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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Purple4 Feeling trapped with narcissist partner
  • replies: 21

Firstly I don't even know why I call him my partner as I don't even feel like I'm in a relationship. I feel really stupid saying this out loud as I am a 46 year old woman who should know better. I have been in a 'relationship' for 6 years, a very one... View more

Firstly I don't even know why I call him my partner as I don't even feel like I'm in a relationship. I feel really stupid saying this out loud as I am a 46 year old woman who should know better. I have been in a 'relationship' for 6 years, a very one sided relationship. He takes and I give. I just don't know why I stay with him. I'm so unhappy but yet I stay. My partner is also my boss at work which complicates everything. He is sucking all the joy out of my life and I dream about life without him. My doctor asked me why do I stay and my response was that he needs me. He wouldn't cope if I left him. I'm so down tonight after another hurtful degrading arguement with him and I just try to put my relationship in the too hard basket and ignore my feelings. I dont have close friends or family I trust to talk to so I am very isolated . Has anyone broken free from a narcissist? I'm just so exhausted.

spontaneous sunflower My 16 year old brother is insufferable
  • replies: 1

I'm 17 (F) and I have three brothers. Two are older (24 and 22) and one is younger. They're all living at home and they all get on my nerves time to time, but the youngest gets on my nerves (and everyone else's nerves for that matter) 24/7 and it's b... View more

I'm 17 (F) and I have three brothers. Two are older (24 and 22) and one is younger. They're all living at home and they all get on my nerves time to time, but the youngest gets on my nerves (and everyone else's nerves for that matter) 24/7 and it's becoming so much that I genuinely wish I could just move out. Where do I even start? I guess I should describe the type of person he is. Like most 16 year olds, he is clearly going through that "it has be be my way, no one understands me, I'm too cool for everyone, life sucks, etc" phase. God I hope it's just a phase, because he takes it next level. He is so arrogant, ungrateful, rude and disrespectful. He talks down to women, even his own Mum, his own sister (me) and his friend/girlfriend (don't even know if he has a girlfriend, he seems to talk to a lot of girls). He talks back to everyone. He's so blindly ungrateful but he calls me spoiled? I am sure I have my moments, and my mum says that he's jealous of me because I get more attention.. but that's only because I am grateful, I do stuff around the house and I actually spend time with my parents, so of course I get "more attention". As the youngest, he has been plenty "spoiled" and loved, my parents always ask him if he wants to go to the shops with us or go out for coffee and he always says no, and then complains about it later. He gets away with everything, not because my parents are bad parents but because he has no respect and finds a loophole around everything. He sneaks out, he smokes weed in his room, he steals cigarettes. His bedroom is next to mine and he keeps me up by talking loud to his friends or worst of all, I've heard him doing stuff with a girl a few times. When he's being loud and it's past midnight, i try telling him to shut up but it's no use. He doesn't listen, and even when my parents tell him off, he still doesn't listen. He is so rude to me. He's called me names, made hurtful jokes about my appearance and overall he just walks all over me. I know brothers can be like that sometimes, but my other two brothers are much nicer, this one is just blatantly rude. He's even said rude hurtful jokes to our own Mum. He says he's just joking, but no matter how much we tell him off for taking jokes too far, he doesn't care or see what he's doing wrong. I've done so much for him and he takes it all for granted. I'm so fed up with him, as is everyone else. He has his decent moments but overall he's awful and no one knows how to control him.

white knight Grandparents- their role
  • replies: 1

The role of grandparents is a very special one to both them and the grandchild. Grandparents are usually calm loving souls that seem to fill a void that parents can’t fill especially in this modern world of two income families. While they are importa... View more

The role of grandparents is a very special one to both them and the grandchild. Grandparents are usually calm loving souls that seem to fill a void that parents can’t fill especially in this modern world of two income families. While they are important. Their role is often fragile in that, for any number of reasons, they could lose their role altogether- cut out of their grandchildren’s lives. This leads to tremendous levels of grief. The role of being a grandparent doesn’t come with a “user manual”. As new parents we mums and dads get visiting nurses, read books, Dr google and GP care, a grandparent won’t find a short course on grand parenting so it is accepted being one doesn’t need education. I believe this is an error in society because grandparents can easily fall into being out of favour and losing their role regardless of the high level of love they give. Lets be bold and discuss some of the basic errors a grandparent can make- Interfering with how the parent raises their child - for the parents this can be demeaning. They often are critical of how they were raised so they won’t allow history to repeat. Subtle suggestions done with love and support is good, anything beyond that builds resentment commenting on the lifestyle choices the parent makes- a grandparent can voice expectations and worse- insist on them. Again, they should try to steer the ship steady not take over the captains wheel entering the role of parenting- remember, you are not the parent. Caring for your grandchild is an honour not a right, Discipline and educating the child should be along the lines of the parents techniques and wishes or conflict is likely Not feeling significant- try not to feel this way. Nanas and Pops are really important for a child. Even spoiling a grandchild is ok. Remember, your love and care will be a lifetime of memories for that child. making their role as grandparent their life- this is a common trap. For some they cannot keep a buffer zone from the grandchildren, they reduce their friendships, sports and hobbies. All eggs in one basket is not such a good idea However there is s flip side and that is the attitudes of the parents . Sometimes outside influences like drugs, in laws, resentment from historic conflict or other underlying issues can suddenly result in a severing of ties. A common occurrence is divorce of the parents. All the more reason to be in the background without controversy giving you better chances of continual contact. TonyWK

