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MsPurple LGBT+ members - got a question - need somewhere to start - here is the place
  • replies: 221

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations H... View more

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations Here you can ask questions about anything from questioning your sexuality/gender identity, coming out concerns, dating, mental health etc. If you are an ally (an Ally is a person who considers themselves a friend to the LGBTQ+ community) you are also welcome to come here to be a support to our community and ask questions as well. This is a supportive place for people to discuss their questions and concerns, we are not a place of judgement. As Thumper from the movie Bambi said "If you can't say somethin' nice, don't say nothin' at all." If you are looking for a more social and light hearted conversation might I suggest joining us on the thread under BB social/rainbow cafe. Copy and paste the link: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/bb-social-zone/let's-chat-about-anything Feel free to introduce yourself below and ask any question/s I thought I'd answer one common question in the intro post and this is one I have heard a lot. What do the letters mean? When referring to the community it is shortened to LGBT+ as there are more letters than just the 4. I have put some of the common ones here: Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Transsexual Two-spirited Queer Questioning Intersex Asexual Ally Pansexual Agender Gender Queer Welcome everyone and hope to see you around on this thread and around the BB forums MP

Chris_B IMPORTANT: Information and guidelines for posting in this section
  • replies: 0

The Sexuality & Gender Identity space is a sub-forum within the wider beyondblue forum community. 1. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ) a safe spa... View more

The Sexuality & Gender Identity space is a sub-forum within the wider beyondblue forum community. 1. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ) a safe space to talk about how issues relating to gender identity and sexual orientation impact on mental health and wellbeing. 2. This includes discussion of and support around chronic illnesses such as HIV which disproportionately affect gay, bisexual and other men who have sex with men. 3. As this is a safe and affirming space for LGBTIQ individuals, please note this is not an appropriate space for debating the "rights and wrongs" of homosexuality, bisexuality, or gender fluidity itself. This includes use of terms such as "lifestyle" and "choice". 4. This sub-forum is and always will be a safe and supportive place for LGBTIQ people concerned with what we all need to do to stay well. That said, others are welcome provided they respect that this is primarily a LGBTIQ space. 5. If you do not identify as LGBTIQ, or are not currently supporting someone in your life who is LGBTIQ, and are curious about aspects of sexuality or gender identity, please read through beyondblue’s resources for and about LGBTIQ people here to educate yourself rather than posting in this section.

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Chilli621 Gay Children
  • replies: 7

I was hoping someone else may have had a similar experience to me. My son told us he was gay when he turned 21. We had know idea he was. We love our son unconditionally, but are not thrilled about the fact that he is gay. I know this is not political... View more

I was hoping someone else may have had a similar experience to me. My son told us he was gay when he turned 21. We had know idea he was. We love our son unconditionally, but are not thrilled about the fact that he is gay. I know this is not politically correct these days. I don't know why, as his parents, we feel this way. As his mother, I know I love him, but ever since this revelation I have felt a like I have a black whole in my heart. I grieve for the life I thought my son would have, for the life I thought I would have with him as he grew older, got married and had children. But more so he himself does not appear to be very happy, so it complicates the matter. I feel perhaps if he where happier, maybe I would be, I don't know. All I know is I am so tired of this awful feeling of blackness.

liraeli What to do?
  • replies: 1

Hi, Ok I don't really know how to start, sorry. For several years, going on 6, I have had issues with my mental health, particularly depression. I am only grade 12 right now, and still young. This is something my parents have been aware off, in fact ... View more

