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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Blackg00 Thirty years of trust gone
  • replies: 3

Hello , today is my thirty year anniversary with my wife. I haven’t wished her any thing and I don’t know if I can right now. A bit over a year ago I received almost a hundred thousand dollars from a will. We had decided to finally buy a house with t... View more

Hello , today is my thirty year anniversary with my wife. I haven’t wished her any thing and I don’t know if I can right now. A bit over a year ago I received almost a hundred thousand dollars from a will. We had decided to finally buy a house with the money as a deposit. That fell through as my wife had fines , unpaid debts and multiple loans of which I knew nothing about of about 36 thousand , so we paid them out. Still no massive problem we both worked and we were saving . Then my wife got a new car $20k ok she needed a better car but we still had 40k in the bank. A few more bills and it was down to 30k , but these things happen. Then a bout six months ago my wife got sick and for the most part couldn’t work , I felt better knowing we had money in the bank to cover bills etc that was until the end of September when I finally looked into the account. My wife had spent 24k plus her sick pay and holiday pay and there was 6k left . That soon went on bills that she hadn’t paid . I am angry, frustrated and I cannot tell my family of what she has done , she just says she needed to escape and the money was her escape from her pain . I don’t know what to do , marriage is for life , just when I thought there was stability and a safety net , my partner threw it to the wind. Now it looks like she will never be able to work again , I am already working 60 hours a week for not a lot of money , it’s not like I am a young man at 52 years , but I cannot keep it up till I retire so I am at a loss of what to do. At this stage I am unwilling to give up on thirty years of marriage, but she betrayed us to the deepest core and it hurts me every time I look at her when I know now that she needs me more than ever. She thinks we will somehow all pull through but has no idea how that will happen , I haven’t had a day that I don’t worry about going under and loosing everything. It is affecting my moods and habits. I don’t talk to her the same way any more , sometimes I just grunt . She just says sorry but without any feeling , and still continues to plan holidays and cruises. I walk away when she starts to try and talk about them . Am I wrong or is thirty years not worth the pain and heartache, richer or poorer sickness and in health , I don’t want to give up , she is not helping with the way she pretends it’s only a minor problem.

Sigismunt Feeling of loss/bitterness/envy regarding the sexual intimacy
  • replies: 2

I am feeling a very harsh loss/bitterness/envy regarding the sexual intimacy. This has led to me having a periods of about 2-4 days of me feeling as if I were ill and no energy, but without any physiological symptoms such as temperature or cough. Thi... View more

I am feeling a very harsh loss/bitterness/envy regarding the sexual intimacy. This has led to me having a periods of about 2-4 days of me feeling as if I were ill and no energy, but without any physiological symptoms such as temperature or cough. This is usually triggered with the thoughts of sex that I crave. Also, I feel *loss* that I haven't had wild hormonal 18-20 yo sex, and can't get over it. I also have other responsibilities such as studying, which I can not fulfil during this period of feeling down. Also, I gave an oath that I will not have any long-term relationships, as a result of one of such down periods (~2 years ago). Otherwise wouldn't consider myself a man for breaking my own word/oath. I am a graduate student, 24 yo. I have had just 2 sexual partners. I have had options in life, showing interest, and kissing, about 6-8 girls (such as confesses/proposals to start relationships, but usually girls changed their mind later). I am very tall, better than average-average on looks, with some pluses and minuses, not ugly, but mb not a model. On a self-reported personality test, I am introverted (low energy, but medium assertiveness), highly neurotic, very highly disagreeable (0th percentile, very true) and high creativity/openness to experience. I am not an easy person, in short - not for myself, nor for others. Not a lot of friends. In the past I have had some psychotic breakouts due to the drug abuse (now clean). I am a child of scandalous divorce, where mother was neurotic (not terribly, but mb some oedipal thing + she had harsh swings of mood), father was absent (emotionally and physically), always away from home working. Mother also died quite some years ago. Before death she cycled between blame me for it, but then to loving. Very nasty dying. I want to understand how I could get the depression feeling under control, so that I could at least have less of these down periods, and ideally eliminate them.

Outofluck23 Marriage over.
  • replies: 5

After 4 years and one baby, and a tough year behind us, I sat my husband down to ask him to try harder or it was never going to work, his response "I don't want to try, it's over" I was so unhappy in our relationship (No intimacy, love affection or t... View more

After 4 years and one baby, and a tough year behind us, I sat my husband down to ask him to try harder or it was never going to work, his response "I don't want to try, it's over" I was so unhappy in our relationship (No intimacy, love affection or time together). So why am I feeling so horrible now? I am angry he was not willing to try, and I am sad for myself and now have 2 kids to 2 fathers and feel as though no one will ever love me again. We have to continue living together as I have no income and nowhere to go until I find a job. I spend my days barely holding it together until the kids go to bed so that I can crawl into bed too and break down and cry. I haven't eaten since he ended it, so 5 days now and the thought of food makes me sick, I'm not sleeping well either. I feel absolutely devastated even though I was unhappy in the relationship, I really wanted to try and make it work, I tried so hard and feel like he didn't try at all. How do I make it through the next weeks having to share a house with this man who seems completely unaffected by the relationship ending?

