What does this mean , wth is wrong with me, is anyone else like this ? l need so much space.

[Guest_1584]

Hi bb .

Really hoping for some insight and feedback here because l can't afford to see someone.

My partner is down again from her city , been down a few wks now and can stay indefinitely right now as she's had legal business up home but it looks like that could be done for at least this yr now.

We've always lived really well together she's easy to be around , does nothing to make me the way l am no one ever has really although my ex w def' use to get a bit much which also made me head for solitude but at least there was a reason . Thing is , with my partner bow , friends or people around , even my daughter , l just become in desperate need alone time after awhile. lt doresn't matter who it is or how much l enjoy them around , l can only take so much of it but then l just have to get away for some time to myself.

My partner doesn't understand how l'm like this or why and she does nothing to bring it on , being around anyone after a certain amount of time just does and if l don go off and hide out alone for awhile l just gt exhausted and in filthy moods.. l'm talking daily. Even her or say my daughter who is the easiest person you'd get to be around , and she likes her space too , yet even with her.

l mean l'm a fun person and do love some fun and social time , but then ok , l've had enough now l have to go. With my partner if we're both around all day night which l work at home and she only works pt so that's quite often. l'll need a few hours to myself before she gets up , then a few more later in the afternoon and even after that l like if l can get it an hour or so before l go to bed , just alone time. Because although we do sleep beautifully together , l just don't feel like being ion bed bside someone all night without another bit of a break first.

l'm bloody weird , l've always been like this but it is a bit worse now as l'm older and since divorce l've either lived alone or spent a lot of time alone, Wth can't l cope and just enjoy relationships and being with special people like everyone else. My gf can be around me 24 7 , so could my ex w , so can my daughter , wth is wrong with me,

Any feed back appreciated . rx

[Guest_1584]

Heya cm , umm, l'll have to google that one haha.

But nah l only drop in a few minutes here and there, we're slacking it up at my place right now so l wander about on the net a bit haha.

Tbh , l'm in a few forums and take most of them grain of salt apart from bb but in RL yeah for sure you could be onto something. Even if l'm not taking any notice l soak in way too much from any people around, news, tv, anything, got my dads curse, a pretty active mind, need a switch. YOu could be right maybe the alone need might be that. l'm effg weird l know that much.

And thanks too for that but ahh, l don't do much around thee place can't believe the effort sso many really put in even cm your always taking the time and helping many around the place but eh , throw in my 2 cents here and there haha. Anyway , you have yourself a nice chill wkend hey , well as poss' as that can be with kids but anyway.

rx

[Guest_1584]

Speaking of dreams , actually l can't even remember how dreams came up in the thread but anyway, do you forget bad dreams and nightmares ?

Thankfully l don't have many because they really haunt me when l do and l'm scared l won't forget them. That's one of the type of times l make myself dream a good dream later , too hopefully dominate any memory of the bad dream. But l really just don't like having any dreams at all l'd sooner get a nice solid slep and hopefully wake up with a fresh n clear mind.

Can anyone stop dreams all together ?

That's what l'd really love to be able to do so if anyone can feel free to elaborate l'd love to hear about it. l've been trying for yrs but the closest l've came is to make myself dream a good dream after a nightmare. or wake myself up before the nightmare gets too bad and that way l just don't have it .

rx

[therising]

Hi Rx

Not sure if we can stop dreaming completely. Definitely food for thought though, whether the possibility exists. Personally, when things are going well in life, I tend to dream far less or at least I think I do. Maybe I do dream but just can't recall.

I have found nightmares to be quite telling to some degree. Even though they can be stressful at the time, I put every effort into interpreting them. Some are easy, some are not so easy to interpret and some I find to be a wake up call in regard to direction in my waking life. Had a dream the other week where I was in this massive workplace where there were a lot of the familiar faces from my actual work. In my dream I was stressed: The power was off, there were no lights, everyone was relying on me to manage but I kept doubting as to whether to put the fuses back in (once I found someone had taken them out), for fear this action would cause a fire. I had one person yelling at me to make a decision. The maintenance guy showed up with some helpful flood lights but still I was stressed and didn't have the confidence to manage. Without adding more of the details, that's kind of it, in a nutshell. My reality - Sometimes I really do feel like I'm 'working in the dark', not knowing how to manage. As a mum, wife, daughter, friend etc, I have many people who rely on me for direction, to manage. I find I'm often managing ways to manage (making plans) but not taking as much action through these plans. I am undisciplined. There's one thoroughly inspiring person I enjoy chatting to at work and...you wouldn't believe it...it's the maintenance guy. He's such an 'enlightening' and inspiring person. So, what I need in life is more confidence/decisiveness, more discipline and action in how I manage and I need to look to more enlightening people to inspire me when it comes to basic solutions, so I'm not left in the dark so much.

