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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Sallyanne2 Feeling I'm not important enough
  • replies: 3

Earlier this year I was sick and unable to do grocery shopping so the $200 my husband puts into my account for groceries he stopped that money going into my account because he was doing the shopping. That is fair enough, but any money left over from ... View more

Earlier this year I was sick and unable to do grocery shopping so the $200 my husband puts into my account for groceries he stopped that money going into my account because he was doing the shopping. That is fair enough, but any money left over from the groceries should have gone into my account, I feel. I don't get any other money, as I don't work and that is the only money I get, which is from him and his account. He did this without telling me he had stopped the money going into my account. It was only that I realised that I didn't have any money, that I approached him about it.He is very controlling of money. He also puts $80 a week into an other account for himself for petrol, but as he is working from home at the moment, he hasn't needed that amount for petrol, but still deposits that money every week, so there for he is able to have extra money for himself, unlike me. I also learnt from him just this week that his father gave him a large sum of money. This happened weeks ago, but he never told about this until this week. I only found out by fault. I feel I can't trust him. He didn't tell me about stopping money into my account months ago and now he didn't tell me that his father had given him money till weeks later. Am I not worthy of being told?, is this normal, I feel like he is taking me as a fool? Am I wrong to expect to be involved and told of such things? I just feel I can't trust him anymore. I feel very sad and feel hurt. I don't feel like an equal in this relationship. I have suffered with low self esteem for many many many years and this just messes with me. i don't know how I should be feeling. It's really doing my head in. Any advice would be helpful. Thank you.

A-squared Children and parental separation
  • replies: 9

Hi, I am fairly certain that I want to separate from my partner (I use that term lightly!). We have 2 primary school aged children. They are very attached to me and even going out on my own in the day for a couple of hours or out for dinner and drink... View more

Hi, I am fairly certain that I want to separate from my partner (I use that term lightly!). We have 2 primary school aged children. They are very attached to me and even going out on my own in the day for a couple of hours or out for dinner and drinks with a friend at night time upsets them so much (they also couldn’t give two hoots if their dad goes out or even goes away for work for a few days). So getting out of the house is a struggle without some form of meltdown and then I of course feel really guilty for going out. How will they be happy and okay if we do separate and have a 50/50 care arrangement (or even a 10 night, 4 night fortnightly split). How would I leave them for that long and that often - would they cope okay? I would feel guilty for that period each fortnight, not knowing if they’re okay. One of the reasons I’m considering separating is that I don’t agree with his parenting style. It’s completely authoritarian & emotionally devoid. No amount of conversations I have make him change his mind and he doesn’t see anything wrong with his parenting. So my 2nd concern is - I don’t like the idea that they would spend between 4-7 days a fortnight with him parenting that way. It would mean his parenting isn’t visible to me and I can’t comfort them when he’s being unreasonable. If this takes place, it would make it even harder for them to say goodbye to me if they feel they’re going somewhere that they aren’t valued or listened to. I’m looking for advice from single parents of your experiences. Do kids who have an absolute parental preference start to feel okay away from their preferred parent? How do kids cope if they’re with a parent who isn’t tending to their emotions? Is the time spent with me going to be enough to make up for the lack of emotion when they’re away from me? I also have NO idea how we would co-parent as we parent so differently & even now that we are together he’s not willing to change his parenting style, so I hardly think he will change if we are separated. Have your kids had to go to counselling to get through your separation? Those of you with older kids, did they struggle at first and are they okay now they’re teenagers or adults? I suffer from anxiety so I could be catastrophising this all, or maybe I’m being realistic? I know it won’t be easy by any stretch for anyone if we separate, but I want to make sure if I do this that the kids will be okay, that I’m not messing them up for life. Thank you for listening.

jollydolly Shout out to anyone else whose relationship has imploded during COVID-19 - we can do this!
  • replies: 5

Wow, the prospect of having to find places to live, sell our apartment in Sydney, and dissolve assets and agree on parenting without spending too much money we don't have is really, really daunting! I'm using humour because I'm scared shitless! Partn... View more

Wow, the prospect of having to find places to live, sell our apartment in Sydney, and dissolve assets and agree on parenting without spending too much money we don't have is really, really daunting! I'm using humour because I'm scared shitless! Partner won't go to counselling first, so it's straight to the dispute resolution folks for hopefully, an agreement on parenting. I keep thinking I've cried my last tear, but then we attempt another conversation, and it all comes up again...can I possibly fast forward 12 months? Is there an app for that?

cocachris I'm feeling so confused and lost
  • replies: 4

So I've been with my girlfriend for 6 years; known her for 8 years and we have been through good times and bad. We both have good paying jobs, a place of our own, and we're working towards a future together. On the 11th of April I woke up in the morn... View more

