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BeyondBlue Welcome! Read this to learn more about this section of the Forums
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Sexuality and Gender identity section of the Beyond Blue Forums. This is a safe space to discuss sexuality and gender identity and share with others who have a lived experience of how these factors impact their mental he... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Sexuality and Gender identity section of the Beyond Blue Forums. This is a safe space to discuss sexuality and gender identity and share with others who have a lived experience of how these factors impact their mental health and wellbeing. We welcome all conversations here and want to know how you feel and what has helped you to be your best self. A few important tips and rules for this section are below. What is important is that this is a welcoming, kind and supportive space for everyone. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ+) a safe space to talk about how issues relating to gender identity and sexual orientation impact on mental health and wellbeing. This includes discussion of and support around chronic illnesses such as HIV which disproportionately affect gay, bisexual and other men who have sex with men. As this is a safe and affirming space for LGBTIQ individuals, please note this is not an appropriate space for debating the "rights and wrongs" of homosexuality, bisexuality, or gender fluidity itself. This includes use of terms such as "lifestyle" and "choice". This sub-forum is and always will be a safe and supportive place for LGBTIQ people concerned with what we all need to do to stay well. That said, others are welcome provided they respect that this is primarily a LGBTIQ+ space. Thank you and welcome Beyond Blue

MsPurple LGBT+ members - got a question - need somewhere to start - here is the place
  • replies: 223

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations H... View more

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations Here you can ask questions about anything from questioning your sexuality/gender identity, coming out concerns, dating, mental health etc. If you are an ally (an Ally is a person who considers themselves a friend to the LGBTQ+ community) you are also welcome to come here to be a support to our community and ask questions as well. This is a supportive place for people to discuss their questions and concerns, we are not a place of judgement. As Thumper from the movie Bambi said "If you can't say somethin' nice, don't say nothin' at all." If you are looking for a more social and light hearted conversation might I suggest joining us on the thread under BB social/rainbow cafe. Copy and paste the link: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/bb-social-zone/let's-chat-about-anything Feel free to introduce yourself below and ask any question/s I thought I'd answer one common question in the intro post and this is one I have heard a lot. What do the letters mean? When referring to the community it is shortened to LGBT+ as there are more letters than just the 4. I have put some of the common ones here: Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Transsexual Two-spirited Queer Questioning Intersex Asexual Ally Pansexual Agender Gender Queer Welcome everyone and hope to see you around on this thread and around the BB forums MP

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-_ It's finally starting to take it's toll...
  • replies: 4

Sadly my first post has to be a unhappy one however my boyfriends anxiety and seasonal depression, alongside our moving across the country to California is starting to take a toll on me psychologically. I am beginning to think I am too sensitive, nee... View more

Sadly my first post has to be a unhappy one however my boyfriends anxiety and seasonal depression, alongside our moving across the country to California is starting to take a toll on me psychologically. I am beginning to think I am too sensitive, needy or blindly selfish to function in a way that won't negatively impact me. My boyfriend has admitted he has extreme anxiety which results in him isolating himself in the bedroom and sleeping hours at a time to get rid of the buzzing. And in reference to his seasonal depression, God forbid he get a stuffy nose or else the world should be set on fire. The past year it seems that all I have learned is to build blanket forts on the bed for him and avoid him if I have the smallest f needs, like being told I am loved and being given some form of physical affection like a kiss or a hug once a day - but alas that seems to much to ask and ends up making me feel selfish just for asking. I am walking on pins and needles days at a time feeling invisible hands choke me all because of his inconsistent behavior that leaves me wondering if I should chock it up to his anxiety or if I did something wrong and he just wants to leave. You'd think after a year of living together I would figure it out by now. Needless to say its gotten to the point where once a 3 day bought of depression starts, I start thinking of all the things he is going to say to end the relationship, or that he is not happy anymore and has been with someone else. Then one day he will snap out of it and ask for sex or attention like he was never mentally absent. It's far more difficult to balance than I thought, especially for someone as sensitive as I am who desires a one daily second of affirmative intimacy. What's worse is my frustration in trying to understand why if he is so aware of his illness, why he can't be aware enough to do things to alleviate my worry and/or concern. I've convinced myself I should be happy that he is willing to show me his true colors, but it's so not fair when our roommate walks in the door and he becomes a completely different, bubbly person around them. I assume it's because he puts on a show, regardless I wish sometimes he would give me a break and put on a show for me. I hate feeling like a great boyfriend one second and a useless piece of annoying trash the next. And it's pointless to talk to him, because no "I feel" statements make a difference. I feel like I have to suck it up or be ready for an argument.

