Relationship and family issues

more love for drugs then me

replies: 6

I have been in a relationship for around 4/5 years now. My partner has always been a heavy drug smoker throughout that time, however it never effected our relationship as we weren't living together. i have asked him to cut down - to only smoking on w... View more

I have been in a relationship for around 4/5 years now. My partner has always been a heavy drug smoker throughout that time, however it never effected our relationship as we weren't living together. i have asked him to cut down - to only smoking on weekends etc however its truly an addiction and he gets aggressive, tense and honestly awful to be around if he doesn't smoke for even a day. like most young people, he doesn't believe the drug is addictive however the way it makes you feel, the chemicals released and the tobacco its mixed with is addictive. he has said he will never quit and i think in all honesty its time for me to end the realtionship. He would rather spend his money on it then go out on a date with me, pay bills (which i pay all of), i've had to lend him money, he literally doesn't want to do anything with me...like wont even engage in a conversation unless stoned. Here are some other things (these happen both stoned and sober) - he wont eat unless I make it/offer it (and if i don't he will have a starvation strike) -if i do buy food to make he is too lazy to make it (simple as making a wrap) - i buy the groceries, as i am the one cooking and in all honesty he wouldn't spend his money on food even if there was none in the house -if i asked to go out there is always an eye roll or a 'uuurgh why' -he doesn't like living the house unless its to pick up drugs or see his friends to smoke it -wont offer to make me a coffee, food, watch something however if i don't he'll get up and ask why i didn't offer him -will come in at night asking to cuddle after he has spent the whole day not engaging with me -wont be affectionate or even think about having sex with me (See's it as effort) -i do all the washing/cleaning/organising and he does absolutely nothing to contribute (doesn't work) it sounds like i am being a negative person, but in all honesty i can't see the positives in the realtionships anymore. he wont come and hang out with me because he says 'sitting with you watching something is boring' and i have said 'well how do you think i feel, i don't wont to be sitting here watching tv'.

Anxious - confused about my feelings.

replies: 1

Female, it will be our 6th year wedding anniversary this year. I suffer from anxiety and take meds for it. Im not happy I feel like something isnt right. I'm getting more confident at doing normal things, dropping my son off to school, hanging out wi... View more

Female, it will be our 6th year wedding anniversary this year. I suffer from anxiety and take meds for it. Im not happy I feel like something isnt right. I'm getting more confident at doing normal things, dropping my son off to school, hanging out with friends. I get anxiety driving but i feel like ive been getting better with that too. on the other hand Im having mixed feelings about my husband. It started when we had friends come visit us during the new years. and i was crushing super hard for one of them. it went away when I gave him a hug on the day he left but it left me feeling very confused. those feelings did subside though. I had sex with my husband thinking about a female friend sexually. afterwards i was in tears in the shower with my husband saying im gay. it made me feel happy saying it out loud, but i was still unsure about the statement, as at games night i felt an attraction for one of the guys there as well. after outburst my husband hung out with my friends gf . I was jealous. its been so many years since he did anything like that with me. we have 2 kids (5 & 2) so understand why not but its still hard to swallow. ever since then it felt like something clicked inside. I dont want to be in this relationship. i feel repulsed by sex and I have a hard time reciprocating intimacy. its going to get to a point where i'll have to say something. im sick now with a cold. I've had it for about 5 days now. Ive tried piece by piece over the years to bring up issues with him. i told him I was jealous. were going to spend valentines day together I feel it necessary to try. when im alone and have no one to talk to and thoughts of ive had enough, i want to move out and make my own life are at their strongest. but then he'll come through the door after work and give me a hug and then i feel guilty and sad about having these thoughts and then for 2 seconds when he's telling me about his day I feel like everything could be fine. talking here and writing it all out helps too. if anything else, thank you.

