Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

All discussions

flyonthewall New parent diagnosed with post-natal depression, anyone here suffered the same?
  • replies: 1

Hi, Just wondering if anyone as a new parent suffered mental illness. I have a 4 month old (First baby) and have just been diagnosed with post-natal depression. I went through all these months thinking my feelings were normal because family, friends ... View more

Hi, Just wondering if anyone as a new parent suffered mental illness. I have a 4 month old (First baby) and have just been diagnosed with post-natal depression. I went through all these months thinking my feelings were normal because family, friends and even professionals said the worry i feel is normal. Turns out it was NOT NORMAL. Feeling let down by my support network in not quizzing me more about my feelings. It was only until my husband said something isn't right week after week that i finally mentioned it to my Maternal Nurse. Just wanting to know your story and did you eventually start to enjoy being a parent. I hope i do get better, and sad that these early months have been robbed from me and my little boy

Peppa62 How many times do I forgive ?
  • replies: 10

Long story short I have posted here before - my partner and I have been together 10yrs we are both 28. My partner was caught I guess you could say cyber cheating (didn’t physically cheat) and we split for a bit but since then we have worked really ha... View more

Long story short I have posted here before - my partner and I have been together 10yrs we are both 28. My partner was caught I guess you could say cyber cheating (didn’t physically cheat) and we split for a bit but since then we have worked really hard to get to a better place . I finallu after a year felt I could start trusting him again . Then last Saturday night happened . We were both out on the town together when I got a headache so said I was going home but he was fine to stay out just be home before 5am. Which he was .... I was then the next day so happy that I felt I could trust him to be out with out me and nothing happen . Only to find out (from him Monday night) that after I left they went to the strippers - I said when I left him Saturday night no drugs, no strippers - he says he told the group he didn’t want to go and when he went there he didn’t get a dance or watch the strippers but I don’t know if I can trust that. He has really broken my trust again!! I want to forgive him but am afraid that it is stupid of me to do so. How many “chances” do you give a person? . What are the right questions to ask? I’m feeling really confused and lost and hurt . I belive going to a place where you get a woman who is not your partner to rub on you dance for you and take their clothes off for you is a form of cheating . I’m heart broken all over again .

mon1ker Everybody hates me
  • replies: 1

It's a pretty dramatic title but I really do swear by it. When it comes to family, everybody ignores me. Everybody undermines me. If I ever say anything to my dad, it turns into a debate where I'm called ignorant in whichever way he chooses to say it... View more

It's a pretty dramatic title but I really do swear by it. When it comes to family, everybody ignores me. Everybody undermines me. If I ever say anything to my dad, it turns into a debate where I'm called ignorant in whichever way he chooses to say it that day. I'm also already very anxious. It's like I know how to be social but I'm so anxious in public that I can't actually speak properly. I can't breathe properly. So yeah, I'm already working with low self-esteem and then I'm constantly snubbed by those close to me and only ever paid attention to when I get frustrated because of it (and of course that attention is negative). It just seems like a vicious cycle; I try to have a proper conversation in what should be a pretty decent environment but end up feeling worse about myself. And then when I talk to friends, or try to cope in public, I feel like I can't even muster up the energy to be any fun to have around or keep a mildly engaging conversation. I sat at a table the other day and felt like a complete fool because I could hardly even say a word or look at anyone around me. Sorry this is a bit all over the place, and I definitely intend to seek actual professional help, but I'm just wondering if there's any advice to be given. A bit of context, I'm early 20s and definitely should be seeing someone regarding anxiety and potential depression. I have a job at which I function fine enough but it comes back to the "I KNOW how to act socially appropriate" but I'm too anxious so I still present as a bit 'off'? I mean at least I can show up there. I've mentioned a few times to my mum, especially when I was younger, that I'm very anxious. That's always been what she said to me; "you can show up to work, though". She never says it in a mean way, more like she thinks she's complimenting me. It makes me feel like she doesn't understand at all. I'm also a university student and I'm REALLY struggling there. I'm struggling because I don't want to sit in a class with some 30 other people because it's HARD. It's draining and I end up feeling upset because I feel like a failure. I can't pay enough attention so I miss important information. I don't like getting to uni because I have to catch the train and I can't sit there without breathing heavily and trying to avoid eye contact. Again, I don't really know what help I'm seeking here. Just anything, I suppose, because I feel like everything is getting worse.

NoSupport83 I’m here because I have no support
  • replies: 3

I’m getting increasingly desperate trying to find ways to cope. The problem is I’m doing it all on my own, with the exception of a psychologist that I see once a month. Everything is crumbling, including me. I’m falling apart physically and mentally.... View more

I’m getting increasingly desperate trying to find ways to cope. The problem is I’m doing it all on my own, with the exception of a psychologist that I see once a month. Everything is crumbling, including me. I’m falling apart physically and mentally. It started with massive weight loss which led to new found confidence and consequently a marriage breakdown. From there I lost all my friends. But I still had my family. My physical health got much worse, 24/7 pain. My family started falling apart when my mum and (step) dad separated a few years ago, largely due to his alcoholism. Then last year, my dad died suddenly. Family, particularly my mum, became more distant. I stopped being the helper and fixer all the time because I couldn’t cope with it anymore. Now I seldom see my family. Friends are the same. What friends? I feel so used. I’m clinging to full time work but I want to quit. My boss is I supportive and there are some mean girls that make me feel worthless. Maybe nobody will ever read this. Or care. But I am human. And I hurt so much it’s unbearable.

