Immediate support
Immediate support

Sexuality and gender identity

Peer support and conversations about anxiety, depression and other issues in the mental health space affecting LGBTQI+ people.

Start a discussion

FAQ

Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

View the FAQ

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

View the guidelines
Jump to
Start a discussion

Pinned discussions

MsPurple LGBT+ members - got a question - need somewhere to start - here is the place
  • replies: 221

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations H... View more

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations Here you can ask questions about anything from questioning your sexuality/gender identity, coming out concerns, dating, mental health etc. If you are an ally (an Ally is a person who considers themselves a friend to the LGBTQ+ community) you are also welcome to come here to be a support to our community and ask questions as well. This is a supportive place for people to discuss their questions and concerns, we are not a place of judgement. As Thumper from the movie Bambi said "If you can't say somethin' nice, don't say nothin' at all." If you are looking for a more social and light hearted conversation might I suggest joining us on the thread under BB social/rainbow cafe. Copy and paste the link: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/bb-social-zone/let's-chat-about-anything Feel free to introduce yourself below and ask any question/s I thought I'd answer one common question in the intro post and this is one I have heard a lot. What do the letters mean? When referring to the community it is shortened to LGBT+ as there are more letters than just the 4. I have put some of the common ones here: Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Transsexual Two-spirited Queer Questioning Intersex Asexual Ally Pansexual Agender Gender Queer Welcome everyone and hope to see you around on this thread and around the BB forums MP

Chris_B IMPORTANT: Information and guidelines for posting in this section
  • replies: 0

The Sexuality & Gender Identity space is a sub-forum within the wider beyondblue forum community. 1. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ) a safe spa... View more

The Sexuality & Gender Identity space is a sub-forum within the wider beyondblue forum community. 1. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ) a safe space to talk about how issues relating to gender identity and sexual orientation impact on mental health and wellbeing. 2. This includes discussion of and support around chronic illnesses such as HIV which disproportionately affect gay, bisexual and other men who have sex with men. 3. As this is a safe and affirming space for LGBTIQ individuals, please note this is not an appropriate space for debating the "rights and wrongs" of homosexuality, bisexuality, or gender fluidity itself. This includes use of terms such as "lifestyle" and "choice". 4. This sub-forum is and always will be a safe and supportive place for LGBTIQ people concerned with what we all need to do to stay well. That said, others are welcome provided they respect that this is primarily a LGBTIQ space. 5. If you do not identify as LGBTIQ, or are not currently supporting someone in your life who is LGBTIQ, and are curious about aspects of sexuality or gender identity, please read through beyondblue’s resources for and about LGBTIQ people here to educate yourself rather than posting in this section.

All discussions

Start a discussion

Wildflower123 Bisexual or gay?
  • replies: 2

I’m 23 and until a few months ago had only been sexually attracted to guys. However, whenever I would sleep with a guy I liked I wouldn’t have any feelings or attraction to them afterwards and I always thought it was just because it wasn’t meant to b... View more

I’m 23 and until a few months ago had only been sexually attracted to guys. However, whenever I would sleep with a guy I liked I wouldn’t have any feelings or attraction to them afterwards and I always thought it was just because it wasn’t meant to be. A few months ago though I met a girl and really liked her. After we slept together my feelings for her grew and didn’t disappear like they have with guys. This girl was quite butch and I don’t find myself attracted to feminine girls at all, so is it okay or “normal” to have a specific “type”? Even though I know I have a type of guy I’m into it’s not as specific as the type of girl I’m into (like with a guy it’s iust like blonde hair and specific personality traits, etc.). Now Im extremely confused as to whether this is a sign that I’m gay or am bisexual and have a preference for one gender? I have always watched lesbian porn but I’ve been told by most of my straight girl friends that so do they. I still find guys attractive but the thought of sleeping with a guy doesn’t entice me as much as sleeping with a girl. And on tinder for instance I find myself saying no to nearly every girl and every guy which sucks. Im worried that if I lean more towards girls and my type is so specific I will never find anyone. And because I havent met anyone else since the girl I liked I’ve held onto her and cannot seem to move on and get over her and I think fear of never finding someone else is the reason. Im not concerned about my sexuality in the sense of being judged by family of friends as I was open about my relationship with this girl, I’m just extremely confused and have been finding it hard to like anyone. Thank you for your help in advance!

