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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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JJ89 Divorce guilt
  • replies: 4

I’m currently married and have been for 2 years. I’ve been with my partner for 5 years. This is his second marriage. He is 42, I am 31. He has a adult son. We have always had a rocky relationship. We have huge fights that blow up and he has been phys... View more

I’m currently married and have been for 2 years. I’ve been with my partner for 5 years. This is his second marriage. He is 42, I am 31. He has a adult son. We have always had a rocky relationship. We have huge fights that blow up and he has been physical in the past but I stayed because I loved him. The last year or so I’ve been feeling disconnected from him. I don’t have the energy to fight so don’t talk to him much. I’ve stopped giving him as much attention as he was use to. Which caused more issues. I think each time we spoke horribly to each other it chipped away At my heart and has slowest broken me. I have recently made a connection with a co worker.. he has made me see cleared what I’ve been Putting up with is not ok or normal. I want to leave my husband but when we talk about it he guilts me into staying. I feel like it’s all my fault and that I’ll break him. He has recently found out I’ve been talking to this co worker and has gone all psycho and has tried to contact my coworkers ex, her sisters, his mum to bad mouth that he’s been a shoulder for me to lean on. This makes me so mad.. he gets angry at me then 5 seconds later when I say about us not Being good for each other. He cries, says im his soulmate and he’s changed.. but think there’s been too much damage I cant move forward with him. But then feel guilty I’ve hurt him so bad and maybe I didn’t try hard enough.. I’m so lost. My friends don’t know what’s going on and my family live in different states. I feel so alone and lost.

Fern1 Mother in law
  • replies: 7

My mother in law has made my life hell for the last 3 1/2 years. My father in law passed away leaving my MIL alone in another country. I thought I was doing the right thing by inviting her to come and live with us as the rest of her family didn’t off... View more

My mother in law has made my life hell for the last 3 1/2 years. My father in law passed away leaving my MIL alone in another country. I thought I was doing the right thing by inviting her to come and live with us as the rest of her family didn’t offer. It’s proven to be the biggest mistake of my life. It only took 4 weeks until the first major row which escalated to her trying to jump out of my car while I was driving with my two children screaming in terror in the back seat. She has caused multiple major arguments which have included her throwing things about my house. 99% of the arguments were when my parter was not home. Everything came to a head around 6 months ago when she caused another tow and I told her to F off out of shear anger and desperation. She took this as meaning I was asking her to leave and I didn’t tell her it wasn’t. She left the house and has been staying at my brother in laws but since then she has continued her poison. She has been posting passive aggressive posts on social media clearly directed at me and I have been silent throughout in the hope that her mask will slip and others will see her true colours. She has now started demanding money from us. She lived with us completely rent and bill free for 3 years ( she did buy some groceries) during that time she made 2 large purchases for the family staying at the time it was the least she could do because she lived with us for nothing. She is now demanding we pay this back. If I could could afford it I would but my partners hours have just been cut at work but she mentions it every time she speaks to him. I am under so much pressure I feel like I could explode. We did everything for and with her in the time she lived with us including paying for and taking her on all our family holidays but she was never happy. I’m at my wits end any advice would be appreciated.

BrownPaperBag Overwhelmed and isolated
  • replies: 2

Single mum of 3 with a history of complex PTSD. Struggling to cope with life at the moment. My youngest child is a massive handful. My other 2 children have their own mental health issues that are pushed aside due to my inability to get on top of my ... View more

Single mum of 3 with a history of complex PTSD. Struggling to cope with life at the moment. My youngest child is a massive handful. My other 2 children have their own mental health issues that are pushed aside due to my inability to get on top of my own issues. I am socially and financially isolated. I feel the mental health system is a massive let down. My problems stem from childhood and were unfortunately not addressed until after I had children. I feel that I am not capable of being the parent I need to be while I am dealing so poorly myself. I have minimal help from the children's father. My relationship with my family is very toxic and I do not believe that I have any real support and have been hugely misunderstood. Not even sure what I expect to achieve in writing this. I am tired of going around in circles.

