Sexuality and gender identity

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Welcome! Read this to learn more about this section of the Forums

replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Sexuality and Gender Identity section of the Beyond Blue Forums. This is a safe space to discuss sexuality and gender identity and share with others who have a lived experience of how these factors impact their mental health and wellbeing. We welcome all conversations here and want to know how you feel and what has helped you to be your best self. A few important tips and rules for this section are below. What is important is that this is a welcoming, kind and supportive space for everyone. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ+) a safe space to talk about how issues relating to gender identity and sexual orientation impact on mental health and wellbeing. This includes discussion of and support around chronic illnesses such as HIV which disproportionately affect gay, bisexual and other men who have sex with men. As this is a safe and affirming space for LGBTIQ+ individuals, please note this is not an appropriate space for debating the "rights and wrongs" of homosexuality, bisexuality, or gender fluidity itself. This includes use of terms such as "lifestyle" and "choice". This sub-forum is and always will be a safe and supportive place for LGBTIQ+ people concerned with what we all need to do to stay well. That said, others are welcome provided they respect that this is primarily a LGBTIQ+ space. Thank you and welcome Beyond Blue

by BeyondBlue •

Community Manager•

Posted in Sexuality and gender identity

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04-03-2025

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LGBT+ members - got a question - need somewhere to start - here is the place

replies: 224

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations Here you can ask questions about anything from questioning your sexuality/gender identity, coming out concerns, dating, mental health etc. If you are an ally (an Ally is a person who considers themselves a friend to the LGBTQ+ community) you are also welcome to come here to be a support to our community and ask questions as well. This is a supportive place for people to discuss their questions and concerns, we are not a place of judgement. As Thumper from the movie Bambi said "If you can't say somethin' nice, don't say nothin' at all." If you are looking for a more social and light hearted conversation might I suggest joining us on the thread under BB social/rainbow cafe. Copy and paste the link: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/bb-social-zone/let's-chat-about-anything Feel free to introduce yourself below and ask any question/s I thought I'd answer one common question in the intro post and this is one I have heard a lot. What do the letters mean? When referring to the community it is shortened to LGBT+ as there are more letters than just the 4. I have put some of the common ones here: Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Transsexual Two-spirited Queer Questioning Intersex Asexual Ally Pansexual Agender Gender Queer Welcome everyone and hope to see you around on this thread and around the BB forums MP

by MsPurple •

Blue Voices Member•

Posted in Sexuality and gender identity

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22-08-2017

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224 unread

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My Husband Didn't Make Me Happy

replies: 2

My husband didn't make me happy, so we divorced. He didn't make me feel loved, appreciated or valued. I complained that he was always working late and when he wasn't working he was asleep. I complained that he didn't wash the dishes, he left his clothes on the floor and he never made the bed. I thought my husband was the source of my unhappiness, and just maybe, if we got divorced, I could be happy again. Simply put, I blamed him for my unhappiness. So after two short years of marriage, we separated. Yes, we still loved each other. And no, nothing catastrophic happened. No infidelity, no gambling, and no abuse. It was simple: We just weren't happy. But what in the hell is happy and how did we lose it? Did we ever even have it? Given that we left our marriage for it, it must be pretty important. But honestly, I had no clue what happiness really was or how to get it. So I started on my own personal journey to happiness. So, please anybody help me or give me some suggestion.

Don't know what to do anymore

replies: 3

Hello, I am trans non-binary 29 years old been out about it for the last 2 years of my life. I think it's fair to say I hate my life so much everything is just pain... So I'm am finding it very hard to be around my family. It's not like there not supportive or anything it's just clear they don't understand me. I know should be happy that they accept and support me but I find myself stuck between identifies with them. It's at a point now where I can't help but feel so much pain and loneliness just by been around or thinking about them. So what does one do? How can I stop feeling like this or at the very least not to be alone anymore...

