conflicted

[Kara01]

Hi I am at a very difficult time in my life as I want start a discussion with wife about transitioning to a woman.

I have always felt female and wanted to be female but in my generation this would never have been accepted or respected.

I have been married to a wonderful woman for 39 years and I do love her and my children and grandchildren.

I desperately don't want to hurt anyone but I am struggling more than ever with my identity and I don't know how much longer that I can keep my secret from everyone.

Everyday I feel I am just lying to myself and I don't know how much longer I can do this for.

Every time I see a woman of my age I just ask myself why couldn't it have been me that was born female and not trapped in my male body.

I am very concerned about my current state of mind as I can only think about this issue and nothing else.

I started to cross dress from a very early age and only ever felt a complete person when I was dressed in women's clothes.

I am desperate to try and move on with my life but am terrified of the damage that I will cause to my family.

[Lillylane]

Hi Kara

I’m glad to hear you’ve made contact with Shine SA. I’ve not heard of them so I looked up their website. Very good to know there is that service available.

You’ve been through so much this past week. I can understand it’s very difficult and emotionally draining.

I’ve seen how hard it has been for my partner to ‘come out’ and tell people (especially family).

At the same time, being able to be open about it and talk about it, means she was able to move forward with her transition.

So you are making great progress.

Big hugs!

Lillylane

[Kara01]

Hi Lillylane always good to hear from you and thanks again for your words of support all the support that I have received here has made everything just a bit easier to manage knowing that you are all behind me.

I met with my GP tonight and did my mhcp plan which now has been sent off to Shine SA to help support my journey.

Now just need to chill out and wait for them to come back to me, which will take a couple of weeks and just try to get as much of my life under control as possible.

Again thanks everyone who I have chatted with over the last few weeks.

Kara

[Kara01]

Lillylane I have been a bit rude at times because I keep forgetting to ask how you are coping as I know how I feel dealing my anxiety and depression the transition is also very stressful for the partner I hope that you are getting all of the support that you need to cope with all of the changes that are taking place around you.

I hope that your relationship is strong enough for the both of to remain together or at the very least become good friends and hopefully friends for life.

Kara

[Lillylane]

Thanks Kara. You haven’t been rude at all. I’m glad to share experiences and support with you. When my partner first opened up, I found it hard to find other couples going through a similar situation.

Take care,
Lillylane

[Kara01]

Hi all I guess when things aren't going well it just keeps rolling along.

I was very busy yesterday at work and missed a call from a private number that went to voice mail.

When I checked my voice mail it was from Shine SA to discuss my contact details but unfortunately I can't speak to anyone until next week as the intake co-ordinator only work Tues-Thurs and we need to agree on a time for the phone call, so just going to have to patient for a little bit longer before I can speak with a professional councillor.

So all I could do was reply to the email that I received and provide some more details about my problem.

Kara

[Lillylane]

Hi Kara,

I hope you get to speak with Shine this week and look forward to hearing how it goes. Maybe they will be able to recommend psychologists in your area?

[Jo8049]

0400 , -2.7 & falling .

Hi Kara , still here . How are you going ? I share Lilylane's sentiment and also hope shine can organise a psych mush sooner than later . Drop in to Rainbow Cafe any time always welcome .

Look after yourself and try to get some rest . ( not that easy but quite essential ).

Lol Jo 🐾💃

[Kara01]

Thanks Jo & Lillylane

I am hopeful that I will get to speak with Shine this week as I am feeling a bit overwhelmed with everything going on with mum and my problem. Just not coping as well as I thought I would finding that I am exhausted all the time and just wanting to sleep.

I am keeping up with my fitness and exercise but though it's a great release am struggling to enjoy it but I need to keep going so that I can achieve my goals before any transitioning begins. I have hit all of my targets so far but like transitioning is a long process as so will my health and fitness goals be.

Unfortunately things just keep getting harder as I found out today that and old friend who I haven't seen for quite a while is having their life support turned off today. I guess my problem though very real just doesn't compare to what his family is going through right now.

I have to go back to my doctor tomorrow to get a referral to Dr Danae Kent at Shine to discuss gender affirmation.

Going to be a bit of a hectic week as mum is fighting the doctors and health services because she thinks they are trying to move her out of her home and into an aged care centre. This is so far from the truth all they want is get back into home but safely.

She has a home visit on Wednesday to assess her set up at home to make sure it's right for her also they want to do a cognitive test which so far she is refusing as she says fine and doesn't need one but I have a couple of concerns that I need to discuss with my family.

That's the latest for now will keep in touch and update everyone and share new information as it become available.

Kara

[Kara01]

Well have had my first conversation today with Shine and it was one of the best days that I have had in a long time.

The woman that I spoke with was totally amazing at her job, she listened to me pouring out heart to her about what I have been going through for so many years and gave me loads of great feedback.

I felt so much better after the hour that we spent talking about everything about my journey.

I have sent my referral into the doctor but I was informed that it could be a couple of months before I would be able see anyone.

As I have submitted my mhcp my case becomes active now and I will be contacted by a councilor for a face to face meeting shortly.

I was also encouraged to seek other members of our community to try and get a better understanding of what I am going through and what lies ahead once the journey fully begins.

I did have someone locally that I had been just messaging on and off so I made contact today and set up a phone conversation that lasted about 1.5 hours.

It was truly a great experience today to actually talk with some who is currently well into their transition journey.

I came away feeling that there was a great community out there to help support me on my journey.

She told me so many stories about her life leading up to beginning her journey that could have been mine.

What was suggested as the possible best course for me was called informed consent, my new friend has been through the same process so at least we can compare experiences to help me during my journey.

Once again thanks to everyone for listening me, hope everyone has had a great day like me.

Kara

[Lillylane]

Hi Kara, Glad to hear today went so well. It will be a great support for you to know others who have been on a similar journey.