Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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WinnieBear Binge Drinking Partner
  • replies: 8

Hi everyone, Thanks for clicking on this post. My boyfriend (mid 40s) loves to drink on weekends and does so regularly. It's so bad that he can't just have a few and really binges. He has told me before that he knows he shouldn't drink so much, but a... View more

Hi everyone, Thanks for clicking on this post. My boyfriend (mid 40s) loves to drink on weekends and does so regularly. It's so bad that he can't just have a few and really binges. He has told me before that he knows he shouldn't drink so much, but at the same time he doesnt stop. We live together, but it's at a point where I would rather he go out so I don't have to see him in a drunken state. I wait until he calls, pick him up and help him get into bed. I'm sure I'm enabling some how, but I don't know what to do. Should I make him find his own way home, look after myself on the weekends. I just don't know what to do, I don't really know what I'm trying to say... Appreciate any advice or to chat with those going through the same. Thanks

AnyAdvice76 Advice on partner abusing medication
  • replies: 1

Hi all, I am new on here and very nervous to write this. I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for almost 8 years now and everything has been going very well, we would rarely argue, it would always be smiles and laughs wherever we go and we... View more

Hi all, I am new on here and very nervous to write this. I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for almost 8 years now and everything has been going very well, we would rarely argue, it would always be smiles and laughs wherever we go and we have never had any real issues with anything. In July 2019 he was advised by a psychiatrist that he has ADHD in which he accepted but the psychiatrist had also prescribed him medication. In the first week my partner wasnt sure it was for him and said it made him feel "high" and very odd, so he went back to the psychiatrist a week later and the psychiatrist advised him to take a lesser dose for a few weeks in which he did. A few weeks later he upped the dose himself as he said he wasnt "feeling anything" and he said it felt like the tablets werent working for him. Since upping his dose he has noticed that it is working and it makes him awake and concentrated and able to do things. It has now gotten to the stage where he takes so much of it (i cant actually tell you how much as he keeps this info away from me now) and i dont know who he is anymore. He has major mood swings and is very very aggressive towards me. He is not physically abusive but mentally, he calls me horrible names and everything is my fault. If i cant find something within a minute for him he will snap and get very aggressive. He will never stop to look for things himself but always rely on me (this was never the case) he does not communicate with me anymore, we could be in the car for an hour and he wont say a word but when i try and start a conversation he will completely ignore me and act like i didnt say anything so i end up sitting there all quite and dont say anything back. He will do things that he knows i hate now but its more the aggression that gets me upset, i feel we are no longer in a relationship and i have tried multiple times to speak to him about how i feel but he gets so angry about anything that comes out of my mouth so i just keep quite. We do not go to places together anymore, we do not laugh or smile around each other, in fact he has actually said to me that i make him agitated but i could be doing absolutely nothing. I leave him alone most times now, i dont even try and speak to him about anything. I am noticing he is taking his pills a lot more regularly through the day like almost every 1-2 hours. He has lost copious amounts of weight and always looks very run down. I would appreciate any comments

Oscar93 Feeling ashamed of debt, trying to move forward.
  • replies: 3

Hi all. Just wanted to lighten the mental load by sharing some troubles I've been having around debt and relationships. Basically over the years I have racked up a large HECS-Help debt through unsuccessful university study. It's something that I find... View more

Hi all. Just wanted to lighten the mental load by sharing some troubles I've been having around debt and relationships. Basically over the years I have racked up a large HECS-Help debt through unsuccessful university study. It's something that I find difficult to talk about, I really do feel ashamed that I have this debt with nothing to show for it - I did not pass many units at all. After a couple of years working full time I am in a better headspace and have a strong sense of what direction I would like to go on. I think that I am capable of doing a degree and it's a goal very important to me, but I don't know how I could ask for the support of my partner when I have made poor choices in the past and already a large study debt. Does anyone have any advice on how to share something with a partner that you find so difficult to talk about? Thanks for reading.

