Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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daphnejanee My first post - dealing with my first breakup
  • replies: 17

Hi all, this is my first post. I’m feeling lost at the moment and need a space where I can release all my feelings. So, I’m sorry in advance for my lengthy post and thank you to anyone who takes the time to read through it. It’s been a little over 2 ... View more

Hi all, this is my first post. I’m feeling lost at the moment and need a space where I can release all my feelings. So, I’m sorry in advance for my lengthy post and thank you to anyone who takes the time to read through it. It’s been a little over 2 weeks since I broke up with my boyfriend and I’m really struggling to cope. After months of pain, I finally had to guts to walk away. He was a controlling partner. He had major trust issues because I had a lot of male friends in the past. This caused him to think that I was cheating, lying and doing something behind his back. He had an app where he could see my location 24/7 and he was logged into all my social media accounts so he could check who I was talking to. All of this really brought me down. I felt so useless and worthless. It would cause a problem whenever I left the house because he thought I was doing something behind his back. I was so scared of how he would react towards me if I made a wrong move. He had always got really angry and yelled at me when we fought. I just obeyed all of his rules because I was scared of causing a problem. I wasn’t happy. I felt trapped, like I was living in fear. And 2 weeks ago, it got to a stage where I was so broken. I still loved him, but I didn’t want to be with him anymore. So, I left him. Now I find myself crying for hours every day. I have overdue assignments but I’m really struggling to focus on doing my work. I sit down in front of my laptop to work and my mind just goes blank. I can’t sleep properly. I find myself going to bed between 2-3am every night and not getting out of bed until midday. I’ve lost my appetite and don’t feel like eating. I was exercising to take my mind off it in the first week, but now I have no energy to do anything. I’ve tried talking to my best friend, but I can’t help but feel like I’m annoying her with my daily messages of me crying. I live alone with my mum, but I’m not ready to tell her about the breakup yet. I’m afraid of breaking down and crying in front of her and the questions she’ll ask. Does anyone have any suggestions of things I can do every day to take my mind off all of this? It’s like a broken record in my head that won’t stop, and I just want to move on and focus on myself, but I’m finding it really hard. I know it’s only been 2 weeks, but this is my first breakup. I really don't know how to deal with this and how to stop the pain of the bad memories. Any advice would really be appreciated! Thanks guys, daphnejanee

Dlsth0708 Tired of trying
  • replies: 6

Hi Forumers! I am in my 30s and have two young children to my ex. I have bi-polar 2, anxiety and PTSD. My partner and I have been struggling for some time. We have known each other since we were children but have been in a relationship for just over ... View more

Hi Forumers! I am in my 30s and have two young children to my ex. I have bi-polar 2, anxiety and PTSD. My partner and I have been struggling for some time. We have known each other since we were children but have been in a relationship for just over 12 months. I don't even know where to start... we have sex maybe every 6 weeks, and the last few times have felt like "charity sex" as in he only did it to shut me up. He put no effort in, I asked him to basically participate and he LITERALLY complained during sex. Then finishes and said "there, you right now?". I literally felt like crap. He claims he just isn't an affectionate person and doesn't think sex is important, my argument is that there is two of us in the relationship and I AM an affectionate sexual person. I just feel so lonely and unwanted.

Guest_9043 A firm decision, need some pointers
  • replies: 6

Hi all I have made a firm decision. This is solely to do with a mother. I can't call her my mother as she was NEVER EVER a mother. A mother abused me horrifically from the age of six up until my age now. I am 40 years old. It probably started before ... View more

