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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team will keep it anonymous, its still up for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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ilovesweets Marriage more than 20 years and now so much hurt
  • replies: 5

Hi everyone, This is my first post. I have been reading and watching for a while and can appreciate everyone's support on here, it is truly a great place to seek some guidance. As my title says, my husband and I have been together for 22 years, 17 ye... View more

Hi everyone, This is my first post. I have been reading and watching for a while and can appreciate everyone's support on here, it is truly a great place to seek some guidance. As my title says, my husband and I have been together for 22 years, 17 years of those married. There is an age gap of approx 10 years between us and we met when I was in my mid 20s and him mid 30s. When we met I had left a previous relationship and had a 14 month old son, I left the previous relationship of approx 5 years because I was unhappy, did not feel valued and he was a heavy drinker and seemed to have more fun with the mates than focus on us as a family unit. I felt I was there to serve, keep house and not much more. When I met my husband, he was a nice guys, very different to what I was use to, quiet, intelligent, reserved and full of manners. All attractive qualities in a partner, just not your outgoing, social type of guy, but I thought well that is not a big thing, he had friends, long term ones and was a nice guy, opened doors for me the whole bit! I did not want to get involved straight away, as I had just come out of a relationship and had a young son and wanted to get myself settled, so we were friends, went on dates, met his friends but nothing romantic for approx 9 months as I wanted him to be sure he knew what he was getting into (with a son) and if I really wanted to get involved with someone again. Fast forward a few years and we have had out ups and downs, lots has been accomplished together, goals achieved, he is a hard worker but very critical of how I do things, a perfectionist and very slow at getting things done because in his eyes they have to be "perfect". He is frugal with money (which has got us where we are) but the downside of this is money is not spent on making our lives easier. The old saying "you do not pay someone to do something, you can do yourself". My relationship with my son (fast forward 20 or so years) has broken down and a couple of years ago he moved out of the house (at my request) and consequently I have not had any communication with him, which hurts. Parting ways comments like "i hate him" really sting. I feel I have let myself down for not stepping in earlier to correct the damaging behaviour of my husband. We now have 2 boys of our own (10 & 12) they are now starting to push back on my husband and I can see the whole repeat happening.

MandaC 15 year relationship, was it for nothing?
  • replies: 17

I have been in a relationship with my partner for 15 years (16 in November) and we have been having issues for maybe the last year and a half. Pretty much since he started hanging out with new people. Anyway, he has been drinking to excess everyday, ... View more

I have been in a relationship with my partner for 15 years (16 in November) and we have been having issues for maybe the last year and a half. Pretty much since he started hanging out with new people. Anyway, he has been drinking to excess everyday, is at the pub minimum 3 times a week and gambles a lot. My issue is when he drinks he is a different person. He rarely remembers what happened when he wakes the next morning, which is fine for him, but not for me as he is usually quite mean in the things he says when he is drunk. He usually says things like he is going to leave me, he has had enough, im stupid etc. Last night was really bad where he said he wanted to move and I said i didnt (because i dont want to move away from family and be someone where i have no one, and my dad is also not in the best of health) so because of that I dont love him and have never loved him and ive just used him for 15 years (thats the nice version). He also accuses me of cheating all the time which i would never do. He was saying that his life is worthless etc. He said he left his kids for me and i have done nothing for him. His kids are still in our lives, i have always made an effort with them (they are all grown up now). He stormed out of the house and has not returned. I tried to call him a couple of times this morning to see if he was ok but he didnt answer. I sent a text saying if he didnt want to talk at least let me know that he is ok please and I got a text back saying "ok". that is all the communication i have got. Last year, he left me without warning but came back 2 or 3 days later realising he had 'made a mistake'. This was after he had an affair and i forgave him. i dont know what to do. Is this it? I have stood by him with all that he has done, been there for him through everything. I feel so alone and lost. My best friend is gone.

