Sexuality and gender identity

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Welcome! Read this to learn more about this section of the Forums

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Hello and welcome This is the Sexuality and Gender Identity section of the Beyond Blue Forums. This is a safe space to discuss sexuality and gender identity and share with others who have a lived experience of how these factors impact their mental health and wellbeing. We welcome all conversations here and want to know how you feel and what has helped you to be your best self. A few important tips and rules for this section are below. What is important is that this is a welcoming, kind and supportive space for everyone. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ+) a safe space to talk about how issues relating to gender identity and sexual orientation impact on mental health and wellbeing. This includes discussion of and support around chronic illnesses such as HIV which disproportionately affect gay, bisexual and other men who have sex with men. As this is a safe and affirming space for LGBTIQ+ individuals, please note this is not an appropriate space for debating the "rights and wrongs" of homosexuality, bisexuality, or gender fluidity itself. This includes use of terms such as "lifestyle" and "choice". This sub-forum is and always will be a safe and supportive place for LGBTIQ+ people concerned with what we all need to do to stay well. That said, others are welcome provided they respect that this is primarily a LGBTIQ+ space. Thank you and welcome Beyond Blue

by BeyondBlue •

Community Manager•

Posted in Sexuality and gender identity

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04-03-2025

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LGBT+ members - got a question - need somewhere to start - here is the place

replies: 224

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations Here you can ask questions about anything from questioning your sexuality/gender identity, coming out concerns, dating, mental health etc. If you are an ally (an Ally is a person who considers themselves a friend to the LGBTQ+ community) you are also welcome to come here to be a support to our community and ask questions as well. This is a supportive place for people to discuss their questions and concerns, we are not a place of judgement. As Thumper from the movie Bambi said "If you can't say somethin' nice, don't say nothin' at all." If you are looking for a more social and light hearted conversation might I suggest joining us on the thread under BB social/rainbow cafe. Copy and paste the link: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/bb-social-zone/let's-chat-about-anything Feel free to introduce yourself below and ask any question/s I thought I'd answer one common question in the intro post and this is one I have heard a lot. What do the letters mean? When referring to the community it is shortened to LGBT+ as there are more letters than just the 4. I have put some of the common ones here: Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Transsexual Two-spirited Queer Questioning Intersex Asexual Ally Pansexual Agender Gender Queer Welcome everyone and hope to see you around on this thread and around the BB forums MP

by MsPurple •

Blue Voices Member•

Posted in Sexuality and gender identity

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22-08-2017

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224 unread

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Female, 27, Scared and Confused

replies: 2

I'm about to turn 27 and i'm currently engaged to my boyfriend of 6 years, we live and work together and all our friends are the same. I have always identified to my friends as bisexual (never my family) and have had both male and female partners in the past. My fiance is an incredible person and I really love him so much, he is such a warm and sweet person. But over the last year or two I have found myself thinking of women more and more. I think i'm gay (i'm almost positive i am) and I know there is nothing wrong with that but I really don't want to be. I want to have a traditional family, husband and wife, kids and all that like the rest of my family. I dread the idea of having to have sex but I do it for my fiance because i don't want him to think there is anything wrong. I really do want to marry him and have children with him because i do love him but more like he is my best friend, and i know he loves me and i don't ever want to hurt him, i would rather suffer than cause him any pain or grief. I already suffer from depression and also PTSD, and this is just causing me to feel like i'm insane. I don't know what to do... I don't want to hurt him and i don't want to hurt our friends. I just don't want to ruin everything, but i don't know how to hide this side of me....