Out of the closet?

replies: 8

Many of us find that coming out and sharing the hidden part of ourselves to be a major relief. Some of us find that sharing this part of ourselves is met with negative reaction or abuse. Coming out is sharing part of who you are. Whether it's gay, bi, trans or any of the diverse sexualities or gender expressions. We share a fundamental part of who we are. Sexuality and gender are expressed in almost all of what we do as members of society, not just in the bedroom and in who we love. Below I raise some questions, feel free to answer them directly or just tell us more about your experiences. Have you come out and if not, are you thinking about it? What was the experience like, or what do you think the experience will be like? How do you feel within yourself now and if you're not out, can you imagine how you would feel if you came out? If you're out, what advice would you give to other GLBTIQ people? What would you like to say to straight people about coming out? Please feel free to tell us your coming out story and if it affects your depression/anxiety Paul

Bisexual?

replies: 4

Been married for 8 years and the other day my wife found gay porn on my phone, I never gave it much though looking at gay porn, just did it without thinking about what I was thinking, now I did a silly thing and denied I was looking at it and fobbed it off as a virus on my phone (don't think she believes it though) we haven't spoken about it since but I've been thinking that I believe I'm bisexual or curious at least. I don't know I'm all over the shop at the moment

Oh please don't make me name this thing...

replies: 4

Where to begin... I'm trans, been in a relationship 4 years with my male(ish) partner. My family are religious. Support from them is there but shallow, they can't be seen to support me by their faith. My sister is getting married soon, and I'm cut up that she probably won't acknowledge that I'll be there. I'm unemployed, looked after by my partner. No quals, no exp in anything I can return to. We are struggling to keep on top. The sherriff has already tried to evict us once. I have anxiety. It's been getting less manageable. I feel worthless and isolated. I live regional. Been 6 years, but I managed to finally get a job, big company. Employment has changed though, I got a blister 2 days in, and was bullied into quitting by the manager. Considering my previous experiences, I'm afraid to apply for any more jobs. I've been bullied out of every job I've had. It's not cos I'm useless or braindead or entitled. It's just I have autism spectrum, and anxiety. When people interpret my mistakes as an attitude problem, they come down on me. This makes me stressed, and I lose the ability to not be an idiot. Then I become vulnerable... I've been bullied and gaslit and all kinds of awful stuff. Last night I had a dream I had a baby. Obvsly an impossible thing but its something that pops up from time to time. I'm worthless, I'll never be a parent, I'm too scared to even try. But in the dream, I was lying in a bed, covered in blood and crap and holding a newborn. My family all ignored me, wouldn't even drive me to the hospital, felt surreal. And now, my partner is going through the first steps to transitioning. I was kind of prepared because ppl who have gender issues gravitate to us. I support her, but it's a journey I know all too well, and I'm actually really afraid for her because I don't know how to support her. Noone really supported me. And I have to get over internalised transphobia I ignored because I don't actually value myself. Now someone I love is trans. Something I'm worried about is how weird being in a lesbian relationship will be, and how my parents and siblings who were kind of supportive before might think this is a step too far. Will I even be invited to my sister's wedding at all when this gets out? Panic attacks have been getting worse, I wake up every night after a nightmare. Really feels hard to breathe right now. Its affecting my health. I don't care if this doesn't get a reply, felt cathartic just to write it. Thanks.

Husband gay but in denial. How do I help and survive this?

replies: 41

I guess my title says it all. My husband, best friend and person I knew has finally faced up to years of cheating. While floored by the betrayal of monogamy and the trust issues, I want to know how I can help him. This is doing my head in. I don’t care about the sexuality, but the lies and hurt he has caused has stripped my confidence and self worth to 0. We live in small country area and he is widely known (also all his mates know as he has tried it on with some of them). He keeps saying he loves me and wants to stay married, we don’t have sex or intimacy. But he has cheated with only men and our gay friend believe he is gay not bi. Ive looked for somewhere to be supported and help my husband through this. I know our marriage is ended, but this should not have to end badly. How can I help him, while ensuring my anger at the betrayal of trust is reined in? We are both around 50, kids, etc.

Been with a man for 7.5 years but Think I'm into girls

replies: 3

I've been with a man for 7.5 years now. We have 4 children together and over the last few years I've lost all attraction to him. I obviously live him and can't tell him this because I'm so scared I'll hurt him. I picture myself with women, sex is horrible because I don't enjoy it, it feels obligatory. I've never been with a woman other than a date kiss in high school. I'm 26 and always just assumed I was straight but now I don't think so. What do I do? How do I know? How do I bring it up with him?

