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MsPurple LGBT+ members - got a question - need somewhere to start - here is the place
  • replies: 219

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations H... View more

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations Here you can ask questions about anything from questioning your sexuality/gender identity, coming out concerns, dating, mental health etc. If you are an ally (an Ally is a person who considers themselves a friend to the LGBTQ+ community) you are also welcome to come here to be a support to our community and ask questions as well. This is a supportive place for people to discuss their questions and concerns, we are not a place of judgement. As Thumper from the movie Bambi said "If you can't say somethin' nice, don't say nothin' at all." If you are looking for a more social and light hearted conversation might I suggest joining us on the thread under BB social/rainbow cafe. Copy and paste the link: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/bb-social-zone/let's-chat-about-anything Feel free to introduce yourself below and ask any question/s I thought I'd answer one common question in the intro post and this is one I have heard a lot. What do the letters mean? When referring to the community it is shortened to LGBT+ as there are more letters than just the 4. I have put some of the common ones here: Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Transsexual Two-spirited Queer Questioning Intersex Asexual Ally Pansexual Agender Gender Queer Welcome everyone and hope to see you around on this thread and around the BB forums MP

Chris_B IMPORTANT: Information and guidelines for posting in this section
  • replies: 0

The Sexuality & Gender Identity space is a sub-forum within the wider beyondblue forum community. 1. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ) a safe spa... View more

The Sexuality & Gender Identity space is a sub-forum within the wider beyondblue forum community. 1. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ) a safe space to talk about how issues relating to gender identity and sexual orientation impact on mental health and wellbeing. 2. This includes discussion of and support around chronic illnesses such as HIV which disproportionately affect gay, bisexual and other men who have sex with men. 3. As this is a safe and affirming space for LGBTIQ individuals, please note this is not an appropriate space for debating the "rights and wrongs" of homosexuality, bisexuality, or gender fluidity itself. This includes use of terms such as "lifestyle" and "choice". 4. This sub-forum is and always will be a safe and supportive place for LGBTIQ people concerned with what we all need to do to stay well. That said, others are welcome provided they respect that this is primarily a LGBTIQ space. 5. If you do not identify as LGBTIQ, or are not currently supporting someone in your life who is LGBTIQ, and are curious about aspects of sexuality or gender identity, please read through beyondblue’s resources for and about LGBTIQ people here to educate yourself rather than posting in this section.

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tinabay asexuality
  • replies: 1

Hi I just found put that my partner of 6 years has been informed by our GP that he may be asexual. I always knew we had a sex problem in our marriage and always talked about this with my hubby and was happy to seek help . He always reassured me that ... View more

Hi I just found put that my partner of 6 years has been informed by our GP that he may be asexual. I always knew we had a sex problem in our marriage and always talked about this with my hubby and was happy to seek help . He always reassured me that there wasn't anything wrong with me. The GP has given my partner antidepressants that make it worse and he said that he will see a psychologist when he feels ready. I feel horrible that I cannot fully support him and feel soo upset that he has lived through this himself and couldn't talk to me about it.He is wanting to spend time out to clear his mind which seems to me that he just wants to forget about it. We both want kids but it would have to be with IVF (if possible). I feel soo selfish but I cannot keep cool and burst into tears when I'm alone. I've always been lonely in our marriage and tried to keep busy to forget about my problems. How can i help my husband when I can't even help myself come to terms with this?

BS Maybe we are too different.
  • replies: 3

I have been in a relationship with my girlfriend (I am gay) for just over 6 years. When we first got together we were both very honest about what we wanted out of life and we seemed to want the same thing. We wanted to get married one day and own a h... View more

