Immediate support
Immediate support

Relationship and family issues

Anything to do with managing relationships and family, including parenting, separation, loneliness, divorce, family and friendships.

Start a discussion

FAQ

Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

View the FAQ

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

View the guidelines
Jump to
Start a discussion

Pinned discussions

Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

All discussions

Start a discussion

Lyrebird Struggling with partners' afflictions
  • replies: 5

My husband has been unemployed for 18 months. He has been on anti depressants for 3 years. He is far better mentally and emotionally now than he has been for years, but is still abusing alcohol and it (and the drugs) is affecting our intimacy in the ... View more

My husband has been unemployed for 18 months. He has been on anti depressants for 3 years. He is far better mentally and emotionally now than he has been for years, but is still abusing alcohol and it (and the drugs) is affecting our intimacy in the worst way. After years of being strong and carrying the load I am starting to buckle under the weight of it all. And I'm getting angry. Most of the time I do my best to keep things positive and happy, but more often lately I'm frustrated, lonely and feeling more than a little out of control. I had a few counselling sessions with a psychologist and she suggested it was probably okay at this stage to practice a bit of tough love, but when I do speak out (or think about doing so) I feel like a witch. I can't talk to him about the intimacy issues because I feel like it will make it worse, but it's bothering me so much more than I'm letting on. And the reason I'm getting angry is because he seems to think everything is just perfect. Not that I don't want him to be happy. It's all I've wanted for years. I'd just prefer if he didn't seem so okay with no job, a sexless marriage and an alcohol problem. Sorry for the rant. It's my first time using a forum and it kind of poured out. I suppose I'm asking if I'm feeling like a normal person would given the circumstances. And what should I do?

Gumtree77 Nobody Really Gives A ...
  • replies: 4

Hi Yes it is me again. From previous posts you will see that I suffer from pretty much everything! Anxiety..health anxiety...depression..ptsd. I won't bore you all with the story of my life. Suffice it to say it has been traumatic and awful from day ... View more

Hi Yes it is me again. From previous posts you will see that I suffer from pretty much everything! Anxiety..health anxiety...depression..ptsd. I won't bore you all with the story of my life. Suffice it to say it has been traumatic and awful from day one. I am a twin. My twin has succeeded in every area without any dramas. I have succeeded in some areas with a lot of drama. She is so cruel and rude to me. In fact my entire family are selfish and rude and make jokes about me being a hypochondriac etc. Support from any of them equals ZERO. I am feeling so lost and alone. I have been off work for over one year and had surgery on my shoulder 7 weeks ago. That was horrendous and incredibly painful and I am only just getting over it. Today I felt an itch on my shoulder and had a look in the mirror...it is a freckle that has gone scaly. So now I have to see Dermatologist on Monday as I had a melanoma on the other shoulder 4 years ago and have to be checked regularly. I am so over life. I have suffered an enormous amount; from losing my job due to the shoulder injury...losing my beloved doggy in December...my income is now zero so I have no idea how to manage until I get my insurance pay out..now I might have another cancer. I had major cancer phobia last year as had major pain in ear, tongue and throat. Got palmed off by everyone so paid $600 for MRI which was clear. But..that was 9 months ago! Anything could be happening in the meantime! As per my other post.. saw my GP last Monday and he made it patently clear he was sick to death of seeing me. I know that nobody cares. I am always there for everyone else yet when it comes to me it is like I don't exist. I am so sick to death of it all. I am an intelligent and very sensitive and caring soul and I am surrounded by people who are the total opposite. I don't even know why I am bothering to post on here because I am seeking out to strangers and my own family can't even be bothered! Sorry for being so over the top. I just hope someone out there can relate. thanks.

Trade Finding closed schools/kids very hard
  • replies: 1

I know I’m not alone i joined the community as I’m having increasingly scary feelings like breathlessness dizziness crying a lot and eating chocolate a lot my kids in nsw have been home from school for over 6 weeks and I want to kill them. The school... View more

I know I’m not alone i joined the community as I’m having increasingly scary feelings like breathlessness dizziness crying a lot and eating chocolate a lot my kids in nsw have been home from school for over 6 weeks and I want to kill them. The school only started sending work this week. They are finished in under and hour. The school has been so disappointing and I’m really angry. i purchased textbooks and they do that too. For another hour. Then they place computer games 10am-8pm on a good day we go walking on a good day I cook several meals i have no work any longer as I’m a teacher my marriage is in strife the stress is just building up. Usually I go to the gym to cope. Instead I swim and run every day but lately I’m too sad and tired. summer holidays are always very difficult for me as my kids scream a LOT fight and are super demanding and my husband does very little parenting or house work despite a decade of work on that feeling desperate and hopeless and helpless if schools dont go back soon something really bad is going to happen

Ace.x-ray My relationship with my sister
  • replies: 1

My sister, who is 3 years younger than me (she is 28 y.o and I am 30) and I are very close since childhood we would always hang out together in her room because she has a huge smart tv, watching videos on youtube, playing video games or watch movies.... View more