Cyber I'm transgender
  • replies: 1

My name is Graham. I'm 32 years old, for twenty-eight years I know something was wrong with me. At age 4 old she came to me in my dreams (Nightmares) tell me that I didn't have to live a lie. I thought it was an illusion or something worst. So I drow... View more

My name is Graham. I'm 32 years old, for twenty-eight years I know something was wrong with me. At age 4 old she came to me in my dreams (Nightmares) tell me that I didn't have to live a lie. I thought it was an illusion or something worst. So I drowned it with alcohol, drugs & cigarettes. My heart is filled with darkness, my brain cloud chaos and destructive thoughts. I have been playing as female character on video games since I was 12 years old. I hate being male, it's makes me sick to my core. I want to be a female that I forgot it feel to human. I never go out with another one at long as inside pitiful male body so I got single forever than I prefer to die than live out reason of my life pig headed male. I thought tell my story so other tell there. I hate being called by real name & my parents keep on calling me Graham, even use my first & middle name so I started to use f word everytime they call me by my real name. I prefer Cyber it's abridged name for me.

HappyGirlTea What Should I Do Now?
  • replies: 4

Hi again, I don’t know if anyone will remember but I posted for the first time a few months ago. Since then I have finished my Year 12 exams and my results came out last Friday. I mentioned somewhere in the last thread that after I was finished all o... View more

Hi again, I don’t know if anyone will remember but I posted for the first time a few months ago. Since then I have finished my Year 12 exams and my results came out last Friday. I mentioned somewhere in the last thread that after I was finished all of that I hoped to find some support regarding my sexuality in real life. I emailed a support group in my area a few weeks ago but unfortunately it no longer runs. I was told this through an email sent to me by someone who runs another group in my area. However it is a theatre group which isn’t my sort of thing. The email did say I could just work backstage or watch but I’m not sure. I already feel so uncomfortable and don’t know if I would feel comfortable with that either. I don’t even know if I will be able to get to a group without my parents knowing. Or if I will feel comfortable enough to go there. Other than a support group I don’t really know how to find support in real life so I’m a bit stuck. I know when I go to University next year I will hopefully have a way to meet people there but that terrifies me and I don’t think it will be that easy anyway. I also don’t want to have to wait that long to find people as University starts in March. I just don’t know why it has to be so hard for me to feel okay with myself. I don’t want to have to wait to eventually feel okay. Hopefully someone can tell me what to do. Thanks.

Guest_4810 Autism - Aspergers and Gay
  • replies: 7

Hi all, I am starting this tread for Autistic people of all ages, male and female who are gay. Feel free to share you experiences here. This is a safe place.

Hi all, I am starting this tread for Autistic people of all ages, male and female who are gay. Feel free to share you experiences here. This is a safe place.

helpmeplease01 Demisexual?
  • replies: 3

Ok so recently I've been questioning my sexuality. I've done a bit of research online and I've been looking at all these terms under asexuality. One term I feel that may relate to me is the heteroromantic demisexual. I'm a girl and I know I am romant... View more

Ok so recently I've been questioning my sexuality. I've done a bit of research online and I've been looking at all these terms under asexuality. One term I feel that may relate to me is the heteroromantic demisexual. I'm a girl and I know I am romantically interested in guys. Im 19 and I recently dated this guy Sean. I found him physically attractive at first and we dated for a few months. I liked that we were going quite slow, it gave me the chance to get to know him a bit better. There was an emotional and romantic connection and only after that, I started feeling sexually attracted to him. Although I felt some sexual attraction, I still didn't feel like I wanted to have sexual contact with him. Has this got something to do with my sexuality maybe? Am I just not ready for a sexual relationship? ( even if I am 19 years old). I would have assumed by 19, I would be mature enough for this. Although, we never actually got close to having sex over the 3 months that we dated, at the time though, I was worried what would happen if we were going to have sexual contact. Like, would I enjoy it because I had an emotional connection with this guy? Either that or as soon as I saw his body, I would feel repulsed (like I did with my last boyfriend). Sean and I didn't end up working out though so I never found out. I've noticed that my friends are quite sexually active. They very often joke about sex/ porn and talk about their own sexual experiences, in which this makes me feel rather uncomfortable. I cant see myself having a one night stand or even the thought of seeing male strippers makes me feel uncomfortable. Maybe I'm demisexual and need to feel an emotional connection to feel sexual attraction? Or maybe I might never find the naked male body attractive ever no matter what the emotional/ romantic connection is like? I also read somewhere that demisexuals don't usually experience physical attraction towards others ( or at least not at first until they get to know someone). But that didn't sound like me. I can still find guys cute or attractive or hot once I look at them, but they also have a good emotional connection with myself for me to pursue things any further. So any thoughts guys? Would you guys say that I'm demisexual?

