Immediate support
Immediate support

Sexuality and gender identity

Peer support and conversations about anxiety, depression and other issues in the mental health space affecting LGBTQI+ people.

Start a discussion

FAQ

Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

View the FAQ

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

View the guidelines
Jump to
Start a discussion

Pinned discussions

BeyondBlue Welcome! Read this to learn more about this section of the Forums
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Sexuality and Gender identity section of the Beyond Blue Forums. This is a safe space to discuss sexuality and gender identity and share with others who have a lived experience of how these factors impact their mental he... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Sexuality and Gender identity section of the Beyond Blue Forums. This is a safe space to discuss sexuality and gender identity and share with others who have a lived experience of how these factors impact their mental health and wellbeing. We welcome all conversations here and want to know how you feel and what has helped you to be your best self. A few important tips and rules for this section are below. What is important is that this is a welcoming, kind and supportive space for everyone. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ+) a safe space to talk about how issues relating to gender identity and sexual orientation impact on mental health and wellbeing. This includes discussion of and support around chronic illnesses such as HIV which disproportionately affect gay, bisexual and other men who have sex with men. As this is a safe and affirming space for LGBTIQ individuals, please note this is not an appropriate space for debating the "rights and wrongs" of homosexuality, bisexuality, or gender fluidity itself. This includes use of terms such as "lifestyle" and "choice". This sub-forum is and always will be a safe and supportive place for LGBTIQ people concerned with what we all need to do to stay well. That said, others are welcome provided they respect that this is primarily a LGBTIQ+ space. Thank you and welcome Beyond Blue

MsPurple LGBT+ members - got a question - need somewhere to start - here is the place
  • replies: 223

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations H... View more

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations Here you can ask questions about anything from questioning your sexuality/gender identity, coming out concerns, dating, mental health etc. If you are an ally (an Ally is a person who considers themselves a friend to the LGBTQ+ community) you are also welcome to come here to be a support to our community and ask questions as well. This is a supportive place for people to discuss their questions and concerns, we are not a place of judgement. As Thumper from the movie Bambi said "If you can't say somethin' nice, don't say nothin' at all." If you are looking for a more social and light hearted conversation might I suggest joining us on the thread under BB social/rainbow cafe. Copy and paste the link: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/bb-social-zone/let's-chat-about-anything Feel free to introduce yourself below and ask any question/s I thought I'd answer one common question in the intro post and this is one I have heard a lot. What do the letters mean? When referring to the community it is shortened to LGBT+ as there are more letters than just the 4. I have put some of the common ones here: Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Transsexual Two-spirited Queer Questioning Intersex Asexual Ally Pansexual Agender Gender Queer Welcome everyone and hope to see you around on this thread and around the BB forums MP

All discussions

Start a discussion

Kremit the Forg Empty inside
  • replies: 12

Hey all. I've always known i was born in the wrong body since childhood. A repressive and emotionally abusive childhood prevented me exploring my gender. I met gay woman whose acceptance of her sexuality triggered my courage to explore my gender. I c... View more

Hey all. I've always known i was born in the wrong body since childhood. A repressive and emotionally abusive childhood prevented me exploring my gender. I met gay woman whose acceptance of her sexuality triggered my courage to explore my gender. I came out last year during lockdown as i had no where to go or people to reinforce my assumed gender. I had to confront my own thoughts and fully accept who i am. I found a psychologist who specialises in LGBTQIA+ and was formally diagnosed with accute gender dysphoria. I was referred to a specialist GP for women's and transgender health and was approved the same day for hormone treatment. I then changed everything admin related early this year (same time as hormones started). Legal name change everywhere i could think of. Legal gender change through Medicare and my passport. Anywhere there is a name field or gender fields i changed it. Gender bullying at my last job forced me to leave. I found a new job where i was accepted as my correct gender. It's going very well and is very confirming just about all of the time. I'm just about always correctly gendered now most places i go. But... Someone i was getting close to, who is non binary and lesbian suggested the only reason women like me back is because they are curious about the effect hormones have on MtF transition. That is I'm still a guy but with boobs now. I've almost given up overnight and have been crying for two days now. I'm emotionally numb and empty inside. I'm seriously questioning my identity and I think I'm a fake and pretending. I'm suicidal again and have never been so low. How can i bounce back?

