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BeyondBlue Welcome! Read this to learn more about this section of the Forums
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Sexuality and Gender identity section of the Beyond Blue Forums. This is a safe space to discuss sexuality and gender identity and share with others who have a lived experience of how these factors impact their mental he... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Sexuality and Gender identity section of the Beyond Blue Forums. This is a safe space to discuss sexuality and gender identity and share with others who have a lived experience of how these factors impact their mental health and wellbeing. We welcome all conversations here and want to know how you feel and what has helped you to be your best self. A few important tips and rules for this section are below. What is important is that this is a welcoming, kind and supportive space for everyone. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ+) a safe space to talk about how issues relating to gender identity and sexual orientation impact on mental health and wellbeing. This includes discussion of and support around chronic illnesses such as HIV which disproportionately affect gay, bisexual and other men who have sex with men. As this is a safe and affirming space for LGBTIQ individuals, please note this is not an appropriate space for debating the "rights and wrongs" of homosexuality, bisexuality, or gender fluidity itself. This includes use of terms such as "lifestyle" and "choice". This sub-forum is and always will be a safe and supportive place for LGBTIQ people concerned with what we all need to do to stay well. That said, others are welcome provided they respect that this is primarily a LGBTIQ+ space. Thank you and welcome Beyond Blue

MsPurple LGBT+ members - got a question - need somewhere to start - here is the place
  • replies: 223

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations H... View more

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations Here you can ask questions about anything from questioning your sexuality/gender identity, coming out concerns, dating, mental health etc. If you are an ally (an Ally is a person who considers themselves a friend to the LGBTQ+ community) you are also welcome to come here to be a support to our community and ask questions as well. This is a supportive place for people to discuss their questions and concerns, we are not a place of judgement. As Thumper from the movie Bambi said "If you can't say somethin' nice, don't say nothin' at all." If you are looking for a more social and light hearted conversation might I suggest joining us on the thread under BB social/rainbow cafe. Copy and paste the link: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/bb-social-zone/let's-chat-about-anything Feel free to introduce yourself below and ask any question/s I thought I'd answer one common question in the intro post and this is one I have heard a lot. What do the letters mean? When referring to the community it is shortened to LGBT+ as there are more letters than just the 4. I have put some of the common ones here: Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Transsexual Two-spirited Queer Questioning Intersex Asexual Ally Pansexual Agender Gender Queer Welcome everyone and hope to see you around on this thread and around the BB forums MP

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june_03 feeling lonely in my sexuality
  • replies: 11

Hi, so I am a little scared since I have never posted here but I'm giving it a shot. Over the past year, I have realised that I like girls and most comfortably sit with the bi label, although not certain, but I never realised how lonely it can make y... View more

Hi, so I am a little scared since I have never posted here but I'm giving it a shot. Over the past year, I have realised that I like girls and most comfortably sit with the bi label, although not certain, but I never realised how lonely it can make you feel. I have no friends to talk to about this stuff. I feel awkward complimenting girls who I'm friends with in case they think it's weird or makes them uncomfortable. I can't talk about my crushes in the way that they talk about the guys they like. They are obsessed with guys I barely find attractive and so I feel as if I am missing out, it's isolating. My biggest struggle when it comes to dating girls is I feel like they would never find me attractive, I never used to feel this way with guy 'crushes'. I just feel very inadequate and I don't think any girl would ever want to date me because I am not appealing to girls if that makes sense. It is frustrating because there is this girl I like, but I am not out at school and she is likely straight anyway. My sexuality feels like a barrier that only makes things more complicated. Anyway, this was a just a bit of my experience, I hope there are some people who can relate or maybe someone who will feel less alone.