Partner Unwilling to Move

replies: 9

I am toward the completion of my undergraduate degree, and looking to commence a Juris Doctor in another city. I am currently based in Brisbane with my partner, who I have been with for one year. We are engaged. I have spoken to my partner and asked ... View more

I am toward the completion of my undergraduate degree, and looking to commence a Juris Doctor in another city. I am currently based in Brisbane with my partner, who I have been with for one year. We are engaged. I have spoken to my partner and asked them how they would feel about moving to be with me whilst I study. Every conversation on the subject results in him stating he is not going to move, despite the fact he only works a part time job and doesn’t have any goals to study or further his career. I have suggested he stays in Brisbane until he finds a job in the other city and then moves down at a later stage. I have also suggested long distance as an option, to no avail. Whilst I have 5 months to think about the decision as to whether I should stay and complete the Juris Doctor in Queensland or move, I am constantly feeling worried and anxious about the cessation of my relationship. I want to remain with my partner but am faced with a moral dilemma. I have always wanted to attend this specific university and I feel if I don’t go, I will regret my decision and lay blame on my partner. Should I stay in QLD and attempt to save the relationship, or follow my aspirations to study at this university?

Questioning relationship over a pet.....

replies: 4

Just to give a bit of background: my partner and I have been in a relationship for about 6 years, but have only been living together for 12 months. When we first moved in to our house, I brought along my dog who I spent a great deal of time training.... View more

Just to give a bit of background: my partner and I have been in a relationship for about 6 years, but have only been living together for 12 months. When we first moved in to our house, I brought along my dog who I spent a great deal of time training. In the middle of last year we decided to get another dog. My girl lived with my parent’s dog when I was back at home and enjoys the company of other dogs, so we thought a companion would be good for her. My partner was adamant he wanted a male dog, so we got an 8 week old male pup. We took him to puppy preschool and tried to socialise him as much as possible, but from about 7 months he has been reactive towards people and other dogs he is not familiar with. I have been going through a reactive dog training program with him and working on desensitising and counterconditioning him. On top of this I work full time, do the majority of the cooking, cleaning, shopping and pet care. My partner works full time, mows the lawns and maybe vacuums and cooks once a week. I have really been struggling with my workload and have asked him multiple times to help me, whether it is helping with house duties or the dogs. He always says “yes I’ll put more effort in” then nothing changes. This is starting to get very hard on me because it means I don’t seem to find much time to relax myself (not great for my anxiety), while he goes off and plays sport or goes out 3-4 nights of the week. Is it horrible I am reconsidering whether this man is a good life partner over how he handles a commitment to a pet?

Estranged from my mother

replies: 10

I'm at a loss. I've recently had a very big falling out with my mother. It hurts to breathe I feel sick in the stomach. Can't sleep Can't concentrate. My dad passed 10 years ago and my mum became very controlling of my life. She became fixated on wha... View more

I'm at a loss. I've recently had a very big falling out with my mother. It hurts to breathe I feel sick in the stomach. Can't sleep Can't concentrate. My dad passed 10 years ago and my mum became very controlling of my life. She became fixated on what my little family was doing. She needed to know where and what we were doing how much money we had who we were with basically everything. I would often tell her lies because she would criticise everything I did. As a young adult she would tell me I was getting fat or would say picky stuff to me about my appearance. Then as my kids got older she would say your daughter is too overweight its your responsibility to make her lose weight the other needs a breast reduction, your daughters are spending too much money they are spoilt. Over the years she's called me cruel heartless weak and recently said I deserve to be alone. I know I should be able to accept criticism but I'm just tired of her telling me how to run my life. Our relationship was more like a dictatorship. I know my mum doesn't feel the same for me as she does my brother and my cousin. My cousin more like the daughter she wants. It's a pretty messed up family maybe I'm better on my own.

New relationship. Boyfriend decided to stop medication and pushing me away.

replies: 1

My boyfriend and I have been dating for nearly 5 months. I knew that he had previously struggled with major depressive disorder and anxiety, and he opened up to me about this in our first few weeks of dating. Early on he was vulnerable, affectionate,... View more

