Sexuality and gender identity

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Welcome! Read this to learn more about this section of the Forums

replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Sexuality and Gender Identity section of the Beyond Blue Forums. This is a safe space to discuss sexuality and gender identity and share with others who have a lived experience of how these factors impact their mental health and wellbeing. We welcome all conversations here and want to know how you feel and what has helped you to be your best self. A few important tips and rules for this section are below. What is important is that this is a welcoming, kind and supportive space for everyone. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ+) a safe space to talk about how issues relating to gender identity and sexual orientation impact on mental health and wellbeing. This includes discussion of and support around chronic illnesses such as HIV which disproportionately affect gay, bisexual and other men who have sex with men. As this is a safe and affirming space for LGBTIQ+ individuals, please note this is not an appropriate space for debating the "rights and wrongs" of homosexuality, bisexuality, or gender fluidity itself. This includes use of terms such as "lifestyle" and "choice". This sub-forum is and always will be a safe and supportive place for LGBTIQ+ people concerned with what we all need to do to stay well. That said, others are welcome provided they respect that this is primarily a LGBTIQ+ space. Thank you and welcome Beyond Blue

by BeyondBlue •

Community Manager•

Posted in Sexuality and gender identity

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04-03-2025

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LGBT+ members - got a question - need somewhere to start - here is the place

replies: 224

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations Here you can ask questions about anything from questioning your sexuality/gender identity, coming out concerns, dating, mental health etc. If you are an ally (an Ally is a person who considers themselves a friend to the LGBTQ+ community) you are also welcome to come here to be a support to our community and ask questions as well. This is a supportive place for people to discuss their questions and concerns, we are not a place of judgement. As Thumper from the movie Bambi said "If you can't say somethin' nice, don't say nothin' at all." If you are looking for a more social and light hearted conversation might I suggest joining us on the thread under BB social/rainbow cafe. Copy and paste the link: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/bb-social-zone/let's-chat-about-anything Feel free to introduce yourself below and ask any question/s I thought I'd answer one common question in the intro post and this is one I have heard a lot. What do the letters mean? When referring to the community it is shortened to LGBT+ as there are more letters than just the 4. I have put some of the common ones here: Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Transsexual Two-spirited Queer Questioning Intersex Asexual Ally Pansexual Agender Gender Queer Welcome everyone and hope to see you around on this thread and around the BB forums MP

by MsPurple •

Blue Voices Member•

Posted in Sexuality and gender identity

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22-08-2017

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224 unread

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Lonely and Sad.

replies: 3

About me and my issues. I’m 29 years old and up until last year was in the closet and still living at home. I’m an introvert but can socialise at work / with clients etc, but don't consider any as friends. I would say that I haven't had any friends since primary school but instead socialised heavily with my family. I haven't any desire to make friends, as I feel all that friendship entails would be a hassle, I'd prefer to stay at home. Last year my depressed built to the point where I had to tell my family I’m gay, even at the risk of losing their love and support as i was living a lie which was killing me. They accepted my coming out and our relationship/friendship has continued for which I’m thankful. I saw a counselor 3 times at the recommendation of my Dr, however did not see much benefit as I had already help myself by coming out, although we both agreed it would be good for me to make friends or participate in groups etc. I tried but didn't feel comfortable or too much of a hassle. I decided that it was time to move out of home, to branch out / be true to myself and try to meet like minded people, I had this thought that by leaving my parents I would be forced to socialise more so with others. This however has not been the case, instead I seem to have isolated myself further. I see my parents most weekends and it makes me sad/cry when I leave after helping them with their house and yard work. Lately I seem to be going through a cycle of depression and know that its because I’m lonely. I often think about growing old without anyone to love and the thought of my parents (They are my best friends) passing makes me cry. My parents have been concerned as they have noticed my sadness, and when i saw them this weekend it made me want to cry and i was slightly angry (Internally). I've been like a yo-yo feeling ok one minute then crying the next. Today I'm exhausted and struggling to make decisions etc, I have thoughts that I'm inadequate and there is no purpose to life. I feel like a lost cause - 30/Gay and an Introvert. I dont know what to do. Has anyone else been in a similar situation? I know that if i wait the feelings will pass but i known they will only return in time. It seems to be getting worse each time however.

