Sexuality and gender identity

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MsPurple LGBT+ members - got a question - need somewhere to start - here is the place
  • replies: 219

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations H... View more

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations Here you can ask questions about anything from questioning your sexuality/gender identity, coming out concerns, dating, mental health etc. If you are an ally (an Ally is a person who considers themselves a friend to the LGBTQ+ community) you are also welcome to come here to be a support to our community and ask questions as well. This is a supportive place for people to discuss their questions and concerns, we are not a place of judgement. As Thumper from the movie Bambi said "If you can't say somethin' nice, don't say nothin' at all." If you are looking for a more social and light hearted conversation might I suggest joining us on the thread under BB social/rainbow cafe. Copy and paste the link: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/bb-social-zone/let's-chat-about-anything Feel free to introduce yourself below and ask any question/s I thought I'd answer one common question in the intro post and this is one I have heard a lot. What do the letters mean? When referring to the community it is shortened to LGBT+ as there are more letters than just the 4. I have put some of the common ones here: Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Transsexual Two-spirited Queer Questioning Intersex Asexual Ally Pansexual Agender Gender Queer Welcome everyone and hope to see you around on this thread and around the BB forums MP

Chris_B IMPORTANT: Information and guidelines for posting in this section
  • replies: 0

The Sexuality & Gender Identity space is a sub-forum within the wider beyondblue forum community. 1. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ) a safe spa... View more

The Sexuality & Gender Identity space is a sub-forum within the wider beyondblue forum community. 1. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ) a safe space to talk about how issues relating to gender identity and sexual orientation impact on mental health and wellbeing. 2. This includes discussion of and support around chronic illnesses such as HIV which disproportionately affect gay, bisexual and other men who have sex with men. 3. As this is a safe and affirming space for LGBTIQ individuals, please note this is not an appropriate space for debating the "rights and wrongs" of homosexuality, bisexuality, or gender fluidity itself. This includes use of terms such as "lifestyle" and "choice". 4. This sub-forum is and always will be a safe and supportive place for LGBTIQ people concerned with what we all need to do to stay well. That said, others are welcome provided they respect that this is primarily a LGBTIQ space. 5. If you do not identify as LGBTIQ, or are not currently supporting someone in your life who is LGBTIQ, and are curious about aspects of sexuality or gender identity, please read through beyondblue’s resources for and about LGBTIQ people here to educate yourself rather than posting in this section.

All discussions

Dean21 27 years old confused about sexuality for the first time
  • replies: 3

Hey guys, I am a 27 year old guy and I have been straight all my life. I have never had a single urge/desire/thought to do anything of a homosexual nature, never ever have questioned my sexuality and have always been obsessed with girls my whole life... View more

Hey guys, I am a 27 year old guy and I have been straight all my life. I have never had a single urge/desire/thought to do anything of a homosexual nature, never ever have questioned my sexuality and have always been obsessed with girls my whole life. I did a reiki healing session about 7 weeks ago and since then, I have had a strong desire to explore my homosexual fantasies. I have also lost all attraction to women. I can't even masturbate to them, I don't get as turned on as I do with gay fantasies since that reiki session. I am very scared- will my attraction to women come back? I have loved women all my life and I feel that I have woken up as gay overnight after the Reiki session. I don't know what happened and I am terrified Any advice would be appreciated, thank you

DaffyDuck_ Confusion about sexuality for 2 years
  • replies: 4

Hello, I've been questioning my sexuality a lot over the years but especially the last two. I don't know whether I'm bi, omni, lesbian, asexual, or just really anything. I remember all my crushes have been boys when I was younger, but had always said... View more