Journee Fallout
  • replies: 1

Hi I’m new here but hope you understand. Fair warning lol pity party ahead....My hubbie died suddenly 8 years ago and things have gone from bad to worse. At first my 4 adult children were so supportive and couldn’t do enough to help me but now things... View more

Hi I’m new here but hope you understand. Fair warning lol pity party ahead....My hubbie died suddenly 8 years ago and things have gone from bad to worse. At first my 4 adult children were so supportive and couldn’t do enough to help me but now things are so different. My eldest daughter has turned on me totally and now at the age of 32 has told me that she doesn’t want me in her life anymore and that she’s never felt my love and warmth in her childhood. Total shock to me. She’s now moved overseas and taken with her their 2 boys so now I’ve lost one whole family from my life. Recently she has removed me from Facebook and WhatsApp as well. Now my youngest daughter who I thought I had a fantastic relationship with is withdrawing. Not to the same extent but isn’t visiting or bringing the grandkids round anymore. I feel so alone. I have a pretty ok relationship with my 2 sons but am second guessing whether they’re being genuine or just pretending like the girls have been. I live alone and don’t work anymore due to panic attacks. Therapist’s aren’t getting anywhere by their own admission. I try and be nice to people but feel so judged all the time. Don’t even know how to interact with people anymore and am withdrawing into myself where at least I’m away from criticism. I barely sleep even though I exercise everyday and try and eat as healthily as I can. I travel a bit but even that is getting less enjoyable now. I just want to live my life in the where no one can judge or pity me. What am I even here for. No one gives a dam about me. I’m just a burden and most of me died with my husband. Don’t know how to even try and help myself. Nothing works. I’m going to be one of those people they find dead in their house for months before anyone even notices. Help needed.

Sunflower_xx Narcissistic traits or am I crazy?
  • replies: 5

Hiya. Newbie here. back story- have been together for 10(ish) years. 2 children. Not married. Hes not home a lot (works long days). No shared finances. Nothing to my name. i am currently in a pretty depressed state at the moment so it’s hard to get i... View more

Hiya. Newbie here. back story- have been together for 10(ish) years. 2 children. Not married. Hes not home a lot (works long days). No shared finances. Nothing to my name. i am currently in a pretty depressed state at the moment so it’s hard to get it all out. i feel as though I’ve done a lot and adapted my life to suit his. I’ve lost many friends because of my decisions. I try and be interested in things that he’s interested in (cars,gaming,racing...) I could tell you his favourite colour or favourite food or anything you want to know about him. But he couldn’t tell you what my interests are or what my favourite band is. i struggle to talk to him about my depression/anxiety because I never know how he will respond. He once told me to get over it and stop thinking like that. So I REALLY struggle to open up to him when I get down. ive been unable to work full time since my youngest was born (due to her ongoing health troubles) and I rely on carers payments from Centrelink to pay my debt/bills. because I work casually my payments Get reduced. My employer didn’t pay me for the last 2 weeks of work, so basically I have nothing but .62c in my bank account (I live pay check to pay check) and we don’t share finances. most days he doesn’t greet me when he comes home, but is happy to complain about all the things I didn’t do throughout the day. he is so negative and will complain at the slightest inconvenience. we only have sex when he wants it. Even when I’ve tried initiating it he rejects me. what the heck am I doing wrong? how do I get over the fear of talking to him? how do I tell him I’m struggling without being afraid of his reaction? i need a little motivation today. I haven’t gotten out of bed yet. How can I pick myself up?

Trying19 Pregnant, cheated on, trying to save a marriage
  • replies: 2

I have just found out my husband was having an affair with someone from his work for around 6 months (I think). The extent of the lying and lengths he went to are something that I can’t seem to fathom and I am still in shock that he has done this to ... View more

I have just found out my husband was having an affair with someone from his work for around 6 months (I think). The extent of the lying and lengths he went to are something that I can’t seem to fathom and I am still in shock that he has done this to me. We had some issues with intimacy and affection prior to the affair but generally our marriage was happy. We have two children and I am currently 7 months pregnant which is escalating emotions and I am so sad our baby will not have the same upbringing as their older siblings. . he has agreed to go to counselling with me and for himself. But I am struggling to feel the commitment from him and he has said he does not have the love for me. do you think I am pushing an uphill battle I will never get over? Has anyone been in a similar situation? I am struggling to find any strength in what to do, I want to try salvage our marriage and try to turn it around not just for our children but for us as I know how good we can be

HB91 Wife is having an affair!!
  • replies: 5

Hello, My wife and I after been married for 2 years and have been together for 5.5 years and she has told me she wants to separate. She told me this last Oct and in Nov we went to our first counselling session. I had discovered that she was talking t... View more

