Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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gabi227 Alcoholic Mother
  • replies: 1

I am 21 and live with my parents. I have a great relationship with my dad, but not really with my mum. She is an alcoholic, but she won’t admit it. She drinks an entire bottle of wine every night by herself. When she is drunk she becomes really mean ... View more

I am 21 and live with my parents. I have a great relationship with my dad, but not really with my mum. She is an alcoholic, but she won’t admit it. She drinks an entire bottle of wine every night by herself. When she is drunk she becomes really mean and rude to my dad and I. She’s been like this my entire life but it’s becoming too much. I also struggle with mental illnesses so it’s difficult to cope with her on top of everything else. I have tried to talk to her about her drinking but she just becomes defensive and mean. I know alcoholism runs in her family and she didn’t have a great childhood, but it’s hard to be empathetic to this when I’m actually living and dealing with the complications of this. It’s extra tricky due to me now having to work from home because of the virus as I’m home everyday now. Moving out is not an option for me at the moment either as I don’t earn enough and am a uni student. I also don’t want to move out and leave my dad with her, because she does also become violent towards him and mean and I don’t want to leave him with her. I’m just really struggling at the moment. I have an older sister who has moved out, but she doesn’t like to talk about it. I also can’t go visit friends or anyone due to the virus.

KV77 Step Dad break up IVO
  • replies: 3

Hi all, My name is Kris, and I guess I am here for some advice and maybe to find some hope. I was with my ex partner (DeFacto) and my step son for over 6 years until a week ago. Two weeks ago my partner went to a mutual female friends house for a vis... View more

Hi all, My name is Kris, and I guess I am here for some advice and maybe to find some hope. I was with my ex partner (DeFacto) and my step son for over 6 years until a week ago. Two weeks ago my partner went to a mutual female friends house for a visit, I was fine about it and encouraged her to go. I had not heard from her for 7 hours and sent her an sms asking if she was having a good night. After several more hours she called and said that she did not answer to me and if I persisted she would call the police. She did not come home for days and when she did gave me an ultimatum, if I still looked after herson when she worked I could stay and if not I was to leave. She then went to work and came back very sporadically over the next 5 days. Days later I messaged her and said I was happy to stay and look after my step son whilst she worked only until I could move out or I could move out within 8 weeks (Covid19 world). I heard nothing, and the next thing I know I have Police calling me telling me to pick up an interim intervention order they received from the courts.....wth! Freaking out, I never had this before, I did not understand on which grounds? I picked up the order and was told not to go hone and was homeless. A friend booked a hotel for me which is where I am typing this from now. I read the allegations and was horrified by the content, a threat of physical harm, allegation of letting her dog loose and starving her son :(. Heart broken I crumbled, the conditions are standard but I am not to answer any calls from her and my step son who has been at his dad's the during the whole event, I never got to say goodbye to him :( My step son comes home and rings me constantly leaving messages to call him back and he wants to see me and I can't answer or reply. In one voicemail he states that he asked his mum if it was ok to call me and she said yes, is she trying to bait me?

Sarah86 Parental visitation during isolation
  • replies: 6

Hi, I’m having a bit of an issue at the moment and I don’t know where else to seek validation of my decision. I have 2 kids. One of who suffers with asthma. I have taken time off work and kept them home from school the last week and a half. Normally ... View more

Hi, I’m having a bit of an issue at the moment and I don’t know where else to seek validation of my decision. I have 2 kids. One of who suffers with asthma. I have taken time off work and kept them home from school the last week and a half. Normally they would go to their dads for dinner 2 nights and week and stay overnight 1 night per fortnight. He lives very close by. Doesn’t have a particularly good relationship with them and mostly they don’t want to go. My issue currently is that I’m a bit hesitant to let them go to his place at the moment as he has moved his girlfriend and her 3 school aged kids into his house. Her kids go between their grandparents and their dads a lot. Both my ex and his girlfriend are still working also. I know the rules state that the people you live with don’t count. But that’s 7 people in a 3 bedroom house. I feel it’s putting my kids at risk. I am not letting them play with friends or see anyone at the moment. I have told my ex he is welcome to come here and see them whenever he wants. Am I being unreasonable? I’m not trying to keep them from him, I’m just trying to keep them safe. We aren’t even seeing my parents at the moment who are in their 70s as it’s too risky. I’m uncomfortable sending them into that environment at the moment. there are no court orders.