brett_s83 Gay and struggling
  • replies: 4

Hi I'm a 30 year old male and have been in a same-sex relationship for about four years. I came out to my family just over a year ago finally having the guts to do so. I came out thinking that it would make things easier but unfortunately things seem... View more

Hi I'm a 30 year old male and have been in a same-sex relationship for about four years. I came out to my family just over a year ago finally having the guts to do so. I came out thinking that it would make things easier but unfortunately things seem to be worse. Nobody in my family wants to meet my partner and generally don't talk about my sexuality. I feel that they tolerate me but don't accept. This frustrates my partner greatly as I have met a number of his family members and I enjoy their company. The entire situation becomes further strained when my partner drinks and vents his frustration in an aggressive manner. I also have a lot of stress at work and don't seem to be able to achieve what I need to. All of this leaves me feeling worthless and unable to accomplish anything. I feel anxious at various times throughout the day from getting ready for work through to coming home to a partner drinking and ready to pounce. I don't know how to manage this. Please help!

Amelia I wish there was another word.
  • replies: 7

I have recently figured out that I'm - for lack of a better word - "bisexual". Is there anyone else who doesn't feel like this is quite the right word for them? Yeah, okay, I am attracted to both genders... but it's not about their gender, it's about... View more

I have recently figured out that I'm - for lack of a better word - "bisexual". Is there anyone else who doesn't feel like this is quite the right word for them? Yeah, okay, I am attracted to both genders... but it's not about their gender, it's about personality. I don't fall in love with men or women - I fall in love with people. I feel like "bisexual" implies that I'd have sex with anyone, you know? Anyway, it probably doesn't matter that much but just something I was thinking about. Also, it is difficult feeling this way in a small community. I am not open about my sexuality here. My family know, and a couple of close friends... but I would like to experience living in a bigger city where there are more people who feel this way. Though I think it would take a bit of getting used to, saying "Hi... I'm bi!" Even writing it here feels quite weird, because it's new. Anyway. Guess I just wanted to have a go at poking my toe out of the "closet"... PS. I have no idea how to flirt with girls. Anyone have any tips? (grin)

Scotty2013 GLBT No wonder we are depressed seriously
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I dont want to make this political about Gay Marriage but hell, no wonder so many are depressed I mean really for the last 15 years people have said maybe 'in a YEAR..after year. things will be totally different for us all.... So when you don't get t... View more

I dont want to make this political about Gay Marriage but hell, no wonder so many are depressed I mean really for the last 15 years people have said maybe 'in a YEAR..after year. things will be totally different for us all.... So when you don't get to have a normal love life, and kids, you begin to wonder why am I even here...what's my purpose...why bother doing anything if I'm going to come home to an empty house for the rest of my life?. At least straight folks have a purpose and a reason to do something with their lives Marry and have kids and a plan... they have people depending on them. They have partners to share a life with and an incentive to work hard so they can enjoy those special getaways together and plan things properly. Why bother doing anything, when i always feel second class?, I'm tired of it not getting any younger either , I dont want to be 60 and still feel like this??, NZ has done it , It's like i dont want to go on another year feeling second class, please hurry up!! people die! .......Thanks TC

DaneSaysYay can one change their life.
  • replies: 4

howdy, i had a moment last week where i met someone socialy after not really going out of the house for a long time.the kind of thing that smacks you in the face with intense emotions, makes you fluster skip a heart beat, want to be a better person, ... View more