My boyfriend and I have been dating for nearly 5 months. I knew that he had previously struggled with major depressive disorder and anxiety, and he opened up to me about this in our first few weeks of dating. Early on he was vulnerable, affectionate, would send me flowers, and tell me he missed me when he was away for work. We have been in contact every day since we first started dating, even if it was just a message to say hello – he has commented on that fact that he likes thay I don’t ‘blow up his phone’. We got boozy with some friends one night in the first few months of dating (he also took illicit drugs) and when we went to bed he started saying that he was ruining me, and accused me of lying to him about liking him - I reassured him that wasn’t the case. As the months progressed, his communication went hot and cold – on his good days he would talk about future plans, adventures and I would feel loved, and then on his cold days he lacked any interest in my life and would show no affection. He has mentioned a couple of times about forgetting to take his medication for 2-3 days, and I am wondering if this coincides with his cold behaviour. Recently he has applied for a job that would require relocation, and he asked me how I felt about that, which I was supportive of. We have also briefly talked about moving in together, but that was over a month ago and he hasn’t bought up anything since. About two weeks ago he told me he has decided to wean himself off his medication, without going to see his GP. Since then he has been so distant, somewhat distracted, extremely lethragic, and has had little interest in sex – that last bit is so out of character as he normally has a high sex drive. He said it isn't me. My anxious self immediately thinks he doesn’t want to be with me anymore, and I am trying to understand whether him pushing me away is a result of his mental health, coming off his medication, or if he generally just doesn’t want to be with me anymore – I notice he can still maintain normal relationships with others. I am extremely patient, I give him space and wait for him to reach out to me, which he does – but I also make sure from time to time to let him know I care about him. I asked him today how he was feeling, and he got defensive and just said he was fine and if he isn't feeling great he will tell me. HELP!

Can you live in a marriage with NO romantic involvement?

replies: 9

Hi Everyone. Thanks for reading this. I need some advice and support. My wife of 23 years has recently told me that she wants a separation and I have to be honest in saying that this is all down to me and her not having any more trust in the relation... View more

Hi Everyone. Thanks for reading this. I need some advice and support. My wife of 23 years has recently told me that she wants a separation and I have to be honest in saying that this is all down to me and her not having any more trust in the relationship. I haven't cheated on her or been abusive in any way, far from it in fact. Those that know me would say that I am an 'over generous, fun, caring type' but I must admit I have done a lot of stupid stuff in my past. I have suffered from severe anxiety and depression most of my life and I am now 49 years old. I also have a psychologist and psychiatrist who help me get through but I am highly successful and love my family beyond words. My depression and more anxiety is due to an abusive childhood that has continued even to this day. I now live in Australia and my family are overseas so it is considerably easier now but it was very tough growing up. I am finding it so hard to cope with the fact that my marriage seems to be over and I just want to fix everything but I know I can't. My wife has had her faults too but nothing like mine. She says that she cannot see any kind of 'Romantic' relationship anymore but then sometimes she (after having a few drinks at night) tells me that she still loves me. She went away for three days with a friend and then yesterday she calls to say that she just wanted to hear my voice. We are not arguing, fighting or anything...it's all quite amicable but we have a business together and two teenage boys who live with us in the house. They have been told by the way and are coping fine. We still do the same things but she seems to be moving on with her life much quicker than I am. She hasn't found anybody else but it almost seems like it's a relief that she is not in this anymore. We still sleep in the same bed (but clothed), we still watch TV and chat. She says I am still her best friend but she needs complete space. She also seems to be without emotion too. I have tried to talk, explain and ask for her forgiveness here but right now, it's a very confusing time. This all happened 4 weeks ago too so it's very new. I have only two friends both of which are husbands of my wife's friends which is awkward. She keeps telling me that I need to manage my own happiness now but it's hard to move on. I have sobbed so much. I regret everything but should I now move on and do the kindest thing by leaving? I still want to fight for us but if it's only me fighting, then maybe I should admit defeat?

Lost

replies: 4

Hi, I'm posting this because I feel so lost and I am struggling to connect with those around me, I just do t feel they get where I am at and I was hoping there might be someone out there that might get what I'm going through. I'm 35 and my wife of 10... View more

Hi, I'm posting this because I feel so lost and I am struggling to connect with those around me, I just do t feel they get where I am at and I was hoping there might be someone out there that might get what I'm going through. I'm 35 and my wife of 10 years has just told me she is no longer in love with me and has felt this way for a while. I made the decision to move out hoping that some time apart might change things. But after 2 months we are in the same place we were 2 mo tha ago. My family seems to resent my presence and don't understand that I still love her and I cant just let her go. I just feel the one person I have found in my life who really gets me and makes me feel whole and safe is gone, and now everyone around me expects me to move on and not think about it. I still love her and wish that she would call me and ask for us to back to the way it was. I just can't let her go, not yet. But everyone wants me to move forward, they don't like who I am now and want me to be back to my happy self, little can they realise that I can't be that person because i am truly lost without her. I am adrift and am not sure where my life is ment to go from here.