Hi all I have made a firm decision. This is solely to do with a mother. I can't call her my mother as she was NEVER EVER a mother. A mother abused me horrifically from the age of six up until my age now. I am 40 years old. It probably started before that yet it's the earliest age I can remember from. I have only just begun therapy to deal with the madness and insanity my life has been and I cut all contact with her in December last year. Some people say to me BUT she is your mother. Once someone says that I ignore them and walk away. The abuse was seen by people and they did nothing. Some even sided with her, courtesy of her deceit and lies. No one ever came to my aide. A mother made me her confidante, counsellor, spouse and parent. On-top of that there was psychological, emotional, physical and religious abuse. To add she systematically would turn people against me when there was not enough drama so she needed to create more. She was a cruel, vindictive, master manipulator. I will not justify my decision or think it over. My decision is final. All I want to know is if anyone can help me with some info. Is it possible to hire a lawyer to get her to change her last will and testimony? I do not want a single thing from her upon her death. What I do want is not to be the executor of her will and be in charge of organising her funeral, paying off her debts and finalising everything to do with wherever she is living. I do not want to contact "family". I do not want ANY responsibility. Years ago now when my mother spoke to me about it all and gave me her last will and testimony, I felt so sad talking about it all. However, I wanted to know so I could "fill what I thought was my duty to her" This is how brainwashed I had been by her. I didn't speak up about how I felt. I was scared there would be a fight or that I would cry and she wouldn't comfort me. I did not speak up about how I felt cause I thought that would make me so selfish. Typical of an abused child, young adult and adult. I feel differently in a lot of ways now. It is once again her making me responsible for sorting everything out and expecting me to be more capable and independent. There was no talk/discussion. More this is what you will be doing. I need to move on with my life. 2quik.

LifetimeDreamer Feeling of safety after separation?
  • replies: 1

Hi Everyone, I have a question which confuses me. Is it normal after the finalisation of a separation that you feel a very strong need to have your safe space (e.g. at home)? My partner has recently finalised his marital separation (e.g. house packed... View more

Hi Everyone, I have a question which confuses me. Is it normal after the finalisation of a separation that you feel a very strong need to have your safe space (e.g. at home)? My partner has recently finalised his marital separation (e.g. house packed up etc.) and he had always felt safe in my place and stayed over many times (they were already separated and living separately then but not all finalised). But five weeks ago, when everything was finalised and she left, he kind of ended up suffering a lot emotionally. Not missing her but just the whole loss thing. Since then, he has been anxious about staying over at my place and so he always leaves in the evening when we see each other. He says it is nothing to do with me at all and that he really enjoys his time with me but then, all of a sudden, it is like a voice in his head says "Ok, it's time to go to your safe space at home now". And then he needs to leave shortly after because he becomes restless. Is that normal? I am scared that this is the new norm. We had trips away planned and had to cancel them because he is terrified of travelling with me. He would be fine to visit a friend and stay at his place but he's scared / uncomfortable staying overnight with me. I do not understand this. He is a fearful-avoidant attachment type currently working on childhood issues that probably caused him to fear vulnerability. But he doesn't understand himself why he feels like this although we had already done all these things. He isn't afraid of intimacy at all, he just does not feel comfortable staying overnight. I find this very hard because I don't understand and because I am scared that this will stay. Is it possible that he is just too emotionally overwhelmed and needs a bit more time to process everything? He is often emotionally drained, tired, lacking ability to concentrate, having a million thoughts, feeling like he constantly has chores waiting for him which makes him stressed... So I was just wondering if anyone can make sense of this for me. I am not pushing him at all but I am really scared that this will all stay in this strange new rut. Why does he need his safe space so urgently although he says he trusts me 100% and thanks me for my support all the time? I don't get it... he usually preferred being at my place over his because everything there reminded him of the failed marriage. Now it's like he is seeking it and he says, sometimes he just spends hours there in peace and silence. Is that it?

garp68 advice
  • replies: 1

need advice and help, going through a really hard time with my fiancé, we have 1 child together and 5 step kids, since our child was born I have become more jealous of her realationship we her kids, it has got to the point now where they resent me, w... View more

need advice and help, going through a really hard time with my fiancé, we have 1 child together and 5 step kids, since our child was born I have become more jealous of her realationship we her kids, it has got to the point now where they resent me, we a split up since last week, I am trying everything I can to get back together with her as I love her so much, I know I need to change how I am, please any advice

mishyg Separation - how have others financially afforded a new house
  • replies: 6

We are just in process of separating. Very early days. Still stuck under same roof due to covid. We are both reasonable earners and together we have a nice house. I would like to be able for one of us to move out. I don't know how we can afford to do... View more

We are just in process of separating. Very early days. Still stuck under same roof due to covid. We are both reasonable earners and together we have a nice house. I would like to be able for one of us to move out. I don't know how we can afford to do this though? Anyone with any experience or advice? Simply sell? Or buy out? Where does the party who buy's out get the money?? I feel quite naive. How does anyone who sells have enough deposit for each of you to get back on ladder??