UnidentifiedShrimp Having a slight crisis atm (I'm new here, sorry if I mess something up :P)
  • replies: 3

Is there a label for being sexually attracted to one gender, but being romantically attracted to another? I've recently realised that I'm sexually attracted to women, but not to men, and now I'm wondering if there's a label for that? I'm sorry if my ... View more

Is there a label for being sexually attracted to one gender, but being romantically attracted to another? I've recently realised that I'm sexually attracted to women, but not to men, and now I'm wondering if there's a label for that? I'm sorry if my wording is a bit off btw, I'm really sleepy xD

No_Idea I don't know who I am anymore
  • replies: 12

I'm a 28 yr old male. I'm scared and confused. Short version; I think i like being in women's clothing. Today I've been wearing nail polish for the first time because I wanted to and every time I see my nails, i feel slightly happy inside. Longer ver... View more

I'm a 28 yr old male. I'm scared and confused. Short version; I think i like being in women's clothing. Today I've been wearing nail polish for the first time because I wanted to and every time I see my nails, i feel slightly happy inside. Longer version; I thought I knew who I was growing up. But recently I've been questioning it. Looking back, I remember in my teens I wasn't sure where I was in the sexual orientation category, straight, gay or bi. I was always called gay from family and others and it would always get to me.I'm not and I can say that with complete certainty. But I did like wearing my sisters' clothing. I would wonder what it would be like to be a girl, even came up with a name I'd use. Always thought penises were gross as well. I get jealous of women because I want to be able to be pretty and beautiful like they are. I'm scared of what the future holds and what I emotional need. I have a daughter and don't want her to grow up feeling like she has to hide whoever she ends up being, because I was too scared to be who I am. I don't know what I'm doing. I know that if I do change somehow, my family will be understanding, but it's the 'I told you' and 'I already knew that'. Because they don't know. I'm not what they jokingly called me. I am attracted to the opposite gender. I just want to be able to be one of them too. I'm so confused. It's really hit hard in the last few days and I don't know why. I've been on the verge of tears numerous times now. I don't know if this is easy to follow, or just jumbled bits of information. But I just needed to put it out there

helpmeplease01 Asexual, Biromantic Lesbian or Bisexual with Repressed Trauma?
  • replies: 1

Hi, In school I always felt uncomfortable talking about sex even though I know it's normal I remember sex ed classes at12yo feeling uncomfortable talking about periods, puberty, sex which is normal. Growing up however, I'm laidback discussing periods... View more

Hi, In school I always felt uncomfortable talking about sex even though I know it's normal I remember sex ed classes at12yo feeling uncomfortable talking about periods, puberty, sex which is normal. Growing up however, I'm laidback discussing periods, women's sexual development and can laugh with friends. Except I've recently realized that it's men's sexual development and bodies that I find repulsive and disturbing. Not only with previous sexual experiences in past relationships have I found them gross, but anything that even resembles a penis (for example- cookies). I just find myself feeling deeply uncomfortable. I dont feel this with anything resembling women's bodies though I always felt romantic attraction to guys and have enjoyed going on dates and cuddling and kissing. I've felt sexual excitement with my previous boyfriend and felt like I really wanted to take things further. However, when seeing his genitalia I just feel this like "brick wall". I'd be thinking thoughts like, "I want to feel closer to you" and "I really want to make you feel good", however I just felt like I couldn't even touch his genitalia for too long, having mixed feelings of enticement and revulsion. My previous romantic partners have always been laidback and have never pressured or emotionally coerced me into anything I'm uncomfortable with. Recently I considered whether the past could have changed effected future relationships but im unsure? I remember some child-on-child sexual relations- once at 5yo and a couple times at 9yo. He was the same age as me. As a child and neither of us really understanding consent. I went along with it. I never did make sexual contact with him. I remember later feeling regret and ashamed for kissing on mouth and lower stomach area though. I tried not to think about it too much after that. It became a memory that I would only very very rarely think about briefly. I kind of just carried on with life later on and didn't think it could impact me until recently, still unsure though? Ive also felt crushes and sexual attraction towards girls that Ill explore in future. Ive been reading the am I a lesbian masterdoc online which I can relate to a fair bit. I'm just unsure of past child-on-child relations caused trauma? whether it impacts future relationships? or just lesbian/ ace? Thoughts?