Bisexual coming out?

replies: 4

im so confused. i know im bisexual & i want to come out but i just dont know how. i know kids at school will think its weird & tease me about it, and i dont want to straight (haha) up say it to my parents. very confuse! what do? erin

28 female please help

replies: 7

It’s there any other women married with kids and still stuck in the closet and doesn’t no how to or wen to come out I need to talk to someone in same situation I’m really struggling

Probably trans, definitely terrified

replies: 7

I have a long history of gender related crises including a transition attempt 20 years ago. I have managed to not transition and to keep living as a male, I have a lovely partner, kids, a home and a job. Every now and then it feels like I'm falling apart and obsessively think about transitioning, and when I tell myself that I can't, or that if I did it wouldn't work out, the next thought is invariably of suicide (- its just compulsive ideation). I have antidepressants from my GP and my psychologist, who has some experience treating gender dysphoria, thinks I should be planning for a future that features some kind of transition. It feels like to do that I'd be harming those closest to me and might easily make my life worse, so I have a lot of guilt, shame and low self esteem. I can't hold to a vision of myself living in the future as a man or as a woman for more than a few hours. I need it to stop or at least stabilise, which I guess it is doing but slowly. I've read about people who don't transition and live with it somehow. That's what I've been doing but my success has been limited.

I think I'm bisexual and I really need help

replies: 2

I'm a 14 year old girl, and for the past few months I've begun to seriously question whether I'm bisexual. I've identified as straight for my entire life until recently, but I'm struggling to be sure of what my sexuality actually is. I haven't told anyone yet, and I don't think I'm ready to tell my family or friends as I think it's too early and I'm not 100% sure (also my dad is Christian so I'm worried about that). I decided to come here instead because everyday I can't stop thinking about this and it's taking over my daily life. I feel like I'm more attracted to boys, but I think that I might have some interest in girls as well. Like I would love to go on a date, and even have a romantic relationship with a girl, but when I think about my future family life (marriage, kids, etc), I would rather have it with a boy? Yes, I have felt attracted to the same gender recently, and I think I may be slightly developing a crush on my bisexual friend (girl), but I'm so confused right now. I would really love some help in finding out who I am so that I won't have to continue feeling so anxious and confused about this, thanks.

Married 3 kids

replies: 11

Hi all, I’m soooo lost and have been for s few years I’m sexually attracted to women and have been my whole life had a few girlfriends in my younger days but now married and have three children I really struggle in the bedroom with my husband I’m trying my hardest and do it maybe once a month if that to do the right thing by him but I really have to build myself up to it and I feel terrible but I seriously just not sexually attracted to males any more I I don’t think I can pretend anymore but wen it comes to women I’m all for it I’ve never ever cheated and never will but wen I think about women n kissing them and snuggling with themy guts go crazy n it turns me on. But I’m terrified to come out cause my family won’t accept it and i don’t want to hurt my husband even more then I do knocking him bak sex everyday I used to love it and say I did bysexual but i think it more then that now it’s like the more he hints m asks the more I can’t do it it’s like it pushes me away 5 kilometres more I don’t no wat to do or how to get my sex drive bak for him I’m sooooooo confused n stuck in s hole right now and it’s makinh my depression n anexity worse

Am I Transgender or do I have Body Dysmorphia?

replies: 6

Hi! I'm a 20 year old female and for around 6/7 years now I've been thinking that I should have been born male, before this I haven't felt uncomfortable being a girl and I still don't hate the fact that I'm female. Though when I was younger I was a 'tomboy', I was interested in toys more aimed towards boys and I loved to play soccer with other boys but when I turned 11 I was told that I couldn't play sports with the boys anymore and had to play with the girls so I just stopped playing altogether. After that I started to gain a lot of weight and at the start I hated being overweight but over time I became very comfortable with my weight and never really had the desire to lose any of it as I wasn't at such a weight that it risked my health. In my teens I started to develop a more masculine appearance, cutting my hair and wearing clothes from the men's section etc., and I love being called a guy, it was also during this time that I really wanted to have a deeper voice more like a man - especially since I sound like a 5 year old girl. At the time I didn't think very much of it as myself being transgender felt wrong(?) despite my desire to be a man or as close as possible to one, I've also thought that the reason I might think I should have been born male is because when my parents were going through their divorce my sister blamed me for it, she said that the reason I was born was because my father wanted a son but ended up having another daughter which left him unhappy, I have confronted my father about this but he denied it profusely though I feel that her words have had a strong effect on me. Within the last two years I've started to want to change my body to be slimmer and athletic but the body I want is a man's body, I've been confused about whether I just don't like my weight or want to be a man so a few weeks ago I bought myself a binder and when I wear it I feel amazing and great, I love having a flat chest even if it makes my stomach stick out more, but to make sure I'm not confused I've decided to lose weight and then start to build muscle to see if I'll be satisfied with that but the more I exercise and lose weight, the more I want to be a man. I want to tell my family how I feel but I'm a very private person and find it hard to share my feelings with anyone, especially when I'm not sure how they'll react, I'm also scared to know if I am trans because my father is very transphobic and I don't want to disappoint him anymore than I already have.