howdy, i had a moment last week where i met someone socialy after not really going out of the house for a long time.the kind of thing that smacks you in the face with intense emotions, makes you fluster skip a heart beat, want to be a better person, beyong lust and trivial things....hopefully its not just me and the other humans have such feelings... my story is one of anxiety and depression most of my adult life, and disability bad chioces etc.. i am allmost 40, not going to live forever but am very focused theese days that if i survive long enough i will find love and ease thetorment of my life.. so they just created another label?i hope not, i think sexuality is fluid in some and changes, you may say im bisexual....geeze i hate that word, a word that makes me think of promiscurity, i wish there could be another name.... hey i just love one human deeply at a time and want real conection and love. enigma? maybe in todays climate. without writing a novel, i have to kids to a tormented woman, who is unhappy unstable and whatever, i still love my kids id do anything for anyone even the haters, i aslo have no job bad diabetes and the depression and anxiety and a load of social isolation and loneliness... its funny how you can be surrounded by people and buisy but not share kindwords, a few years back i spent considerable time in hospital, got sic\k got better, relationship fell apart and got into looking up suicide on the internet, for awhile thinking this and that like it was my ticket out and i was real cool with killing myself, but I didnt die. but im still alive and focused on health and my goal later in the year. i want to be myself i want a boyfriend i want my famiy to accept me and not laugh when i tell them, i want to have love that takes my breath away,,, dont want to be a loser.. how do i change my life to get my self into the position i need.. im in limbo, the heart hurts, its groundhogday..D. beyondblue’s clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.

Kikki Gay or Bi......why am I making it so hard for myself?
  • replies: 10

Hi everyone, I'm new to this forum and have sat here crying hysterectivally after watching some inspiring online clips by Analiese and Shane. It was very inspirational and I think it brought up many home truths for myself about self hatred and the wa... View more

Hi everyone, I'm new to this forum and have sat here crying hysterectivally after watching some inspiring online clips by Analiese and Shane. It was very inspirational and I think it brought up many home truths for myself about self hatred and the way in which society views people and the way I view myself. I have been questioning my sexuality for the past 7 years after growing up believing I was straight until I hit my mid twenties. I now feel like I have been in a bad dream for this past 7 years and that I will wake up one day with a clear answer. Yet this may not happen....am I gay or bisexual or what? I feel like I actually dont fit anywhere and that makes me really sad and lonley. I dont know whether to search for a male or female partner as I have been in relationships with both sexes and neither felt right. When I was with my male partner I thought about being with a female and then a few yrs later when I was with my female partner I thought about being with a guy. Luckily, I am surrounded by some many amazing family and friends who are so supportive but have no idea really what I am experienceing. I just want it to stop. I have since been diagnosed with depression a few months again after hitting rock bottom and not being able to function. As a health profresssional myself, I was good at hiding the symptoms from myself until eventually I couldnt anymore. I mean I care for other right? I'm not the one that needs help.....so I thought. Anyway I don't want to bring u down with my woes, but just to say that I'm not sure where to go from here. I want to be the carefree happy person that I once was and know that I am the only one who can change this. But how I ask? cheers.

BeeHut How do you know?
  • replies: 11

I think I might be gay but I'm not sure. I'm scared to tell my family because it would tear them apart and I'm scared to tell my friends in case I'm wrong. I feel awful for not being honest but I feel like coming out would be selfish. I don't know wh... View more

I think I might be gay but I'm not sure. I'm scared to tell my family because it would tear them apart and I'm scared to tell my friends in case I'm wrong. I feel awful for not being honest but I feel like coming out would be selfish. I don't know what to do, I just wish I knew what I was for sure so I could make a decision without worrying about my feelings changing. I feel like there's no point talking to anyone about it as it is, but it's driving me crazy. I don't know what to do about it.

Creative_newbie How to support my partner with dealing with my anxiety
  • replies: 3

Hello,I'm in a new relationship for nearly 4 months now. I really love my partner so much. He's the most beautiful person in the world who I adore so much. We're so similar and we fit perfectly together. I've been developing a bit of anxiety in my li... View more

Hello,I'm in a new relationship for nearly 4 months now. I really love my partner so much. He's the most beautiful person in the world who I adore so much. We're so similar and we fit perfectly together. I've been developing a bit of anxiety in my life for some reason. I don't really understand what is happening to me at the moment. I'm anxious when he's not around me, but I'm also anxious at work too for some reason. I work in a bar in Melbourne and I love my job so much. Last night I experienced my first properanxiety attack where negative emotions like I wasn't good enough to be there come throwing through my brain and I broke out into tears. I really wanted to text him to let him know, but I was really scared to tell him. I don't understand what is going on with me so how am I meant to make my partner understand too when I don't know how to manage? I know I have to be open with communication with him, but how can I better help support him to better support me to deal with this beast of a thing which I don't want in my life? He's so special to me. I'm going to chill out for a bit on the couch, but I would really love some support with this.Cheers!Thomas