Reading Overwhelmed and alone
  • replies: 3

Hi, Im not sure what i can do to fix myself, my husband and I with our 2 year old daughter are currently living at my parents place and have been for the last 2 and a bit years. During this time we have had numerous big arguements and in almost all o... View more

Hi, Im not sure what i can do to fix myself, my husband and I with our 2 year old daughter are currently living at my parents place and have been for the last 2 and a bit years. During this time we have had numerous big arguements and in almost all of them my mother has intervened telling me to calm down, and shut up we can hear you at the main house. This leaves me feeling extremely upset. My husband has asked if im okay on numerous occasions and asked for me to tell him when im not feeling okay. In our latest fight, my mother intervened again, when she left and i told my husband i was stressed as he asked me to do he completely ignored me and continued to argue with. Even when i completely broke down. Please help me fix myself, i don't know what im doing wrong. I feel alone.

Scarebear Newby
  • replies: 1

Hi there, Decided to go to beyondblue because I am struggling with a lot of issues. Firstly my two adult children, fight continually like little children. Especially now with the coronavirus shut down. It is really putting me down and making me more ... View more

Hi there, Decided to go to beyondblue because I am struggling with a lot of issues. Firstly my two adult children, fight continually like little children. Especially now with the coronavirus shut down. It is really putting me down and making me more anxious and depress. My son has anxiety and depression and is diagnosed with Aspergers (Autism). He is in his early twenties and really struggles to find and maintain friendships. His sister happily tells him how much she dislikes him nearly every day, which she does not care. My daughter struggles with anxiety because she says it is from her Father and brother and most likely me. She is fresh out of high school and has been isolated from her small amount of friends she has decided to keep. My husband has cancer and so is scared stiff of getting coronavirus. He watches, read and listens to the updates witch increases his anxiety. Plus his monthly treatment causes his anxiety to increase. I am also sure he has depression but will not admit to that. He is a social body and isolating is killing him. So with all that, I am still working as a support worker, and trying to be the rock of the family. Unfortunately that rock is slowing getting smaller. Tonight I could actually walk away and never return. So that is me.

Ace1988 Covid cabin fever
  • replies: 1

Single mum here to an 11 year old boy. Is anyone else copping a lot of trouble from their kids? My son isn’t coping well at all and unfortunately I’m directly in the firing line. The hatred he has towards me is heart breaking, honestly, I don’t know ... View more

Single mum here to an 11 year old boy. Is anyone else copping a lot of trouble from their kids? My son isn’t coping well at all and unfortunately I’m directly in the firing line. The hatred he has towards me is heart breaking, honestly, I don’t know how long I can deal with it for. He said he doesn’t want to be here anymore and wants to live with his dad, which is not the best place for him to be. mum exhausted, mentally. Every thing is a fight. I understand that our worlds have been flipped upside down. We’ve gone from me working everyday and him being at school and having extra curricular activities to being housebound (with the occasional walk/bike ride and shopping trip), but holy crap it’s hard. My anxiety is so heightened at the moment every morning as I don’t know when/if he will lose it. I’m sick of walking on eggshells. I’ve been lenient with rules and whatnot to try and accomodate for the changes but I still have rules in the house. I’m overwhelmed and extremely upset.

ReeCar123 So emotionally exhausted, fighting against the urge to give up
  • replies: 1

Hi, I am trying to keep some sort of relationship up and running that is strongly impacted by my partner's mental health. He is an avoidant attachment style and has significantly suffered after separation from his wife despite him separating. He says... View more

