Partner travels alone and visits gay clubs

[w193]

Hey all!

Hope you had a great NY. Looking for some advice and thoughts around this topic as I’ve been bottling it up and growing frustrated by it and I don’t want it to affect my relationship.

My partner and I have been together for close to a year and it’s been great. We both get along very well and have a healthy lifestyle together.

However he does tend to like to do solo international trips every now and then, sometimes for a few weeks, which is great for him despite it being very different to my style of travelling.

What is getting to me a bit is that he tends to go quite hard overseas re partying (nothing excessive) and whilst I trust him of course, something just discomforts me a fair bit with him going to a gay club on his own to meet people and party. A lot of it is also just lack of understanding of why he wants to as I’d rarely travel alone without friends, family etc.

What are your thoughts? Just not sure how to handle it as it makes me uncomfortable even though nothing has gone wrong in the past.

thanks!

[Jimmy1One]

Hi w193,

Hope you're not overthinking this and giving yourself (and your partner) enough mental space without limiting each other's individual liberties.

Is there something that has happened in the past that makes you think this way? Or a certain trait of him that has made you think of him in this light.

Being in a relationship is tough. It get's even more complicated when you're in a same sex relationship (I think, as I am in one).

I can somewhat relate to this situation and I'm on the other side of this scenario where I like to be alone at times and love to go out and party and meet new people. Overtime, I have realised this is an unexplored side of me that I am longing to discover.

So although I have a partner, I want to be able to explore and experiment my newly discovered being.

I came out in 2015 and there is so much to experiment and so much to see and do. I love my partner, but I don't want to limit my youth of all the experiences either.

Nevertheless, I have voiced my discomfort and wild attitude towards everything and my partner acknowledges this side of me and understands it. In most instances, communication is literally the key. You'll get a thousand words from your man and you'll know in an instance where his head space is at in one emotion, when you have an open, honest conversation about your discomfort.

Good luck 🙂

[marcus_c]

Hi w193, I can understand what you're going through as I was in a similar situation a little while back. It's not a situation I would be happy with personally, for all the reasons you've described. Have you had an open conversation to make sure you're on the same page about what is permitted in your relationship around hooking up with others? (It sounds like that might be what you're worried about)

Have you explicitly both agreed that this is a monogamous relationship, and defined what that means?

Are you taking precautions about safe sex within your relationship?

You don't have to answer any of these questions, as I know they're quite personal, but they're worth thinking about. It's one thing to trust someone, it's another to potentially have life-long health consequences because you were assuming things weren't going on when they actually were (or if he was partying, made a decision he regrets/can't remember and hasn't told you).

I notice that you said you've been together for less than a year, and he goes overseas 'now and then' for a few weeks for these trips. How often is this happening?

I've known quite a few couples that have been together for a long time (at least ten years or more) who have solo holidays, but those couples also have open relationships and are quite clear about their boundaries. I'm not convinced from your post that you're as clear about these boundaries.