I have been in a relationship with my girlfriend (I am gay) for just over 6 years. When we first got together we were both very honest about what we wanted out of life and we seemed to want the same thing. We wanted to get married one day and own a house but we also both wanted to travel and have a thousand and one adventures before doing anything too series. Recently we have moved from a different state. We have both left our family's and friends and we had been working towards this move for about 3 years. I love it were we have moved. I am a little lonely but we have only been here for a few months. But she isn't enjoying it and she wants to move back from where we came. She misses her family and friends too much and she doesnt like being away from them. Which is fine and totally understandable but I do think it means we might want different things. I have always wanted to travel and see the world and have never wanted to live were I grew up. I am ready to start my life in that aspect but I feel like she wants to take a step in a different direction. She has proposed to me which of course I said yes. But she wants to buy the house and everything and I don't want to do that yet. I am not in any rush. We are also disconnected in other areas of our life. We are arguing a little more and our sex life is not working because every time we try it just doesnt work. I am not a very confident person and the more we don't connect on that level the more anxious and worried I feel. We just are not connecting and fitting in each others lives like we used to. I know we both still love each other. There is no one else. We have both been very honest about how we are feeling and whats going on. I am just so scared we are going to break up. I love her so much. We have made so many plans together we have been through so much together good and bad and I feel like I am watching from the outside as my relationship falls apart but I cant fix it. I don't know if maybe this is just a hump in our relationship, maybe it will pass. But I just don't know. I feel like we have tried and we are keep trying, we have tried going o regular dates, tried being sexual and romantic but something is working. Maybe we are putting to much stress on ourselves? Maybe we are destined to break up. Has anyone been through this? Did you get through it? Any advice? I am feeling alone because we did just move here. So we do just have each other. I just want to try everything before it might end.

AMItch101 Scared and Confused, of how life will treat me!
  • replies: 11

Hey my names Alex. This is my first time I’ve ever opened up about any of my personal feelings about anything before! Im 19 years old, gay, and really don’t have much to turn to for support. So here I am! So I honestly don’t know where to begin, I ha... View more

Hey my names Alex. This is my first time I’ve ever opened up about any of my personal feelings about anything before! Im 19 years old, gay, and really don’t have much to turn to for support. So here I am! So I honestly don’t know where to begin, I haven’t been diagnosed with any form of mental illness, but that’s probably more related to the fact I don’t go to the doctor at all for anything. But I seem to always get an overwhelming sense of sadness, when I overthink things and my mind plays out every scenario in my head, and more often then not, brings me to tears. I don’t know why I’ve felt this way, my family accepts me being gay, but I still can’t bring myself to allow them to witness or even be apart of that part of my life. And it truly saddens me, I was highly closeted and picked on at school, and even when I dropped out at year 10, working had been even worse, it seems every where I’ve turnt I’ve never felt like I belong. I often have fantasies of just dropping everything, work, friends, family and just honestly running away and never looking back. I can’t bring myself to tell anyone what’s going on in my life and my conversations usually, go with me ending in ‘I’m great thanks’. And I always have a great smile, but deep down I feel miserable. I work as a chef, and it is painful, and I’ve come to the conclusion that I hate it, but I feel as though I’ve got no choice, as I wasted 4 years of my life training. I find it extremely hard some days to even get up out of bed to get ready for work. And I’m honestly scared to express who I am, not only because of judgement, but I feel as though I’m ashamed of who I’ve become. I watch movies or tv shows, and it makes me cry to see someone have a best friend or friends in high school, as I really didn’t have anyone at all that I talked to or went through school. Ive been overweight for as long as I can remember, and can’t find any motivation to help that, I’ve been wanting to go tot the doctor for options but can’t bring myself to do it. I’ve never had a boyfriend, and haven’t really ever seen another LGBT person and it’s has me thinking ‘Why Me?’. Just writing this now brings tears to my eyes, and I don’t know why I feel this way. I’m scared of what my life will become, and feel as though my life isn’t going to get better. Thanks for taking the time to read this and any advice is greatly appreciated. Alex

Pieterrossouw Scared of loosing everything
  • replies: 2

Thank you for listening. I am 43 years old, recently divorced and have 4 beautiful kids. I am divorced, after 17 years of marriage, because my wife found out that I was interested in men, but I denied everything as I was scared of loosing everything,... View more

Thank you for listening. I am 43 years old, recently divorced and have 4 beautiful kids. I am divorced, after 17 years of marriage, because my wife found out that I was interested in men, but I denied everything as I was scared of loosing everything, I still am. My ex, her family, my kids and some of my family members are homophobic and I will loose them forever. How do I keep on living this lie? The depression and anxiety is killing me. How do you choose your own truth over the happiness and understanding of the people you love most. Any words of advice, please