Kat_Kai1067 Homophobic Parents
  • replies: 6

How do I deal with homophobic parents? I came out to them and they said they support but the mis gender me, dead name me and use the wrong pronouns. I'm so close to running away.

How do I deal with homophobic parents? I came out to them and they said they support but the mis gender me, dead name me and use the wrong pronouns. I'm so close to running away.

Gabs_ Online Event for Anyone Interested
  • replies: 0

Hi all, Just thought I'd post in here for anyone that is interested that author Lucia Osborne-Crowley is doing an online event on Tuesday 14 September 2021 from 6pm - 7pm (AEST) about her book, In My Body Keeps Your Secrets. In her book Lucia shares ... View more

Hi all, Just thought I'd post in here for anyone that is interested that author Lucia Osborne-Crowley is doing an online event on Tuesday 14 September 2021 from 6pm - 7pm (AEST) about her book, In My Body Keeps Your Secrets. In her book Lucia shares the voices of women and trans and non-binary people around the world, as well as her own deeply moving testimony. She writes of vulnerability, acceptance and the reclaiming of ourselves, all in defiance of a world where atrocities are committed and survivors are repeatedly told to carry the weight of that shame. Widely researched and boldly argued, this book reveals the secrets our bodies bury deep within them, the way trauma can rewrite our biology, and how our complicated relationships with sex affect our connection with others. You can book tickets (free) here: https://www.trybooking.com/events/landing?eid=787640& G

est72 Not wanting to accept the fact that I might be genderfluid and just generally confused about my gender.
  • replies: 2

I just wanted to rant quickly: I have nothing against genderfluid people, I greatly support them, but for some reason, I can't accept the fact that I might be one myself? Even if I am I'm just not sure if coming out is worth it because I am aware of ... View more

I just wanted to rant quickly: I have nothing against genderfluid people, I greatly support them, but for some reason, I can't accept the fact that I might be one myself? Even if I am I'm just not sure if coming out is worth it because I am aware of the intense judgement I will receive if I do, and the whole concept of genderfluidity is still very confusing to me. All I know is that a lot of the time I feel and picture myself as a male (I'm a female at birth), but I am not uncomfortable possessing the body parts and physique of a female, and I enjoy being a female and doing 'feminine' things. Even if I were to be trans (FTM) it is also very confusing, and I am aware that I don't have the natural build or features to ever feel fully male, and again I don't feel uncomfortable or dysphoric in my female body. With that being said though, I can't help but feel happy whenever someone refers to me with male pronouns and titles. I also don't think I am non-binary because I want to identify as either female or male. It could also be the fact that I enjoy dominance and having the upper hand, which from a societal perspective is often associated with being male. Do I want to be female or male? For some reason I can't understand how to combine the two, I feel like I need to be one or the other. I'll definitely do some research into this but some advice on what this all means would be greatly appreciated

bdd84 Feeling regretful and depressed that I missed my teenage years due to being in the closet.
  • replies: 9

Hi all. I am currently 37 years old and struggling a lot at the moment with feelings of regret and depression that I wasted my teenage years and have missed out on a lot of experiences. I have always had social anxiety and this only got worse once I ... View more

Hi all. I am currently 37 years old and struggling a lot at the moment with feelings of regret and depression that I wasted my teenage years and have missed out on a lot of experiences. I have always had social anxiety and this only got worse once I realized I am gay. Due to this I have been very introverted and felt unworthy of friendships and romantic relationships. As I previously stated I am 37 years old and I have still not had a relationship of any kind and I am still a virgin. I honestly feel hopeless because I have allowed fear to rob me of fulfilling relationships. I would like to meet people and possibly have a relationship but I feel like no one will want to be with me when I tell them I have no relationship or sexual experience. Was hoping to get some advice.