halfmarco8 16, Gay and Lonely
  • replies: 7

Hi all, I'm a 16 Yr old almost 17 who identifies as Gay, and well i guess more recently i have been feeling like there is no one else out there for me. This all began with little things like my friends finding people and beginning relationships and i... View more

Hi all, I'm a 16 Yr old almost 17 who identifies as Gay, and well i guess more recently i have been feeling like there is no one else out there for me. This all began with little things like my friends finding people and beginning relationships and i guess since then I've begun to feel lonely. it's gotten to the point that i wont leave the house unless for school or work as if i leave the house for any other reason i get bad anxiety. Im openly Gay at my school but feel as if there is no hope. Im still keeping a Positive outlook though, hopefully things will get better. Thanks For Reading.

KeepingStill Relationship-Linked Anxiety and Depression
  • replies: 16

Hello,This is my first time posting on this forum, I'm hoping I can get some perspective and help on relationship-linked negative thought patterns.For the past 2 years I have been suffering from cyclic bouts of anxiety and depression. I saw a therapi... View more

Hello,This is my first time posting on this forum, I'm hoping I can get some perspective and help on relationship-linked negative thought patterns.For the past 2 years I have been suffering from cyclic bouts of anxiety and depression. I saw a therapist last year for a few months but can no longer afford it.My depression/anxiety has a particularly pernicious aspect in that my negative thoughts are almost entirely focused on my relationship with my boyfriend: including thoughts that I don't love him, that he isn't attractive enough, that I will never find him sexually attractive and that things will never work out.This is particularly frustrating because I will have 'moments of clarity' either whilst with him or apart from him where I realise all of this thinking is ridiculous, I have an amazing relationship and we have so much in common, and I find him very attractive. Whenever I get to the point of asking myself: 'do I want to leave the relationship?' the answer is always a very clear 'no' in my head.Yet my thoughts plague me every time I see him. Sometimes I can apply CBD tactics and shut the thoughts to the back-burner, other times they overwhelm me and I feel incredibly sad. We have been together for a year and half now, and I'm kind of at the end of my tether.Treatment options I have tried are mindfulness, stopping negative thoughts through block tactics ('I'll deal with that later' 'lets just refocus' etc), behavioural changes (better sleep, exercise etc) and herbal based anti-depressants. They can help for brief periods, but my cycle of doubt often starts again and lasts for months.We have a very honest and open relationship. He knows exactly what is going on with me and is very supported. We talk about my thoughts often and helps to spot bad patterns. When I get him involved though, I do often feel guilty. Nobody likes to be told they aren't being loved and are being criticised based on appearance. He does appear to take it in his stride though.Because this has continued to plague our relationship since its beginning, I'm often forced to ask myself "Is it all just the relationship?" and I don't know how to get the perspective to figure that out.Should be noted that I'm 25, gay, and whilst I've had semi-serious relationships in the past (couple of months) this is my first long-term one. I never really saw myself as much of a 'relationship' person before meeting him. It is also worth noting that we began dating a few months after an ex-boyfriend and friend of mine committed suicide, so I've struggled to figure out if that has prejudiced my perception of the whole thing.So, I'm here for some advice.(1) Have any of you been plagued by relationship doubts leading to depression/anxiety? How have you dealt with them?(2) Any tips for figuring out how to separate 'real doubts' from mental illness?(3) Any good negative thought-stopping techniques I can try?