Guest_68 Transman and gay - coming out twice
  • replies: 3

I'm transgender - FTM - and transitioned at a fairly advanced age, having thought about it for years. Decided not to, it was too late, and then realised about five years ago that that wasn't working. I'd have to gather my courage, whether it was too ... View more

I'm transgender - FTM - and transitioned at a fairly advanced age, having thought about it for years. Decided not to, it was too late, and then realised about five years ago that that wasn't working. I'd have to gather my courage, whether it was too late or not. Friends mostly okay with it, workplace took awhile and tend to forget and misgender me, mother (only surviving parent) absolutely anti! One thing I shied away from was what transition might mean about my sexual preferences. A doctor asked me, pre transition, which I liked and I said guys. She said that might change after I go on T. I shrugged that off; if it did, it did. I'd never been that interested in either but the lean was to guys. Well, a year after starting T, I still like guys theoretically, but haven't done anything about it. I guess that makes me gay I've read/heard that a lot of gay guys don't like transmen because, well, we have missing bits (unless we are also extremely wealthy]. Can't help it, I still like bearish sort of guys; would love to have a partner but doubt it's ever going to happen now. I haven't even gone *close* to this theme with my mother, never mentioned pronouns or preferences. We had a historic blowup two months ago when I pushed for her to use my chosen name - some three years after I had taken it and announced the fact. This is just too difficult for her to absorb and though it makes me feel terrible, I haven't got back in touch with her because contact makes me feel worse. And what's odd is that even accepting friends who readily call me by my name and refer to me as "he" now assume that I must now be into women! I guess I'm just putting this out there and hoping for some feedback. Wondering if I could be a good partner for somebody else, given my lifelong crappy record at relationships.

R_E_M_H_F I'm Straight But I scared that I'm slowly turning bi
  • replies: 11

I have always liked boys and still do, but I'm getting random unwanted thoughts about my sexuality. For example one day I was talking to my best friend (girl) and thought "what if I kissed her right now". The thought was so scary I had never thought ... View more

I have always liked boys and still do, but I'm getting random unwanted thoughts about my sexuality. For example one day I was talking to my best friend (girl) and thought "what if I kissed her right now". The thought was so scary I had never thought anything like this before it was 'disgusting' to me. As I thought about it more the idea became less 'disgusting' but still not something I was interested in. As the week went on a began to think that this meant something. Was I Bi? I cried over this for days and nights I started obsessing over it, I kept forcing myself to make this thought to happen so that I knew things hadn't changed. But every time I Had the thought the idea became more tolerable. I'm now so scared that this means I am turning bi. I thought about why it sounds so bad to me and I have decided that it is because being bi wouldn't be me! I thought that was a good enough reason but these random thoughts are not stopping. I just want to go back to when I was obsessing over boys without question that I'm lying to myself. I really miss those feelings.

Bee_001 Coming Out?
  • replies: 6

Hi I’m 15 and am female. I identify as bisexual but no one knows this yet. I haven’t told my parents or my friends as I’m too scared of what they might think. One of the reasons why I’m too scared to come out is because at school some people make mea... View more

Hi I’m 15 and am female. I identify as bisexual but no one knows this yet. I haven’t told my parents or my friends as I’m too scared of what they might think. One of the reasons why I’m too scared to come out is because at school some people make mean jokes about people that aren’t straight, but I must add that my school in general is very LGBTQ friendly. I started to suspect that I was bisexual at 11. At first I didn’t know what to do and thought it couldn’t be real, it was all really scary, but now I am happy to label myself as bisexual. I just don’t know how or when to come out. If anyone could give any advice it would be much appreciated.

