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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Squirrell Mother’s Day BLUES
  • replies: 6

My ex husband became physically abusive to me after we had our son . I left him when my son was 12months old and raised him on my own. His father had two relationships after me both ended with AVO’s . He only saw his son when it suited him and didn’t... View more

My ex husband became physically abusive to me after we had our son . I left him when my son was 12months old and raised him on my own. His father had two relationships after me both ended with AVO’s . He only saw his son when it suited him and didn’t pay child support .My son was diagnosed with special needs at 3years old ADHD and severe ODD.With the help of an amazing psychiatrist and a lot of hard work he grew into a confident adult . I found great schools for him to get special needs education this helped him get his mechanic job. When he was 21years his girlfriend fell pregnant just before he was going overseas away with his mates .He was upset and asked me for my advise so I shared my observations and expressed my concerns .She mentioned a few times she wanted to be a young mum and have four kids close together. She left home when she was 16years old and has chosen not to have a relationship with her parents or siblings . She didn’t have a lot of friends , was very clingy and was isolating him from his friends. My sons girlfriend knew I was concerned about my sons future and she aligned herself with my ex husband who was thrilled being a grandfather.My son listened to his father and chose to continue the relationship and pregnancy . Since then my son has not talked to me but has chosen to become close to his father . When this happened I saw my sons psychiatrist and she said males brains do not mature until they are 25years ,are influenced by sex, she felt he was in a toxic relationship and I did the right thing pointing out red flags. She said as a parent you want your children to be safe ,make responsible decisions and be in a healthy relationship. I didn’t want him to be in his late 20’s with four children and feel trapped .This has caused me a lot of anxiety and i felt like a failure as a mum. I have agreed to go on anti depressants which helps. Unfortunately on special days like birthdays,Christmas and Mother’s Day I feel depressed .My son is now 23years and has two children which I have never met and don’t believe I ever will. I use to have a close relationship with my son and now I have been cut out of his life so mother’s day is A sad day for me and not looking forward to it ! I am lucky to have a wonderful husband who is very supportive and caring .I have stopped sharing my feelings with him because he feels hopeless not being able to change the way I feel so I pretend I am OK but I am not !

lovinghusband_father I want my family back
  • replies: 7

Hi, I loved my wife for 3 years before getting married and she loved me deeply, we got married overseas and moved to Australia to start a new life here. It was very hard, me working 7 days in a very stressful environment & her working casual + Uni. W... View more

Hi, I loved my wife for 3 years before getting married and she loved me deeply, we got married overseas and moved to Australia to start a new life here. It was very hard, me working 7 days in a very stressful environment & her working casual + Uni. We managed to move forward and have two little daughters along the way, but all this time as my anxiety & stress issues increased, her distance and falling out of love increased as well. Till we reached a point after around 5 years where she left me with the kids around 2 months ago, and she’s asking for separation that leads to divorce later. She gave me signs and hints along the road but I didn’t take them into consideration as she can be sometimes “not assertive” of what she wants (but that’s no excuse to me being the way I was). The moment she left was a big shock to me and I started attending therapy (she always asked me to do that but I postponed), and I came to realise my mistakes of falling for my anxiety. We had no sex since she got pregnant which is around 1.5 years ago. Now I am trying to fix things but it doesn’t seem to work although she is very nice to me and we are very friendly together, but rather she is saying that she doesn’t feel anything inside and we’re done. I love her so much and love my two daughters more than anything and I want to keep the family together, and I intend to be the man that she fell in love for but she won’t give us the chance doing that together. I even suggested couple’s therapy but she says she has to deal with herself first. I know separating will take its toll on all of us and she says that she knows that. I really don’t know how to make things work. P.S we are living together now cz she had a back injury and I had to tend to her and the kids + the whole COVID-19 thing. But we have no intimacy and wouldn’t let me get near her, we are very good friends though. Anyone who faced this before or any ideas on how to make it work?

