How to support my partner with dealing with my anxiety

[Creative_newbie]

Hello,

I'm in a new relationship for nearly 4 months now. I really love my partner so much. He's the most beautiful person in the world who I adore so much. We're so similar and we fit perfectly together. I've been developing a bit of anxiety in my life for some reason. I don't really understand what is happening to me at the moment. I'm anxious when he's not around me, but I'm also anxious at work too for some reason. I work in a bar in Melbourne and I love my job so much. Last night I experienced my first proper

anxiety attack where negative emotions like I wasn't good enough to be there come throwing through my brain and I broke out into tears. I really wanted to text him to let him know, but I was really scared to tell him. I don't understand what is going on with me so how am I meant to make my partner understand too when I don't know how to manage? I know I have to be open with communication with him, but how can I better help support him to better support me to deal with this beast of a thing which I don't want in my life? He's so special to me.

I'm going to chill out for a bit on the couch, but I would really love some support with this.

Cheers!

Thomas

[EmmaP]

Hi Thomas,

Welcome to the forum and well done for sharing your current situation with us, its a very brave and positive thing to do 🙂 I'm so glad you have such a loving partner in your life and that you get along with him so well.

When I read your post I felt I could relate to you in a lot of ways. I am quite similar in the sense that I have been with my girlfriend for about 3-4 months now and I love her dearly and feel we are a fantastic fit together, but I also have been developing the anxiety of late, especially when separated from my partner as well as anxiety at work.

I'll start with the 'separation anxiety'. When you aren't around him, do you feel anxious because you feel like something bad will happen to him, or is it more that you feel more safe and secure when he is near? Or possibly it could be both! For me personally, it is both. Some things to think about or consider may be, is there something in your past that is leading you to be worried when away from your partner? Perhaps the sudden loss of a loved one in the past that has you worried that you may suddenly lose your current partner?

Now regarding your job, its so great that you love your job, because that is very important! Especially when work is a huge part of our lives. Panic attacks at work can be the worst especially when you can't go home or get some quiet time because you are so busy. I find that even if you can go to the bathroom for 5 minutes and do some deep breathing and try to calm your mind is helpful for me, it may be worth a try for you if you start to feel like the anxiety is building?

And by the sounds of it your partner is a very loving and supportive person and I'm sure he would understand if you explained about the hard time you are going through at the moment. I find sometimes putting your thoughts down on paper in the form of a letter is a great way of communicating these things that may be hard to say in person. And you can take the time to write down exactly what you want to convey to him, and it also gives him the chance to take it all in a take the time to reply to you, without the 'heat of the moment' getting in the way so to speak.

Just remember, you are not alone. So many of us feel very similar to you, and there are so many ways to work on these feelings so you can ultimately feel better. You have taken the first step and reached out, so well done. Hopefully I have helped and if you have any questions please let me know 🙂

EmmaP

[Creative_newbie]

Hey Emmal,

Thanks for writing back to me! I guess the anxiety starts when he's not around because I've got so comfortable with him always being around. I guess it stems from a previous relationship I had where I was the partner in a relationship with someone who had depression and it got too much for me so I left, so I don't want him to "give up" on me so to speak.

I tried the deep breathing at work and it helped a lot, but it freaks me out because I don't understand what is happening with me, so it's hard to dismiss these feelings and the heavy weight in my head. I have always been such a strong, positive person who has been confident, but I find that I'm lacking confidence a bit at the moment.

Thanks for sharing your story with me! 

[Neil_1]

Hi there Thomas

You know, I think there's one other reason about the separation anxiety.  I'll write it out first and maybe it is, or maybe it's something else.

But I experience this when I'm, especially in a new relationship.  Gosh, so long ago for me right now, as I've been with my partner for twenty years.  (Now insert frail old man's voice - "Now young 'un's, I remember when .....")

I remember when I was starting out in a relationship, that I stress and be anxious whenever my girlfriend wasn't with me - and all I could think of was the next time I was going to be with her - and I think it was purely because I was so in love with her - I just wanted to be with her 24/7. 

Say the following morning at 8am or 9am, etc, I'd think to myself, "Hey, this time 12 hours ago, we were doing this or doing that or we were over at that place, etc etc".  I'd do that so often.  Perhaps that's a bit OCD - I don't know.

Anyway, just wanted to pop in and share a bit of old-time weirdness about moi.

Cheers

Neil