So I've been with my girlfriend for 6 years; known her for 8 years and we have been through good times and bad. We both have good paying jobs, a place of our own, and we're working towards a future together. On the 11th of April I woke up in the morning, got myself some breakfast and noticed my girlfriend wasn't home. She messaged me on facebook messenger saying to call her. So I gave her a call and that's when she told me she thinks shes a lesbian. I broke down, bawling my eyes out finding out that the person that I love for so long had just upped and left because she thinks shes a lesbian. She came and collected the rest of her belongings the following day. Its been nearly 3 weeks since I have seen or heard from her and its really doing my head in. I'm feeling very rejected, emotionally, physically and sexually, my self esteem is pretty much 0, I'm feeling like my beliefs have been shattered after living a lie, I'm confused about the relationship and whether it is worth saving, I'm hurting over feeling like I've been lied to for so long, I'm feeling bitter, fear, shock, despair, devastation, hurt, and anger, I keep thinking to myself "What did I do? How can we fix this? Why do you feel this way after so long?", I feel like I'm trying to solve a jigsaw puzzle with missing pieces and ones that don't belong. I've tried talking to my family and some of her family about it however its really not helping me. Its really tearing me apart inside and out. I keep questioning my existence as well; and I've had a lot of dark thoughts, which is not good. I've already booked in a doctors appointment because I know I'm not well and need psychological help. I need some help and guidance.

Yelah90 150 Facebook friends but feeling alone.
  • replies: 3

So I've about 150 friends on Facebook, I comment and like my friends posts. But I never a comment or a like but. At the moment my depression has made me feel alone but I can see I'm surrounded by 150 people. I try and make my Facebook positive but ye... View more

So I've about 150 friends on Facebook, I comment and like my friends posts. But I never a comment or a like but. At the moment my depression has made me feel alone but I can see I'm surrounded by 150 people. I try and make my Facebook positive but yet no likes and no comments. I don't even get text messages anymore. With saying that I feel so alone and seeing all of my friends posts With them out and about made me feel so much more alone, upset. So I deactivate Facebook about 4 days ago, still nothing.. Which is making me feel like no one cares apart from my parents and 1 friend who makes the time to face time me. Should I get Facebook back or just keep it close?

Wilbur1954 Where am I going with this?
  • replies: 8

Previously i have posted about lack of friends and my wifes disinterest in sex. Im worried now that im heading into strange territory in order to compensate for these issues. Ive recently become infatuated with my neighbours wife. Its driving me craz... View more

Previously i have posted about lack of friends and my wifes disinterest in sex. Im worried now that im heading into strange territory in order to compensate for these issues. Ive recently become infatuated with my neighbours wife. Its driving me crazy that im having these thoughts about her. Equally as concerning is that i may act on my thoughts and cause a lot of hurt to lots of people. Ive also got the feeling that my neighbours wife would be open to a relationship with me so that only gives me confidence to do it. What do i do?

Jesscee Stressed and confused
  • replies: 1

Hey This is my first time posting. For backstory Im a single mum. The relationship with the dad is non-existent I believe we were young and emotions too high. We were teens and tried to be adults and whilst it worked momentarily, that quickly dissolv... View more

Hey This is my first time posting. For backstory Im a single mum. The relationship with the dad is non-existent I believe we were young and emotions too high. We were teens and tried to be adults and whilst it worked momentarily, that quickly dissolved. I suffered for a while but he had me convinced that I was the cause of issue and he was my saviour. I fell pregnant and he cheated on me which I discovered was happening for months which ended in physical altercation and I left him. We tried co-parenting but after our child's 1st birthday, there was another altercation, police and courts involved and after it all I never seen or heard from him. 3 years later I continued in relationships that were toxic as I believed that is what I deserved. With some help, I did finally walk away and decided that even if I don't deserve the best my child does and I stopped dating. That is until I was in my mid 20's when I met the love of my life, who is a very respectable man. After 8 months of dating, he had to go away for 9 months for training. We promised to wait for each other, we spoke to each other daily He did get to come back some weekend's where we would occasionally get to hang out. I struggled with feeling good enough, being someone who did carry a lot of baggage and issues from past trauma and I placed him on a pedestal, amazed how someone like me could have someone like him. However, whilst he was at my home, his friends called and mentioned my partner's attempts to take another woman out (they didn't realise he had them on speaker) He quickly tried to brush it off but they continued to mention how attractive he was saying she was and so he finally told them where he was and they immediately stopped talking and said they would call back later. My heart was immediately shattered to say the least. he did admit to thinking she was attractive but that's it nothing happened. I believe that. But I don't 100% trust him anymore. I blamed myself for not being good enough and I really struggled. 2 years later and we're still together, about to make a big commitment together and I find all these fears rushing to me. I still don't trust him completely and it makes me feel bad for it because he has tried so hard to prove himself. I'm questioning myself. I feel ashamed for still letting this affect me so much when he hasn't don't anything wrong all this time later. I don't want to keep bringing this issue up because I see the effort he has made. But this is eating me up.