Hello, I've been questioning my sexuality a lot over the years but especially the last two. I don't know whether I'm bi, omni, lesbian, asexual, or just really anything. I remember all my crushes have been boys when I was younger, but had always said to others that if my crush/boy tried to ask me out, kiss me, hug, etc, I would always reject them because I never wanted to do that. This made me question recently if I even like them, or just like the idea of them. This is embarrassing but 2D men, YES. Real men, idk probs not. Last year when I became a bit more familiar with my sexuality, I realised I probably do like girls. (I'm not sure if I'm fully accepting that myself) but I recently had a crush on a girl, I wanted to kiss her and be with her with no hesitation. But the idea of sex is very eh, like I'm not interested in it and I think I would feel very uncomfortable ever doing it. I think I could have sex if my partner was interested in it. The thing with sex is I always think about it, sometimes I have desire for it. But I don't think I would ever really actually wanna do it, it's seems really odd to me and not exciting. It's probably because I learnt what sex was very young and learnt BDSM and etc also at a very young age. So I'm just used it and I don't see the hype. I thought I was lesbian after reading 'Am I Lesbian?' online docs, but then felt like maybe I could be missing out on guys, or maybe I don't like guys because I've never really had good experiences with them besides a couple who were my friends. Then I question if I even like girls because I rarely have crushes. When I was younger, I thought I liked a guy but realised I just found him really funny and fun to hang around. I became a closeted lesbian, then omni, now asexual?? It's so confusing and I know it's not something to rush but I don't think I'll ever find out since I don't like having crushes or no one ever really likes me so it makes it even harder to find out. I don't like feeling confused so I'm pretty desperate to figure it out. Any advice or opinions?

spunkyturtle I am gay......
  • replies: 1

so I fell in love with my support worker, it ended badly. I'm not coping well. I've been seeing an escort since late November, I thought it would be easier to experiment to see if I am gay with a professional, you might say. It has worked out well fo... View more

so I fell in love with my support worker, it ended badly. I'm not coping well. I've been seeing an escort since late November, I thought it would be easier to experiment to see if I am gay with a professional, you might say. It has worked out well for me, it has given me someone to talk to as well, so it's not just about the intimacy. Now I am stressed out, what if I never find a partner? I kinda feel like I spend all my money on the escort and buying lotto tickets so I can spend more time with her. It's a weird situation. Plus my Mother has always said if I am gay she'd disown me, so got to keep that secret. Sad part is my mental health support person got a restraining order against me, she couldn't deal with the fact I was flirting with her, buying her gifts, etc so she got an AVO. I just accepted it. I don't want anything to do with her anyway. So hard when I have barely anyone to talk to about this.

Tamrby gonna make this quick
  • replies: 7

uh, so my counsellor that I saw today, and she was very sweet and accepting of me, but she kept using odd wording, she like kept saying things like "so do your parents support your choice of being a lesbian, and the decision you made?" I- can anyone ... View more

uh, so my counsellor that I saw today, and she was very sweet and accepting of me, but she kept using odd wording, she like kept saying things like "so do your parents support your choice of being a lesbian, and the decision you made?" I- can anyone spot the flaw here? I would definitely not choose to like the same sex (I mean don't get me wrong I'm proud of who I am but it can really suck sometimes) plus my family is homophobic so if I could choose I would definitely choose to just like boys. Anyways it really rubbed me the wrong way even though she seemed genuinely supportive the wording uh, was definitely bad. I don't know maybe I'm just being sensitive, It doesn't make my like super upset or anything I just wanted rant and get some opinions from others! thanks - tambry

uhhhhhh how do I come out to my brother..?
  • replies: 4

hey Ive kind of got a few questions I thought some people might be able to help me with im a transmasc guy and I've started using new name and pronouns with all my friends and some of my teachers now which is great but my mum hasn't really bothered w... View more

hey Ive kind of got a few questions I thought some people might be able to help me with im a transmasc guy and I've started using new name and pronouns with all my friends and some of my teachers now which is great but my mum hasn't really bothered with that stuff..do I sit down with her and talk about it? (scary) she used my name once or twice but then said it was "too hard" at dinner, in front of my brother who I hadn't come out to..how do I approach this conversation without mucking it up lol. Another thing is that I would like my brother to start using new name and pronouns but he's 12 and I'm not sure how to explain my situation to him.. any help?

mixiekat74 Would Like To Give Myself a Label
  • replies: 4

I am a 22-year-old cisgender woman and have been thinking about my sexuality as of late and would like to give myself a label. I am mostly attracted to men, but there are times I do find some women and even men dressing in drag attractive. I have nev... View more

I am a 22-year-old cisgender woman and have been thinking about my sexuality as of late and would like to give myself a label. I am mostly attracted to men, but there are times I do find some women and even men dressing in drag attractive. I have never dated or experimented with people and it can be hard for me to connect with anyone. I am socially awkward IRL and online and I hardly get out as I live in an isolated town with less than 30 people and don’t have a driver’s license to go anywhere. I feel more attractive to guys than women, but I don’t think I connect or feel comfortable around them, as I like spending time and connect better with girls, but I only feel the occasional attractiveness with them and wouldn’t mind experimenting when the time comes. Would there be a name for it?

