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BeyondBlue Welcome! Read this to learn more about this section of the Forums
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Sexuality and Gender Identity section of the Beyond Blue Forums. This is a safe space to discuss sexuality and gender identity and share with others who have a lived experience of how these factors impact their mental he... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Sexuality and Gender Identity section of the Beyond Blue Forums. This is a safe space to discuss sexuality and gender identity and share with others who have a lived experience of how these factors impact their mental health and wellbeing. We welcome all conversations here and want to know how you feel and what has helped you to be your best self. A few important tips and rules for this section are below. What is important is that this is a welcoming, kind and supportive space for everyone. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ+) a safe space to talk about how issues relating to gender identity and sexual orientation impact on mental health and wellbeing. This includes discussion of and support around chronic illnesses such as HIV which disproportionately affect gay, bisexual and other men who have sex with men. As this is a safe and affirming space for LGBTIQ+ individuals, please note this is not an appropriate space for debating the "rights and wrongs" of homosexuality, bisexuality, or gender fluidity itself. This includes use of terms such as "lifestyle" and "choice". This sub-forum is and always will be a safe and supportive place for LGBTIQ+ people concerned with what we all need to do to stay well. That said, others are welcome provided they respect that this is primarily a LGBTIQ+ space. Thank you and welcome Beyond Blue

MsPurple LGBT+ members - got a question - need somewhere to start - here is the place
  • replies: 224

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations H... View more

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations Here you can ask questions about anything from questioning your sexuality/gender identity, coming out concerns, dating, mental health etc. If you are an ally (an Ally is a person who considers themselves a friend to the LGBTQ+ community) you are also welcome to come here to be a support to our community and ask questions as well. This is a supportive place for people to discuss their questions and concerns, we are not a place of judgement. As Thumper from the movie Bambi said "If you can't say somethin' nice, don't say nothin' at all." If you are looking for a more social and light hearted conversation might I suggest joining us on the thread under BB social/rainbow cafe. Copy and paste the link: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/bb-social-zone/let's-chat-about-anything Feel free to introduce yourself below and ask any question/s I thought I'd answer one common question in the intro post and this is one I have heard a lot. What do the letters mean? When referring to the community it is shortened to LGBT+ as there are more letters than just the 4. I have put some of the common ones here: Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Transsexual Two-spirited Queer Questioning Intersex Asexual Ally Pansexual Agender Gender Queer Welcome everyone and hope to see you around on this thread and around the BB forums MP

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aceinspace My best friend is transgender but doesn't remember telling me
  • replies: 1

I was hanging out with two close friends (both male) at a sleepover, both of them pretty drunk at this point, after playing truth or dare which resulting in my two friends wearing clothes of mine (female). We were talking on the couch and my friend c... View more

I was hanging out with two close friends (both male) at a sleepover, both of them pretty drunk at this point, after playing truth or dare which resulting in my two friends wearing clothes of mine (female). We were talking on the couch and my friend confesses that he likes wearing my clothes and feels gender dysphoria and feels paranoid around people he doesn't know because he thinks they'll kill him for being trans. My friends and I are both supportive of him and talk to him about going to a therapist to talk about these issues. He said that he's scared that a therapist may pressure him into transitioning or into not transitioning. He currently unsure if he wants to transition as his family is conservative and feels that once he transitions he won't be allowed to like girls anymore and be forced to be with guys. He doesn't remember telling us. My friend and I don't know if we should tell him or wait until he feels comfortable telling us sober. And if we should tell him we don't know how to. I don't know what to do. Any help is welcome, thank you

Guest_672 Asexuality
  • replies: 2

Why is asexuality never discussed? Im frequently judged by people including medical professionals when they find out i have never slept or even kissed anyone and im middle aged. I have no desire i have never had any desire abd i will never have any d... View more

Why is asexuality never discussed? Im frequently judged by people including medical professionals when they find out i have never slept or even kissed anyone and im middle aged. I have no desire i have never had any desire abd i will never have any desire to me thats the norm ive always been that way. I dont understand why people gawk when they find out. I was always always made to feel like a freak. When i came across the term asexuality i didn't feel alone anymore. It needs to be brought out in the open more

Marcus_33 Anxiety around sexuality, just want to calm down and let it happen naturally.
  • replies: 11

Hi guys, have read many great threads on here over time and wanted to reach out and get your insight on my personal issue. About 3 years ago, I developed a crush on a male friend (I'm a guy), it was non-sexual or physical but a feeling of deep love a... View more