Notanurse Relationship dilemma
  • replies: 4

The past year or so ive been in an internal battle with myself on being a proud single woman happy to not have a partner and more than capable of being a single mum by choice(through donor sperm and IUI) and wanting a partner. Ive been through financ... View more

The past year or so ive been in an internal battle with myself on being a proud single woman happy to not have a partner and more than capable of being a single mum by choice(through donor sperm and IUI) and wanting a partner. Ive been through financial abuse, sexual assault and verbal abuse in my past relationship so I guess that explains why I'm so cautious now. Every time I think about having a partner I want to throw up(literally) because I can't picture myself with an adult sized child(that isn't my own child) living with me, sleeping in my bed, being around, sharing a life with etc. I fear being in a relationship then that relationship breaking down and it all going sour like ive heard from friends many times where the guy takes absolutely everything leaving the woman in the dirt basically or trying to take the kids and court orders etc, all that scares the hell out if me! I'm lucky for now that my sons father refuses to be in his life, things are peaceful for me now and I dont want to change that by bringing a stranger into our lives. Plus im also terrified of a potential partner stinking like a dead animal because he doesnt know how to keep up his own personal hygiene(reference to the ex there..), like im not your mum and im not a cat that licks you to get you clean. But then I think all traditionally and that marriage is the next step in life and having a partner would mean I get help with future kids or even buying a house which I might not be able to do as a single woman. Its such a frustrating battle in my head. I jump on these dating apps and see what's there maybe something will instantly click but nope, and I don't have time to just go out there unless Prince charming who meets my long list of yes shows up on my doorstep. I want to talk about this stuff with my psychologist but ive never been very open in talking about that stuff with anyone in person.. but I need to get my mind in the right direction sort of thing.

Lost_in_my_Thoughts Partner has been lying
  • replies: 3

so about 2mnths ago I was suspicious that my partner was chatting to other women and I had this feeling for a while. I finally decided after asking and getting no where to go thru his phone which came up with multiple pics and videos that had been ex... View more

so about 2mnths ago I was suspicious that my partner was chatting to other women and I had this feeling for a while. I finally decided after asking and getting no where to go thru his phone which came up with multiple pics and videos that had been exchanged with women. I then asked him about and he said yes he had met up with 1 but only to drop some stuff off to her and didn't believe him at all so I decided to msg this girl a month ago and she responded a week ago saying she had no idea about me and the kids and felt guilty (wasn't her fault) she also showed me a msg that he had sent to her a month prior saying im sorry I have a family please don't tell her anything. We had quite a good conversation and she came out with all the answers I needed to know. They had met up once back in April (I checked my msgs from back then between partner and I and he had a diff story) she also said that they were going to meet up again on a date a sea later and it worked out to be the same date as i miscarried. We had a good/great sex life but during covid our let our hair down nights became an everyday thing for him as i am working i knew but didn't know how bad it got. After confronting him with all the facts he then somehow made it my issue as i didn't have time for him (he was out every night) He then blamed her saying she was all over him and what was he spos to do I told him I needed my space and took off my engagement ring he then started to accuse me of cheating (I am loyal to a fault) and started crying saying he would kill himself, that i dont care about his feelings and it meant nothing.. ao last night I thought i would let my hair down a bit and as we were becoming touchy with each other I couldn't get what happened out of my head, at the start he was cool and gave me my space to breath but this morning he has woken saying last night was a waste of time. I love him we have been through so much together but I dont trust him. He doesn't understand how hurt I am considering when we met he knew that cheating was a big "NO" for me and he agreed He is constantly looking over my shoulder if I am on my phone and becomes very over the top when he doesn't get the answers that he wants me to say and it makes me nervous.

kiyojordie My ex is a mother enmeshed man. What do I do?
  • replies: 2

About 3 months ago my (25F) boyfriend (22M) suddenly broke up with me. He had recently moved in with me and was getting a lot of trouble about it from his mother who suffers with severe mental illness. She first called me a snake and said I was teari... View more