Josiah_P Failed relationship
  • replies: 3

So i don't know how to start this as there is a lot more to type than I can. A year and eight months ago I moved interstate and gave up my old life to move in with someone who I had hoped would be a future for me. Within 2 months of us being together... View more

So i don't know how to start this as there is a lot more to type than I can. A year and eight months ago I moved interstate and gave up my old life to move in with someone who I had hoped would be a future for me. Within 2 months of us being together she lost feelings for me but she never told me and let me believe that she still cared for me. On valentines day she broke up with me and I was heart broken. As I was so lost in my own feelings for her I didn't see the red flags that were showing the whole time after those 2 months. The thing that hurts the most isn't that she broke up with me it is that she was using me for that whole time after those 2 months. I live with her and her mother plus her best friend as of recently still as my circumstances are complicated. Although I am moving out soon I am constantly treated like dirt even though all I have ever done is love and care about her. I guess i am just asking for some advice on how to stay on top of the blues during this time. Thank you

Breezy104 Feeling defeated
  • replies: 3

Hi I’m new here I separated from my partner a year ago and in that time I’ve tried to meet her expectations but unfortunately about a month ago she started seeing someone else and I really wanted her back. So I tried and tried and about a week or two... View more

Hi I’m new here I separated from my partner a year ago and in that time I’ve tried to meet her expectations but unfortunately about a month ago she started seeing someone else and I really wanted her back. So I tried and tried and about a week or two ago she left him to try and start over with me but we had a bid argument lastnight and I don’t know what to do I love her so much and want to fix everything please help me

medea Losing my mind after breakup
  • replies: 8

Hi, it's my first post here. I may change some details to my story just in case... A few months ago, my boyfriend of one year broke up with me for one reason: I want kids and he doesn't. Now I know that for most people, it's a dealbreaker so technica... View more

Hi, it's my first post here. I may change some details to my story just in case... A few months ago, my boyfriend of one year broke up with me for one reason: I want kids and he doesn't. Now I know that for most people, it's a dealbreaker so technically he made the right decision but I just can't get over him and move on. Things were going truly great during our relationship and he was my first boyfriend (I was his first girlfriend as well). Being in our late twenties, I genuinely started seeing a future with him even though things were not perfect (nothing is). He is a great, caring, patient, loyal, supportive, smart guy, not to mention incredibly handsome in my eyes (my friends revealed after our breakup that theyd found him average but I for my part, would look at him and wonder how little me managed to land a guy like him). I've always had anxiety issues and history of depression and he knew how easily I could freak out over small things but he still loved me as I was. I managed to feel a bit better during our relationship and I would do my best to treat him like a king while he was treating me with the utmost love. It just kills me that he left me, even though he considers that it was the right decision for both of us. I just can't get over the fact that he may change his mind about kids as he truly never seemed adamant about not having any, just "not interested". The fact that he ended a good relationship because of that single issue, while still having feelings for me should be a massive indicator that he clearly doesn't want them but he's still young, none of his friends want kids either (since we tend to be influenced by our friends' opinions and values, could it be that he's just following their lead?) and he's never really been exposed to kids. I feel like it's more a "not now" than a "never" and I resigned myself to wait for him to change his mind both about us and kids. Right now, I mostly feel like I can't be without him. I'm going crazy, terrified that he may move on and find another girl and potentially decide to have kids with her. We've been in no contact for a few weeks but I keep checking social media status and wondering if he's chatting with another girl. I also can't help thinking he will come back to me eventually...

GordonOZ Advice: How to go through with it...
  • replies: 3

hi Folks, I have been married for almost 8 years and we have two young children ( 4 and 6). For years we have had significant issues with our relationship but just can't get along with each other. There is no physical abuse nor have we been unfaithfu... View more

hi Folks, I have been married for almost 8 years and we have two young children ( 4 and 6). For years we have had significant issues with our relationship but just can't get along with each other. There is no physical abuse nor have we been unfaithful to each other. We are not compatible and I am worried about the impact on our children that an unhappy relationship will have on their future. We fight a lot in front of them (even though we try not to) and are not loving and kind towards each other. We have been in marriage counseling twice over the past 5 years and the message seems to go in one ear and out the other. Anyways I know we need to move as it will be the best thing for us and our children. We have had the conversation in the past to separate but we never end up going through with it. A few hours later we agree to try and reconcile AGAIN as we are too scared / fearful to actually go through with separation. My wife is very volatile and looses her temper quite easily. When the conversation starts to get out of hand and heats up I shut off and try to diffuse the situation versus trying to navigate our way forward. Looking for some advice based upon previous experience on how to move forward. thanks