Hi, Ok I don't really know how to start, sorry. For several years, going on 6, I have had issues with my mental health, particularly depression. I am only grade 12 right now, and still young. This is something my parents have been aware off, in fact 5 years ago both them and my teacher sat down with me and discussed this topic, however they made no move to get me help. Since then things have only gotten worse, despite it being an on and off issue for me. At the end of grade ten however, I came to the realisation that I am pansexual. It took me several months to accept, but once I did my mental health improved dramatically. I didn't come out to anybody until then. My parents always said they would accept us no matter our sexuality, but since I came out to them (as bisexual; I don't think they would really understand pan, or be willing to) more and more problems began to start. My mother already had issues with me, insisting that I "hate all Christians" simply because I chose to be an atheist (I don't care about a person's religion as long as they don't use it to fuel negative behaviours and ideals-there are many good Christians). The problems were always the worst with mum. She would constantly tell me that it was just a phase, make snide comments about my sexuality, get angry at me if I so much as glanced at a female and would add in on those terrible conversations about dating boys and marrying a nice young man with 'or woman' in a disapproving tone as well as a shared "oh, she's one of them" glances with the other person (always managing to ignore me in the whole process). Really, all she wants is for me to marry a guy, settle down with a huge mortgage, 2.5 kids and a 5 seater car plus family dog. And that is all she will ever accept. Dad takes more off a passive stance (but frequently tells me that he "doesn't understand") however he will always take my mother's side. It is something I really cannot stand. I have always gotten good grades, and even complete units at university while in grade 10 and 11, so mum saw this as losing her bragging rights. I might be paranoid, but she will always talk about me and my life as if it is her achievement, and I have no part in it. By being open about who I am she's lost some of these "rights" because apparently being attracted to the same sex is shameful.From then, things worsened to the point where I had a huge breakdown in front of them. I had already been struggling and this was the last thing I wanted to happen as they always manage to make me feel ashamed of my emotions, interests and even physical appearance. In the end I told them that I wasn't coping and I just needed to get out and away from them. I really shouldn't have, and still regret doing so. Their response was to tell me how I was insulting them, that I was shoving in their face that they are failures and 'bad parents' and how I am a terrible child for doing so, after they had 'done so much' for me. Mum even said that we should take me to a psychologist, but in the next breath said that they can't if I ever wanted to go on exchange to Japan (which was a terrible excuse and we all know it. We could never afford the trip, it was a pipe dream and it was simply a cover up for their unwillingness to help. Besides what is more important, a trip we can't afford, or my mental health?) After telling them of how I couldn't cope, they would constantly guilt trip me by going on about how they couldn't cope with petty things such as having to cook (keep in mind that my brothers and I would cook practically every night, and still do). Basically they made me worse, and found every reason other than themselves to blame my issues on. There is more to come though and I am sorry that this is so long and whiny.Since then, I have come to terms with other aspects of who I am, despite feeling pretty terrible for stamping all these labels on myself that don't conform to societal standards. I am also polyamorous and genderfluid. My age also makes this difficult, as I get the feeling that people just think "You're a 16 year old girl, you could never possibly know such things about yourselves (but obviously we do)". I haven't been open with family about this, but my friends know as well as my peers at my new school about being polyamorous at least (yay starting at a new school in grade 12 that must be really great). In terms of genderfluid, only a few people know. Everybody at my school is great, and very understanding. I haven't had any form of discrimination from them which is wonderful. Being genderfluid, there are times when I love my body and feel great in it. Other times though, I can experience dysphoria because I simply do not want the body of a girl. It is changing constantly (and no I am not confused I know who and what I am) and of course when I identify as male and get the dysphoria with it, this can make things harder.On the polyamorous subject, I was dating two lovely girls for around 4 months too, of which only one was known to my parents. (we were not a triad) however about a month ago the girlfriend my parents knew of broke up with me because she decided we weren't right for each other. We are still friends, and the breakup has actually had basically no effect on my mental health. I am still with the other girlfriend and we are pretty happy together and I know that without her I wouldn't still be here. She has been helping me through the past couple weeks which have been my worst yet. I am scared though, because I don't know whether it will be enough. I still have constant issues with family, and just over a month ago our GP suggested that we all get psychological help, because out of my family of six my father and I seemed to be the ones in most need of it for depression, anxiety, stress and anger management. Of course, we never got this help (my father and youngest brother have both been to psychologists on multiple occasions though before this). Suicide is something that has crossed my minds many times in the past, and now it is something that is always on my mind. I am constantly debating it. I feel constantly sick, and even my periods are much heavier and painful, bringing crippling pains and sickness with them. I want help, that is why I am here. I know that. I also think that the best help I could get is getting away from my family. I really feel as if that is the only way that I could be helped. And talking over the phone isn't really an option - my family would hear and I don't want them to. I can't even see my friends in person anymore, and only have the chance to see my girlfriend very rarely (next weekend will be the first time in over 2 months). I know I am not alone, and many have worse problems (despite me not even talking about all of mine otherwise this would be huge and tiresome to read), but that doesn't really change how I feel.Sorry for this being so long, I just don't know what to do. beyondblue’s clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.