Once_bitten__twice_shy Here comes the rollercoaster...
  • replies: 1

Hmm where do I start? I'm sitting here at nearly 1am unable to sleep yet again. After 18 years and 2 children, my partner told me that he didn't love me amymore and wanted to leave. Cue rollercoaster of emotions number 1. Telling the kids, trying to ... View more

Hmm where do I start? I'm sitting here at nearly 1am unable to sleep yet again. After 18 years and 2 children, my partner told me that he didn't love me amymore and wanted to leave. Cue rollercoaster of emotions number 1. Telling the kids, trying to work, rejection, fear, loneliness, anger and I'm sure many others. Partner comes to me after 3 months and says he has made a terrible mistake. So without me truly thinking this through, I agree. After all, it would stop all of these awful emotions I was experiencing and we would be a happy family again. This went alright for 2 years until today when I find out he is cheating on me. Cue rollercoaster of emotions number 2 and all I can think is how the hell did I get here again? And the scariest part is that I know what is coming and it isn't the worst of it yet. I know I am strong and I know I will get through this maybe but all I can think is that I don't want this .

Canopygod Totally lost on a couple of issues....
  • replies: 2

Hi all, I have no idea on where to start on my messy situation, but I’ll try my best... My ex and I have broken up 18 months ago, I have since met this absolutely wonderful lady on tinder. She, at first was the most loving person I have ever met. She... View more

Hi all, I have no idea on where to start on my messy situation, but I’ll try my best... My ex and I have broken up 18 months ago, I have since met this absolutely wonderful lady on tinder. She, at first was the most loving person I have ever met. She was definitely the one I could spend the rest of my life with, even the sex was amazing and non stop. I am now living with her. In the past 3 weeks, most things on her behalf have stopped. She still tells me occasionally that she loves me, but that’s it. I have since found out she is texting her ex and has met him at her work. She says they are still friends. On top of all this, we are dealing with my ex, who is living in my house and I am not allowed back there as she has put a DVO on me, yet I never hit her, cause I threatened to turn the power off(in my name) she felt intimidated. The lies she is telling the police is unbelievable. I was escorted off my own place by Police. We were together for 7 years. Everything is 100% in my name,as she had always wanted. She has never paid a cent for anything, all she paid for was the groceries. Now, the solicitor’s are loving me and she just sits there for free. She is not willing to cooperate in any way. I have been told that she now wants to get back at me.

Loco23 Brother moved out of home and I did not anticipate I'd be devastated.
  • replies: 3

Me and my older brother have been living at home and he just recently moved out to live with his fiancé. When he first told he was moving out, I didn't feel anything straight away but as the hours and days went by I started feeling really really sad.... View more

Me and my older brother have been living at home and he just recently moved out to live with his fiancé. When he first told he was moving out, I didn't feel anything straight away but as the hours and days went by I started feeling really really sad. We've never really hanged out as brothers, he really is someone who dedicates all his free time to his fiancé and has little time for anything else. I can't help but shake the feeling that I won't be seeing much of him anymore... And I hate that. Every time I see his empty room now I feel like crying. My mind seems to be flashing back to memories of me and him in primary school, high school together or kicking a ball in a park when we were kids. As adults, we've never hanged out together and been 'friends' but god damn the feeling that he's my 'big brother' is really strong right now. I know he has to move on and become independent now but I'm sad I'm losing him, I'm angry we can't be kids again.

Sdmara Can separated couples reconcile?
  • replies: 2

Been seperated 5 years in Oct. Throughout this time we tried to reconcile but it doesn't seem to work. I try to meet his needs but he doesn't make any efforts. Repeatedly tells me he wants to try but only does what he wants without factoring how it m... View more

Been seperated 5 years in Oct. Throughout this time we tried to reconcile but it doesn't seem to work. I try to meet his needs but he doesn't make any efforts. Repeatedly tells me he wants to try but only does what he wants without factoring how it makes me feel. He is aware cause we discussed it in counselling but he says he tries but I am never happy. I just feel worthless and hurt and guilty and I don't know what to do. I became a doormat waiting for his efforts to make this work. He doesn't then I react....then the blame me for reacting. I am tired of this. I ask for divorce he says he doesn't want it. He wants to find a way to make it work. Yet years passed but we are worse than ever. The more this happens the more sensitive I am becoming the more irrational the more needy. I hate this with a passion. Then I get scared. Scared of what happens next. I have no family here in Australia. Friends are few and all married so they are all busy with families. Every birthday holiday or special event I am on my own. Kids are grown up and teenagers want to live their lives. If I return to Europe then I am abandoning them. I feel suffocating and cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel. People say it will get better. Will it?? How?? The thought of meeting someone else makes me sick...going through the emotions again. I can't do it.

