Sexuality and gender identity

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Welcome! Read this to learn more about this section of the Forums

replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Sexuality and Gender Identity section of the Beyond Blue Forums. This is a safe space to discuss sexuality and gender identity and share with others who have a lived experience of how these factors impact their mental health and wellbeing. We welcome all conversations here and want to know how you feel and what has helped you to be your best self. A few important tips and rules for this section are below. What is important is that this is a welcoming, kind and supportive space for everyone. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ+) a safe space to talk about how issues relating to gender identity and sexual orientation impact on mental health and wellbeing. This includes discussion of and support around chronic illnesses such as HIV which disproportionately affect gay, bisexual and other men who have sex with men. As this is a safe and affirming space for LGBTIQ+ individuals, please note this is not an appropriate space for debating the "rights and wrongs" of homosexuality, bisexuality, or gender fluidity itself. This includes use of terms such as "lifestyle" and "choice". This sub-forum is and always will be a safe and supportive place for LGBTIQ+ people concerned with what we all need to do to stay well. That said, others are welcome provided they respect that this is primarily a LGBTIQ+ space. Thank you and welcome Beyond Blue

by BeyondBlue •

Community Manager•

Posted in Sexuality and gender identity

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04-03-2025

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LGBT+ members - got a question - need somewhere to start - here is the place

replies: 224

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations Here you can ask questions about anything from questioning your sexuality/gender identity, coming out concerns, dating, mental health etc. If you are an ally (an Ally is a person who considers themselves a friend to the LGBTQ+ community) you are also welcome to come here to be a support to our community and ask questions as well. This is a supportive place for people to discuss their questions and concerns, we are not a place of judgement. As Thumper from the movie Bambi said "If you can't say somethin' nice, don't say nothin' at all." If you are looking for a more social and light hearted conversation might I suggest joining us on the thread under BB social/rainbow cafe. Copy and paste the link: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/bb-social-zone/let's-chat-about-anything Feel free to introduce yourself below and ask any question/s I thought I'd answer one common question in the intro post and this is one I have heard a lot. What do the letters mean? When referring to the community it is shortened to LGBT+ as there are more letters than just the 4. I have put some of the common ones here: Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Transsexual Two-spirited Queer Questioning Intersex Asexual Ally Pansexual Agender Gender Queer Welcome everyone and hope to see you around on this thread and around the BB forums MP

by MsPurple •

Blue Voices Member•

Posted in Sexuality and gender identity

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22-08-2017

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224 unread

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Withdrawal from world.

replies: 22

I transitioned from M to F across 2004–2007, in the job from which I’ve recently retired. Before 2004 i was married, with kids. That ended [not my choice] once my secret unexpectedly burst out. My birth family have stood by me. My transition objective was to become simply one more anonymous woman in the crowd, blend in, raise no eyebrows, move amongst ordinary society as an unremarkable female. Attention-seeking was/is anathema to me. My carefully researched action plan was implemented over that 4-year span; in essence RLE, HRT, Electrology, Trach shave, speech pathology, FFS, Breast Augmentation & finally SRS. The logistics were complex, the cost [financial & emotional] huge, & the final outcome [vs my objective] was a failure. Yes I finally was free of that awful genitalia, & had its long-desired replacement. Though a source of comfort & satisfaction for me, the public can only see what’s not under my skirt or blouse when assessing my gender. Despite all my careful research, selection of leading practitioners, & hard work, my hopes were dashed by the time i emerged out the other end of the tunnel. The Trach shave brought only minimal improvement to the ghastly bulge, & the extensive $$$ FFS produced a barely amended face that to this day i cannot look at in the mirror without a visceral reaction of loathing. I simply never see the woman who was needed. From 2007 to 2009 i forced myself just to ignore my extreme negative self-assessment & also the stares, double-takes, smirks etc. Though many people were respectful, generous & kind, nothing conquered my dire view, nor the many visual cues of random strangers which proved over & over that my objective was unattained. By the end of 2009 i officially gave up, & withdrew from the world. With only rare exceptions i just do not leave my house. I have no social life at all, & little self-belief. My clinical depression is severe, & a bad social phobia with it. My GP is aware of all this, & has tried to support me over the years since my transition began. I have tried various SSRIs, psychotherapy counselling, CBT, & various online courses. Clarity is important here -- my depression & social phobia are from the failure of my transition, NOT that i regret trying. Though some weeks & months are better than others, in general i still cry a lot, day & night, including often waking up in tears. I have no vision of a good future, only more ongoing lonely torment. I have suicidal thoughts often. This is my “life”.