IAMTHEONE Questioning my sexuality
  • replies: 19

Apparently I made an account on here back way back in 2014, haven't gone by this name in ages. I'm not really sure who to talk to about this so I thought I'd try here, I won't go into too much detail about certain things here since it may not be enti... View more

Apparently I made an account on here back way back in 2014, haven't gone by this name in ages. I'm not really sure who to talk to about this so I thought I'd try here, I won't go into too much detail about certain things here since it may not be entirely *ahem* appropriate so I'll do my best to keep it clean. Anyway, I'll just give a quick backstory. I came out as Transgender quite a few years back and have gone through HRT and all that, after a while I sort of came to the conclusion that I'm not actually Transgender but rather probably just a really effeminate guy, and I'm actually rather content with that. As far as relationships go, I've never been in one mostly because I never really put in the time to find someone apart from a few crushes I had way back when I was a teen. in recent years I kind of just never bothered with it and thought that a relationship wasn't important to me or that I may possibly be Asexual. So, for the past month I've had a few strange things happen to me that has made me question question whether my sexuality is what I always thought it was. I always assumed I was straight since I did find women attractive, but I never had any real deep sexual attraction towards women, I just though it was just how I was. It all started when I began having intense dreams and fantasies about men, I thought if I were going to have anything like that it would be with a woman. Along with a few other things I found myself being leaning towards men than women, which is confusing me to no end. I'm not sure if its anything, I've been like this for a while but its only been the last month I've started to think about it seriously. It might be a phase, or maybe I'm just thinking to much. Well, thanks for getting to the end of this wall of text, if anyone has any thoughts or something it would be greatly appreciated since I'm not havening much luck figuring it out myself.

i_like_cows Am I Trans?
  • replies: 2

For the past few years I've been really questioning my gender identity. I am AFAB and for the past six months I have identified as gender fluid, but in the past months I'm beginning to realise I never really feel feminine and much prefer masculine te... View more

For the past few years I've been really questioning my gender identity. I am AFAB and for the past six months I have identified as gender fluid, but in the past months I'm beginning to realise I never really feel feminine and much prefer masculine terms, pronouns and presentation. I'm not sure if I ever did feel feminine or if I was just too young and uneducated to understand what the difference between femininity and masculinity is. I also worry that since I have previously identified as gender fluid, that this is just an extended period of time where I feel masculine and I'm not ftm. I have considered the fact that I might be non-binary and went by they/them pronouns for a bit, but it never felt as nice as imagining myself as a boy. I really like the idea of being a teenage boy now, but I don't like to picture myself as an adult man, however that would look. But I don't like to imagine myself as an adult woman either. I worry that I am overthinking things and that because I am in my later teens (17) this is just a 'faze'. I worry that if I commit and affirm my gender I might de-transition later down the track. I know there is nothing wrong with this but I worry that I'll be ridiculed by family/friends if this does happen. I also worry that I'll never be perceived as a 'real boy' and all my efforts would go to waste and it would be easier to live as a girl. I have a rough relationship with my physical appearance, I carry a bit of fat on my stomach and legs, and I don't know if the discomfort I feel in my body is due to that, gender dysphoria, or a mix of both. I plan to shed that weight and invest in a binder and see how I feel from there, but that will take months and I feel very uncomfortable in my own body, when people refer to me with feminine pronouns and my given name and being perceived as a girl. I genuinely don't know what to do. Any advice?