Diseraph I'm not LGBT, but I want ideas to help a friend who is special to me
  • replies: 6

Hey guys, I have a friend I video-game with routinely who recently came out to me about being transgender after we met IRL. (We've met before but this is first time since he commenced HRT). Beyond his own words of going on a journey and struggles, I ... View more

Hey guys, I have a friend I video-game with routinely who recently came out to me about being transgender after we met IRL. (We've met before but this is first time since he commenced HRT). Beyond his own words of going on a journey and struggles, I couldn't get specifics but I felt helpless because despite offering a place to stay if needed, or just being a friend there they've really not engaged at all. Partially I know my husband comes across as ignorant and redneck but generally he dislikes ppl equally and when we discussed it, he didnt' hesitate to see our friend as a friend, not as a label. I also work in mental health which (may/may not surprise you) that put off a lot of LGBTI from chatting/depending on me. I guess what I'm asking here, is for some ideas of what people would find helpful from a friend if you are/could/have been be in this position. He's told me he lost friends and having difficulty getting a job (not sure directly related to all this) and I want him to know I'm out there as a resource/friend. N.B. I know I used him/his wrong but I really don't want this post being about political correctness.

who_am_i What am I?? Please help.
  • replies: 6

I've know I was 'queer' since I was about 14 years old. I'm 22 now and physically female but I still don't understand who I am. I lived in a small town so I just repressed any 'abnormal' thoughts and ignored my sexuality up until this year. I know th... View more

I've know I was 'queer' since I was about 14 years old. I'm 22 now and physically female but I still don't understand who I am. I lived in a small town so I just repressed any 'abnormal' thoughts and ignored my sexuality up until this year. I know that I am attracted to both men and women. I am in a open relationship with a girl. But I still don't feel right? I have always wished I was born a male. Most days I wake up and hate my large hips and my chest. But some days I do feel girly. I don't understand who I am and don't know where to start. Please help Also, although I know that I find women sexually attractive, when ever I try to be intimate with my girlfriend I have a panic attack?

Grints40 I've conceded I'll always be lonely, how do I cope?
  • replies: 5

I'm a 40 year old guy who has finally realised I'm never going to have friends, will never wake up with anyone again, will never have anyone to just "hang" with. I need help accepting this and coping. A bit of background, I moved to Perth from Victor... View more

I'm a 40 year old guy who has finally realised I'm never going to have friends, will never wake up with anyone again, will never have anyone to just "hang" with. I need help accepting this and coping. A bit of background, I moved to Perth from Victoria 15 years ago and despite getting involved with 2 groups of people, after 18 months and a couple of silly falling outs I found myself with no one to do anything with, no one to talk to, broke and stuck in a city thousands of kilometers from my family. Its in this environment I met a guy who I ended up being in a 10 year relationship with (I am gay). In this 10 years I failed to make any friends so when we split I found myself very much alone. Over the past 4 years I've tried to join groups of people with common interests, approach work people with common interests who I get along well with but still my phone never rings and every time I ask anyone if they want to do anything outside of the setting we've met in I get the "I'm pretty busy..." line followed by excuses as to why we can't catch up. I get that I'm very socially awkward and this makes it hard, and I'm also aware that by my age most people have their group or families but it doesn't make constantly doing the things I enjoy alone any easier. I'm constantly watching groups of friends have a blast when they get together and wondering why I can't, or have never been included... As in where's my group? I guess the final kick in the guts came just before new Years last year. Not long after leaving my relationship I had a chance meeting with someone who actually seemed to like me and have lots of common interests. Despite the fact I'm in Perth and they are in the eastern states I decided to pursue the friendship. For a while there was genuine interest but when we caught up again it felt like he would have been happier alone than with me - I tried to ignore this but it was impossible to when a few months later I asked to catch up again and got the "I'm busy" crap. This is someone who fly's all over the country to spend time with people but wouldn't even spend time with me when it was me willing to make all the effort. Im basicly only still here because I have a dog. Without him I have no reason to wake up. The constant rejection from everyone I approach has got me so depressed I can't even think how I'm going to survive another maybe 30 or 40 years alone. I've conceded - how do I accept this??