How to support my mother who is depressed about my sexuality?

replies: 5

I came out to my parents as a lesbian 7 years ago. They did not take it well and for a long time, our relationship really suffered. Since then, things have improved a lot between my parents and myself. It hasn’t been easy but we’ve reached a point where we no longer argue over every little thing and they even invite my partner over for dinners. Lately my mother has been fairly depressed - she talks often about having nothing to be happy about in her life and has made frequent reference to her friends whose kids are married and have children of their own. I know that while she is a lot more tolerant of me and my partner, she does not accept my life choices and has not disclosed this part of my life to her friends and family. She blames this part of our lives for a lot of her unhappiness and I don’t know what to do to support her. I understand that being a parent of somebody LGBTI involves grieving for the life you will no longer have and I am aware that as a migrant, this is particularly at odds with her cultural beliefs. But I do not know how to get her the help she needs as she is ashamed of, does not talk about this with any of her friends or family, and does not believe in getting help (talking to strangers is tantamount to betrayal to her and is something that people like her just “does not do”) What can I do?

Deciding whether to leave my partner

replies: 7

Hi All, I'm 31, male and living in Melbourne. I've been with my girlfriend for over 6 years. We have been very much in love the whole time we have been together. All our friends are getting engaged etc so people are beginning to ask when I'm going to pop the question. However, I've become very anxious and worried over the last 12 months as I've had to accept that I'm also attracted to men. I hate going to bed at night as I never sleep well, wake up early and consistently thinking about what my life would be like with a man. I suppose being honest I have noticed I'm attracted to men since I was about 18 but it was never something I wanted to try out. I always wanted to be with my girlfriend but now I'm worried that this isn't for me and I should break it off with her. I broke down a few months ago when I came home from work and told her that I was bi-sexual. I'm finding it extremely difficult to deal with this. My girlfriend was upset at the time but thankfully was very supportive. I told her I still loved her and that we could try work it out together. I'm just worried that I'm wasting her time and I should just get it over and done with. We have such a great life together I know it would break her heart if I did. However, being 31 now, I also realise I need to be true to myself whether that involves being with a man, I'm not sure yet!. I have started looking up encounters with men online. I haven't written to anyone and I haven't met up with anyone. I know this is completely not fair on my girlfriend. It's hard to know whether I should leave her when I've never actually been with a man. I'm so confused, its taken over my whole life. To deal with the stress I have started doing lots of meditation and also practicing the beyond blue 10 anxiety steps. However, my thoughts are still quite overpowering. It's so hard to leave someone you've been with for so long but I need to be happy with my life and at the moment this is definitely not the case. Does anyone have any thoughts/experiences or advice they can give me?

Confused by sexuality

replies: 2

Not sure where to start...I’m 36, married to a beautiful woman (my best friend) with 2 young children. My wife & I started dating young and have been together 18 years. before meeting my wife I was almost certain I was gay. I worked with a guy and we both shared a mutual attraction but nothing ever happened. I always had an attracted to the same sex growing up. I grew up in a loving home but in an environment where being gay was not accepted and was an ongoing joke with negative remarks...I hid/ suppressed my feelings and attractions and hated myself when the feelings arose. I then met my wife and for the first time I stopped questioning my sexuality and we were both happy. However every 3 years I seem to go through a cycle of depression, analysing my life which in turns leads to depression. Questioning my sexuality has always been part of that cycle. Some how I’d manage to bury the questioning and depression only for it to return again later. I’m currently back in that depression cycle. My wife questioned my sexuality last weekend and I finally told her how I was feeling and I’d been questioning my sexuality. She has been amazing and supportive, I’ve since told some family closest to me that I’m confused about my sexuality- they have all been supportive. my problem is I really don’t know if I’m gay, or if I’ve suppressed it so long that I’ve really confused myself about how I’m feeling. Initially I felt like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders but had only been replaced by more confusion. I question if the confusion is more due to my head telling me to stay where it’s safe- married, home etc and that’s my I can’t make the decision, Hoping someone has been in a similar situation that can help me gain some clarity. thanks

Welcome! Read this to learn more about this section of the Forums replies: 0

LGBT+ members - got a question - need somewhere to start - here is the place replies: 224

My Husband Didn't Make Me Happy replies: 2

Don't know what to do anymore replies: 3

Out of the closet? replies: 8

Bisexual? replies: 4

Oh please don't make me name this thing... replies: 4

Husband gay but in denial. How do I help and survive this? replies: 41

Been with a man for 7.5 years but Think I'm into girls replies: 3

How to support my mother who is depressed about my sexuality? replies: 5

Deciding whether to leave my partner replies: 7

Confused by sexuality replies: 2