SpanishSahara Girlfriend broke up with me due to her mental health - struggling to deal with it
  • replies: 3

Hi, first time posting here, please try to be understanding. So my gf recently broke up with me because she said she needed to seriously address her mental health (which is plagued from an emotionally abusive past relationship) and, although she stil... View more

Hi, first time posting here, please try to be understanding. So my gf recently broke up with me because she said she needed to seriously address her mental health (which is plagued from an emotionally abusive past relationship) and, although she still had feelings for me, she couldn't do that and be with me at the same time. These past few weeks and even beyond she has been distant, aloof, moody. I respect her decision, she has to do what's best for her. But I am struggling to accept that we're over. We have been best friends since 2013, we got together in Nov 2018 and my life feels incomplete without her to talk to, hang out with, be with, etc. I have told her I love her, I don't want anyone else and that I would wait for her, regardless of how long it took for her to feel that she was in a better place. I acknowledge this is almost certainly a bad idea - a person's recovery doesn't have a deadline - but I honestly thought she was the one. I am getting by, still seeing friends/doing hobbies and stuff, but everything feels like something is missing. The world has less colour. I keep wanting to talk to her but I know that won't make me feel better. I keep thinking of everything I did and didn't do these past few months and whether if i had/hadn't done them, she wouldn't have broken up with me. I'm terrified she'll get a better handle on her mental health and not want to get back together. I've talked to a few close friends about it, and they've all more or less said that I need to move on, properly, and not pine over her or be resistant to new opportunities. But that's easier said than done. I'm not ready to say goodbye to this relationship. I definitely won't pressure her, make her feel bad about her decision, or anything like that. But that's honestly how I feel. I don't expect anyone to tell me what I'm doing is completely correct, but I think it's best to be clear. Has anybody been through something like this? How did you deal with it? And what would you do in my shoes?

Oceanbug Confused about what to do bf wise
  • replies: 1

For the last 6 weeks my bf of 2.5yrs has stopped showing me affection. When i asked what was wrong he said that nothing makes him happy anymore. One minute he is happy and want a to be around me and then next he wants to be alone. But he hasnt change... View more

For the last 6 weeks my bf of 2.5yrs has stopped showing me affection. When i asked what was wrong he said that nothing makes him happy anymore. One minute he is happy and want a to be around me and then next he wants to be alone. But he hasnt changed towards his friends, he does more things with them and barely wants to do anything with me. But yet tells me that it's not me, that it's him but he doesn't know what is wrong. He still wants to have sex every now and then and during its like nothing changed. He is into it and tells me I'm sexy and treats me like a million bucks. But after it's over it's back to how it has been, loveless almost. I've given him space by going away for 4 days and letting him be the one to make contact with me, which he did and even rang me unexpected to have a chat. I've been taking a step back and just being there when he wants/ needs me but obviously sometimes it gets the better of me. He does not enjoy work atm and it is a very sore subject, so I try to avoid it. I have been staying positive and not getting upset with him seeing it and just showing I'm happy but it isn't changing. The last time we had problems he called it quits but this time he isn't. I'm not sure if he cnt bring himself to do it or he doesn't want it to end

Lostnalone19 Struggling with seperation
  • replies: 1

Hi all, I don't know where to start.. So my partner and I met 3 years ago and from the first moment we fell in love fast and hard we both wanted each other bad 24/7. I deal with low self-esteem and never felt worthy enough for her when infact I shoul... View more

Hi all, I don't know where to start.. So my partner and I met 3 years ago and from the first moment we fell in love fast and hard we both wanted each other bad 24/7. I deal with low self-esteem and never felt worthy enough for her when infact I should have she is an amazing person and has alot of love to give and she gave me all she had, I fell into a hole and it's a daily struggle as I suffer from depression, anxiety, stress, jealousy, and very insecure. The last 6 months I hadn't had a job which caused alot of stress on her. Constantly had my head in my phone looking for work trying to find something that would bring in the big dollars but yet have a home life, let me tell you it doesn't exist. I should of been content and happy with what I had and enjoy the finer things in life. Long story short she broke it off with me. We still talk occasionally n the phone it's hard because I want another chance to prove my worth as I've learnt and see where and what I've done and didn't do which I can fix to create the life we wanted. She says she loves me but not like she used to. My mind is telling me to just give up and move on but my heart says keep on fighting, but I'm not sure how long I can fight. She says that she feels the same way. But she said things need to change and I'm prepared to do what it takes but worried I'm going to lose. It's been hard for her the last few months seeing me sloth on the couch day in day out while she basically done everything which is totally not me in the early days I done lots of cleaning cooking etc but just found myself in a rutt where I thought is was impossible to get through I gave up on myself and my life and this has made me realise that I have so much to offer and want to reconcile with her as she is the love of my life. But I think it might be little to late to fix I just don't know. All I know is that if she was to give me another chance she definitely wouldn't regret it Sorry to bore you all with my problems but just want to see if anyone can give me any advice or shine a light on it abit more . Thanks.