My sister, who is 3 years younger than me (she is 28 y.o and I am 30) and I are very close since childhood we would always hang out together in her room because she has a huge smart tv, watching videos on youtube, playing video games or watch movies. But last night (4th May) after dinner I went to her room so we can watch some tv together but as I sat down she told me that I don't need to hang out with her and that I don't need to watch whatever she is watching on tv and that I can do whatever I want. I just felt confused that this was our thing we would always do and now she just wants to get rid of me. This upset my so much, she has been there through my tough times even with my anxiety and depression, but this just made it worse as I was already having one of those days when I feel blue and down. I don't know if she is sick of me hanging around her or that she needed some space because due to covid-19 she has to work from home and I know her job is hectic. So I decided to leave her alone and go to my room sat down on the floor next to my bed and started crying uncontrollably. I have been rejected before due to not finding work and people who don't understand my shy and quiet personality. No one would want to talk to me as I kept quiet and to myself. This has happened before but In decided to stay and watch tv with her which she didn't mind but this time it got to me and I don't know what to do. I still feel depressed and sad, today she went to her friends house. So I am not going to hang out with her in fear of her telling me off politely and will keep to myself in my room. We still get along very well and never fight but I think that she would abandoned me, or that I need to live my own life and be independent which I still struggle to do as I lost my job and can't find one thanks to this pandemic. In just need some space to sort out my emotional state and maybe talk to my GP about this. When I was bullied at high school I had no friends and turned to her for comfort.

Mr K Single Dad Parenting Plan, what do I need to consider?
  • replies: 3

Hi all, I've moved through the grieving process with my wife deciding to leave me after 11 years. I've told my kids and parents, the hardest part for me by a long way. I want at least 50/50 care of my kids and would very happily take more or even 100... View more

Hi all, I've moved through the grieving process with my wife deciding to leave me after 11 years. I've told my kids and parents, the hardest part for me by a long way. I want at least 50/50 care of my kids and would very happily take more or even 100% but know they need their mother too for balance. I just want to make certain I don't miss out on an important detail I struggle to incorporate later down this rabbit hole. I'd love to hear from anyone who has been down this path and who can help point me in the right direction. Cheers, Keith.

smol_one Supporting a partner who needs space
  • replies: 2

Hi, My partner and I both deal very differently with anxiety and depressive episodes. While I prefer to keep my support circle very close when I am going through a rough patch, my partner prefers to take time and space away from everyone. Sometimes m... View more

Hi, My partner and I both deal very differently with anxiety and depressive episodes. While I prefer to keep my support circle very close when I am going through a rough patch, my partner prefers to take time and space away from everyone. Sometimes my partner also asks to take an (indefinite) break from the relationship. When my partner does this, I tend to get very anxious and insecure about our relationship. As much as I know to and try to respect my partner’s space, I find myself trying to get in contact every second day or so (to help ease my own anxiety about the relationship). When I do, I try to do so in ways that communicate I am still there for support should my partner need it and am not expecting a reply. For example, I text ‘thinking of you today, stay safe and well’. However, sometimes my partner expresses my acts of reaching out make them feel guilty (about pushing me away) and worsen the episode. Upon asking how my partner would like to be supported (when there is no current episode), they often reject the conversation and it seems I have upset them. So, from people who have experienced this from either my partner’s side or my own; I would like some advice on how I can appropriately show my support. Additionally, how can I better cope with the time my partner needs away? It really hurts me when they do this and I feel I can’t express that for fear of feeding into their guilt. Thank you. smol one

Petals54 Not in a Happy Place
  • replies: 60

Hello everyone, This is my first time posting on this site, I will try to keep it brief and I do apologize if I do ramble. I’m 54, about to turn 55 this month, I am married and been together with my husband for nearly 7 years. In 2012, I was diagnose... View more

Hello everyone, This is my first time posting on this site, I will try to keep it brief and I do apologize if I do ramble. I’m 54, about to turn 55 this month, I am married and been together with my husband for nearly 7 years. In 2012, I was diagnosed with PTSD, Anxiety & Depression after a work place injury which required 2 hand surgeries. After the surgeries & counseling things were going well, I got married in 2014 , then it all went to crap.... I was diagnosed with Perimenopause and everything changed for me... my anxiety and depression started to creep back into my life and I also realized that my husband had the most paranoid/ Controlling/ ADHD/ extreme temper behaviors that the never really noticed before... So, here I am in a daily basis, not knowing what mood my husband will be in, whether he will fly off the handle over burnt toast, I ‘m feeling anxious even before I get out of bed, I feel stressed every single day and I put a fake smile on my face. We are together 24/7.... we have our own business, he doesn’t want me to get my own job, I have no friends.... I have been seriously thinking I want my old life back, I am so so tired of feeling anxious and stressed on a daily basis. I still love my husband but not enough to live like this, does that make sense? My husband has told me during arguments that if I am not happy I should pack up and leave, maybe I should, I just know I am not happy, I feel like I am living a lie and I feel lost.... I want my own space to do nothing, not be constantly on the go like i am now. I just don’t know what to do or where to start. Thankyou for listening take care Jayne

