conflicted

[Kara01]

Hi I am at a very difficult time in my life as I want start a discussion with wife about transitioning to a woman.

I have always felt female and wanted to be female but in my generation this would never have been accepted or respected.

I have been married to a wonderful woman for 39 years and I do love her and my children and grandchildren.

I desperately don't want to hurt anyone but I am struggling more than ever with my identity and I don't know how much longer that I can keep my secret from everyone.

Everyday I feel I am just lying to myself and I don't know how much longer I can do this for.

Every time I see a woman of my age I just ask myself why couldn't it have been me that was born female and not trapped in my male body.

I am very concerned about my current state of mind as I can only think about this issue and nothing else.

I started to cross dress from a very early age and only ever felt a complete person when I was dressed in women's clothes.

I am desperate to try and move on with my life but am terrified of the damage that I will cause to my family.

[Jo8049]

Hi Kara , I had phone ones last year from early in year till August one . Had not met T ( superpsych ) till August .

Jo ❤

[Sophie_M]

Hi Kara,

Sorry to hear that you’re in lockdown. We are so happy to hear of your progress, and we always really appreciate you taking the time to share and update everyone on this lovely thread.
Hopefully your appointment is unaffected by lockdown, but as Jo8049 mentioned, we’d recommend giving them a call if you’re worried. They may well be able to go ahead with the appointment whether online, or due to medical treatment being available despite the lockdown. We’re not sure of the exact local circumstances, but the clinic should able to advise you. If you’re ever struggling, you can call us on 1300 22 4636, or you could visit the Coronavirus Mental Wellbeing Support Service at https://coronavirus.beyondblue.org.au/
It’s wonderful to hear from you, and how you’re responding to challenges. We hope the conversation with your mother goes well, and we really second the kind words and advice from your lovely community peers here. If you’re comfortable to keep us updated, we love to hear from you.

Kind regards,
Sophie M

[Kara01]

Hi Jo, I hope you are well i got a phone call from my work last night telling me to go into work as they had reviewed the rules about attending work and they have said I qualify so until further notice I am back at work.

As I am not sure what will happen next week as the lockdown is supposed to finish on Tuesday night and my appointment with the phycologist is planned for Friday next week I might be able to still attend my appointment on medical grounds.

Because of the lockdown I have had to delay speaking with my mother until the lockdown is over.

Take care and will keep updating as things start to happen fingers crossed next week.

Love & hugs

Kara

[Lillylane]

Fingers crossed for you Kara.

Thinking of you and look forward to your next update.

[Jo8049]

Hi Kara , am still here . Like LL I do hope you get traction with psychologist , be it telephone or f 2 f . Am a bit surprised how long this has taken ? Hugs and pumpkin and chilli soup xxxx

Keep us posted wont you !

Jo&LD

[Kara01]

Hi Jo & Lillylane it's been terribly painful and disappointing with all of the delays and failures of our broken mental health system.

As we are currently in lockdown I ma think for the time being my appointments will telehealth no F2F but not worried as long as they happen.

We were told it would be a 7 day lockdown but my opinion is that it's going to more likely to be 14-21 days.

Because of the lockdown I have had to delay my talk with my mother which is giving me more time to prepare.

Fortunately I am still working for now so all good.

I have a lot coming up Friday week psychologist appointment 5.00pm, Wednesday 9.00am the following week gender wellness appointment, late August 1st doctors appointment at Shine early September 2nd doctors appointment, October psychiatrist appointment To get formal diagnosis of GD currently on referral waiting list for a one off appointment.

Will keep both of you updated as I have my appointments.

Hugs & kisses

Kara

[Kara01]

Hi Jo and Lillylane hope you are both well. The good news that we are coming out of lockdown as midnight tomorrow night.

This also means that me coming out to my mother is going to happen next Sunday morning I am dreading this conversation I think that I will be totally rejected, but I surprised if this happens as I discussed this with the community and it's highly likely that this will be the outcome.

Busy next 10 days lots to look forward and somethings not.

Will update if anything changes take care and will talk soon.

Kara

[Jo8049]

Hi Kara , good news about lockdown . That means face to face back on the table .

Prepare for the worst and hope for the best on Sunday . I do hope your pleasantly surprised ❤

Lol Jo & LD ( hi Lilylane ❤ )

[Kara01]

Hi Jo & Lillylane hope you are both well.

I feel that Sunday is going to be a train wreck as both of sisters have condemned me for wanting to come out to our mother. She is being treated for a mild case of depression and they want me to wait until she better able to cope but our relationship is getting so bad I don't even want to talk with her because she triggers me and don't want to say anything in anger that I will regret.

I don't know when a better time will be weeks, months or years I could be on HRT before I came out to her and that would be to confronting for her.

Will keep in contact.

Kara

[Jo8049]

Hi Kara & Lilylane .

Still here , hang in there momentum is not to far off now . Enjoy the company of peers . Invaluable . lol and hugs xxx

Jo&LD