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I think I'm a lesbian but am in a relationship with a male

Community Member

So my partner and I have been together for almost 5 years. I identify as bi but have not been with a female since I was a bit younger, before my partner.

Over the past year I have become very disinterested in sex and even the thought of other males doesn't appeal to me but women do. I would love to experiment more but I am not going to cheat, i do not want to hurt him.

I love him and we have an emotional connection and get on really well but I am just very unhappy recently. i started taking anti depressants which worked after trial and error but I am back to this feeling that something in my life isn't right, which is my sex life.

I would love to give my partner what he needs but I can't. He doesn't know and I don't know how to tell him the feelings I'm having.

I think I need to leave the relationship because I can tell deep down he's not happy too. I also feel I need time to explore this part of me and figure out who I really am.

I am looking for advice on how to approach the conversation with my partner when I tell him and end the relationship, and also any other advice on my situation.

thank you in advance

2 Replies 2

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi, welcome

I'm by no means an expert but I do have a view.

Sometimes things come along that we have no control on. It isn't anyone's fault.

In this case you have love and friendship with your guy. Certainly the friendship part is best to keep if at all possible. But if that doesn't happen then your guy has made choices that are out of your control, you'll have to respect that.

I think therefore you should pursue your desires. Good luck.

Find yourself.


Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hello Hjker, and a warm welcome to the site.

I agree with Tony here, you can still love your partner but now it's a different way from how you did when you first starting dating and once being intimate isn't the same as it used to be and either of you aren't satisfied then a problem may well be the cause.

Why don't you suggest a separation to try and 'rejuvenate' yourselves, he may well believe this is a good idea and perhaps only wishing for this idea to be said by you, then you can decide who stays and who's the one to move out, then you can search for who you believe you are.

If he's not happy then may be you're not going to upset him and he too may want to explore the new ventures he's been wanting to do a long time ago, so approach it however you want to, because if you don't then the question you've asked is only going to bother you.