Am I Transgender or a Transtrender?

[S_e_O_16]

(Not sure if this is too straightforwards but...) I was born a girl and recently in the past three years I have kind have felt less and less associated with my gender. It just started with little things such as wanting to be in a band with just boys (me being a boy as well) and at the time I didn’t really think much of it until it slowly became more and more as I started going through puberty (I’m 13) until I came across the term transgender. It’s just every story I heard about someone who is transgender all said pretty much the same thing “I’ve always felt like a (opposite gender) ever since I was really really young” and that’s where I differ. I was the most girly child imaginable, I loved make up, I would only wear dresses etc. and all that only changed when I was about 10. The next thing is everyone else seems to experience really bad dysphoria 24/7 where as even though I have days where I hate my body from my chest to my curves there are also days where it doesn’t bother me at all which makes me feel like I’m making something out of nothing and I’m just what everyone else calls a ‘transtrender’ and to make matters worse whenever my step mum refers to how boyish I’ve gotten (I haven’t told any of my family anything about this) she always just says “oh I’ve been through that stage to don’t worry you’ll grow out of it in a few years” which just makes me feel completely unrecognised and like this maybe is just a stage. I just don’t know what to do anymore because I have no idea who I am anymore or who I’m going to become or even whether or not I actually am trans or not.

(Sorry for that being so long)

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

Ok, I hope I can help a little.

In this world of 9 billion people every one of us is unique. Nobody else has your fingerprint...thats how unique we are.

Most of us fit into one of the two main genders man or woman but some people fit somewhere in between in various sexualities. That's why they are mentioned, collectively as LBGTIQ separate to hetrosexual.

Anyone at a young age that slots somewhere into the LBGTIQ group would have difficulty identifying where their sexuality belongs. Its difficult enough for a hetrosexual child going through those teenage years let alone other complexities. It must be scary.

This "finding yourself" process cant happen overnight so, what is the best way to go about the next few years?

Simply enjoy discovering yourself because it can be exciting! Far better than worry, stigma, shame, guilt and embarrassment. Feel proud of who you are and never feel shame for being- you!

So look at fashion for example. Say you like denim jeans..they might make you feel more male, or whatever, you just like denim then wear denim! Forget trends, wear what you like to wear ok. Be an individual. I knew a girl that wore poker dot dresses and other girls mocked her, yet she looked great from guys opinions.

Take your time with attraction. Ask yourself' what do I like about that girl or that guy? All this development can be fun, interesting or it can torment you too much if you dont accept yourself as a unique and wonderful person.

There will be some opposition to you from the traditional people that dont understand, for this reason best to move on from them, find your own friends that love you for who you are.

Your parents love you. They would naturally think you are going through stages they went through. It's all very normal parenting. At this stage I would just enjoy being and discovering yourself and not over think things. Try not to hate your body. Hate is anti productive. Eventually you'll know yourself better and be able to discuss this with your parents. Give it time.

I hope I've made sense and you spend the next few years growing into YOU.

Repost anytime.

TonyWK

[eight]

this may be biased from the cynical pov of someone who more or less thinks buzzwords like transtrender is just a load of bull and those who actually care about ”””transtrenders””” like transmedicalists are just communities full of bullies wanting a high, lol, but like. you seem to be thinking a very one-way perspective of being trans?

its actually p common for people to only start feeling dysphoria around puberty - kids aren’t physically gendered that much, they’re all really androgynous bodies and mostly its social stuff we use for marking what’s a boy and whats a girl like names or clothes, right? and then your body starts changing and your secondary sex characteristics start developing (e. excuse me for sounding like your pdh teacher) and its more and more reminders of your assigned gender and it keeps getting harder to deal with

and dysphoria isn’t always some Crushing Weight On Your Chest All The Time All The Time (honestly i am very suspicious of media that push the idea of it being a monolith and play this up. its bad dysphoria sucks, yes! but the way it shows transness as some awful curse makes me don’t trust like that!) it’s okay if you can recognise you have dysphoria that changes over time, a lot of trans people can attest to how it comes and goes in waves. hardly anything is static

the way you talk highlights to me you see this as a very monolithic, all-or-nothing issue like you have to put yourself into one Very Neat Tidy Box and thats nothing im going to blame you about. if you dont know trans people irl, media offers a very narrow perspective on the Absolutely Real Troon Experience and mostly from the eyes of cisgender people, or tailored to please their ideas of trans people.

what do you know of trans people? those news stories of a kid who transitioned being touted as some freak of nature or a unicorn? a tv special of trans person’s horror story about being rejected? a table of cis people debating if its “right”? try and seek out things by and for trans people or activists/bloggers - i keep stressing this “it’s not a monolith” thing but its totally true it really is

okay, and a little final note bc im boutta hit character limit - as someone who’s current identity is “girl but it gets more and more complicated every day” i see a lot of myself in you. let’s shake hands or go out for drinks or something sometime lmao

eight

[S_e_O_16]

Thank you white knight you really helped me get that a bit more into perspective I can’t promise I will instantly love myself overnight but I promise I will try and thanks to you I am no longer scared for what is ahead 🙂

[S_e_O_16]

Hahaha thank you eight that was really helpful and insightful, to say I learnt a lot just from reading that is an understatement, you just made my day feel a whole lot brighter and finally a little notice so thank you so much!!

[white knight]

Hi,

You've made my day.

TonyWK

[LizK]

Every time I see the term Transtrender I just cringe. It is simply a way to put someone down. The word Transgender is simply an umbrella word that tries to describe people who feel a certain way and in the case of being trans it can vary hugely.

I would be considered a binary Trans Woman but my experience is very different to to someone who is gender fluid or non binary. Not better nor worse just different.

You do you

[LittleMissAlice]

Hello!

Before this I'd never actually heard the term "trans trender" before, but now that I've urbandictionaried it, I've realised that I can really relate to what you're saying here. When I figured out I was trans, for a while I was questioning myself almost constantly, and one of my biggest points of confusion was whether or not I was just doing this for attention, or because I "wasn't gay enough", if that makes sense?

Anyway, I'm really glad I got past that, because peer pressure has nothing to do with what I am, and whatever you feel should never be controlled or affected by that. Never let other people tell you what to feel, or why you're feeling it.

(Sorry that was cheesy lol)

Good luck figuring it out!

-Marie xo