50 Married with kids, and just came out to my wife as bisexual, confused

[Mark99]

Its been about 4 weeks, but the worst 4 weeks of my life. I have been struggling internally with my sexuality for a few years, but simply pushing it away. We had recently separated and I then started more recently secretly experimenting with men. My wife discovered this. We are now trying to move forward in separation, but trying to keep it amicable. has anyone here been in this situation at such a late age (50)?

[Only_I_know]

Hey Mark99, welcome to the forum.

I definitely get where you are at. I've just turned 48, and came out to my wife as gay last May. Married 20years, 2 kids etc.

I knew I was gay from a very young age, but just pushed it aside - ignoring it, until I couldn't anymore. Last year I sunk to my lowest, and was like that for 4mths where I questioned how to stop the pain I was suffering internally.

I suggest first and foremost, if you are suffering internally, to speak to someone. Google Qlife, they are an LGBT support service. Go to a dr and get a mental health care plan as well. this will mean that you can see a counsellor and medicare contributes. Qlife can also recommend an LGBT friendly one near to you - which I think is more important than a straight one, as they understand what you are going through.

It is important to talk about what you are feeling, it is not unusual - you are not in an unusual situation. There are so many guys our age that are going through same/similar. Don't try to go alone as it is very hard.

I've been fortunate that I have had a great deal of love and support - including from my exwife. we separated last November - because I came out. She hasn't kicked me to the curb, we still love each other dearly.

I still question "why the hell would I leave that?" but it was untenable, I can undoubtedly say that I wouldn't be here today if I hadn't come out.

Keep talking to your ex, let her in - tell her how you feel. Maybe she will still provide you with love and support.

Chatting here is a good start. I check in most days, as do some other regulars - all who are happy to listen.

Remember, there is a lot of people in similar situations, or who have been, and happy to talk.

Keep well.

Daz

[C4]

Hi Mark I’m Craig I too came out 2 years ago after being married for 17 years and have a similar story to Darren but no children. It’s a hard place to be in but your in a good place on this forum and Qlife is great too. Just remember your amongst friends here and your not alone in your situation also. Hope your going ok .

[Mark99]

Thank you so much for that Day,

It is incredibly comforting to read your words. I will do what you recommended. I am seeing a therapist at the moment, but feel I need a different one. Like you I have moments of, "what the heck am I doing?" and other moments of "it will be ok, be true to yourself and keep going" It would be great to have a support group. Thank you again.

[Mark99]

Hi Craig,

Thank you so much for your support. It means a lot. Its tough going.

How are you now?

M

[Mark99]

.... I forgot to ask,

how are things going for you now Daz?

M

[Only_I_know]

Hey Mark

Things are going very well. I've lived on my own now for almost 6 mths. The important thing is that I have kept myself very busy. I don't spend much time at home actually!

I keep talking to my kids and ex, I've gone out and joined some lgbt groups and made new friends.

Still haven't experienced anything, but I'm not worried about that. It's all about being comfortable in my own skin.

I suggest doing the same sort of thing, go out make new friends and join some groups. If you are into sports, there are heaps of lgbt groups, I joined a walking / running group via "team Melbourne" so depending on where you are you can find them here. In Sydney i think is Team Sydney and so on around the country.

Keep working through it. You will be ok.

Daz

[C4]

Hi mark99 I’m going ok thanks it’s tough going I know and some days are sad but most are good now . I’m starting go to more lgbt clubs with friends and it’s good to have their support to help with the adjustment. It will take time to get used to it for me it’s been about 2 years now and my divorce came through about a month ago so it’s time to start fresh . I still get nervous about meeting new people sometimes but it’s about letting go of the past and embracing my new life as you will too eventually. Don’t give up hope you’ll be ok . Good luck with everything ok