Questioning Sexuality?

replies: 1

I have had a bit of a rocky path with relationships. I started dating my ex when I was 14 and dated him for 4 years (I am a girl). We had a hard relationship lots of mental health problems, he emotionally abused/manipulated me and would coerce me/guilt me into sex after I said no. When I was younger I always said I could never be with another girl as the thought of it made me feel weird and uncomfortable. When we broke up I got a new job not long after where I met my best friend. We became friends really quickly and got really close and began to get feelings for each other. This was really confusing for me because I didn’t know I could have a feelings for another girl. Eventually we began dating a year after me and my ex had broken up. She’s helped me come to terms with everything he did to me and understand how it impacted me a bit more. We have been together 3 months shy of 2 years and I’m now not sure if I am gay. Sometimes being physical with her and hugging and cuddling etc feels good and normal and other times it feels uncomfortable. I tried to talk to her about being unsure about my sexuality and who I am as a person and that I’m not happy with my life at the moment cause I never explored who I am and now im stuck doing the same thing day in day out. She convinced me to try for 3 more months but I’m not sure if I should now. Will I feel better in our relationship again or the fact that I’m feeling this way now I should end it and be by myself for a bit. I do love her and it hurts to think about living without her but at the same time I’m constantly thinking about experimenting with other people and trying to live life on my own

Choosing harmony over happiness

replies: 4

Hi, I am a 30 year old gay man. I came out to my immediate family when I was 24 and they were all fine with it but it has something that we have never really spoken about since the same thing happened with a few close mates. I am still uncomfortable with my sexuality and i guess i was waiting for them to encourage me to become more comfortable with it which never happened. I feel like I'm at the point where i need to come out all over again to them which feels silly. I have chosen to hide my true self because it was easier i guess. I'm at a point in life where most of my mates are getting married, buying houses and having kids and i still feel uncomfortable going on dates with guys, I want to get to a point where i can be in a healthy relationship and share life with that person but don't know how to get there Not sure what I'm looking for in response to this post but it feels good to type it out and get it off my chest.

My children's father is transgender

replies: 18

My ex husband of 6 mths has not told our children ( twin boys 20 and a daughter 15 ) that he is transgender and has started to transition to a women. I have struggled big time with it and have started to see a psychologist which has helped. He has agreed to tell the kids with his psychologist and me. I have no idea how the kids will react they are good respectful kids but I feel they have no idea this is coming ....I didn't when he told me... I was totally blindsided. Is there any support grps for children with a transgender parent. ( Before anyone comments on me using the words husband and he ... I am not ready to change over just yet ) Thanks

Finding gay friends

replies: 13

Hi, this is my first attempt to say that I am gay. I think nobody knows i am gay. The culture I come from doesn't allow to be gay. So until now I wasn't daring to find gay friends or partner. But now I am feeling like I will die living false life & will regret forever if I don't act now. I am trying to find someone around me who is gay as well. But no success yet. How I can find reliable & trustworthy gay friends. I am scared to search online as I have heard not many good things. Can anyone suggest me a way to find friends? Or are there safe sites for this? Any suggestions are welcome. Thanks

help with identity

replies: 1

My name is shelby im in year 7. I have severe depression and bpd... HELP. every day i feel opressed by my peers and religoius family. its because they dont understand how i really feel. Recently i have been questioning my identity and when i finally find one that i think suits me all im met with is slander. But it really feels like me i just dont get why they cant accept me. Ive always felt like im not a human but nobody gets what i mean. I have always felt like i was some kind of different animal, maybe in a past life, such as a goblin. I have tried joining my schools LGBTQ+ club but when i told them how i feel they all treated me as a joke and i no longer want to go there anymore. I feel so lost when nobody else understands the way i feel. All i want is to be able to find another person like me, who feels like a goblin. My dream in life is to be around other people who feel like me and... maybe make a goblin clan that would be great. Im sorry if everyone thinks im weird here i just dont know where else to go when every other place has shut me out... send me your suggestions as to how i can manage please

What if ur parents don't like LGBQIA+ people but u think u might be bi

replies: 2

[ Female, straight to bi ]The thing about having chinese parents is that they never quite understand the pride people. Once I heard them talking about it, all my mom says is things like, " they're disgusting", "why whould anyone be that?". My dad's not any better. I'm not saying I shouldn't respect them, but just the way the call 'pride' struck me like a lighting over and over again... problem is I'm bi, or a bi who's terrified to tell her parents about it a bi who's also got quite a lot of other mental problems ( anxiety, depression, and many more )