Re Its all hit me like a ton of bricks
  • replies: 1

There is so much going on that I don't even know where to start. I'm not looking to come here for a whine but I need somewhere because it's all building up inside me and some day I feel like I can't even breath.About 4 months ago I broke up for my ma... View more

There is so much going on that I don't even know where to start. I'm not looking to come here for a whine but I need somewhere because it's all building up inside me and some day I feel like I can't even breath.About 4 months ago I broke up for my male partner of 10 years. I did this because for 2 years before the relationship ended I knew I was gay. I was also in love with a girl from my university. The day I broke up with my boyfriend I went round to her house at around midnight. I left a letter on her doorstep explaining my feelings for her and saying that I understood she may not feel the same. But I need to tell her because it was killing me. We talk about it and the conversation was dropped somewhat. I assumed she was not interested and that was fine. I understood. Following breaking up with my boyfriend I had to find a new place to live. I found one within a week. It was cozy and quite with a lovely girl. But 2 days after I moved in she tried to commit suicide. I had to call the police and ambulance for her. It was very distressing for both of us. about 2 weeks after moving in she stated that she could not stay on the lease with me. She felt she had too much going on. So I had 1 week to find a new house. And I did. A little room in a big student share house with 10 others. much different to what I was used to. I didn't know anyone and didn't know the rules of the house. I felt very alone. In a rage one evening on my way to work I reversed my car into a concrete wall. I don''t have the money to pay for it yet. Soon after all this I decided it might be time to tell my father I was gay. I did this and he asked me to "get the **** out of my house" and come back when I "sorted myself out". I was shocked and so disappointed. He didn't call me for almost 3 weeks. Then about 5 days ago he rang me and told me he was getting a divorce. He said he couldn't do it anymore and threatened to commit suicide. So I drove out to him. He didnt end doing it, he sat and had a smoke. I left him with family nad went back to university. It was the day before Valentines and the girl I liked was still going to the same classes. She was having such a bad week so I decided to buy her some flowers and have them sent anonymously. She was so happy to get them, but it didn't take her long to figure out it was me. She asked me in a message why I had sent them. So I told her that I still had feelings for her, and that I wanted her to have a nice surprise, but that I was trying to keep out of her way because I knew she wasn't really interested in me. I have been waiting for a reply to this message for almost 2 days now. I think it was a mistake to get flowers. And I think I have ruined our friendship. I feel so lost. And I don't understand how all this could have possibly happened at once. I have never had drama in my life. I wasn't ever expecting to be gay, but it just happened and now I don't know how to handle everything that has happened.I don't expect answers. Just a friendly ear.

Athryn I wish I wasn't gay
  • replies: 6

I've been out of the closet for the last decade and I wish now that I never did. I'm so sick and tired of being treated differently. You wouldn't think it would happen often but it does quite regularly. Maybe it's due to the fact that I don't have ma... View more