Samvv Narc mum
  • replies: 15

I think my mother is really selfish and jealous of me. Im pregnant with my first child, left the father due to ongoing abuse and just got through a heavy month waiting for a restraining order, as he had become really troublesome. I have had to move 6... View more

I think my mother is really selfish and jealous of me. Im pregnant with my first child, left the father due to ongoing abuse and just got through a heavy month waiting for a restraining order, as he had become really troublesome. I have had to move 6 times in the first trimester, was in a refuge and was having constant severe migraines, the stress was exhausting and put me in hospital twice. I'm just in my third tri now and my mother said I could move back home. Shortly after she started to nag at me about little things like my washing on the line or how I'm going to burn my toast which I never have. Then she started bossing me to cook for my dad every night, doesn't ask even thank me now it's just expected. She buys the food and tells me off if I don't eat it, even if I don't like it. She tries to compete with me if dad compliments my food. She puts me down and starts telling me off all the time. I try to do nice things to help her out lie walking the dog so it doesn't poop inside, and she's completely dismissive and ungreatful. She argues with me about anything and everything, then blames me. She makes underhanded comments about my weight, what I eat, my money and constantly compares me to others and ridicules my hobbies. She backstab my father as soon as he leaves the room. I don't want her in my life and am on my last nerve. I've already tried to talk to her in the past nicely, she plays the victim tells me she wishes she had aborted me and tells my dad I'm trouble causing rifts between us. She tries to dress me like her, and makes constant jealous comments about my weight and size of my baby. if I say no and tell her to stop spending money, she guilt trips me and back stabs me but also tells people im too dependant on her, I'm not at all and feel she tries to make me so she can put me down. Im beginning to hate her. She made a comment about family's who take custody of daughters kids the other day and demanded that it does happen as if a threat. She told me my ex contacted her online and wouldn't confirm if she's blocked him which were police orders as he's under AVO. She got upset and vindictive when I wouldn't let HER name my only son! i don't want her in my life at all but if I try to speak up I will be homeless again. I'm 35 have had a really hard time lately and really need her to back off before I end up sick again. There is 3.5 months to go before I can afford to move out. She gets worse by the day I can't take it anymore

eld0rad0 Trying to move out post breakup with a fresh lease
  • replies: 1

Hey everyone, This is the first time I have ever posted in a forum and I’m doing this simply because I’m struggling to find the right answers. I’m hoping some of you out there have experienced a similar situation to what I’m going through right now a... View more

Hey everyone, This is the first time I have ever posted in a forum and I’m doing this simply because I’m struggling to find the right answers. I’m hoping some of you out there have experienced a similar situation to what I’m going through right now and can provide some insight for myself and others that may be going through the same thing which is: Moving out post-breakup and removing yourself from a co-tenant lease when you’ve only just signed. During this pandemic myself and my ex-partner decided we’re not right for each other. Our relationship was very toxic and my ex-partner is very manipulative and isolated me from everybody and is continuing to do so. Until I am able to move out I will continue to feel trapped. But how can I make this happen when we signed a new 12 month lease only a few days ago? If it was my choice I would not have signed it but the situation was out of my control. In the beginning of the breakup they had said if I was to move out I would be “burdening them” with the rent and stress of finding someone to replace me. Even if I am able to convince them it’s the right thing to allow me to leave how would I go about signing a new lease somewhere else? I am currently out of work and on Jobseeker payments due to forced government closure of my workplace. I have a guaranteed position when things go back to normal however I am a sole trader and this makes proving income a lot harder. is it even worth me looking at other rental properties right now or would I be wasting my time and not even considered as a possible tenant by real estate agents? any advice would be helpful, I hope you are all staying safe and sane, much love

Rose_1000 Long Distance Relationship Anxiety
  • replies: 2

Hi everyone. I met my boyfriend 2 years ago while travelling. We live half a world away but because we felt (and still feel) so strongly about each other it was an automatic choice to do the whole long distance thing. I have no regrets and we have en... View more