Thought I was gay

replies: 10

Hi I am a 54 year old guy was married for 20 years and really loved my wife,when I was 17 I had a meeting in a spa with another guy one thing lead to another and I must admit I liked,this played on my mind for many years and I put it to the back of my mind,around 8 months ago I started having feeling for other men and placed adds but never followed though with then,my wife find an add and lift my causing depression and a believe I was gay which I told my wife,but now that I have time to think and speak to people about my situation I not sure I am gay,I still love my wife so much and don't know how to fix this mess,I feel so depressed I think I cry every day,I wish I could till her but don't know with out causing more problems I need help please

Sexually Confused

replies: 1

Hello, I have identified as straight (and just assumed this to be the case my whole life - I am currently 16), however recently I have been feeling very confused, I know I am interested in girls, which I why I thought I was straight, but I think I may also be interested in guys, I don't really know if this is what I feel or if it is just a close homosocial relationship or if it is more of a homosexual relationship for me at least. In this way I believe I may be bisexual, or not, I might just be bicurious. I do think I could be demi-sexual though as I am not like my friends who just have an attraction to girls, I tend to have to know them before I feel anything towards them, I know people say that you don't need to attach your sexuality to a label, but it is really difficult not to try. I don't know how long I have felt like this for either, I may have been suppressing these thoughts as it wouldn't really be that accepted, I know my mother is very accepting of homosexuality, but my father is ardently against it and I attend a religious school and the school has never addressed their views on bi or homosexuality. Thanks to anyone who can help me through this.

Married with 2 kids but im gay and living a lie

replies: 58

Hello everyone. This is very hard for me to share but I need to do it. I have been burying my head in the sand for a long time and hoping the problem will go away but here goes.. I am 31 and been married 5 years and have two children but have been attracted to males since I was 11 years old. Over that whole time I have mostly hidden my feelings because of the stigma and attitudes toward gay men. Over the last couple of years I have become depressed and unhappy in my marriage. I have been trying to blame other things such as adapting to fatherhood and work and financial stresses but ultimately I think it's my sexuality that is the key thing getting to me. I feel sexually frustrated all the time and am constantly wondering what it would be like to be with a guy and explore the fantasies I have had all these years. Then I feel disgusted with myself for thinking like this. My friends and family are not very accepting of gay people and I can't begin to imagine the devastating impact on everyone if I came out. The people I would feel the worst for are obviously my wife and 2 children. I love them all so much and don't want to hurt them. I can't see any option but to just suffer in silence and get over it. I will most likely remain miserable but I don't think I will be happy if I come out either. It will cause waves everywhere and I worry I will lose everyone important in my life. I don't see a solution at all.

Female, 27, Scared and Confused

replies: 2

I'm about to turn 27 and i'm currently engaged to my boyfriend of 6 years, we live and work together and all our friends are the same. I have always identified to my friends as bisexual (never my family) and have had both male and female partners in the past. My fiance is an incredible person and I really love him so much, he is such a warm and sweet person. But over the last year or two I have found myself thinking of women more and more. I think i'm gay (i'm almost positive i am) and I know there is nothing wrong with that but I really don't want to be. I want to have a traditional family, husband and wife, kids and all that like the rest of my family. I dread the idea of having to have sex but I do it for my fiance because i don't want him to think there is anything wrong. I really do want to marry him and have children with him because i do love him but more like he is my best friend, and i know he loves me and i don't ever want to hurt him, i would rather suffer than cause him any pain or grief. I already suffer from depression and also PTSD, and this is just causing me to feel like i'm insane. I don't know what to do... I don't want to hurt him and i don't want to hurt our friends. I just don't want to ruin everything, but i don't know how to hide this side of me....