Hi, I am trying to keep some sort of relationship up and running that is strongly impacted by my partner's mental health. He is an avoidant attachment style and has significantly suffered after separation from his wife despite him separating. He says he feels nothing at the moment and I can see the closeness between us deteriorating. He wants to see me but it is only half a day a week because he has this constant urge to seek "safety" at home. I am trying my best to be understanding and supportive and he is very happy with my support. But I am anxious by nature and I am currently learning a lot about what in my childhood caused me to become an anxiously attached person. I actively challenge my behaviour always reminding myself of what a secure person would do in that moment and trying to self-regulate. I am trying to learn to self-soothe as well. I feel I am doing a lot to work on myself and to support my partner and not cause any unnecessary pressure. But I feel like my resilience is fading away and I am just so incredibly sad and heartbroken. I just cannot see how this will ever get better with him, he is working hard on getting better for himself but it seems so self-absorbed. I have needs too and I told him that. He said I can tell him that and we need to communicate but also that he may need to say no because he feels uncomfortable. I feel I am always giving more than I receive and I am now very confused whether this is just my anxiety talking or whether it is a real lack of him trying to meet me halfway as we agreed. I am just so unhappy but I don't want to give up because we have fought so hard to get here and I feel I cannot leave now. But I cannot go on like this either. How do I become more resilient and more hopeful again. I feel so emotionally drained and I am not very kind to myself most of the time. I thought I was going well in my new-found determination to change for the better now that I understand where my anxiety comes from. But today I feel like I have experienced a massive step backwards and I have just been really unhappy and negative all day. What can I do?

Cara62 My partners porn addiction
  • replies: 4

Well I just discovered that, yet again, a good part of every day my partner spends watching porn and masterbating. This can go on for hours and hours. This is not the first time and I have been thru all of the promises and lies and I just don't think... View more

Well I just discovered that, yet again, a good part of every day my partner spends watching porn and masterbating. This can go on for hours and hours. This is not the first time and I have been thru all of the promises and lies and I just don't think I can do it again. Have we discussed it this time? No, he refuses. Turns it all back on me and my imagination. We were playing with my new phone and we must have clicked voice record, it recorded exactly what went on for 2 days while I was at work yet he still denies. He had an affair in 2018 for 6 months, I found out 6 months later, he attempted suicide which included police with guns drawn smashing doors and finally using a taser. I took him back because I loved him and he has no one else. My family and friends don't approve of my decision so I live two seperate lives, never mentioning anything about him or what we have done so there is no way I can talk to any of them. I feel violated and used. I just don't know what I feel. I am angry and cry a lot. I don't know what to do. I feel useless. I get up and go to work each day wondering what he is up to and who he is spending his days watching. I know I can't compete with his porn images and that any trust that I thought had been rebuilt was only in my mind. Just lost, confused, hurt and angry.

Lisa_H Child with anxiety and possible depression
  • replies: 1

Hi, I hear a lot about mental health in general but how can I help my 7 year old daughter who is diagnosed with anxiety and I suspect that its developing into depression? We are new to the system for an evaluation for any special needs so we don't ha... View more

Hi, I hear a lot about mental health in general but how can I help my 7 year old daughter who is diagnosed with anxiety and I suspect that its developing into depression? We are new to the system for an evaluation for any special needs so we don't have access to any therapy at this moment and our current peadiatrition is closed due to covid 19. She has a really good understanding of what is happening and why we have to stay at home. But she is getting depressed that she can't go to school and see her friends. Her moods are all over the place, she is becoming withdrawn, no longer caring about herself, she is sleep talking mostly about wanting to go to school. Apart from taking to her and providing support for her at home, what else is there that we can be doing to help her? Please help. From a very worried mum.

Gem_85 Feeling very lost
  • replies: 8

Hi all, this is my first post and it’s very tricky to even write all this. I feel so overwhelmed at the moment with so many things going on in my head I don’t even know where to start. I’m so miserable all the time. My husband and I had money and sta... View more

Hi all, this is my first post and it’s very tricky to even write all this. I feel so overwhelmed at the moment with so many things going on in my head I don’t even know where to start. I’m so miserable all the time. My husband and I had money and stability and a nice house. We made some very poor decisions and had to sell our house, go into more debt and now we (plus our 2 year old) are living with my parents. I’m 35 and back home, it’s so embarrassing and all I do is sit and think about money and ‘what if we’d done this differently’ and I’m going crazy. My husband is constantly making me feel awful and I cry alllll the time but my parents seem to like him and have no idea. We’ve only been married a bit over a year and I know we are terrible together & a break up would disappoint my parents so much, I’m just so sad and lost and humiliated. My job is on the line now and so is my husbands, I can’t see a way out of this whole mess. I need help or advice I’m just so low. I think I’ve failed at life.