I think I'm bisexual and I really need help

[mxllxe_]

I'm a 14 year old girl, and for the past few months I've begun to seriously question whether I'm bisexual. I've identified as straight for my entire life until recently, but I'm struggling to be sure of what my sexuality actually is. I haven't told anyone yet, and I don't think I'm ready to tell my family or friends as I think it's too early and I'm not 100% sure (also my dad is Christian so I'm worried about that). I decided to come here instead because everyday I can't stop thinking about this and it's taking over my daily life. I feel like I'm more attracted to boys, but I think that I might have some interest in girls as well. Like I would love to go on a date, and even have a romantic relationship with a girl, but when I think about my future family life (marriage, kids, etc), I would rather have it with a boy? Yes, I have felt attracted to the same gender recently, and I think I may be slightly developing a crush on my bisexual friend (girl), but I'm so confused right now. I would really love some help in finding out who I am so that I won't have to continue feeling so anxious and confused about this, thanks.

[Lonelydan]

Hi Mllxe, Welcome to the forums. My youngest child now 18. Has identified as bi sexual she is currently dating a girl who I like. Before that it was a boy. She has told I think I like boys more but the intimacy I experience with a girl is just so different and I enjoy it. Bisexuality is real and exist gender fluid is real and exist also. Your 14 so please don’t put pressure on yourself. Your sexuality is yours to explore in a few more years time and I’m saying that because I’m a 46-year-old parent. Leave marriage and children well into your 20s okay no need to worry about that now. If the attractions there the heart wants what the heart wants as I’ve told my daughter as long as you’re happy and in love I’m fine with it if you think your father is gonna have a problem don’t tell him it’s your business. In a few years time when you’re a bit older and start dating you’ll know for sure what you like and don’t. Dan..

[Jackson85]

Hi mxllxe_,

Thanks heaps for posting, it must be tiring trying to figure this stuff out and not knowing the answer, why won't someone just tell us the answer!

I think there's a lot of pressure to fit into a category, because life tends to be more simple if we make categories; it helps us make sense of it all. We bucket everything, like food for example. If it used to walk around, it's meat, no matter whether it's a pig, or a cow, or a kangaroo, we need to name it all "meat", because it makes our life more simple.

But sometimes we bucket things which really shouldn't be bucketed, because they're continuous. We have cold water, tepid water, warm water, and hot water. But what's in between warm water and hot water? And what if water feels warm to me, but hot to you? These buckets are just made up, as they are with sexuality.

We are learning more and more about the continuous nature of both gender and sexual identities. Each person is somewhere on the spectrum between "gay" and "straight", but we're all somewhere in between and where we are changes through our lives as we develop and grow. So trying to find the answer is stressful, because we're looking to fit into a bucket, where buckets don't apply. You aren't straight, or gay, or bisexual, or anything else, you're just you, and you can engage romantically with any person you want, and it doesn't say anything else about you, except who you engaged with romantically!

I understand it can be really tricky with certain religious pressures, so that must be hard because they bucket this stuff so strictly, but those philosophies aren't for everyone, and they are less and less congruent with how society is changing.

Just because I eat meat, I'm no different from a vegetarian, or a vegan, or someone that only eats pork on Tuesdays. And if I engage romantically with a guy, or a girl, I'm no different from anyone else who did the same or different.

You are gorgeous how you are, and it might be more helpful not to focus on trying to figure out which bucket you fit into, but accepting that there are no buckets, and to enjoy your romantic attractions and experiences with whoever that may be 🙂

You're not alone in this struggle,

Jackson85