Sexuality and gender identity

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Welcome! Read this to learn more about this section of the Forums

replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Sexuality and Gender Identity section of the Beyond Blue Forums. This is a safe space to discuss sexuality and gender identity and share with others who have a lived experience of how these factors impact their mental health and wellbeing. We welcome all conversations here and want to know how you feel and what has helped you to be your best self. A few important tips and rules for this section are below. What is important is that this is a welcoming, kind and supportive space for everyone. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ+) a safe space to talk about how issues relating to gender identity and sexual orientation impact on mental health and wellbeing. This includes discussion of and support around chronic illnesses such as HIV which disproportionately affect gay, bisexual and other men who have sex with men. As this is a safe and affirming space for LGBTIQ+ individuals, please note this is not an appropriate space for debating the "rights and wrongs" of homosexuality, bisexuality, or gender fluidity itself. This includes use of terms such as "lifestyle" and "choice". This sub-forum is and always will be a safe and supportive place for LGBTIQ+ people concerned with what we all need to do to stay well. That said, others are welcome provided they respect that this is primarily a LGBTIQ+ space. Thank you and welcome Beyond Blue

by BeyondBlue •

Community Manager•

Posted in Sexuality and gender identity

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04-03-2025

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LGBT+ members - got a question - need somewhere to start - here is the place

replies: 224

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations Here you can ask questions about anything from questioning your sexuality/gender identity, coming out concerns, dating, mental health etc. If you are an ally (an Ally is a person who considers themselves a friend to the LGBTQ+ community) you are also welcome to come here to be a support to our community and ask questions as well. This is a supportive place for people to discuss their questions and concerns, we are not a place of judgement. As Thumper from the movie Bambi said "If you can't say somethin' nice, don't say nothin' at all." If you are looking for a more social and light hearted conversation might I suggest joining us on the thread under BB social/rainbow cafe. Copy and paste the link: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/bb-social-zone/let's-chat-about-anything Feel free to introduce yourself below and ask any question/s I thought I'd answer one common question in the intro post and this is one I have heard a lot. What do the letters mean? When referring to the community it is shortened to LGBT+ as there are more letters than just the 4. I have put some of the common ones here: Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Transsexual Two-spirited Queer Questioning Intersex Asexual Ally Pansexual Agender Gender Queer Welcome everyone and hope to see you around on this thread and around the BB forums MP

by MsPurple •

Blue Voices Member•

Posted in Sexuality and gender identity

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22-08-2017

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224 unread

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Trying to find who I am

replies: 1

To this day, i still cannot seem to accept who i am as a person. I am 29yrs old and I have never dated anyone. I thought it was because I put work first and that was why. I struggle to make close male friends because I start to become infatuated with them all the time. I am currently deeply in love with my best mate who is straight. I just love having someone who i can be around and spend time together. I dont think sex is something i am interested in. This is why i fall for straight guys. I know they don't want sex. I just want company but want to be able to have physical interactions with someone. I sometimes cry myself to sleep because I am just lonely and want something more. It has gotten to the point where i have given someone alot of money because i just want to feel needed. Each night I just sit down and try to work out what I am doing and what my purpose in life is.

relationship wanted and getting desperate

replies: 4

I have been single for six years now and everyone around me can find someone except me. Single life is the root cause of my bouts of depression, pugnacity, vituperation and bellicosity. WHAT THE HELL DO I NEED TO DO!!!!! Online dating doesn't work, a... View more