Hello, My wife and I after been married for 2 years and have been together for 5.5 years and she has told me she wants to separate. She told me this last Oct and in Nov we went to our first counselling session. I had discovered that she was talking to another guy and confronted her about it. She said she did not know if she wanted to be with me and that she thought we were 2 completely different people. When we started our first counselling session I asked her if there was anything I should know, and she said no. About a week after that we went to Bali for a holiday with my family. It turns out she told my two cousins that she slept with her friend from Townsville (who himself had a wife and child). My whole family knew this except for me ( I found this out 3 months later). A few nights before New Years eve she told me that she was going to her friends place (her female friend from work) and that it was just a girls night out. I had nothing planned because I thought we were just going to spend it together. She new I was going to have to spend it alone but persisted that I was not coming. About 2 weeks after that we went to our second counselling session which seemed like it went well and we both agreed to work on things. My wife then said lets go to Townsville and we can stay there at her friends place (the friend she slept with) I had not met him before and did not think anything of it. We did not go to Townsville in the end as her friend had to help out with the fires. The night before our third counselling session I had a gut feeling things were not right. I know this is not OK, but I checked her apple watch and found messages to a new guy she was talking to. I asked her 5 times the next morning if she new this guys name and she said no. I then sent a photo of the text with his name in it and she just said i'm done. I was speaking to my mum about what I should do and she then confessed to me that my wife had slept with her friend from Townsville. I felt absolutely gutted and betrayed. I told my wife I knew and asked why she didn't tell me and her excuse was that she didn't want to hurt me. I have also found out that she is currently sleeping with other people yet she keeps telling me that she loves me in some form and wants me in her life. Her excuse for sleeping with other people is it is a distraction that keeps her from being a mess. I feel confused because I love her, but I feel angry that she is doing this to me and have no idea what to do.

xCrumpetx He’s taking a break from me
  • replies: 1

We have been together for two years. He needs a break from me because I am draining him down with my depression and constant neediest. I agree I do get needy. I have to change or else he will leave me. I am so scared. I love him so much. I have to be... View more

We have been together for two years. He needs a break from me because I am draining him down with my depression and constant neediest. I agree I do get needy. I have to change or else he will leave me. I am so scared. I love him so much. I have to become more independent. It is so scary. It is basically challenging me to fight my inner most demons. I think he wants a break for at least a week. It’s killing me. I hope it gets better. The thing I am scared of the most is himself. I don’t want him to get depressed or worse. I worry about him. I need to change. Will he be ok? I needed to get this off my chest. No one else is up.

PsychedelicFur Absence of mother
  • replies: 7

Recently, at the end of last year when it was Christmas Eve my mother decided to leave my father of twenty odd years of marriage for another man. This other man has not yet left his girlfriend and his little daughter but he takes turns in living betw... View more

Recently, at the end of last year when it was Christmas Eve my mother decided to leave my father of twenty odd years of marriage for another man. This other man has not yet left his girlfriend and his little daughter but he takes turns in living between two houses. As you can imagine my parents separation is affecting me immensely. Growing up my mother had postnatal depression and was extremely emotionally unavailable and distant with me. When I was a baby I rarely received the affection and attention most children get from their mothers. My mother and I never had the bond most children and their parents have. Whenever I cried I was told to shut up. At the time of growing up I never acknowledged or recognised that my mother was distant. I just thought it was her natural way of acting. She never showed me self love. She never taught me that it is wonderfully important to be happy with oneself before you decide to bring others into your life (eg relationships and friendships) When I started secondary school I was not properly taught things girls are meant to know. As a result I would get bullied. And the bullying got quite brutal. I would befriend people who would want to stab me. I left those friendships and relationships because they were toxic and haunting. I have surprisingly enough now taught myself a lot of things. Like how to dress properly, I have taught myself common etiquettes, how to speak well and how to be articulate with my thoughts and feelings. With the assistance of my father too. Thanks Dad. My mother would constantly compare my body to other girls. She would say things that were brutal and sharp tongued when I was upset. Merely telling me I should live in a ‘mental hospital’ because my anxiety and depression was getting quite uncontrollable at this point in time prior to her departure. Then when I attempted to seek help she would just be angry and disappointed in having to wait in the car when taking me to these psychologist appointments. My mother’s absence has affected me greatly. It has not been a pleasurable and enjoyable experience. Most definitely a painful and heart wrenching one to say the least. I just don’t know what to do. My father is great support and has been helping me cope. Hopefully others can leave some advice. It would be most certainly greatly appreciated. Psychedelicfur

Kit_Kat81 Cheated on
  • replies: 12

I’ve been with my husband for 5 years, we have 2 children together (I have another 2 from previous marriage). I found out my husband was cheating on my for 3 years, he starting cheating on me after our 4 year old was born and before we got married an... View more

I’ve been with my husband for 5 years, we have 2 children together (I have another 2 from previous marriage). I found out my husband was cheating on my for 3 years, he starting cheating on me after our 4 year old was born and before we got married and while I was pregnant with our 9 month old. I have known for a year and I can’t get over it.