KatJD Sexless marriage, do I stay?
  • replies: 6

I have been married to my husband for over 10 years now, we are both 32. We have 2 kids together and he does FIFO ( 2 and 1 ) After we got married the sex dwindled to once every two months. For the last 5 years, we on average have sex twice a year, i... View more

I have been married to my husband for over 10 years now, we are both 32. We have 2 kids together and he does FIFO ( 2 and 1 ) After we got married the sex dwindled to once every two months. For the last 5 years, we on average have sex twice a year, if I am lucky. With not having sex for over a year! I always initiate and get rejected a lot by him with some excuse he has. At times he gets angry at me for asking, like I should say nothing because he just does not feel it. I know he is self conscious of his size but I have reassured him that it is not the case. He has issues maintaining an erection and will say "see I told you I don't want too" He maintains he's not interested at all. I try to build up his confidence and tell him I love him, I want him etc It has started to really affect me mentally to the point of breaking down. I feel like I am not good enough, he doesn't want me, he's with someone else... I cry most nights because of it, only when he's on his 2 weeks working away so he can't see me. I have recently spilled all these feeling out to him and how I'm starting to feel I'm not worth breathing anymore. This is after finding out he booked time off work and deleted the emails. He had a private Instagram account and purchased flowers twice on his credit card. I was told his friend used his credit card and he didn't want to tell me because this is how I would react. The Instagram account was deleted before I could even see it. The time off was for a boys footy trip and I would get mad if he asked to go, so he just booked it. I think he was going to pretend to be working away while on a holiday? He hugged me and helped me breath and sleep, then told me I should go see someone. The next night he kept getting angry at me about being sad and was he going to get sleep that night or was I going to ask more questions. He is away again and pretending that everything is ok and that he's answered all my questions and it's done with. Like nothing even happened while he was recently home. Am I crazy for feeling these feelings? I feel I'm spiralling and I can't pull myself out of it. I keep saying do you want to be in this relationship and he says yes. *please note* 4 years ago he was going through a rough patch and left for a week because I deserved better and he didn't have strong feelings for me anymore. He came back and we worked on what was making him depressed. I wasn't giving up on him or us. He lost 40 plus kilos and goes mountain bike riding, a lot. Changed his job and now does FIFO, not local work as he didn't enjoy his work. He takes more pride and detail in his appearance now and grooms himself, goes to the gym and does his hair. I work full time so he has a lot of time by himself when he's home and he goes out with his mates a bit to the pub and riding.

KylieP01 My husband told me he doesn’t care about me.
  • replies: 3

Yesterday I fainted at home, I messaged my husband and asked if he was able to come home from work. He messaged back and said no, as if he did he’d be pissed off as he was under the pump at work. I messaged back that I understood. He then came home l... View more

Yesterday I fainted at home, I messaged my husband and asked if he was able to come home from work. He messaged back and said no, as if he did he’d be pissed off as he was under the pump at work. I messaged back that I understood. He then came home later in the day to drop our 9 year old home as I was unable to drive, he then returned later to pick up his laptop etc to go to a Tafe course. He never once asked how I was after fainting. When he returned from Tafe he was still aggravated and pissed off, as he stated he was over it, when I asked what he said this,-marriage. I asked why he hadn’t asked how I was after fainting and he stated because he didn’t care, he stated he didn’t care about my health or what I’ve got to say and that he’d rather sleep in the car than in a bed/house near me. I’m not sure what happened but it’s not the first time he’s said these kind of things to me. I just don’t know what to do?

Guest_9043 Couples therapy, unsure about therapist's motives?
  • replies: 18

My partner and I started couples counselling. I have never been through this. We both had our first session together, then we had to have an individual session alone on another day with another therapist from the same place. I went with it and truste... View more