littleindigo insecurity in relationships
  • replies: 9

hi, im a 23yo Female in a year long relationship. i have experienced anxiety and depression all through my adolescence and although i have learnt to manage my emotions better; i fear that being in a relationship has caused a huge spike in unhealthy b... View more

hi, im a 23yo Female in a year long relationship. i have experienced anxiety and depression all through my adolescence and although i have learnt to manage my emotions better; i fear that being in a relationship has caused a huge spike in unhealthy behaviours and patterns which i am finding difficult to navigate. the first 6 months of our relationship was relatively calm for me. i think because it took me such a long time to let my guard down i was always keeping him at arms length. i hadn't allowed myself to be vulnerable. i had convinced myself that if things were to end, i wasn't as invested and maybe it wouldn't hurt as much. as time has gone on, I've realised how much i do love him and want this to work, but my anxiety has reached a point where its causing significant doubts about us. i was in a horrible relationship 5 years ago, which caused me some ptsd, and those same behaviours that i was exhibiting then has started to surface again. i am lacking trust in my partner. i have caught him out lying about a few things, and also "withholding" information. as much as i try to let it go and move past it, i cant. he has never given me the passcode to his phone, and honestly, i don't want it 'to snoop." i think that knowing it would give me some peace of mind about his trustworthiness. its the fact that he doesn't open snapchats around me. or text people in front of me. if he leaves the room he always takes his phone with him etc. his phone is always face down. i have mentioned this numerous times that it makes me uncomfortable and he always apologises and says he's just a private person. which may be true. but i cant shake those niggly little fears. eating away at me. this relationship is bringing out the most disgusting, jealous parts of me that i cant stand. i am always obsessing about who he's talking to, when he was last active on fb, or instagram. every time i hear his phone buzz, it physically makes me sick and i instantly get full of so much anxiety and wonder who it could be messaging him. its so compulsive, and i cant stop feeling so insecure. its to the point where its so bad, its all i think about. it makes me upset for no reason, but i cant let it go. i don't know how to sustain a relationship whilst feeling like this and i also worry that those behaviours of his arent going to change either. i don't want to live in this space of fear and jealousy and anxiety. any thoughts would be much appreciated. little indigo x

Pineappplecruise Broken up by boyfriend
  • replies: 1

My boyfriend randomly ended things last night. This is the second time he has ended things for no logically reasons. He told me that he just doesn’t feel the same anymore. how does one tell you they love you and never leaving you and the en t day end... View more

My boyfriend randomly ended things last night. This is the second time he has ended things for no logically reasons. He told me that he just doesn’t feel the same anymore. how does one tell you they love you and never leaving you and the en t day end things. we also live together and still continues to talk to me. I keep having panic attacks and crying. I live 3 hours from my friends and family and feeling so alone and I don’t know how to cope.

shadow49 Fathers Day
  • replies: 2

Not a particular happy day for fathers with no contact with their children. Fathers day /Christmas & Easter, children's birthdays and the list of misery goes on. Am fortunate that children from first relationship keep on contact on whole. Not in last... View more

Not a particular happy day for fathers with no contact with their children. Fathers day /Christmas & Easter, children's birthdays and the list of misery goes on. Am fortunate that children from first relationship keep on contact on whole. Not in last relation ship in as much have not seen my youngest son (10) for at least 6 years. That break up meant that no visits to see son ,yes I could have pushed it but at that time was emotional drained very close maybe to breakdown. All I can say I am very thankful that I didn't end up on the street as a broken man on Alcohol or worst if there is such a thing. It took at 5years to get back on track , now I feel as good as its going to get , thinking of my son every day and pray and hope I will see him before I depart this world. I have a FB social page of course in my name with no friends or comments just in case he might just might contact me (I live in eternal hope) people tell me most not all children will contact their fathers. So this is my tale ...its gets better over time however its always in my thoughts and dreams (play very cruel tricks) So will open a bottle of red and cook a nice chicken dinner and listen to my music. So guys it can get better BUT it takes time.