Hi everyone. I met my boyfriend 2 years ago while travelling. We live half a world away but because we felt (and still feel) so strongly about each other it was an automatic choice to do the whole long distance thing. I have no regrets and we have enjoyed many wonderful moments together - luckily able to meet up every 4 to 5 months or so. This ended of course with the pandemic and I had to come home after living 4 months together which was meant to be a whole year. It was heartbreaking leaving him and now we are back to our long distance and face- timing everyday. With the travel bans I am very scared it could easily be over a year before we can be together again. I want to spend the rest of my life with him so I am willing to go through the pain now of these months without him so that we can continue our relationship into the future. I am starting to think that he doesn't feel the same way and I do understand because long distance is no joke. He has had a previous long distance relationship that he ended because he could't handle the distance and that is playing on my mind. Today he said that I should make sure I have friends to talk to as well as him just in case we 'hypothetically' break up so I can cope. Now I am starting to think that he is trying to make me prepared for when he ends it. I have had severe anxiety and depression for about 8 years now and this is really triggering everything off for me and I have been crying everyday. I just can't handle the uncertainty of everything happening at the moment and I am so frustrated because this feels like our relationship will fall at the final hurdle before we can finally be together permanently (he was moving to be with me sometime next year). I also feel silly because I know that people are dealing with much more difficult things and I am not sure if I am overreacting and being too clingy in this situation or if that is just my anxiety lying to me. All i can think about is him and nothing is interesting to me at the moment. I physically want to throw up whenever I think about us breaking up. I don't think anyone understands how much it will hurt to lose him. I am physically in pain being away from him and I feel as if he is my soulmate and he has said the same. I'm not sure if I can talk to him about how he's feeling about the distance (which is really hard because the urge to cry when talking about it is so overwhelming) mainly because I'm so scared of what the answer will be.

Holvee my parents make me feel like a burden
  • replies: 3

Hey, So, I am struggling for words at the moment, frankly I am struggling to get my brain to function haha. The past few weeks have been a real struggle for me and in particular the past few days. i don't have any diagnosed mental health conditions b... View more

Hey, So, I am struggling for words at the moment, frankly I am struggling to get my brain to function haha. The past few weeks have been a real struggle for me and in particular the past few days. i don't have any diagnosed mental health conditions but it's obvious that there is something else going on in my head. I don't talk to my parents about it because I feel so uncomfortable talking to them and honestly it should be my choice who I talk to. Yesterday it got kind of bad and i got out of bed, had a shower, had some breakfast, tried to do some school work and couldn't. My brain couldn't form sentences and I couldn't stop thinking about how much pain I was in (mentally). So i decided the best thing to do was chill for a day and go back to bed, maybe catch up on some sleep and just collect myself. It was feeling really good until my dad came home. He got so pissed off that I had stayed in bed all day. He said to me "If you continue to spend days in bed you're just going to become depressed and your boyfriend isn't going to love you anymore. You don't want that do you?" That made me pretty pissed because it had actually made me feel better and he has NO IDEA what is going. He continued to get angry at me and I didn't say anything the whole time, just "mmhmm", 'yep", "i don't know". I figured that was better than getting angry at him back. He then took my school computer and phone because he thought that would make me tell him everything. I didn't of course. Then my mum came in and started hammering me and also said the statement "You know this isn't normal?" (which is so lovely to hear from your own mother). She tried to get me to tell her everything and I said (repeatedly) "I don't want to talk about it" and don't you think that is a pretty clear statement? Obviously not because this morning she came and sat on the couch and said "spill" and I said "what?" and she just kept saying just tell me and stuff like that. Then she said "there are going to be changes in the family if you don't open up" this makes me think they're going to send me to some hospital or something. Dad did mention the other day "what? do you want me to call a hospital right now and they can take you away?". So, it is obvious they are just trying to get rid of me so someone else can fix me. Just want to mention I am safe and okay. I am talking to the school Councillor about my problems but I just need some advice on what to tell my parents so they stop this. Thanks, Holly