans groups, but do not relate, and also have no interest in all the things happening in the world aroud these topics. Neither i nor you will change peoples mind. all we can do is lead by example.

Gay Teen at an All Boys Catholic Private School

replies: 5

Hello everyone, im pretty new here just needed some help or advice kinda. So here i go. When i was in year 7 i new i was gay and i new that was bad, gay was obviously a common insult and got thrown around a lot so i stayed under the radar. This one kid in my class always talked about how disgusting gay people were and how they were all going to hell, in religion when we had to present a slideshow on "the power of love in the bible" he put a bunch of pictures of two men kissing with big red x's through them, obviously this didn't help my self esteem. Eventually i grew tired of this and one day i told a relatively close friend in class that I was Bi, I figured that being Bi wasn't as bad as being gay and i would be accepted more. Nope. It was pretty hard and I didn't help at all with my flaunty gay attitude, soon enough everyone was finding out about the Bisexual kid. Eventually i got sick of it and just started correcting them to "gay" because I didn't want to lie anymore. Now everyone knows me as the gay kid. I'm in year nine now and i'm still the gay kid, I do Debating, Public speaking, I play Piano, I do drama, I also play soccer and I play basketball, all of these things are activities that i enjoy, but i want advice on how to be less known as the gay kid and more of who i actually am.

Married guy

replies: 5

Hi I'm married to a beautiful lady. Before I was married I had a good amount of bisexual experiences. Now I'm starting to crave it again. I'm hooked on gay porn and always look at other guys. I've even downloaded gay apps. I don't know what to do View more

My Husband Didn't Make Me Happy

replies: 2

My husband didn't make me happy, so we divorced. He didn't make me feel loved, appreciated or valued. I complained that he was always working late and when he wasn't working he was asleep. I complained that he didn't wash the dishes, he left his clothes on the floor and he never made the bed. I thought my husband was the source of my unhappiness, and just maybe, if we got divorced, I could be happy again. Simply put, I blamed him for my unhappiness. So after two short years of marriage, we separated. Yes, we still loved each other. And no, nothing catastrophic happened. No infidelity, no gambling, and no abuse. It was simple: We just weren't happy. But what in the hell is happy and how did we lose it? Did we ever even have it? Given that we left our marriage for it, it must be pretty important. But honestly, I had no clue what happiness really was or how to get it. So I started on my own personal journey to happiness. So, please anybody help me or give me some suggestion.

Welcome! Read this to learn more about this section of the Forums replies: 0

LGBT+ members - got a question - need somewhere to start - here is the place replies: 224

Am I Transgender or a Transtrender? replies: 7

Anxious about language surrounding sexuality... Help? replies: 17

Need help to overcome from being in love with my straight best friend replies: 3

Learning to become comfortable with myself replies: 4

Confused and hurt by people's reactions replies: 5

Lesbian, married and depressed replies: 12

purposely isolating myself throughout life due to Gender dysphoria replies: 2

Gay Teen at an All Boys Catholic Private School replies: 5

Married guy replies: 5

My Husband Didn't Make Me Happy replies: 2