About 3 months ago my (25F) boyfriend (22M) suddenly broke up with me. He had recently moved in with me and was getting a lot of trouble about it from his mother who suffers with severe mental illness. She first called me a snake and said I was tearing her family apart (even though it was completely 100% his decision, even I was surprised he wanted to move in), then argued and insulted him on a daily, yelled, cried and begged him to come home, and called him every single day having hours long conversations. I witnessed him having mental breakdowns over her insults. She had always controlled him and said things that impacted his self esteem, and as a result of all of this he developed bad anxiety that led him to believe that if he didn't answer the phone or make her happy she would commit suicide. There are so many things I could get into, such as him having an emotionally distant father, spilling all of her relationship issues onto their son and using him as an emotional crutch. To put it plainly she is toxic and he is enmeshed. The problem is that he doesn't realize any of this. I was the one that pointed out his mental health problems and told him months ago to see someone, but he denied it. He doesn't really see the issue with his family situation and views it as normal, however it has affected his ability to make and maintain close connections (I was his first best friend and first relationship). As a result, the reason he gave me on why he broke up with me was that he didn't want to commit and admitted he has commitment issues. We had been together for over a year and his mum was pressuring him to think about the future and having kids. I think he panicked and went back to what felt comfortable. It was a decision made when he went to visit his parents for one night. I know he still loves me. He messages me every day and still flirts with me. At this point I just wish for him to have a happy, healthy life because I still consider him my best friend. How do I help him? He still refuses to see a psychologist and I've been trying really hard to encourage him to go. I know that this shouldn't be left up to me, but his parents only enable him and he doesn't have any other close friends. I don't necessarily wish for us to get back together. I'm just not sure what to do for both my peace of mind and his happiness.

cait1205 Transgender sibling
  • replies: 4

Hi my name is Caitlin, I have two siblings one who is younger, Hannah. Hannah is thirteen and we get along ok. My other sister Madeleine is 16 and a half. I recently saw a text on her phone from a friend that said that Madeleine now identifies as non... View more

Hi my name is Caitlin, I have two siblings one who is younger, Hannah. Hannah is thirteen and we get along ok. My other sister Madeleine is 16 and a half. I recently saw a text on her phone from a friend that said that Madeleine now identifies as non binary. She hasn’t come out to my family yet. But I find this difficult to deal with. Madeleine often accuses me of being homophobic and transphobic because she has been wearing the boys school uniform for the past two years. I feel as if people aren’t prepared to understand how I feel to be loosing a sibling sort of. When we were younger we would often talk about how we going to have kids one day and we would all be Aunties and all live happily ever after. Now I can’t see this happening. As most fifteen year olds in my situation would feel, I feel embarrassed. Other kids often make rude remarks such as “is she your sister“ or “I thought she was a boy.” This upsets me and I feel like no one understands. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

MM888 How do you rebuild?
  • replies: 2

I have wanted a baby since I was a teenager. Life hasn’t gone that way. Bad choices in men, not falling pregnant during various relationships and I am now with a man who has had a vasectomy. He agreed a year ago to go on the IVF journey with me, we t... View more

I have wanted a baby since I was a teenager. Life hasn’t gone that way. Bad choices in men, not falling pregnant during various relationships and I am now with a man who has had a vasectomy. He agreed a year ago to go on the IVF journey with me, we talked about me doing it alone or if he wanted to become the dad.. he chose the later. he has an estranged 23 year old daughter and a lovely 20 year old son already. He is late 40’s, I am late 30’s so we have our challenges. We knew that I was more excited about this, he had a few doubts but was on board. He was helping give me my injections, being as involved as he could. We started our first round of stimulated IVF and I went to hospital to do my egg collection, he went to do his surgical sperm collection and he backed out last moment. I was coming out of anaesthetic.. I was sitting in a room with our Dr telling me he doesn’t want to do this anymore. My heart broke. He was sorry, I went crazy. Crying/begging/negotiating/crying/yelling/crying. After all that we finally talked, talking about his fears and anxieties of it. Some of it was being a dad again, some of it was nerves about a large needle. The specialist rooms wanted to know how we wanted to proceed, it seems insane but he wants to try again but I am petrified about this happening again. I have been a gambling addict a long time ago, I know the power of your mind convincing you to do or not do things. I know he is conflicted ( he loves me but also scared) however I feel so hurt by this. I feel broken and just wanted anyone insight if they have been through IVF before, if they have had their partner let them down at a critical moment and what happened. Thank you for listening.