Newbie... Anxiety, sexuality issues and more

replies: 14

I'm new here. I suffer from anxiety and wonder if it's normal to often feel like I'm totally detached from people. In my current relationship sometimes I feel like I'm acting as if i'm a good partner, but it feels a little unreal. I do all the right things, say all the right words but I feel detached. I don't know how to be physically attracted to my partner and I feel like a robot. I try and listen to my mother when she talks to me on the phone, and I find myself barely listening, and not for lack of effort. I'm generally trying, and just sometimes not even comprehending the conversation. I stand in a crowd and feel invisible but in the spotlight at the same time, like it's obvious how much of a loner I am... then I need to go and stand with a random bunch of people so that I can camouflage myself. I'm too scared to talk to my friends cause I feel unwanted or like someone will talk over me. When I do want to engage with them, I have no words in my head and don't know how to act normal around them and don't know what to say - my mind is empty. The relationships in my life don't feel real, and I don't know how to make them feel real - I feel out of place in most situations. Context: Bullied quite a bit, through school and work. Sexuality issues with unknown sexual orientation, but settling on bisexual.

Lonely and gay need friends

replies: 2

Hello. my name is Steve and I new to this. I’m 45 and live in southeast suburb of Melbourne. My partner decided to leave after 19 years together. I have a lot of back pain and have had deep depression and anxiety which started about 4/5 years ago. Although I’m so much better then where is was, I felt useless after my love of my life decided that he couldn’t deal with it any longer and left me after 19 years. I’m not into Grindr or any of these hook up apps and finding it hard to find new people and make new friends. It time for me to move forward and look at making new friends and hopefully find someone to spend my life with. So for now I’m hoping to find new gay guys to make some new friends. In regards to a relationship, it’s something that I would love to be in but my problem now it that I’m not very sexually active currently. I’m not sure why and I must be the only person that doesn’t need sex to make me happy. And being gay everyone seems to want sex. I’m not saying that I don’t have sex but I just don’t need it all the time. So rather that give you my life story I would be happy to talk to someone who may want to get to know me more. So at the moment I’m hoping to make some new friends. Thank you for reading.

Spouse of coming-out trans mtf

replies: 8

Hi, firstly im sorry if I get all the terminology and acronyms wrong, my experience in all of this is zero. I’m 31, About eighteen months ago my partner of 13 years came out to me as being transgender when I came home unexpectedly and disturbed him dressing. He was very emotional, however I wasn’t really phased by it and reassured him that I didn’t want him to be upset and that it was ok. Ive noticed lately he has been having lows and very depressive spouts. I know it’s because of his inability to act or do anything about transitioning and the guilt he feels about it. We have two children (10 and 9) who don’t know, and I don’t know how to approach this. His next issue is we live in a tiny community of 800 people and he worries about the backlash on him and us if he acts on his wishes. He wont be able to earn an income here. I know this is where a lot of his guilt comes from. You can imagine the backward thinking we’re dealing with out here in the middle of nowhere! We’re not in a position to leave, I wish we bloody could. I may be getting ahead of myself, but now after all this time eighteen months later, I can’t sleep with worry. I don’t know if he does proceed with this what it will mean for our relationship? I love him and have no intention of leaving him, I just don’t know where I fit here and what to do. Also, does this now make me a lesbian? What does it mean for my sexuality, and his? I support him fully but I am terrified of losing him aswell. any advice will be grately appreciated. thanks V.

Bisexual son questions

replies: 8

Hi all, my son sends myself, partner and other brother a text the other day stating that he is bisexual. It appears he wanted to "let the immediate family know". I replied with a "whatever makes him happy" etc (because at the end of the day that's all I ultimately want for my kids) response. His brother responded much the same. I'm happy to talk to him about it (and have a little) but wanted to canvass others in what I should be considering... if anything. We have a great relationship, but i'd like to have an informed discussion rather than go in 'boots and all'. He is young, so I'd like to at least be aware of things I should consider and understand. You can see I have absolutely no idea... For example, would it be appropriate to consult a professional together? Purely aimed at understanding where he is coming from and if there is anything I can do to support him. Thanks