So, I suppose it's about how you perceive dreams or nightmares; they can simply be nice or horrible things or they can be telling to the point where you come to rely on them and don't want them to stop coming. Some folk will even ask for answers to their problems through dreaming, before going to sleep. A friend of mine does this and she says it never fails. She'll always see the problem more clearly through her dreams. When she wakes, she understands what she needs to do in order to make a difference in her life. I believe sometimes dreams are cryptic things, begging for interpretation.

🙂

[Guest_1584]

Hey Rising.

Yeah it's a weird concept to me that some might invite dreams and l know many like to delve into them , me l just like to forget them , even good ones, they really mess with my head. l know the reasons they do and that's even moreso why l'd just rather not have them and forget , but anyway. But hey don't sell yourself short anyone would have trouble putting that fuse back in under that pressure if there were those dangers.

How do you feel about the way lifes turned out and in this day there are so many relying on you ?That's a lot to deal with . l find it's the emotional side of things the scariest with your loved ones relying on you , like my daughter and problems atm . Emotional things ar so serious at times when they're young and can be so deeply complicated . l often thank God we didn't have a tribe haha.

l wonder how he'd feel if he new he inspired you , l really don't like inspiring anyone, it's too much responsibility and l also know only too well things aren't usually as they seem .

rx

[therising]

Hi Rx

I've told the maintenance guy he's inspiring. He tells me how he's made life work has been a trial and error process, before tapping into what makes a positive difference for him in a number of ways. He has a lot of enthusiasm and energy and he puts it down to the differences, seeing the same old same old was exhausting, uninspiring and questionable to some extent.

I get where you're coming from regarding simply not wanting the nightmares. They can definitely be exhausting, as well as messing with that restorative sleep (energy power up) we need to start the next day. I think if nightmares are also having us tap into some 'living nightmare' from the past, no one's going to want to revisit that sort of stuff, especially when they're relying on sleep to some degree to get away from those memories of the past.

Personally, I love raising people. I absolutely love it but it can be exhausting at times, for sure. You know what it's like, sometimes you can be so into raising people in a number of ways only to reach the revelation, especially when you're feeling a bit flat, 'Who is raising the raiser (me)?' Gone are the days where this used to get me down. It's funny how I've developed this 'super power' called intolerance. It's strangely empowering. Nowadays, I'm inclined to say to certain people 'Get your poop together and make a positive difference in my life! Power me up!'

CMF made a point about being an empath. I believe it's a valid point. Not only can people be draining your energy in a number of ways, you can also find yourself adopting their 'vibe'. My daughter is a legend when it comes to pulling me up on how I'm getting worked up at times. She doesn't hold back in telling me 'Stop it! When you're in this mood, I gradually find myself in this mood too. You're agitating me. Stop it, right now!'. I love her; she'll be 18 in a couple of weeks and already she's mastered how to manage her mother. We raise each other well. She's quite sensitive to people's moods. I suppose we all are at times. It pays to notice when it's not our mood we're experiencing, it's the vibe of the person that we're taking on. Works in a positive way too, like when you walk into a room filled with excitement and suddenly feel excited or when you meet a person you're attracted to and realise it's their peaceful calm nature you're attracted to. You feel it, it relaxes you.

We're definitely interesting quirky creatures.

🙂

[Guest_1584]

Just back to my original for now , and my damn space thing .