Hi guys, have read many great threads on here over time and wanted to reach out and get your insight on my personal issue. About 3 years ago, I developed a crush on a male friend (I'm a guy), it was non-sexual or physical but a feeling of deep love and acceptance. We had a great relationship always but this really caught me off guard. I wondered if I felt this way about a same-sex friend then does this mean something more, does this mean I am "becoming" gay, or is it something that's changed in me as I had only ever dated girls in the past. I was just scared and have since had huge anxiety around sexuality in general, I've been seeing a therapist for the last 2 years and discussed topics around OCD, Anxiety, and they have aimed at teaching me to be more self-compassionate and accepting of any confusion as it's very normal. Even though I have no desire towards same-sex people, I still think about it obsessively and just want to make peace within myself. Sometimes I just want to know what this all is and just calm down around sexuality and it not be such a topic of deliberation for me, it's also not something I've felt comfortable to discuss in depth with people close to me, I have spoken about it generally but am not completely clear about what to think or how to just let it be. I've also had some lovely LGBTQ friends that I've only known in a professional setting and not completely comfortable enough to talk to them about personal things only because we don't know each other super well. If anyone has been through something similar I'd love to hear your thoughts and if there's anything that I can elaborate on please let me know (being mindful of word count!) Thanks for reading.

atw503 Genderqueer
  • replies: 2

Hello, I'm someone who is very proud to be female, but at the same time I've never really felt gender was a rigid thing that defined me. Also, due to lack of safety and general sexism, it took me a long time to feel pride and value aspects of myself ... View more

Hello, I'm someone who is very proud to be female, but at the same time I've never really felt gender was a rigid thing that defined me. Also, due to lack of safety and general sexism, it took me a long time to feel pride and value aspects of myself that might be considered female. I tend to sit on the margins of all genders, never quite committing to one too obviously. I'm an American who moved to Australia 5 years ago and it's been a huge cultural adjustment. The amount of sexism I've experienced has been massive here when compared to America. Gender roles are more rigid here and at times this has made my life hard. I feel as if I have to hide who I really am, especially at work. I also feel like I constantly have to choose my battles in calling out people's obsession with gendered ideals. Any other gender diverse folks out there that have found ways to "fit in" without withholding key aspects of who they are? Sometimes it's hard to think positively when it feels like I'm always climbing a hill.

Mike60 Out Late and lost
  • replies: 6

Hi , I am mature in age and in my late 50's came out to my wife that I was Bi sexual but in reality I am gay and have always been that way but have hidden it and other than flirtation never acted on my feeling .Living in a heterosexual marriage with ... View more

Hi , I am mature in age and in my late 50's came out to my wife that I was Bi sexual but in reality I am gay and have always been that way but have hidden it and other than flirtation never acted on my feeling .Living in a heterosexual marriage with a great wife who has respect for my sexuality and wants to keep our marriage together ( I must be a great catch) HaHa. I find a bit of a conundrum in the fact that I can be what I am in an open relationship but feel the guilt of be-trail for having a relationship outside the marriage. I have since coming out had encounters with other men and find it more and more stimulating . The thing is it has becoming more and more obsessive but getting a real connection ( male) companion is very hard .I am feeling like I am straddling two world one foot in the straight world and one in the gay. I find it very hard to find a male as I am reluctant to go out to function that have been organised by gay social groups to meet people in case I am recognized and I embarrass my wife. This very important to me that she doesn't get hurt. Most of my life has been building relationship as a heterosexual and probably over compensating for being gay but in reality you cant stop internal feeling and in doing have developed very up and down mood .

Lance__ Gender??
  • replies: 1

Hello, I'm Lance/Tikki and I'm seriously questioning my gender. I don't want to be female nor male, I don't want breast but I don't want a penis. I feel stuck because I don't know what to do, I feel like I'll be told I'm faking the way I feel because... View more

Hello, I'm Lance/Tikki and I'm seriously questioning my gender. I don't want to be female nor male, I don't want breast but I don't want a penis. I feel stuck because I don't know what to do, I feel like I'll be told I'm faking the way I feel because I don't want a penis and I won't be taken seriously. I don't want to be female or male and I don't know what to do.

rose_uwu how do i tell my boyfriend im asexual?
  • replies: 2

ok so basically. i love my boyfriend. there's no doubt in my mind at all. i rlly do love him. but i am completely asexual, im sure of it. whenever we're just mucking about and things get too sexual i start to feel sickk, i dissociate so i cant feel a... View more

ok so basically. i love my boyfriend. there's no doubt in my mind at all. i rlly do love him. but i am completely asexual, im sure of it. whenever we're just mucking about and things get too sexual i start to feel sickk, i dissociate so i cant feel anything anymore and i get shaky. i dont want to be there anymore. he asks if im okay, i always say yes because i dont want to disappoint him. but really I'd do anything to get away,not from him but the situation. he always says tell me if youre uncomfortable i dont want to take advantage of you, so i think he'd be okay with it but, he may be dissapointed. ive had alot of past sexual trauma so i don't know if that could be a cause in why? any ideas on how to let him know?