Hocd

replies: 5

HI, I’m a 16 year old male and as of August last year I have had really bad anxiety about possibly being gay. Before this really bad anxiety I had thoughts like what if I am gay but they were brief. I also before smoking for the first time was nervous that I would put myself even though I wasn’t gay. In the past i have had ocd about many things, most notably diseases. Ebola when travelling, cancer, schizophrenia etc. All convincing myself I was going to die. Now I’m worried about if I’m gay. I think I’m worried is because of rather than the thought of being gay, the thought of not being in control of who I am, (lgbt people saying they were born that way etc). Never had anything against gay people and my family I know would accept me although I did go through an edgy phase when I was like 13 making racist, homophobic jokes etc, I have had one girlfriend before and it wasn’t the smoothest as she was busy a lot and we didn’t get to spend too much time together. During that time my ocd acted up aswell and I just bottled it up, it was about her doing things with other guys which I knew she wouldn’t but I still beat myself up about it. We only kissed once and I’m not sure exactly how I felt, My heart was racing and I ran out of oxygenSince breaking up I’ve talked to two girls whom I broke off becauseI was stressed. My ocd brings up all the gayish things I might’ve done in the past and torments me. im also worried I like a guy cause now whenever I look at him I get a weaker but similar feeling to when I look at a cute girl and get all nervous. My ocd is so annoying I remember times that I thought I was the only human in a simulation or that I would wake up and everyone would be dead and beat myself up about that. I get intrusive thoughts about being gay a lot and it’s hard for me to get turned on to women anymore cause I think I think too much. Note that since I was pretty young like 8 years old I had been exposed to erotic content through porn etc due to a friend who I suppose got ahold of it from their older brother. I had never had any thoughts of being with a guy till earlier this year. I’ve always liked girls but now I think that I’ve been faking it due to society shunning homosexuality. Honestly being bi wouldn’t even bother me if I actually knew that’s what I was because I hate this what if my brain throws at me. I feel like if I get in a situation where I have sex with a girl that I won’t be able to perform because I’ll think I’m gay or I actually am gay

I'm a lesbian and I have a crush on a guy...

replies: 5

I'm sexually attracted to girls and not guys but I frequently develop crushes on guys. Does this make me bisexual or is this normal? Has anybody else experienced this?

Finally accepting myself

replies: 8

Hi people! I've been struggling with this for a long time but I just wanted to know what other people's processes were when they finally accepted their identity? I'm 26 and just accepted myself as bi-sexual... I've had feelings towards women but always thought they were just feelings you got from being friends with someone. I'd thought I'd only be attracted to members of the opposite sex but since high school I've been struggling with knowing what was going on with me. My family doesn't accept me but my friends do. What makes things worse for me is that every girl I've fallen for doesn't feel the same way (which is fine) or I've had one call me greedy for liking both males and females. I've felt happier since coming out even though I haven't had a successful same sex relationship. I've only every had successful relationships with guys. One other thing I've been struggling with is also being poly. Said friend also called me greedy for that... I appoligise if this part shouldn't go here I just don't know where to post it. Any thoughts on dealing with unhelpful family?

New to dating trans MTF

replies: 2

So I dated someone who was male. After a while he transitioned to she. I'm so happy for her and am supportive but now I'm needing some advice as to dating a mtf bi woman. I've always identified as cis female and pan/queer so it's quite natural for me to be attracted to her. I'm worried however she might not be sure of her sexuality as she is still new to HRT. So I guess my main question is how to tell if she is still interested in me or am I just a safe choice as we've dated under different genders?

Welcome! Read this to learn more about this section of the Forums replies: 0

LGBT+ members - got a question - need somewhere to start - here is the place replies: 224

Trying to find who I am replies: 1

relationship wanted and getting desperate replies: 4

Newbie... Anxiety, sexuality issues and more replies: 14

Lonely and gay need friends replies: 2

Spouse of coming-out trans mtf replies: 8

Bisexual son questions replies: 8

Hocd replies: 5

I'm a lesbian and I have a crush on a guy... replies: 5

Finally accepting myself replies: 8

New to dating trans MTF replies: 2