No doubt about it , l am one weird bastard . lt's just well , trouble , when one is even spacey let alone my kind of spacey. As l've always said a none space person will never get a just spacey person let alone someone like me , it's never happened never will l don't think. Even when they try to oblige , when you just don't understand something because your just not like that then most people just can't even figure out the whys and whens and the what's it all about., the needs. lt's funny , to me just strange. But they can be still happily on top of you at midnight , when you've been together all day , still yacking away , oblivious to you almost boiling over with the need to just go , isolate for awhile , nothing personal but please just shut up and leave me alone until tomorrow, or next wk, l'm done for now. hmmm, but but , love life l hear ya , well you know , when your both home through the day and l'm enjoying the company well , there's plenty of opportunity, no problemo.. So whether l even turn up for bed at some stage later through the night or not in that regard , doesn't really matter.

l'm always feeling riddled with guilt though, happened in my marriage too, a partner still wants there there none the less, or to spend evenings together , or to chit chat all night , or to talk yet more, or to curl up with. Well l do love some of that too , of course l do , love it when l'm in the mood. Trouble is that has only ever been 20 or 30% of that of my partners , any partner , ever.

There's nothing l can do about it , it's just the way l am. Of course l hear ya , maybe l need someone more like me but you like/love whomever you do , and strange but on this front that's just unfortunately never been a part of her make up or personality . You'd think it would've been , no idea , but it hasn't, you'd think l would've been attracted to some other space nut wouldn't you., nope, hasn't happened .

rx.

[tranzcrybe]

Hi rx,

Well that's settled it then - your only option is to become a FIFO worker 😉 . But this has little to do with how you navigate things in everyday life - this is about your relationship at its core, and I hope you can follow my train of thought...

Is your partner maybe compensating/overcompensating for your desire for solitude? - a bit like taking up the slack in a 50/50 relationship - when it feels like 50/25, the quantum is restored 75/25 and you (25) feel smothered as a consequence.

Could there even be a deeper fear in her that you may not be as into the relationship through these perceptions one normally associates with absence, mental &/or physical? Your feelings for escape may be more noticeable than you think, but the inference could be misconstrued in intimacy as her not being sufficiently engaging (hence raising the intensity to draw a stronger connection). This struggle to find reciprocal affection could lead her to feelings of anxiety over what is, from your understanding, a false premise. Do you consider your partner's affections 'normal' or 'unusually intense' (from a standard perspective)?

The need for security and complete faith in mutual devotion demands regular maintenance (maybe this is where many relationships start to fracture - complacency). You're not complacent, but your particular requirements may inadvertently be sending similar messages regardless of your partner's efforts to be supportive.

You have expressed this to your partner in the past, and anyone else would be fine with this. But matters of the heart are far more interwoven and your relationship is not 50/50 - I've heard even that's not enough. To ensure peace of mind, both parties must provide 100/100 to be truly dedicated.

There are many assumptions I have made above, and you may be better off taking this hypothetically to avoid any direct inference which may have no place in fact. But it is tricky expressing in generalisations so I hope you will forgive my example to highlight the point I endeavour to make.

Kind regards,

t.

[Guest_1584]

Thanks for that L. And yeah exactly , which is where the guilt is always coming into things. She begins to feel your just not as into it , no matter how far you explain , try too , or love you do show , and so insecurities set in. Well , this is a very common scenario put it that way. But then there's also need, one person just needs more than the other, she will need more time , affection , the other loves all that too , but to a far lesser degree.

l'll have to come back and finish this , must get to work.

rx

[therising]

Hi rx

A thought just occurred to me, which led me to wonder, which leads me to ask a question. Do you ever think 'Unless that person's going to really excite me, I'd prefer to be left alone'?

🙂

[Guest_1584]

Yeah all the time , l think every angle. interest is a strange thing for me though, even with someone that stimulates me to no end. ln that case then l'd actually even moreso need my time because we'd talk so much and have so much interaction that l;'ll at some point just come to a screeching halt where l've just had enough. lt's funny really , or crazy, but theree's been a few people in my life even my ex, where we'd just talk soooo much , it just happens , that l'll just have to walk away.

But yeah lack also works like that most def' especially with just people or friends l get easily bored . My partner though , l will just get back to a new point later when l've just had my down time and then l'll start just missing her again and can't wait to see her again and talk , hold her , be with her again. With her thankfully we're somewhere in between. which is kind of a better place to be for me as it doesn't wear me down and off into some isolation as badly as the extreme does.