CavOwner Feeling Sad
  • replies: 1

I've been having a bit of a hard time lately. It's difficult to say why, though, since I don't have any big thing that's making me feel this way. I'm definitely struggling with being at home during the restrictions. We finally got to go back to work ... View more

I've been having a bit of a hard time lately. It's difficult to say why, though, since I don't have any big thing that's making me feel this way. I'm definitely struggling with being at home during the restrictions. We finally got to go back to work about a month ago, but due to the new restrictions in Queensland , we have to wear a mask at work for the last two weeks, so it's easier to work from home again, and I'm feeling a little stuck here. I started a new job at the beginning of this year, and we were sent home a couple of weeks after I stared, so I didn't really get to know anyone. I don't really have any meetings so I never see anyone, so I'm not making any connections and I'm feeling pretty isolated. I'm single and live alone and I rely on having close friends around me. But, my closest friend went overseas at the end of last year, and there is a huge whole where she left. I feel like my life is very empty these days. I scroll through fb every now and again, and can't see the point really, thinking of closing my account down. I feel like every night all I do is watch tv and go to bed. I've tried contacting a few different people, but I'm struggling to get any enjoyment out of seeing them. Because I'm feeling bored and lonely, I've started drinking. I used to drink the occasional glass of wine, these days I'm downing a whole bottle every 3 or so days. I know the health consequences, but I can't seem to stop. So, that's making me anxious. Then, to top things off, I seem to treat my family pretty bad. I'm reacting really negatively to everything they say to me, and this morning my sister got quite upset with me. I feel terrible about it, and I feel like I'm an awful person. I've bared my heart, but I'm not really sure how this is going to help. Hopefully it'll help me start feeling better soon.

Praeteritus_braccas Marriage, Gaslighting, conflict avoidance, Shame dumping and projection
  • replies: 42

In the last 5 weeks, my wife has laid an impossible amount of grievances at my feet, having only discussed it in depth 2 weeks prior and coming to the view that we were all good, especially considering this whole pandemic, working from home and with ... View more

In the last 5 weeks, my wife has laid an impossible amount of grievances at my feet, having only discussed it in depth 2 weeks prior and coming to the view that we were all good, especially considering this whole pandemic, working from home and with each other in the same business. In short, my wife has decided that my many aspects of our 15 year relationship (7 years marriage) and best friends for 20 years, contain behaviours on my part that she has identified that are no longer acceptable. They include Manipulation, Emotional Abuse, Dominating, 'taking up all the oxygen', never taking the blame and much more. She now says that she has never been able to tell me the whole truth because she is terrified to talk to me. That she feels emotionally abandoned and unsupported. That there is deep resentment about specific events that go back 10 and 15 years. I have PTSD from a deeply damaged childhood. I have had, and am having Counseling to work through my PTSD and behaviours that i know are difficult when im not at my best. My wife has a high anxiety all the time which is untreated. She avoids any conflict with anyone, not just me. We have known this about each other since the start, we have helped each other through our pain and built a life. Within the last 5 weeks, we are now at crisis, my wife doesnt know whether she wants to be in the marriage anymore. My wife has chronic health issues, and we are both exhausted, both mentally and physically. We have agreed that we need to take the time to make a sound decision. not to rush into something that will rip our kids lives apart. To confuse matters, when all this came about, i found out she is having an online relationship / emotional infidelity with a young 30 year old, who lives at home, no job, no commitments, no kids. complete online real time 24/7 unbridled support from the other side of the world. she now has feelings for this guy. This has blown me out of the water to the point where my Anxiety is so pronounced i am taking serious Anti-Anxiety medication. I am in limbo until she decides what SHE wants.My Psychologist tells me its possible that i am being gas-lighted, shame dumped and she is blame shifting. She has never accepted any responsibility for anything, there is always a reason for her decisions and poor behaviour. I continue to defend her position, to say she must be right, im the one who has failed. My Psych. says that I'm carrying an unfair burden. I have never felt so worthless as a human.