DownDad Struggling after separation and ex starting to date.
  • replies: 7

Hi All, My wife and I separated about 7 weeks ago, when I came out as transgender. I knew she would want to separate when I came out but I did it anyways. She was hurt and we decided to take things slow. She wanted me to support her through her weigh... View more

Hi All, My wife and I separated about 7 weeks ago, when I came out as transgender. I knew she would want to separate when I came out but I did it anyways. She was hurt and we decided to take things slow. She wanted me to support her through her weight loss surgery and she didnt want to tell our 4yo until he was settled at primary school next year. We were together for 7 years and married 5, we have not been happy for quite a while now. I am finding it hard to find a rental so am not able to move out. I have no support network, so cant stay with friends or family. She had her surgery about 3 weeks ago. My ex found a man, about a week ago, and has started seeing him. She still expects me to help her with her new diet, what she and cant eat and prepare it. She also is expecting me to help with our son on her weekends because I have no friends and no hobbies, she says "what are you just going to sit there", but on my weekends she is happy to run off and do stuff with this man and leave me to do everything for our son. I am quite capable of doing that as I was always the cook, the organiser, the accountant in the family. I know I am jealous that she can make friends and find a new sexual partner so easy, but i also feel used and trapped. I am really really really struggling with this and I dont know what to do. help me please...

LadyFlower Am I okay to be dealing with this how I am?
  • replies: 9

Hi there, I need some advice on the best thing to do. I have a mum that has alcohol issues from time to time, often resulting in lots of anger and conflict in my direct family. It mainly occurs when her anxiety or some emotional effects her. My broth... View more

Hi there, I need some advice on the best thing to do. I have a mum that has alcohol issues from time to time, often resulting in lots of anger and conflict in my direct family. It mainly occurs when her anxiety or some emotional effects her. My brother and I have similar feelings about it, but my dad on the other hand does not. He often gets aggressive about the situation and ends up with mum more upset and distraught then she was to begin with. Two nights ago I witnessed this and it was not a pleasant thing to experience. I’m left feeling upset by it still, as I was then targeted for no apparent reason by my dad with words that still hurt me. I do not know the best course of action. I try my best to support mum, but at the same time feel as though I’m still in a tough spot. I don’t talk with my dad much. Only when I have to. Im in my 20’s and live at home still. I’ve been going to work and checking in on mum. I can’t help but feel bad for doing so. Am I wrong to do what I want? Am I not dealing with any of this conflict and just burying it away? I need some words from anyone about how I’m feeling and what I should be doing.

DanielleS I love my partner but my brain is telling me no?
  • replies: 2

Hi guys, I’m really stuck at this point! I have been with my boyfriend for nearly a year now and from March 2020 I started having bad dreams he was cheating or would leave me. Then one day out of no where this feeling just suddenly happened that I di... View more

Hi guys, I’m really stuck at this point! I have been with my boyfriend for nearly a year now and from March 2020 I started having bad dreams he was cheating or would leave me. Then one day out of no where this feeling just suddenly happened that I didn’t love him which I know is bull because he’s the best thing that could of ever happened to me and he’s done nothing wrong and is really supportive!! I know for a fact I love him and that something else is just going on with me.. but I can’t figure it out and I seriously need this to end. I also have health anxiety and panic disorder which idk if that would be contributing? As I’ve had thoughts lately about him dying. my ex was really toxic. My dad is also toxic so I no longer see him. So if anyone has had anything similar can you please share with me your experience x