Heart89 who am I?
  • replies: 2

OK, Im a 29 year old male. I came out as gay when I was about 18. I have had constant bouts of depression/social anxiety since my early teens years. I was diagnosed with major depression 10 or so years ago and since then have been on numerous antidep... View more

OK, Im a 29 year old male. I came out as gay when I was about 18. I have had constant bouts of depression/social anxiety since my early teens years. I was diagnosed with major depression 10 or so years ago and since then have been on numerous antidepressants and seen multiple therapists. No matter what I do It never goes away and comes back worse even. I just end up feeling empty and tired. I withdraw from friends and daily life and the cycle begins again. I've never been in a serious relationship. I know my depression and anxiety is linked to me being gay but Its definitely not all of it. I am fine with being gay. Everyone who matters to me knows and I had a relatively smooth coming out story compared to a lot of people. I just don't understand why I find it so hard to keep any kind of relationship going. Talking to new people, even people I know fairly well is a major struggle. I'm constantly worried about messing up in some way. I feel like people think I'm either stupid or rude because I come off as disinterested or absent-minded when really all I'm doing is freaking out about saying something wrong or worrying about being the center of attention, although, I'm always told that I'm the nicest person so what's that about? I have never been able to really express who I am other than to a small number of people. Even then though I don't even really have a concept of who that is. I feel like a fraud. I don't know who I am. I have always kind of existed in the background. I feel like people are only seeing some persona that I've "created" in order to protect myself? but that's not me. I don't know. Pretty much all my life I have felt "other" and have never really fit into any group. When I came out I thought things might be different but I have never felt like I belong in the community either. I feel like I don't deserve happiness or love. I'm nearing 30 and I'm unemployed, broke, still living at home, never had a boyfriend, exhausted, overwhelmed, lost, overweight the list goes on. All I want to do is sleep for 1000 years. Everything is a mess. I cannot live the rest of my life like this. Its either going to get better or I will kill myself. I'm not suicidal at the moment but that's just how it is. ?? Sorry this probably isn't very coherent but its 3.30am. Tom

Sezza_H Confused and scared
  • replies: 4

Hi, I’m not exactly sure how to explain this but I’ll give it a go.. For the longest time I have always just thought I was straight. I’ve had a few crushes on guys but it never really went anywhere. Even if they expressed interest in me and/or asked ... View more

Hi, I’m not exactly sure how to explain this but I’ll give it a go.. For the longest time I have always just thought I was straight. I’ve had a few crushes on guys but it never really went anywhere. Even if they expressed interest in me and/or asked me out, I would awkwardly turn them down and then avoid them. It wasn’t because I didn’t like them but more so that I just got a weird, uncomfortable, kind of scared feeling about it all. I’ve sort of just blamed this on my problems with anxiety, but I just don’t know. In the moments that they ask me out, all I think about is dating them, then my mind jumps to being intimate with them and then I freak and feel weird. Am I putting too much pressure on everything? Overthinking it? Is it anxiety related or related to some sort of self-insecurity? I just don’t know. Then one day I was watching a movie whereby the main character was dating another female, and for the first time I wondered if I was a lesbian. I started wondering if this was why I never pursued anything further with the guys I had a crush on. Then I started questioning whether I had a crush on them at all or if what I was feeling was just associated with me having a close friendship with them (yes, I am very confused). Since this realisation that I could potentially be gay, I feel like I’ve been looking at some of my female friends differently because I am questioning whether I like them as more than just a friend. I met a nice girl the other day at uni and all of a sudden I started to think “she’s really beautiful”, and when I went to a uni event with her later that day I noticed myself getting a little bit nervous and changing my clothes every 5 seconds because I wanted to look nice. But then again, thinking that another girl is beautiful doesn’t mean that I am gay, and it’s not like it has ever crossed my mind before. I just don’t know. I feel weird, uncomfortable and I freak out a little when guys ask me out and my initial reaction is always to turn them down, and I do feel this is related to me feeling scared. On the other hand, in relation to girls, I feel more comfortable and less weird around them but I don’t know if I like them more than a friend. I’m so confused and was wondering if anyone could relate to anything I am saying or offer up any sort of advice or guidance. Thanks, and apologies for the long post