Cam1313 New here, first forum post, feeling blue
  • replies: 10

Hi all, iv had depression since I was 17, 34 now, just thought I’d send a post as I’m feeling pretty down atm, i have very bad self esteem, no friends or guides to listen to, I’m sure there those worse off than I, though, just feeling depressed latel... View more

Hi all, iv had depression since I was 17, 34 now, just thought I’d send a post as I’m feeling pretty down atm, i have very bad self esteem, no friends or guides to listen to, I’m sure there those worse off than I, though, just feeling depressed lately, trapped in a life iv made for myself, I don’t work, so iv little or no money to go out places, I study though, working at getting qualified in educational support, I lost many teeth over the years, and need a partial plate, but cannot possibly get dental treatments to correct them, it makes me feel gross and ugly, and I can never hope to enjoy a simple kiss, I’m gay as well, live in a place with little hope of finding a suitable boyfriend, not that think anybody would look at me, lately been thinking about all the things I forgot to do over the years, feel lost, and have ruined any chance of happiness for myself, I don’t drive, or own a car, jobless, low self esteem, and miserable all the time, I hardly leave the house, and feel like I’m wasting away, to many nights alone and unwanted, I’d like to feel good about myself and can’t see any way out, it’s like the movie insidious, and I’m a ghost, trapped in a cold, dark loop, doomed to helpless loneliness, unable to escape. I have no dreams or aspirations for myself anymore, everything I ever wanted for myself has faded away, I wanted to travel, dance slowly with my sweetheart, have a decent income, and have freedom to enjoy life, now I just seem to exist with no purpose, iv lost my sense of self in the process, just venting really, sorry about all my doom and gloom, if anyone has any advice, how to claw myself out of this pit, that would be lovely, I’d like to feel human again as I once did when I was younger and had time, opportunity, freedom, and love ahead of me, I need to have thousands of dollars worth of dental treatments, resulting in a partial plates (and not feel like a monster) ,learn to drive and afford a car, find a job that pays decent wages, somehow find the strength to leave the house and make friends, get my own place to live, and get to know who I am once more, sorry again for the vent, it always cold, grey, and miserable where I am

Neferata Bursting bubbles
  • replies: 2

For most of my life I have been vehemently repressing my sexuality to the point where me being asexual was a matter of principle and part of my moral character. A month ago, a good friend of mine asked me out on a date after weeks, if not months, of ... View more

For most of my life I have been vehemently repressing my sexuality to the point where me being asexual was a matter of principle and part of my moral character. A month ago, a good friend of mine asked me out on a date after weeks, if not months, of flirting with me to which I was completely oblivious and clueless. She has been unimaginably patient with me as I go through the teenage panics and anxieties of a first relationship (at the age of 25) and she supports me dearly in my struggle with my identity and gender dysphoria. She describes me as a beacon of kindness and having a strong aura of asexuality, a description which succinctly puts a lot into perspective. I appreciate her dearly and I want to support her in her own sexuality as well, but this is where there is overlap with my personal failings. She is into a variety of kinks but I can't physically hurt another person, even at their own request and even for their own pleasure. I live for others, I exist to help and to nurture, and my entire personal philosophy, my entire being, is devoted to making the world a better place for others. This is why I am a teacher, to make the lives of others better. I am not accustomed to this sort of failure. I can't do what she wants of me, I can't hurt her, I can try to please her in other ways but ultimately I cannot satisfy her kinks. To add complexity to this situation, our relationship is not an exclusive one and she is seeing other people, which I have no issue with. Her sexuality is her right and I want to continue supporting her in that, but I can't ignore a hollow feeling of inadequacy inside of me. I've trained myself for my entire adult life not to be the male I was born as, to reject masculinity, patriarchy and any concept of male sexuality; to now have a sexuality emerging from underneath all that repression and for that sexuality to be inadequate, is more than a little crushing. What upsets me most is not that she is seeing others, but the fact that I have any feelings at all on this issue. I am used to being a selfless paragon and what upsets me most of all is the fact that my emerging sexuality has disturbed that selfless being.

Guest2891 help i cant do this any more
  • replies: 8

hi i am a gay 20 year old male i cant come out to parents cause they hate gays mother/ father voted no to same sex marriage and parents keep saying wheres your girlfriend go out and find one i cant keep acting like this till they die. iam now in my l... View more

hi i am a gay 20 year old male i cant come out to parents cause they hate gays mother/ father voted no to same sex marriage and parents keep saying wheres your girlfriend go out and find one i cant keep acting like this till they die. iam now in my life just ready to end it cause i go to sleep crying every night cause i have had bfs break up with me cause i was not going to come out and said iam not ready for relationships i just dont know wht to do any more i also have to act like i hate gays when around them this sucks so bad