kellyd Recently out and a bit unsure of the 'what next'
  • replies: 2

Hi everyone, I came out to my family and friends in June last year. I live in Melbourne and so such a long time locked down really gave me time to think about the positive impact being my authentic self to everyone, every time could have on my life. ... View more

Hi everyone, I came out to my family and friends in June last year. I live in Melbourne and so such a long time locked down really gave me time to think about the positive impact being my authentic self to everyone, every time could have on my life. I decided that after living a lot of my life knowing I was keeping a part of myself from the world, it was time to be me 100% and be proud of that. Prior to that, I was married to a heterosexual man and had never discussed being gay with my friends or family. Coming out has been one of the best choices I ever made. Whilst being my true self all the time without apology comes with some difficulties and challenges I wasn't expecting (a good example is being shouted at from a car by a group of men) my mental health has significantly improved compared to before. Even though I see all positives in my life now and I am VERY blessed to be someone who came out to a supportive family and chosen family, I have a million mixed feelings about my life now and I'm not really sure where to start or how to unpack or unravel them so they make sense to me. I know I can't be the only person who has felt this way before and so I'd love to hear anyone's thoughts on how I might start to be able to identify each feeling or emotion I'm having separately so I can work through them. At the moment it feels like a giant mess and I don't know where to start. Thanks Kelly

PsychedelicFur My estrange mum’s partner
  • replies: 6

Hello there, ok so just over a year and four months ago my mum decided to walk out on my father. They had been married for a bit over twenty three years and she started to emotionally cheat on my dad with another man. Now her and that other man are n... View more

Hello there, ok so just over a year and four months ago my mum decided to walk out on my father. They had been married for a bit over twenty three years and she started to emotionally cheat on my dad with another man. Now her and that other man are no longer together for many personal reasons. However she is now engaged to someone who somewhat confuses me and I need some insight on this issue and situation. He is a man, biologically. However, when he feels like it he will wear women’s clothing. He admitted that he is never going to pursue any hormone tablets or undergo any surgical procedures to help him change his gender. However, he identifies as a female and shares photos of women kissing women all over his profile on a certain social media platform. Bare in mind he doesn’t always wear females clothing by the looks of it and yet he still identifies as a female yet he isn’t going to do anything about his genitalia. I’m very confused? This individual does not have any breasts etc. Could someone please provide some insight to this issue for me as I am really truly confused and don’t know if my mother is going through a midlife crisis or something. My mother, who now heavily smokes and drinks calls herself a lesbian. Yet she sleeps with this individual who is biologically a man. And they only dress in women’S clothes when he or she feels like it. Yet my mother told me years ago that if I were to turn out gay or bisexual that she should be very disappointed in me. I’m very confused. She has no contact with me and posts older photos of me on her Facebook, from when I was a little bit younger that sleazy old men comment ‘sexy’ and ‘hot’ underneath and she says ‘thank you’ as if to say that’s ok to objectify and speak about my only child in a disgusting and vile way. When she left, way back with her first partner, whom tried to hit on me by rubbing my legs, she told me to ‘get f*cked’ and stuck her finger up at me as the car drove off. I don’t feel safe around her and any men or individuals she is dating or associating with because she always speaks to individuals that sexualise her and sometimes me. looking for answers, PSYCHEDELICFUR.

randomspace Confused and Sad
  • replies: 4

I haven't posted in a while, I have depression anxiety. But that's not the point, I used to think I knew my gender but I don't anymore. I really hate having breasts, I find myself disgusting to look at although logically I don't think that's the case... View more

I haven't posted in a while, I have depression anxiety. But that's not the point, I used to think I knew my gender but I don't anymore. I really hate having breasts, I find myself disgusting to look at although logically I don't think that's the case from others perspectives. My breasts are small but I still hate them. I tried talking to my parents they sympathized but didn't think it was a major issue. My gender seems to change sometimes but not really. I feel sometimes part male and female, sometimes have no gender, sometimes have part a gender. I was told this is gender fluid but I still feel the same, its more of a perspective of myself. I feel uncomfortable going into the female toilets and change rooms at school, but I don't want to go into the male. Its worsening my mood and I'm told I often come across and cold and unfeeling even to my family and friends lately. I suppose that's my emotional state. I don't know what to do about this. Thanks for reading all this