KireaB Narcissistic Girlfriend
  • replies: 5

Hello, I am new to this site, and I joined so that I could ask this question. I'll keep all of this as brief as possible. I just need some advice. My girlfriend and I (yes, I am a woman too) have been together for 2 years now. And we just started tal... View more

Hello, I am new to this site, and I joined so that I could ask this question. I'll keep all of this as brief as possible. I just need some advice. My girlfriend and I (yes, I am a woman too) have been together for 2 years now. And we just started talking about the possibility of children in our future. I really want them, and always have, while she hates children. She told me that I have to decide between her or 'the baby.' That pretty much means choosing her wants and needs or mine. She worried that I wouldn't be happy with her because of that issue, and we both had a day to think about it. The whole time, I talked to my best friend about it. I complained, but not once did I mention anything about children. I noticed that she treats me like garbage and I feel under appreciated. She has gotten better, yes, but it is not enough. She told me that she can't change anymore. Well... I'm sorry, I need to feel loved. I feel more like her slave than the person she loves. She doesn't want to have sex unless we role-play and pretend to be someone else. She says she can't get excited if it's just me. And yet, she says I'm beautiful and attractive. She says it's 'just the way she is' and that 'she can't help it.' I told her that I accepted it, and I did for a while for her. But I need that reassurance that she thinks I'm beautiful. Right now we have a long distance relationship, but she will be coming back in a few months. We talk online sometimes with a video chat, and she even tells me that she looks at herself in the video more than she looks at me. It makes me feel so... like I'm not even there. And very recently, she told me that she had to rethink our relationship just a few weeks ago because she was worried about why she was with me. She said she was worried that she was in our relationship because I loved her, and that was enough for her. Me loving her made her happy? What about loving me too? I honestly saw a future with her, but luckily I brought up the subject of children, otherwise I would have been in a bigger mess than I am now. Any comments would be great. I know that I should break up with her, I just... she says she never felt this way about anyone else. And that she loves me more than anyone. And if that's as much love as she can show, then... she's pitiful. I needed to get all of this put in the open, honestly. Thank you for listening.

Vera55 Days of vulnerability and fragility
  • replies: 13

I am having a very fragile and vulnerable day today. No idea why. Issues of abandonment are always close to the surface. Even when people around me go on holidays or my support person is away I crumble like a deflating doll. I don't seem to be able t... View more

I am having a very fragile and vulnerable day today. No idea why. Issues of abandonment are always close to the surface. Even when people around me go on holidays or my support person is away I crumble like a deflating doll. I don't seem to be able to feel grounded by myself. I tried but still can't find that inner anchor that would stop me bobbing up and down in that deep ocean. I didn't know what depression was until my late twenties, although I experienced it from my early twenties. I think I had very good survival instincts that kept me going till I was 24 when everything came crashing down. I think it was easier to hide my problems because firstly I wasn't aware of them and secondly I lived in an arty, eccentric circle where things appeared ok even when they weren't. How were we to know? How do you know you are weird when every one around you is too? We were the normal ones, everyone else was the problem. I think all this time I was acting out. I had no idea who I was. I went through life like a zombie. Everything from outside looked normal, study, travel, job. I had a totally different inner dialogue. I think that pressure of the two worlds becoming more polarized lead to my breakdown which happened in my late thirties. i remember waking up one morning and knowing that this is it. I was living on the South Pole but I really needed to be on the North Pole. It's like I had to turn everything inside out. I was living in a heterosexual relationship, thinking my partner was gay, a nice house, a responsible job, a young son and an important standing in our community. well, changing sexuality half way through your life is no picnic. I had no idea I was gay or bi or whatever. Very confusing time but I did have some wonderful relationships with women during the next 10 years or so. I hate this illness. I hate the way it robs me of my peace of mind, of my constant vigilance, of the energy it takes from just enjoying the little things, of having to doubt my every decision in case it's the depression talking and not me? what does that even mean? It's a horrible destructive disease. Some days I can and do accept that it's my reality and I do manage it the best I can but today is not one of those days. i know I am in good hands here on bb because we all stumble and fall at times, get up, brush our knees off and plod again. kind regards to all Vera