I've been out of the closet for the last decade and I wish now that I never did. I'm so sick and tired of being treated differently. You wouldn't think it would happen often but it does quite regularly. Maybe it's due to the fact that I don't have many other gay people in my life except for my partner. All of my friends are straight as are the people I work with. My sexuality is brought up in conversation regularly or they will ask for my opinion about relationships or sex and frankly I'm tired of being different. Don't get me wrong it's never a case of bullying or anything. I just would prefer to be the same as everyone else. I guess it all came to a head the other night at a buck's party. We ended up at a strip club and they wouldn't leave me alone asking what I thought or if I was turned on by the ladies. God I'm telling you now, I wish I was. At least then I could just be the same as everyone else and not have to put up with all the constant questions and innuendo. Needless to say, I don't think I'll be going back to a strip club any time soon.

amy5678 So confused - previous sufferer of severe depression - old symptoms re-appearing. Please help.
  • replies: 2

Hi, I'm not really sure where this should be posted but this seemed like the most relevant category. In 2009 I was diagnosed with severe depression, I had suffered from most of the symptoms that I described to my psychologist for most of my life grow... View more

Hi, I'm not really sure where this should be posted but this seemed like the most relevant category. In 2009 I was diagnosed with severe depression, I had suffered from most of the symptoms that I described to my psychologist for most of my life growing up before that, but ended up seeking help because of encouragement by the supportive people in my life after I started self-harming and experiencing suicidal episodes. This happened around the same time I realised I was a lesbian, but I don't think the two are that related, because I grew up in an environment very accepting of that and it was never a big problem with the people I cared about. I kept seeing the psychologist over the course of about three years, I believe the last time was in 2012. Despite going, I don't feel I was totally honest with my psychologist and my doctor about the things I was experiencing, for the most part. I told them about the self-harm, and the suicidal feelings, the emptiness and exhaustion and hopelessness and self-loathing on a superficial level (general concerns about my appearance and things) but I didn't tell them about the delusions/other symptoms I was having until very near the end of my treatment because I was so wrapped up in them that they prevented me from doing so.I became convinced that I was in some way evil incarnate - it sounds so ridiculous to say but it really scared me at the time. I felt like I was tainting the world by existing, and I don't mean these things in the metaphorical sense, I really believed them. I felt like the reason I had to self-harm and plan my death was that in some way I doomed everyone around me by being in their lives. This only got worse once I sought help because I thought by needing my friends' and family's support, love, and energy that I was draining them like a parasite, and the feeling only strengthened. I also suffer from a chronic physical illness that caused constant intense physical pain and has been very expensive to maintain, which both further increased my feeling of draining the resources of people around me, and drove me to start drinking heavily & using drugs (nothing too serious) at a young age. This feeling of being a burden drove me into a weird cycle where I felt like I couldn't suffer because it would make the people who cared about me suffer - but the fact that I was so awful so as to cause that meant I DESERVED to suffer - because I was evil incarnate. This started to cause some very strange symptoms in me after a while - that I was told by my psychologist could have been symptoms of OCD or some kind of anxiety disorder, but I refused to go into it because of the above thought processes. I started to feel like I had to do things to protect the world from myself - or to keep the truth a secret. Whenever I sent a message or an email I had to read it over and over to make sure I hadn't revealed something incriminating about myself or verbally abused the recipient without realising - behind my own back. I developed strange superstitions - like when I turned my bedside lamp off before bed I had to stare unblinking at the glowing wire inside until the last light had disappeared - otherwise the evil side of me would take over in my sleep. If I blinked I had to turn the lamp on and off and do it again. I randomly fixated on particular objects - rubbish on the floor or my phone or a pencil on a table, and I had to move them because they didn't seem "right" to me and I had to make them "right" to make up for all the disturbances I had caused in the world. If I couldn't get it "right" then I had to hurt myself to make up for it.I don't know how I came out - or seemed to come out of this cycle. I went through a period of complete and utter exhaustion and emptiness in 2012, and when that was over, I guess a sense of normality kind of returned. I didn't feel the urge to hurt myself, or to kill myself. I didn't feel intensely sad or hopeless, I didn't feel like I despised myself anymore, I didn't think I was evil. But I guess that idea always kind of stayed with me - because even though I could go back to school, and enjoy things, and work hard and get good grades and so on, I guess I had this conviction in the back of my mind that I was trying to "outrun" that side of me by being normal, but it seemed so harmless to my day to day life in comparison to what I had been suffering from that I didn't really think of it as a big deal. I knew then that the things I had believed were ridiculous, but I still didn't entirely forget them.Recently I've been getting some of the weird behaviours back - I have times where I feel like I have to move things or read things I've written over and over. Sometimes in social situations I'll avoid being around people - not because I'm worried they won't like me, but because I'm worried that I'll ruin what they're doing for them with my mere presence. I don't feel depressed, I'm not losing my ability to function or work or interact, but it's starting to scare me a little. It feels like all my old symptoms are getting jumbled up together and slowly coming back one by one and I'm scared which one will be next. I was never diagnosed with obsessive compulsive disorder or any of the other things I have been told could explain my symptoms - and even though I'm not in any HUGE danger at the moment - I'm wondering if it might be a good idea to seek out professional help to try and help me understand what I WAS going through back then, so maybe I can stop it this time.I'm sorry this was so long - it's just a really big complex mess of a mental health history I'm hoping it will be easier to understand with all the pieces to the puzzle (or all the ones I can talk about).Can anybody help me? Does anyone have any advice or has been through something similar?