My partner and I started couples counselling. I have never been through this. We both had our first session together, then we had to have an individual session alone on another day with another therapist from the same place. I went with it and trusted we were in the right hands. I did not know until yesterday and nor did my partner that there was a heavy focus on Domestic Violence in her session. There was not so much for me, however there was for my partner. I have been with my partner for quite some time now and I have never once displayed any Domestic Violence (any forms of abuse) whatsoever. I left a really horrid DV relationship last year. My current partner has been through DV before. The therapist my partner saw asked some questions which out of line. I did not seek out therapy because I felt I was in a DV Relationship. We have been asked our goals for therapy and we have been very clear about our goals for therapy. (Mainly to strengthen our relationship and learn now to communicate more with each other as we know we need some of those skills to better our relationship) A long story short, at the end of both our individual sessions, the therapist said, if I want to see either of you again for another individual session, I shall call. If you do not hear from me just come in to see me together for your next appointment. I never expected we would get a call. So today, we both got a call. We missed it as we were out for an afternoon stroll and left our phones at home. It was the therapist asking us to call her back but by the time we got the message they had shut. She said on the message she would call us on Tuesday when they re opened. I have told my partner IF she is ringing for me to go into another individual session I do not feel it is right for me. I will absolutely not choose for my partner. If she wishes to go to it, I will not stop her at all. I just can't especially now that I know the line of extensive questioning my partner had to face. The questions strongly suggested how would she escape if I was to become abusive I feel hurt. I genuinely went somewhere for me, for us, for our relationship and to work on things together. I did not go to be portrayed as a Domestic Violence Perpetrator. I am certainly not. I treat my partner with love, respect, compassion, gentleness and kindness. I have a huge heart. Being painted out like this truly does hurt especially with no evidence or real story why this could even be imagined. Feel disheartened.

MelissaTurtle Partner with mental issues & drug abuse broke up heart
  • replies: 1

My partner recently broke up with me after saying he had doubts about a future with me & that he loved me but was not in love with me. We had been dating on & off for 3.5 years. The first time we spoke we had this unbelievable connection that I had n... View more

My partner recently broke up with me after saying he had doubts about a future with me & that he loved me but was not in love with me. We had been dating on & off for 3.5 years. The first time we spoke we had this unbelievable connection that I had never felt before, at that time it felt like fate. We dated causally for 19 months, not my doing, I was in love with him. He didn't know if he was in love with me, so I left. 5 months later he realised that he did love me & asked for me back. I was over the moon, I loved him. Since getting back together we moved in together, I grew so much, I became a better person, I fell more in love. The relationship blossomed to an amazingly beautiful place were we spoke about future together even having children, it just felt that we were finally there, that this would work & we would be getting married and starting a family, we were happy. After 15 months of being together again & what I thought we were in love & would work through anything together, he broke up with me. My partner has issues. He has never dealt with the death of his mother 6 years ago which felt like he had developed commitment issues & that he didn't want to get close to someone because he didn't want to deal with a pain like that again. His drug habits became worse over the last 6 months, he was smoking weed every night, several times a night, he would break promises to me every night when I would ask him "please just not tonight". He would drink every night too, on average 5 beers a night & 1-2 glasses of wine. He was told he has liver problems & had to stop drinking for a month to see if there was any improvements. So more weed was needed to compensate for the alcohol. He also did cocaine, to a point where his nose ran like a tap the next day. He would do it at home, when it was just the two of us hanging out or when he was home alone. He developed some sort of stomach ulcer where he would wake up needing to be sick. He has a very stressful job & has a lot of pressure on himself. When he broke up with me he had a panic attack the next day, he may be suffering from depression & anxiety too. He stopped wanting to be intimate with me for the last couple of months. Which made him believe he isn't in love with me. It's so hard to believe that he doesn't love me like he says. It just seems like these emotions were brought on by all his issues & he became depressed & it was easier to get rid of me than to give up drugs & now has thrown everything away.

Alejandra78 11 year old psychotic episode
  • replies: 3

My 11 year son woke up feeling terrified. He was asking me what was happening to him. As far as I could tell he wasn't in reality. He was saying things like my eyes are my hands. He'd then start jumping, then he put his head to the floor. He was terr... View more

My 11 year son woke up feeling terrified. He was asking me what was happening to him. As far as I could tell he wasn't in reality. He was saying things like my eyes are my hands. He'd then start jumping, then he put his head to the floor. He was terrified and asking me if I could help him wake up. This lasted about 10 minutes. He spoke about his hands feeling really heavy and about hearing the music from the muted piano. Although he was also aware that there was no music. My partner who was with me at the time said, that it looked like a psychotic episode. It was as he was clear enough to know he was actually hallucinating. He later said "I felt crazy mum". I have reported this incident to the psychologist and we are going to monitor to see if it happens again. He is on the spectrum (high functioning) and has ADHD. Has anyone experienced anything like this with a child?? He was experiencing some stress just before the incident. He witnessed an accident and I announced we were moving in with my partner. He also had a slight fever that evening.

Noir Surviving Separation From Narcissistic Spouse
  • replies: 2

Hi, I am new here and this is my first forum experience. It's been just over a year since my spouse discarded me after more than 16 years of marriage. I have been hoovered twice within this period and am slowly getting stronger. It's just so hard whe... View more

Hi, I am new here and this is my first forum experience. It's been just over a year since my spouse discarded me after more than 16 years of marriage. I have been hoovered twice within this period and am slowly getting stronger. It's just so hard when this has been my life for more than 18 years. When you become conditioned to the emotional, mental and psychological abuse over a long period of time, you are like a dog waiting for a bone to be thrown to you and I am co-dependent. Can anyone relate?