Bisexual coming out?

replies: 4

im so confused. i know im bisexual & i want to come out but i just dont know how. i know kids at school will think its weird & tease me about it, and i dont want to straight (haha) up say it to my parents. very confuse! what do? erin

28 female please help

replies: 7

It’s there any other women married with kids and still stuck in the closet and doesn’t no how to or wen to come out I need to talk to someone in same situation I’m really struggling

Probably trans, definitely terrified

replies: 7

I have a long history of gender related crises including a transition attempt 20 years ago. I have managed to not transition and to keep living as a male, I have a lovely partner, kids, a home and a job. Every now and then it feels like I'm falling apart and obsessively think about transitioning, and when I tell myself that I can't, or that if I did it wouldn't work out, the next thought is invariably of suicide (- its just compulsive ideation). I have antidepressants from my GP and my psychologist, who has some experience treating gender dysphoria, thinks I should be planning for a future that features some kind of transition. It feels like to do that I'd be harming those closest to me and might easily make my life worse, so I have a lot of guilt, shame and low self esteem. I can't hold to a vision of myself living in the future as a man or as a woman for more than a few hours. I need it to stop or at least stabilise, which I guess it is doing but slowly. I've read about people who don't transition and live with it somehow. That's what I've been doing but my success has been limited.

I think I'm bisexual and I really need help

replies: 2

I'm a 14 year old girl, and for the past few months I've begun to seriously question whether I'm bisexual. I've identified as straight for my entire life until recently, but I'm struggling to be sure of what my sexuality actually is. I haven't told anyone yet, and I don't think I'm ready to tell my family or friends as I think it's too early and I'm not 100% sure (also my dad is Christian so I'm worried about that). I decided to come here instead because everyday I can't stop thinking about this and it's taking over my daily life. I feel like I'm more attracted to boys, but I think that I might have some interest in girls as well. Like I would love to go on a date, and even have a romantic relationship with a girl, but when I think about my future family life (marriage, kids, etc), I would rather have it with a boy? Yes, I have felt attracted to the same gender recently, and I think I may be slightly developing a crush on my bisexual friend (girl), but I'm so confused right now. I would really love some help in finding out who I am so that I won't have to continue feeling so anxious and confused about this, thanks.

Married 3 kids

replies: 11

Hi all, I’m soooo lost and have been for s few years I’m sexually attracted to women and have been my whole life had a few girlfriends in my younger days but now married and have three children I really struggle in the bedroom with my husband I’m trying my hardest and do it maybe once a month if that to do the right thing by him but I really have to build myself up to it and I feel terrible but I seriously just not sexually attracted to males any more I I don’t think I can pretend anymore but wen it comes to women I’m all for it I’ve never ever cheated and never will but wen I think about women n kissing them and snuggling with themy guts go crazy n it turns me on. But I’m terrified to come out cause my family won’t accept it and i don’t want to hurt my husband even more then I do knocking him bak sex everyday I used to love it and say I did bysexual but i think it more then that now it’s like the more he hints m asks the more I can’t do it it’s like it pushes me away 5 kilometres more I don’t no wat to do or how to get my sex drive bak for him I’m sooooooo confused n stuck in s hole right now and it’s makinh my depression n anexity worse

Welcome! Read this to learn more about this section of the Forums replies: 0

LGBT+ members - got a question - need somewhere to start - here is the place replies: 224

Lonely and Sad. replies: 3

Thought I was gay replies: 10

Sexually Confused replies: 1

Married with 2 kids but im gay and living a lie replies: 58

Female, 27, Scared and Confused replies: 2

Bisexual coming out? replies: 4

28 female please help replies: 7

Probably trans, definitely terrified replies: 7

I think I'm bisexual and I really need help replies: 2

Married 3 kids replies: 11