Narcissist in my family want to destroy me.
For about 4 years I've been ignoring the 2 narcissistic family members who have continuously been gas-lighting me. I've asked them what did I do and how do I get the relationship to a point where it can just be peaceful and you can stop throwing grenades on me, but they couldn't give a response. Other family members have asked them what it is that they hate about me so much and they can't articulate a reason why. They just simply want me banished from my family. They cry to other relatives and members of the community saying that I brainwashed my family against them and paint themselves to be victims of something horrific. They have vilified me in my community by spreading incredibly vicious and hurtful lies - I have relatives that won't speak to me because of them and straight-up strangers being completely rude to me as I'm labelled the girl who destroyed her family. It got so bad my then-boyfriend left me and I gave up and moved to a different state.
I put it all behind me and tried to ignore whatever I heard that come from them. But they keep trying to get at me. I recently lost my grandfather, who I was very close too. He was like a dad to me and I would regularly spend my Christmases with him to avoid these family members. They blocked me from attending his funeral and saying goodbye. They also removed my name from his obituary, saying that I was not his grandchild. It's hurt me beyond words. I just don't know what to do. I feel as if my family could be at peace if I were just gone. I don't understand why they hate me so much.
Welcome to the forums, we're really grateful that you have reached out here today as we know it can be tough to do this for the first time. We are so sorry to hear about what you're going through at the moment. It sounds like it must be so tough to cope with, and we can hear how much pain this must be causing you. But please know that you do not have to do this alone, our wonderful community is here to offer as much support, advice and conversation as you need.
Can we ask, do you currently have any mental health support? We understand it can be really tough to cope sometimes, especially if you don't have a lot of support from family or friends. If you would like some help finding mental health support, we would recommend that you get in contact with the Beyond Blue Support Service. They are available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 3pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport One of our friendly counsellors will be able to talk through these feelings with you and can offer support, advice and referrals.
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It sounds to as if it is you that will be more at peace with those cruel relations gone. Sometimes families can be the cause of so much grief. I think though that you will find life improves from now on.
My own family kicked me out and I found a soulmate and have lived a blessed life. Nowadays I can look back on my family, and see them for what they were. They do not affect me at all now even though they did at the time
So I think you were wise to get away from that toxic community, hopefully you can establish yourself in a fresh way and live a peaceful and enjoyable life.
I’m afraid your ex-boyfriend does not sound very desirable either, to take off and leave you just on the power of rumors rather than standing by you.
I am very glad about your grandfather, a loving retreat. At least you had Christmases as they were supposed to be, he also showed you there are good people in the world that cherish others. That is more important than the meanness the others showed. They cannot take the memories you have.
May I ask what your plans are now you have moved?