Aussie_bloke Sad time
  • replies: 2

I have been dealing with anxiety and depression for around 15 years. And the last 8 months have been hard with health issues over the years,new job and 2 kids. I have found it very hard to manage life. recently my partner has told me she was seeing s... View more

I have been dealing with anxiety and depression for around 15 years. And the last 8 months have been hard with health issues over the years,new job and 2 kids. I have found it very hard to manage life. recently my partner has told me she was seeing someone else after I has recently proposed. I love her so much and she told me the truth because she relized she made a mistake. Our love for one another is greater then ever and all she wants is to marry me. I just can’t get out of my head sad and negative thoughts of almost losing her and that the guy took something away from me. I have never wanted anything more then to marry my partner. I have forgiven her and just want to move on.

Luna_L_ In denial : Mummy Dearest
  • replies: 4

I think I am being in denial of my personal issues. I’ve dealt with a lot over my life and starting university has being great however I can’t make friends ( being 1 year all alone) , no job ( trying but can’t get one ) and I can’t see a happy future... View more

I think I am being in denial of my personal issues. I’ve dealt with a lot over my life and starting university has being great however I can’t make friends ( being 1 year all alone) , no job ( trying but can’t get one ) and I can’t see a happy future and I’m burnt out ( probably failed a unit). I want to break free and heal however I don’t know if people would listen and help. These issues stem from my childhood and family ( I still live with them ). I realised there was a problem when I was 6/7 and I have to write about my family life at school. The school called CPS on my parents. Nothing was done, only received a warning phone call and then the school acted like I was still ok ( probably because i‘m Chinese ). They didn’t do enough for my well-being. It’s hard to live like this when my mother is literally Joan Crawford and my parents are sort of like Matilda’s parents. I know how asain parents are stereotyped to be strict and harsh ( damaging stereotype) but when you realise that other asain kids don’t have the same issues as you, there is a problem. And then in highschool, yet, nothing was done. Last few years of VCE, I’ve being to counselling at school which sucked and minimised my issues and I was treated like a little child. They didn’t have a talk with my mum the first thing they knew about her antics and my declining mental health. Only when I was at my worse during VCE did they talk to her and they didn’t touch on the important issue. Another asain student was frustrated that physical and emotional abuse from her mother was minimised to “ cultural issues” rather than the real deal. They are trying to normalise and deny abuse. Mental health is already a taboo in the asain community and it’s really difficult to get help as an asain. Eg. My mum would rather spend money on my sisters braces and acne skin care rather than for my mental health. I feel a distrust towards counsellors after what I have experienced at school. Although I’m happier in uni, I struggle to adapt. However I’m conflicted to seen a counsellor or not. I also want to study abroad to find my self and get away however I need to be mentally healthy.

remona_s Abortion stigma
  • replies: 1

Hi all, I’m a 23 year old female born with grade 3 unilateral microtia which means my right ear didn’t form properly in the womb and causes hearing loss due to the lack of external ear canal. I am an introvert who suffers from social anxiety and depr... View more

Hi all, I’m a 23 year old female born with grade 3 unilateral microtia which means my right ear didn’t form properly in the womb and causes hearing loss due to the lack of external ear canal. I am an introvert who suffers from social anxiety and depression. Currently on anti-depressant medication but despite the Coronavirus pandemic am actually in a good place. Last year was tough when I got out of my first relationship and had moved out of home for the first time. It is nice living back with my family now despite my parents going through a separation.

Unknown19 Can someone help me??
  • replies: 6

I feel as though my long term partner of 4 years has been misdiagnosed with BPD. I’m really confused, everything that BPD is described as just doesn’t fit him....he broke things off with me suddenly/out of no where nearly 3 weeks ago (during the brea... View more

I feel as though my long term partner of 4 years has been misdiagnosed with BPD. I’m really confused, everything that BPD is described as just doesn’t fit him....he broke things off with me suddenly/out of no where nearly 3 weeks ago (during the break up he admitted that 2 months ago he was diagnosed with BPD, bipolar and anxiety). I just don’t think it’s right. Has anyone had this experience??