may_04 right time to come out
  • replies: 15

hi all, I hope everyone is well. I wanna talk about coming out. I am 99.9% sure that I am bisexual - the 0.1% is denial. I have never been in a relationship with anyone. I have had crushes on both guys and girls though, and when I think about relatio... View more

hi all, I hope everyone is well. I wanna talk about coming out. I am 99.9% sure that I am bisexual - the 0.1% is denial. I have never been in a relationship with anyone. I have had crushes on both guys and girls though, and when I think about relationships, sometimes I can see myself with a guy, and other times a girl. Since I've never been in a relationship, I feel as though if I come out to someone they won't believe me. That's why I feel like I should come out once I get a girlfriend (if I can actually get one). But I feel like I'm living a lie cause I haven't come out yet. And I don't want to come out then it turns out I'm not actually bi and everyone will be right - 'it was just a phase'. Hopefully, someone can understand where I'm coming from. I wish you all happiness and health. - may

Curious_George I'm not sure If I'm Asexual or Not
  • replies: 7

Sex isn't a desire I have, Everyone else I know wants too but for me personally I don't have any motivation towards that like others my age. Everything I have seen about Asexuality I can relate too completely and I feel like I am Asexual but some stu... View more

Sex isn't a desire I have, Everyone else I know wants too but for me personally I don't have any motivation towards that like others my age. Everything I have seen about Asexuality I can relate too completely and I feel like I am Asexual but some stuff is bugging me. 1) I feel some sexual attraction, but no desire past that. If a 50/50 split between sexual and emotional was most people I feel closer too 5-10 percent sexual. I've seen Asexuality described as little too no desire, and I definetly feel a little. Is this definition true 2) I am only attracted to woman romantically, I've seen this described as Heteroromantic but I'm not sure if this is an actual thing. I don't feel attraction to other genders in any capactiy. It might sound wierd to say but I'd feel a lot better about myself if I am Asexual. Having a way too define myself that I can say too people would make me feel more comfortable talking about how I am. For a while I've felt out of place

OpalBay My male partner wants to be a female.
  • replies: 6

Hi all, I'm glad I found this forum. I was unsure if I should post anything, but I need help, sorry for the pronouns I'm still new to all this. My boyfriend of 5 years came out to me a few days ago saying he wants to be a female. Says he hates himsel... View more

Hi all, I'm glad I found this forum. I was unsure if I should post anything, but I need help, sorry for the pronouns I'm still new to all this. My boyfriend of 5 years came out to me a few days ago saying he wants to be a female. Says he hates himself and doesnt feel comfortable in this body. In the last 2 weeks, he's been trying dress ups, makeup and wigs, and went out in public once with a friend (who's bi) and said it was the best he's ever felt. Said he was just trying it out, but now wants to turn female. I was a mess when he told me. I feel like my whole world and dreams for our future were lost, that I lost him and would never see the man I love again. He wants to do HRT but the thought of never hearing his voice the same, his figure, his smell, being able to have kids (can you still produce kids on HRT?) I feel like things wont be the same anymore. I'm probably being selfish/ shallow but I still want him and love him. I'm trying to understand and say to myself its the same person I fell in love with like his personality, values and morals, but I also feel like he's different. I feel sick, I cant eat, I wake up in a panic and cry, I just dont know. I keep telling myself its the same person, but just a different gender. Being a different gender shouldnt even matter and I know that, its just that come from a very homophobic, strict family who drilled into me that it has to be a male/female to be right, I'm scared I will loose my family too. I want my partner to feel happy because I've noticed him looking depressed, but I thought it was because our lives are so stressful atm, and now this happens and I feel crushed. We almost broke up the other night. In retrospect, I realised I kept trying to push him to stay the same gender for us, I even tried compromising saying he could do both...but he doesnt want to feel suppressed anymore or held back. We are still together because the thought of loosing each other was more painful. He's been away for a few days, I've been left to my thoughts of loss, grief, anxiety... maybe some hope and excitment to try make this work but I just dont know. I've been talking to a close friend and it helps, also researching and reading others' experiences, but its just so hard. He still loves me with all his heart and still wants to do the things we always planned like travel, kids, marriage etc, says he will still try give me what I want but just as a female not a man. I always thought I'd be with a man... Please help me.