Andrew125 Afraid to talk. First time I'm speaking up
  • replies: 7

Hi, This is the very first time I'm speaking up about how I feel and so far nobody knows whats going on. I feel so stupid for speaking up because my problem is by no means as bad as someone else's. But the truth is I'm drowning and I don't think I ha... View more

Hi, This is the very first time I'm speaking up about how I feel and so far nobody knows whats going on. I feel so stupid for speaking up because my problem is by no means as bad as someone else's. But the truth is I'm drowning and I don't think I have the strength to keep my head above water anymore. I'm a gay man living in regional australia (came here for work) but at 31 years of age I feel like my life is done and dusted. It all started 2 years ago when I began having feelings of suicide. But in the last 6 months, those feelings just won't go away no matter what I do and they are getting worse. I'm drowning in debt and no matter how much I try and negotiate with the collectors, its not enough, ever. One collecter told me to borrow money from family and go hungry. I can't make friends because people just seem to be so rude and I'm constantly hearing "I only want friends who don't have baggage" or look a certain way. I've been trying for the last 2 years to establish my own business but I can't seem to get it off the ground. I feel like I have no potential and my future feels so bleak. I feel like I am just existing and not living. There are people in my job who make me feel bad every day even though I have done nothing to them. So in that instance I feel like I am being punished for just being me. I'm already underweight (53kg's) and my appetite is non-existant. There are days that I cannot bring myself to eat food or even get out of bed. I just feel so useless, helpless and alone. I'm finding that I am drinking much more these days (most nights its a whole bottle of red before bed) and yes the truth is I actually feel good about myself when the wine kicks in. I suddenly feel confident and ready to deal with all my troubles. But when it wears off, I'm back at square one. I keep wishing every night that I close my eyes and not wake up but as soon as I wake up, the nightmare begins. I'm so sorry for speaking up but I just can't bring myself to tell anyone, not even my doctor, family or friends. Yet at the same time I'm worried that I'm probably making all this up in my head. I feel that I am nothing more than a burden to society and it's people. Am I depressed or am I just making a fuss over nothing because I have no idea.

rabbits My daughter
  • replies: 2

This is about my teenage daughter. She has always been the most wonderful and caring individual I have ever met. Then a few months ago things started to change, she lost her temper frequently, was often rude, dismissive and nasty to her brother (some... View more