overly critical parents?

replies: 3

Hi there, this is my first time posting on a forum but I really felt I needed advice. More and more my mother is becoming critical of what I do and criticising my every move, while my father (when he is home) lashes out at me if I make a wrong move. ... View more

Hi there, this is my first time posting on a forum but I really felt I needed advice. More and more my mother is becoming critical of what I do and criticising my every move, while my father (when he is home) lashes out at me if I make a wrong move. Then when they’re in the same room together they don’t really talk, just argue. But my mum is the type of person that wouldn’t get divorced until my younger siblings finish school so they don’t “disrupt” our lives but at this point I feel like it would make our life better. I have epilepsy and have for nearly five years, which means constantly being fussed about whether it’s my sleep schedule, taking medication on time or going out to a party it just never feels normal and it was only up until recently that I put my foot down and spoke to my parents about letting me handle it on my own so that I can regain confidence in my self and my ability to be a strong individual. It was all looking up, I had been exercising, working hard at my job that I love, and receiving distinctions in all my classes but then my mum said that she has never been more disappointed in me. This was the happiest I had been in so long and it was almost as if she felt the need to criticise me so that I didn’t drift further into becoming my own person. I try to confront her about it but she dismisses me, telling me she is dealing with much bigger stresses and needs my support. She is constantly telling me about these stresses but can’t say what they are at this point and that I need to just trust her. As a result I’ve been saving for myself and my family incase everything goes south, trying so hard to not contribute to any extra costs as I know money is tight currently and I have begun looking for a higher paying job despite loving the one I currently am at. I haven’t told her and I don’t want to as I don’t want to add to anything, but it’s as if I’m the person she’s taking all her frustrations out on and she thinks because I am her daughter I will take it and not say anything back. It’s just becoming harder and harder to take. The things she says to me have been gut wrenching, and she has begun saying these things to my younger siblings as well, one of which already has had a very difficult year. I don’t know what to do anymore and needed to get it out. If you have any advice please help. Thank you.

Relationship respect

replies: 1

I recently saw a text message on my partners phone to mate that said something about wild women I can't remember what my partner said in response but the next message from his friend was you can't your married to which my partner responded. "That doe... View more

I recently saw a text message on my partners phone to mate that said something about wild women I can't remember what my partner said in response but the next message from his friend was you can't your married to which my partner responded. "That doesn't worry me bring 4 of them" We have a big history of trust issues, secrecy and flirting on his side which we were working on and I thought he wasn't like that any more. He has said it was just a joke with a mate and all men joke like that and it doesn't mean anything It has hurt me, scared me and I feel saying something like that as even a joke is wrong and disrespectful to the relationship. It's showing his mate he has no respect for me. I also feel to say something like that there has to be an element of truth behind it. Am I over reacting because of past hurts with him or am I justified.

Pinned discussions

Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about

replies: 0

All discussions

more love for drugs then me

replies: 6

Anxious - confused about my feelings.

replies: 1

Partner Unwilling to Move

replies: 9

Questioning relationship over a pet.....

replies: 4

Estranged from my mother

replies: 10

New relationship. Boyfriend decided to stop medication and pushing me away.

replies: 1

Can you live in a marriage with NO romantic involvement?

replies: 9

Lost

replies: 4

overly critical parents?

replies: 3

Relationship respect

replies: 1

Relationship and family issues

Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about replies: 0

more love for drugs then me replies: 6

Anxious - confused about my feelings. replies: 1

Partner Unwilling to Move replies: 9

Questioning relationship over a pet..... replies: 4

Estranged from my mother replies: 10

New relationship. Boyfriend decided to stop medication and pushing me away. replies: 1

Can you live in a marriage with NO romantic involvement? replies: 9

Lost replies: 4

overly critical parents? replies: 3

Relationship respect replies: 1

Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about

replies: 0

more love for drugs then me

replies: 6

Anxious - confused about my feelings.

replies: 1

Partner Unwilling to Move

replies: 9

Questioning relationship over a pet.....

replies: 4

Estranged from my mother

replies: 10

New relationship. Boyfriend decided to stop medication and pushing me away.

replies: 1

Can you live in a marriage with NO romantic involvement?

replies: 9

Lost

replies: 4

overly critical parents?

replies: 3

Relationship respect

replies: 1