Owlie7 Obsession
  • replies: 8

Hi, I am not sure if this is the right forum for this but I just wanted some perspective on what I have been feeling about a situation that happened yrs ago. I met this girl and we've been friends outside of work. We seemed to click really well as we... View more

Hi, I am not sure if this is the right forum for this but I just wanted some perspective on what I have been feeling about a situation that happened yrs ago. I met this girl and we've been friends outside of work. We seemed to click really well as we both had trauma in our lives and could relate to each other on some level. I felt like I met a friend that gets me and that I can trust. Maybe I was a bit infatuated because of this, but I never felt this with someone of same sex before and I have a bf. I started studying for a different role than what we were both doing (still within the same industry). There was some dis-management at our work and we both resigned. She wasn't sure what she wanted to do after and wasn't drawn to the role that I was studying for. We still kept in touch and I remember telling her some struggles I had adjusting to online learning. One day, I picked up in our conversation that sounded like she knew a lot about my course specifics. When I casually asked her, she quickly brushed it off and said that I must have told her about it at some stage. As part of my course I held a volunteer position and I heard from my colleague that this friend is volunteering there too on a different day to me as she's doing the same course. I felt hurt not hearing this from her as I thought we were friends. Also knowing the struggles I had, I thought we could have supported each other through this journey. When I lost trust, I completely withdrew and stopped responding to her msgs and we stopped talking. This was a trauma response on my part and I still regret the way I handled it. 2yrs later she sends a msg saying she is sorry if she did anything to hurt me but she didn't know why I ghosted her and that she wished me well. I didn't explain why but said I wished her well and I regretted that our friendship broke. A few months ago she sends a msg saying she hopes I'm well, she's sad we fell out, and how a song reminded her of me. I said I felt the same and was open for a chat, implying I was ready to tell her why so we can both get closure. She didn't write back. Obviously I won't know why she lied as she doesn't know that's why I pulled away, but I often wonder. I feel almost obsessive as I think about her regularly and want to stop. She now works in the same role and I wonder if one day we will bump into each other. Is this lust? I don't know why I think about her still.

NJS_1 Lost and confused.
  • replies: 2

Hey, There's a guy at work who I've been having feelings for for a while now and before I met him I thought I was a lesbian, but I don't know anymore. I think it's compulsory heterosexuality. If he asked me out on a date I'd probably say no, but then... View more

Hey, There's a guy at work who I've been having feelings for for a while now and before I met him I thought I was a lesbian, but I don't know anymore. I think it's compulsory heterosexuality. If he asked me out on a date I'd probably say no, but then I have these feelings. Is it comphet? Is it genuine? Others at work have noticed something, saying to me "there chemistry between you two" which makes me uncomfortable and feels awkward, and I'm even a little scared. I hate feeling this way. I even hate myself for feeling this way because I think of what people at work would say if I did date or kiss him and I sometimes think of what would he say if he knew. I feel ashamed for feeling this way. I have thought of telling him, but I don't want to make things weird especially since we work together sometimes, but I am quitting my job soon.

CJ43 good idea to confess to bi bff who’s in a relationship?
  • replies: 2

hi all, believe me, i know the title sounds bad, but bear with me as there’s a bit of backstory here. roughly 2yrs ago my best friend came out as bi, & was the first to come out in our friend group. not only was i the last one to know, i was also the... View more