MB2016 Husband addicted to Porn
  • replies: 7

SO I am 22 weeks pregnant and my husband has just confessed to a few things that have left me feeling like complete crap. He admitted to being admitted to pornography, specifically with fitness models involved (I am far from that), he has been regula... View more

SO I am 22 weeks pregnant and my husband has just confessed to a few things that have left me feeling like complete crap. He admitted to being admitted to pornography, specifically with fitness models involved (I am far from that), he has been regularly checking out other women he works with and he has start feeling more than an attraction to a particular person her works with. To make matters worse this is an IVF baby and he is the reason we cannot conceive naturally. We spoke about trying and he was all up for it, now he tells me he only said yes because he didn't think it would work. I am really struggling with issues of inadequacy, low self worth, low self image, like an absolute fool for thinking we were happy as this has been going on for years. I feel rejected and like complete garbage. I need help.

Sallyanne2 Feeling I'm not important enough
  • replies: 3

Earlier this year I was sick and unable to do grocery shopping so the $200 my husband puts into my account for groceries he stopped that money going into my account because he was doing the shopping. That is fair enough, but any money left over from ... View more

Earlier this year I was sick and unable to do grocery shopping so the $200 my husband puts into my account for groceries he stopped that money going into my account because he was doing the shopping. That is fair enough, but any money left over from the groceries should have gone into my account, I feel. I don't get any other money, as I don't work and that is the only money I get, which is from him and his account. He did this without telling me he had stopped the money going into my account. It was only that I realised that I didn't have any money, that I approached him about it.He is very controlling of money. He also puts $80 a week into an other account for himself for petrol, but as he is working from home at the moment, he hasn't needed that amount for petrol, but still deposits that money every week, so there for he is able to have extra money for himself, unlike me. I also learnt from him just this week that his father gave him a large sum of money. This happened weeks ago, but he never told about this until this week. I only found out by fault. I feel I can't trust him. He didn't tell me about stopping money into my account months ago and now he didn't tell me that his father had given him money till weeks later. Am I not worthy of being told?, is this normal, I feel like he is taking me as a fool? Am I wrong to expect to be involved and told of such things? I just feel I can't trust him anymore. I feel very sad and feel hurt. I don't feel like an equal in this relationship. I have suffered with low self esteem for many many many years and this just messes with me. i don't know how I should be feeling. It's really doing my head in. Any advice would be helpful. Thank you.

A-squared Children and parental separation
  • replies: 9

Hi, I am fairly certain that I want to separate from my partner (I use that term lightly!). We have 2 primary school aged children. They are very attached to me and even going out on my own in the day for a couple of hours or out for dinner and drink... View more

Hi, I am fairly certain that I want to separate from my partner (I use that term lightly!). We have 2 primary school aged children. They are very attached to me and even going out on my own in the day for a couple of hours or out for dinner and drinks with a friend at night time upsets them so much (they also couldn’t give two hoots if their dad goes out or even goes away for work for a few days). So getting out of the house is a struggle without some form of meltdown and then I of course feel really guilty for going out. How will they be happy and okay if we do separate and have a 50/50 care arrangement (or even a 10 night, 4 night fortnightly split). How would I leave them for that long and that often - would they cope okay? I would feel guilty for that period each fortnight, not knowing if they’re okay. One of the reasons I’m considering separating is that I don’t agree with his parenting style. It’s completely authoritarian & emotionally devoid. No amount of conversations I have make him change his mind and he doesn’t see anything wrong with his parenting. So my 2nd concern is - I don’t like the idea that they would spend between 4-7 days a fortnight with him parenting that way. It would mean his parenting isn’t visible to me and I can’t comfort them when he’s being unreasonable. If this takes place, it would make it even harder for them to say goodbye to me if they feel they’re going somewhere that they aren’t valued or listened to. I’m looking for advice from single parents of your experiences. Do kids who have an absolute parental preference start to feel okay away from their preferred parent? How do kids cope if they’re with a parent who isn’t tending to their emotions? Is the time spent with me going to be enough to make up for the lack of emotion when they’re away from me? I also have NO idea how we would co-parent as we parent so differently & even now that we are together he’s not willing to change his parenting style, so I hardly think he will change if we are separated. Have your kids had to go to counselling to get through your separation? Those of you with older kids, did they struggle at first and are they okay now they’re teenagers or adults? I suffer from anxiety so I could be catastrophising this all, or maybe I’m being realistic? I know it won’t be easy by any stretch for anyone if we separate, but I want to make sure if I do this that the kids will be okay, that I’m not messing them up for life. Thank you for listening.