Ahjlees I hate myself
  • replies: 1

Hi, So I’ve been internally struggling with this for awhile and I think I need help. I’m all over the place emotionally and it’s physically taking its toll. I’m not even sure how to put my thoughts down on paper, for lack of a better term. I’m a mess... View more

Hi, So I’ve been internally struggling with this for awhile and I think I need help. I’m all over the place emotionally and it’s physically taking its toll. I’m not even sure how to put my thoughts down on paper, for lack of a better term. I’m a mess about my relationship with my boyfriend. He’s my first and we are still navigating this thing together. Our relationship has been (I don’t even know the word) from the start; Our mutual (now ex-) friend acted like a go between as if we were teenagers. I found out they were planning things behind my back. That same ‘friend’ involved herself in our relationship to an uncomfortable degree and ended up involving my sister too. Our relationship caused issues with that ‘friend’ and her husband, also a (now ex) friend. We had a lot of stress and anxiety due to a pre-planned overseas holiday with said ‘friends’. He helped pay for a chunk of the trip for me as did my parents (this is a very long story). I was incredibly emotional on the trip and had several breakdowns, one of which involved me sleeping for most of a day. I’m still emotional and seem to get upset about anything and everything. I’ve gone through stages of crying after talking to him on the phone, of not wanting him to touch me and when he is visiting of wanting him to go home. I’m sick of feeling this way and have had thoughts of breaking up with him so I don’t have to. I love him and hate myself for feeling this way, for wanting to break up with him, for being a wreck. I just hate myself.

MummaJem23 Having dreams about my ex boyfriend is tearing me apart!
  • replies: 4

Little bit of back story.. 2 and a half years ago at 20 years old I broke up with my boyfriend of 2 years because I felt unloved and second best, 6 months later I met someone else and unexpectedly fell pregnant to him pretty quickly. I decided to kee... View more

Little bit of back story.. 2 and a half years ago at 20 years old I broke up with my boyfriend of 2 years because I felt unloved and second best, 6 months later I met someone else and unexpectedly fell pregnant to him pretty quickly. I decided to keep the baby as I myself couldn't go through with an abortion, we moved in together and things were good for a little. Fast forward to now I'm 23, have a 17 month old and have recently ended my relationship for the 2nd time in 6 months because of the father's gaming habits and other issues he has to change but we still have to live together for another 4 months before moving. We are still on good terms but it's been difficult as we have had problems for a long time. Now the huge thing I've been struggling with is I have been having quite vivid dreams about my ex boyfriend for almost 1 year now, mostly about being back with him again. I wake up feeling so guilty and upset because he has had a new girlfriend for about 6 months and I obviously still care for my child's father very much, my ex and I only speak very occasionally and he isn't a part of my everyday life anymore so having these dreams is taking a huge toll on my mental health. I feel like I have tried everything I can think of to let him go and push thoughts of him out of my mind but nothing is helping, the longer I keep it to myself the worse I feel! In my mind it's like I don't think I ever stopped loving him and I'm in denial or maybe it's just that I never really got proper closure when it came to the end of our relationship, I feel like I'm at a huge crossroads in my life and I need help. I'm torn about whether I should ask him to catch up and tell him what's been going on or not, the last thing I want is to damage his new relationship but I feel like it's my only way to get closure and not feel like this anymore! Please any advice is greatly appreciated!

Wings90 husband is demanding controlling and doesn’t help much with kids.
  • replies: 3

So my husband works away, whilst away we get on great we communicate each day etc. when he is home, he is on rnr. That’s his words, so I agree have a day maybe 2 to just catch up on sleep or rest whatever. He sees looking after our children as babysi... View more

So my husband works away, whilst away we get on great we communicate each day etc. when he is home, he is on rnr. That’s his words, so I agree have a day maybe 2 to just catch up on sleep or rest whatever. He sees looking after our children as babysitting. He has to be nagged to help with his kids. He doesn’t help around the house when he’s home, I would ask to do dishes or Vac just one thing whilst I work. He doesn’t have the kids whilst I work he refuses to and won’t pickup or dropoff to school the eldest. he has said that when he’s home I shouldn’t be out and about for say one night for a coffee at my friends or even a dinner etc because why should he look after the kids whilst I’m out I should do that whilst he’s working away. he should just take the keys off me and I should ask for them to go out. I “only” work part time as with multiple kids it wasn’t financially effective for me to return fulltime and he knows this he was part of that decision. we all live a life of luxury here apparently also his words this is not the case he knows I’m working, being Mum and running the house I’m an introvert so even going out for a night out would be maybe once in 3 months and it has been very rarely when he has been home it’s been a friends important birthday etc This is just so against everything I believe in, I always say I won’t have my kids grow up this way they are to share house work and parental responsibilities I don’t want them thinking this is normal or ok. where do I go next?