hi all, believe me, i know the title sounds bad, but bear with me as there’s a bit of backstory here. roughly 2yrs ago my best friend came out as bi, & was the first to come out in our friend group. not only was i the last one to know, i was also the only one who didn’t know the identity of this mysterious girl who “went to another school” that caused her gay awakening. cutting a long story short, mainly consisting of myself being insanely dense, enough to miss her obvious flirting with me (she described her crush, me, to me but i still didn’t take the hint) funnily enough i felt strangely jealous of this girl & even started questioning my own identity, which i told the friend in question about. i even came to a point where i was about to ask her out, as a friend has accidentally let slip it was me she liked. now to this day i still question what happened, but somehow i suddenly forgot about my sexuality crisis for two whole years?? it was only earlier this year i realised im a demi-aro/ace lesbian, & have been in love with her for 2 years. but by this time it was too late, as a couple months prior i’d moved across the country (somewhat permanently), and i knew i’d missed my chance. ive always held onto the hope that once i finish school (less than a year away) i would move back and we could be together, but 3 months ago she got a boyfriend. this threw me for a loop, as i’m not jealous (he’s been really good for her, insanely so) but sometimes i guess i can’t help but with it had been me. ive been talking with her more lately, and getting a lot of mixed messages. she’s been telling me more about her bf, but also made me a playlist with love songs very personalised to us and our history?? i think she’s always suspected i liked her but i was too deep in the closet to see past my denial. i’ve brought up polyamory before, as we talk a fair bit about how we both don’t feel like monogamy is the thing for us, and i would definitely be down to work out some sort of relationship with her and her bf, i guess it’s just hard because physically i’m so far away. sometimes i just think about telling her how i feel, just to get the anxiety off my chest and so i can stop constantly mulling over the what-ifs. i doubt it would greatly affect our friendship, even if she doesn’t return my feelings, but i fear im only being brave cuz i’m not there in person. maybe it’s just a nasty combination of first love and ‘distance fosters fondness’ am i out of my mind???

CookieFrog Afraid of what could happen
  • replies: 5

I’m only in my first year of high school but for a while I’ve known that I’m definitely lesbian. Came out to a really close friend yesterday but don’t feel like I can ever tell my family. My mothers side is really homophobic and often unknowingly hav... View more

I’m only in my first year of high school but for a while I’ve known that I’m definitely lesbian. Came out to a really close friend yesterday but don’t feel like I can ever tell my family. My mothers side is really homophobic and often unknowingly have talked down about lgbtq+. Belong to a very Christian family and feel like I can never actually be myself because of my fear about what could happen. I already see a school councillor for anxiety but if I told him then I’m worried he would tell my parents…

DarkHorse_66 I kissed my friend (whose the same gender as me) and now she doesn’t want to talk about it.
  • replies: 8

Hi Forums, I’m new here, so sorry if this post isn’t in the right spot or something like that. I’m seeking some advice/guidance if anyone is kind enough to offer up their thoughts. So, on Friday night after having gone out one of my friends and I wer... View more

Hi Forums, I’m new here, so sorry if this post isn’t in the right spot or something like that. I’m seeking some advice/guidance if anyone is kind enough to offer up their thoughts. So, on Friday night after having gone out one of my friends and I were lying on an oval. I’ve liked this girl for a little while, and I thought she liked me too as she always seemed really happy to see me, went out of her way to help me and had said things like ‘I love you’ before. But she is also one of those outgoing personalities who is really bright and friendly to everyone, so I wasn’t sure. Anyways, we were lying on the oval next to one another and after a while I asked her if I could kiss her and she said yes. We made out for a little while and then went home separately. I asked a few times throughout if she was ok with it and if she wanted to stop, but each time she wanted to keep going. The next morning I sent her a message and said we should probably have a chat - just to talk things through. But now she doesn’t want to talk about it, and I’m worried that it’s something she regrets. I don’t mind if we just stay as friends, but I don’t want things to be weird between us. She’s the first girl I’ve ever properly kissed and I’m just feeling quite confused about the whole situation. I thought she enjoyed it, or at the very least was ok with it and I’m not sure why she doesn’t want to talk about it now. I don’t want to put her in an uncomfortable situation, but I’m just feeling so lost. I would appreciate any advice. Thanks.

SadAV My husband is Gay
  • replies: 26

Hi, after 14 years my husband has told me he is gay. We have 2 beautiful children and I honestly did not see it coming. He he tells me he still loves me and doesn’t want to lose his best friend. I love him and always will I am gutted but want to supp... View more

Hi, after 14 years my husband has told me he is gay. We have 2 beautiful children and I honestly did not see it coming. He he tells me he still loves me and doesn’t want to lose his best friend. I love him and always will I am gutted but want to support him. We aren’t planning on separating yet but I’m sure it will come in due course. I want ant to stay strong for him and the kids but can’t stop crying. I’m lost