asexual?

[tresure]

hi, so i have been struggling with mental disorders for my entire life. I've always thought that there is deffenitly something wrong with me, turns out i have social anxiety disorder. First i started getting weird and anxious about sex at about 12, i was considered very pretty, and back then to me pretty girls were wanted by the guys and thats what happens that was the meaning i gave boyfriend and girlfriend, if she is pretty and the guy likes her then they are boyfriend and girlfriend. but i didn't like boys that way yet but lord knew i wanted to like them, i wanted nothing more to be like all the other girls developing crushes and wanting to kiss the boys blah blah. but because i got a lot of attention from guys i thought that thats what I had to do to keep the friends that i had and not become an outcast at school so i pretending that i likes boys and that "he was cute" "he's so hot" banter and pretended that i liked kissing. anyway i have been with many guys in my life time, and haven't enjoy not one, i can't feel pleasure. i want to, of course but i can't. again i couldn't tell anyone because of my fear or being different and i was afraid somethings wrong with me. i got strong anxiety when sex scene came on tv screens with friends, naked/procative women made me very uncomfortable i don't know why. i always wanted to have a boyfriend, when i was young me and my sister would play this game we made up called boyfriend and girlfriend, where we would pretend to have a boyfriend. so we had imaginary boyfriends.... anyway I'm 24 now and I'm still sexually active but hate it and still feel like there is something wrong with me and HELP....

[white knight]

Hi Tresure, welcome

This is not where my knowledge is but I see on google that there are sex and relationship therapists in nearly every major city and some large country towns.

The topic of sex and its effect on our lives is massive but few know that. It can affect our well being so badly, and in good ways.

I'd suggest you pursue this.

I'll leave you with a thread that you might like- its about our nature, to be ourselves and accept ourselves for who we are.

Google

Beyondblue topic the frog and the scorpion

TonyWK

[Croix]

Dear Tresure~

I'd like to join TonyWK in welcoming you here. Frankly I'm not sure 'asexual' is quite the right word. It's true you have not enjoyed your past encounters, however enjoying intimacy is a very fragile thing - no matter how it is portrayed by friends and the media.

Perhaps I'm misunderstanding but you seem to have had encounters because it was expected, not because you enjoyed it or looked forward to it. Plus you are uncomfortable with such matters on TV or the movies. Perhaps for you that has not been the ideal way to do things.

As someone who suffers from anxiety I can imagine that all the pressure that has been on you, plus not meeting the right person, has placed you in you current state.

A couple of ideas you might like to comment on - do you think you could mention this problem to your doctor, and see if the social anxiety can have more effective treatment?

The other is do you think it might be OK to simply go your own way? Do what you want for now. And if that means not engaging in sex with anyone then that's fine. There does not have to be anything wrong with you not to want sex. Maybe in the future you might , or might not. Find out about yourself in circumstances that are not pressuring you and making you hate the act and feel unhappy with yourself as a result.

Having reached 24 you will have an idea of a lot of things that do not work, in time you may discover different however there is no obligation - or hurry.

You sound a lovely and thoughtful person (and brave coming here) and people will like you simply for yourself .

Croix