This is about my teenage daughter. She has always been the most wonderful and caring individual I have ever met. Then a few months ago things started to change, she lost her temper frequently, was often rude, dismissive and nasty to her brother (something she has never been). She began breaking rules, answering back, causing fights and being disrespectful in many ways. Now, some of you might think this is normal for a teenager, but as a mother you just know when things are beyond the usual scope of teenage hormones. Still she wouldn't tell me what was going on, and I didn't want to pressure her so I didn't push the subject, trusting that she would come to me when she was ready. Of course, she eventually did. My darling daughter came to my room, told me she had to tell me something..... told me she didn't want to tell me.... told me she was scared things would change..... then eventually told me she was bi. Then she broke down chanting "It's so bad, so bad, so bad". For months I knew something was going on in my daughters life. I knew she was struggling with something, hurting about something, and when she finally came out and told me she was bi..... My God! I was so relieved. She was OK! No-one had hurt her! She didn't hate me (or her brother)! She was bi! That was it! My gorgeous, fabulous, wonderful daughter was going to be just fine! So I had to ask: "Why is it bad?" "It will make things so much more difficult" she responds. I then had the true privilege of one of the most honest, intimate and trusting conversations I have ever had with another human being. That one conversation has taught me so much about inner strength, the importance of being true to oneself, the value of standing up for who you are and what you believe in, while protecting yourself from bigotry and ignorance. I am so proud of my daughter for being herself, for having the courage to explore who she is, and having the wisdom to love herself as she takes this extraordinary journey.

Stranger All new to this
  • replies: 2

Heyy People! When i was a kid my mum would always be "thats so gay... but nothing wrongs with that!!!" And then about 2 years ago, my sister came out! my sister and i are really close, shes like my best mate! But my mum has always been really weird a... View more

Heyy People! When i was a kid my mum would always be "thats so gay... but nothing wrongs with that!!!" And then about 2 years ago, my sister came out! my sister and i are really close, shes like my best mate! But my mum has always been really weird about it! Then about 2 months ago mum turned to me and said "If your gay, dont come out. I dont need another one!" Then turns and says to my friends that she wants to be a civil celebrant and marry same sex couples... 1st WTF? conflicting stories much? and 2nd, i like chicks! i like dudes 2 but more attracted to chicks. and i have no idea how to well come out to her. and my dad, well he's a ministers son so that would go down sooo well!! To top it off. Everyone has always told me "You always copy your sister, when are you going to become your own person?" well HELLO i am my own person aren't i? I do my own shit, Infact shes the one who jumps in my ideas!!! BUt that doesn't really bother me. I was always one of the boys, and i loved being one of the boys, soo much less Drama, then my mate always told me, "your a dyke in disguise" "wow your the gayest straight person eva" Sometimes i just wanna be like... And me being the stubborn mule i am i would always denie it. Full knowing that i was. and ive only just started telling my friends that hey im into girls. But it just seems like there think im following the crowd, just trying to fit in. I dont fit in anywhere else why would i try and fit in, i this aspect? Why would i want to be called a lier? WHy would i risk losing my family! I know this isnt like something huge in the eyes of other people, but this is ruling my life! and im over just thinking, Just forgrt about what other people say, Coz i cant do that!!! Any ways thats my rant over!

coastie501 Not sure
  • replies: 6

Where do I start off..... I am 35 gay and been with my partner (who loves me unconditionally) for 10 years ...Some times feels like 100 years. We don't fight much or should I say that he doesn't, even thought I can get angry,tired or I guess depresse... View more

Where do I start off..... I am 35 gay and been with my partner (who loves me unconditionally) for 10 years ...Some times feels like 100 years. We don't fight much or should I say that he doesn't, even thought I can get angry,tired or I guess depressed and just want to be left alone, or so I feel at times. I have a good job/boss/parents/family and a few good friends (that I have not just pushed away). I like many before me have thought/planned/attempted suicide. I don't know exactly why, but sometimes I feel that it would end the feeling this way. My cousin took his life a few weeks ago, it shocked us all...leaving us asking ourselves heaps of questions.... mainly why. He had a great wife, new house, great job, great boss, loving family and great mates. This has left me lost and pissed off at the same time and makes me question myself more both in a good and bad way. I really don't want to speak with my partner/family/friends and don't have a regular GP and just wanted to see how others have found help (without having religion preached until I go blue) Thanks all