MoonPie complicated decision
  • replies: 3

hello there. So to explain the situation simply been together with my fiance for like a decade, i love her and i'm not sure if i could connect with another person like this ever again, we have our ups and downs but we normally can always talk things ... View more

hello there. So to explain the situation simply been together with my fiance for like a decade, i love her and i'm not sure if i could connect with another person like this ever again, we have our ups and downs but we normally can always talk things through unless one of our medical problems get in the way, nothing has changed sexually we still find each other very attractive and we try not to go to bed angry. but this is where my problem starts, she knows i have a high sex drive and as i have been told she would of been with a female if i never came along, we have tried swinging but for the most part thats just uncomfortable and i honestly dont know what a man can offer her that i would probably do better anyway. Now for me i can separate emotion and know the difference between sex, love and partnership but she is quite an emotional person and fears of loosing me alot but i am not going anywhere, (sorry for being abit vague) but i feel kinda trapped in the sense i will not cheat, swinging is pointless and i wont slut around ever again, so i have started to develop sexual and emotional feelings for another few people but dont know what to do with it, i would normally just resort to masturbation to quell it. but ive been there alot for one person and their situation is complicated to the point their s/o / interest has given them the cold shoulder and more or less they are alone at the moment in more ways then one, verbally i can support them but i get to the point where i want to dive deeper but i pull myself back out of respect for my partner because i know there is only so much a friend can do, and i ultimately feel that physical compassion could help this person alot rather then them begging for scraps of attention from a drunk. By no means would i risk my relationship for just a fling but another friend passed away a few years back from loneliness so i feel like i should act. i have always encouraged my partner to explore her sexuality abit more because its part of her identity, but when sex conversations come up outside of us she will normally divert, think we are breaking up or our medical problems get in the way and we stress out. honestly dont know what to do or how to approach it, after surgery last year things have slowed down physically and im worried im latching onto the idea to distract myself or its the fact i was quite promiscuous before we got together, thank you for reading and any insight will help.

JennyA Moral Compass different. Can the marriage be saved?
  • replies: 4

I found my husband had been watching and downloading porn for years and I feel like he's been cheating on me for doing it. He has never physically been unfaithful and in fact, we have only ever had sex with each other (been together for over 30 years... View more

I found my husband had been watching and downloading porn for years and I feel like he's been cheating on me for doing it. He has never physically been unfaithful and in fact, we have only ever had sex with each other (been together for over 30 years). He said it's purely for entertainment and that he loves sex and looking at women. We came to a compromise that he wouldn't download or search for porn (the obvious XXX porn websites etc) but he thinks anything else that may have or be about nudity is ok. My friend thinks he shouldn't even be searching or looking for things with explicit nudity in them or are of a sexual nature. For my husband, he thinks any nudity is ok to look at but is happy to draw the line at actual pornographic websites but still wants to be part of social media groups or watch TV shows or movies that have nudity in them, as he says he enjoys it. He thinks a person should be allowed to see anything and it not affect their marriage and he has no issues with what she sees or does, as long as they are faithful physically and emotionally. He believes I am just a jealous, insecure and conservative woman who wants to control everything he sees. He thinks it's ok to be turned on visually, as long as you don't cheat or neglect your wife sexually. He tells me he loves me and only me. Sex quantity isn't a problem as we have sex regularly. We have separated over this whole issue but are still seeing a counselor to see if it can be saved. I am a Christian, whereas he is not. While we both are reasonable people and respect each others beliefs we have a mismatched moral compass here. With 4 kids and 30 years of marriage, is there any way to save this marriage?