Confused and fed up lol

replies: 3

So I'll get straight to the point. I'm still a minor, but I'm pretty sure I'm asexual (and maybe aromantic but im not quite sure yet). My parents are homophobic. Not outrightly so, and they'd deny it if you ever accused them, but they're always subtly hating on LGBT and making mean jokes and sly digs at the whole thing. My mum goes through my social media from time to time, and I know she reads through my text messages (which I find very unsettling and frustrating but I dont want to confront her about it) so I just dont feel like I have a real safe space where I can talk to my friends about stuff except at school. But its currently school holidays so I cant chat to them either. This probably sounds pretty trivial and all over the place, but its really getting me down and I just dont know what to do anymore. Ive only gotten over some really bad depression in the last year, but it sometimes comes back up and I feel like i cant really ask my parents to let me have therapy sessions again because I've already 'gotten over it', but honestly i could really use it and ive got a whole lotta other crap I want to have someone to talk to about. I love my parents, but at the moment, im just avoiding them as much as i can and its making me miserable. I dunno what to do.

Where do I get the courage from to come out as Gay

replies: 4

Hi 50plus married Firefighter. I know i was gay in my teens, but because of the pressures and hatred of Gay people back in the 60's,70's,80's and 90's and also lack of internet I live my life as a 'straight' man.. It was just easier. My parents, especially my Dad was homophobic, and thought gay people had a sickness.. O ver the years ,after i got married the first time ,the true me started to surface and i hated myself for it.. But after a long time accepted who I was. But being married i just could come out. Then when that marriage broke down , I for some reason started dating more women.. Even though i had started to come out to some family and close friends.. Any I followed my usual routine and ended up marrying again.It's been 4 years now and my yearning for men is at an all time high.. I have promised myself that i will never cheat on my wife,and i will stand by that.. Although I am on a couple of gay sites and chat to some guys( I know still being dishonest and technically cheat).. What do I do? I love my wife and i know coming out in the fire brigade wont be easy.. Thanks

I feel trapped in Adelaide

replies: 9

The name says it all, really. I live in Adelaide; I have all my life. That said, I’ve never once been happy living here - I’ve wanted to live in the States ideally; somewhere where there was a vibrant LGBT scene and a nightlife, and where it catered to all ages. Here it feels like there’s barely anything. Most of my friends are also located in the US, so that’s a major determining factor, too (I know it’s not exactly a welcome or safe space for LGBT people, but it’s where it feels like all the opportunities are). A friend of mine suggested moving to Melbourne, but…I don’t want to - I’ve always dreamed of being in the US (that dream has since become somewhat impossible due to issues with a past ex - TLDR: I can’t imagine going anywhere else other than his State and doing a road trip, but that isn’t possible with how things are right now). Even if I wanted to live in Melbourne, I can’t just “jump in blind”, and the friends I have in Melbourne are either unable or unwilling to help me. They say “spend a week or two here to see how you like it and if it suits” and then also go “we can’t accommodate, though”. It’s understandable and reasonable, but it’s just…frustrating. To top it all off, my mum passed recently, so I need to try and organise the house to possibly rent room (or the whole thing), especially if I decide to move. Right now…I’m just worried about time passing and me getting older. I don’t want to “age-gate” anything, but I also am aware that certain scenes agave certain “acceptable” age brackets. I could probably do Melbourne relatively soon, but the States has me existentially despairing. If I want to get there, I need to heal myself so I can approach my ex (who still says he’s up for being friends), then I’d need to develop that friendship to the point of asking if I could visit add it be acceptable, then I’d need to plan… I’ve wanted to do this for years, but I’ve only recently been able to…and even now I still can’t. I keep thinking “if only I’d known about how my ex felt sooner” (basically he was pretending he was okay and just being polite so he wouldn’t be “the bad guy” in the situation) then I could’ve started that process sooner, so I wouldn’t be looking at such a long road ahead. So…yeah: I want to get out of Adelaide, but I don’t really have a definitive end goal. People say Melbourne but that’s what they want me to want; I’ve always wanted the States, but can’t even consider going there now…all whilst I’m stuck here.

Welcome! Read this to learn more about this section of the Forums replies: 0

LGBT+ members - got a question - need somewhere to start - here is the place replies: 224

Withdrawal from world. replies: 22

Questioning Sexuality? replies: 1

Choosing harmony over happiness replies: 4

My children's father is transgender replies: 18

Finding gay friends replies: 13

help with identity replies: 1

What if ur parents don't like LGBQIA+ people but u think u might be bi replies: 2

Confused and fed up lol replies: 3

Where do I get the courage from to come out as Gay replies: 4

I feel trapped in Adelaide replies: 9