I’m married with kids and just figured out I’m a lesbian

replies: 6

Whinge alert! I have been married for 10 years and have 2 young kids. Most of my life I have considered myself mostly straight but being a good catholic kid I never actually explored anything. I never felt overly passionate about my husband but I love him and we got a long really well. Over the last 2 years a lot of depression, me wondering if this is all there is etc. the last year has seen all that spike along with a complete rejection of religion, shame and the acceptance of being bi+ and constantly swinging between expressing myself in feminine and masculine dress. I figured being bi is ok, cause I’m not lying about wanting to be with my husband Now though I think I might be gay, or at least bi though heavily attracted to the feminine. And so many things clicked into place I just don’t understand how I got to this age and am only now figuring it out?! It’s not like I’ve avoided gay culture, I’ve always been mildly obsessed with it since I was a kid but didn’t think about why. And worse then that, how do I tell someone who loves me that I’ve messed up so bad. Me coming out doesn’t only affect me. How do I navigate this with the least fallout, especially for him and the kids? And then what if I’m not gay just confused?! Help

Confused and depressed

replies: 2

I have been a closet cd for the past 33 years,, grew up in a very religious family and parents are still that way. This upbringing has led to more confusion within myself. My first marriage fell apart and this is partly to blame for it and I have three kids to think about. My current partner is accepting to a certain degree but is so far unwilling to tell anyone in her family (worried about being judged) which I do respect but This makes it hard for me to dress as I want around the house as some live with us. im not sure how I identify. Best way I can describe it is when I look at my male body, I don’t want to get rid of anything. But I feel like something is missing and the only time it feels right is when I am wearing my beastforms. i have come out to some close friends (usually when drunk)but I’m too shy to even speak to dr about it. i hate wearing or shopping for male clothes but too shy to shop in stores for female clothes by myself as I feel I will get judged and for being out of proportion and not able to try the clothes on.. i quite often have days days of just waking up depressed and no “normal” reason for it except I put it down to identifying who I am if I had to identify as anyone it would be a bisexual trans woman but not sure if that’s even the right terminology sorry for my ramblings but it’s hard to get my thoughts straight let alone live the life I think I should. probably more I should include but as I said can’t get thoughts straight

I think I’m lesbian

replies: 4

I’m 30 years old and have recently realised I might be lesbian i work on a mine site and a female medic came to site I fell in love with her. I have never really experienced this feeling before but think I may have always been attracted to woman! I was sexually abused by a male as a child is this why I might be lesbian? I’m so confused and don’t know how to deal with these feelings and scared of what others may think

Welcome! Read this to learn more about this section of the Forums replies: 0

LGBT+ members - got a question - need somewhere to start - here is the place replies: 224

Female, 27, Scared and Confused replies: 2

Bisexual coming out? replies: 4

28 female please help replies: 7

Probably trans, definitely terrified replies: 7

I think I'm bisexual and I really need help replies: 2

Married 3 kids replies: 11

Am I Transgender or do I have Body Dysmorphia? replies: 6

I’m married with kids and just figured out I’m a lesbian replies: 6

Confused and depressed replies: 2

I think I’m lesbian replies: 4