B_r_e_e Since having my baby 3 years ago my incredible relationship is now so sad and I feel so alone
  • replies: 6

Since having my baby 3 years ago my incredible relationship is now so sad and I feel so alone. We had the most incredible partnership even though we are different and were together for 13 years before our son. Since he arrived we fight all the time, ... View more

Since having my baby 3 years ago my incredible relationship is now so sad and I feel so alone. We had the most incredible partnership even though we are different and were together for 13 years before our son. Since he arrived we fight all the time, havent has sex and I have no interest and we’ve lost our affection and constant public showing of love. We don’t sleep in the same room and I’m full of sadness all the time. I was always so giving of my time to my partner and now I can’t be bothered giving any.

LostRoo Am I overthinking or am I in an abusive relationship?
  • replies: 2

Hi everyone, I am a newbee and want help to understand what's happening to me. I am so confused.. I have been in the relationship with him from last 11 years. I loved him and showed it by action..for last 11 years I showed up physically, emotionally,... View more

Hi everyone, I am a newbee and want help to understand what's happening to me. I am so confused.. I have been in the relationship with him from last 11 years. I loved him and showed it by action..for last 11 years I showed up physically, emotionally, mentally and financially. Feared if I have a baby I can't show up financially and cause fights. didn't speak to my parents, sister or friends in front of him as he would get mad. Served his mother in stroke as a humanity.. hardly could visit or stay with my family when I went back home even though we were from same city as he gave excuses to take care of his family or saying that your parents are judgemental etc. During this time, when he would get angry he would get cruel with words, undermine me, my family.. after his mother had stroke he even hit me.. then showed remorse the next time saying he got angry as I kept fighting and blamed on his depression. I thought he needed support and didn't said nothing to no one.. He blamed me for not being able to conceive, blamed me for being fat, didn't show intimate emotional connection and concentrated on himslef, his hobbies his work.. On regular basis, I bought groceries, cleaned, cooked and kept track of all the paperwork related to household. When I got frustrated he said he bought dishwasher for me.. when I was sick or couldn't cook I ordered pizza for both.. and then he complained that he hated pizza or it wasn't nutritious.. at no point he made an effort to make simple sandwhixh for me even when I was sick.. and I just kept going on.. He also has been home from last 9months as he wasn't coping with some boss issues.. I had told him to quit as I knew if he gets frustrated he will get angry and I will suffer.. However, recently I got stood down due to covid-19 and I couldn't bear the behaviour.. and fights I distanced myself from him.. I felt undesired and loved and felt need for external appreciation. In this thought I ended up on porn site wanting to post my photos, never posted but deleted.. he found out as it got uploaded on google drive.. he embarrassed me further by showing it to my family.. I got more distanced.. I ended up telling my family first time how I felt.. It has been 7weeks.. in this time I also got infatuated to some random guy online which I never met which he found out about.. well now.. he says I am cheating on him.. I understand that I shouldn't have gone this way.. but I just don't know where to start from.. and what's wrong with me??

pandalover00 Dealing with infatuation?
  • replies: 1

I've been infatuated with someone for the past 5 years now... I don't even know them that well and haven't seen them in person in 4 years. We recently started messaging randomly (about books and stuff) and we really get along but I recently found out... View more

I've been infatuated with someone for the past 5 years now... I don't even know them that well and haven't seen them in person in 4 years. We recently started messaging randomly (about books and stuff) and we really get along but I recently found out he just had a kid with his girlfriend. I have PTSD from my childhood and I've been alone all my life. This is the only person that really shows that they care and I'm just crushed. I was actually starting to move on before we started messaging as well. I keep myself busy and have a few friends (we aren't close) yet I can't seem to get over them. Honestly this person's offered me more support than the various psychologists+psychiatrist I've been to (bad experiences) and people who have been my friends for years now... One of my friends (who I was starting to get close to) is suicidal and is in the hospital so I'm probably going to completely alone again. I'm thinking about telling them I want to stop talking (I don't know how to though?) so that I can move on before I actually get attached... I don't think I'd be able to handle that. I've been thinking I might have BPD as well but I'm not sure. I don't know what I want to get out of posting this but yeah...

Ereen Not sure what this feeling is 😢
  • replies: 2

I recently got married to my 5year long distance bf. Its been 4 mnths that we have been apart. But like everyone he is stuck at home too abroad and m stuck here at home here in australia due to covid 19. My now husband since he is stuck at home is so... View more

I recently got married to my 5year long distance bf. Its been 4 mnths that we have been apart. But like everyone he is stuck at home too abroad and m stuck here at home here in australia due to covid 19. My now husband since he is stuck at home is so bg with playing games that he hardly have time for me. I told him that this behaviour of is making me feel very sad. We had an arguement and we didn’t talk with each other for a week. Then we spoke again and we had the fight for the same reason. Its been like that on and off for 4 times now. This when we had a fight he spoke to me in very rude manner. He was very harsh that hurt my feeling very much. He said he hated talking long hours on the phone instead he prefers playing game. I told him during times like this we have to be there for eachother but he said he is nt like the movie actor who will be there for me all the time he will be there when he feels like. I was shocked to hear that kind of statement from him. We haven’t spoken with each other for many days. M very hurt .my parents keeps on asking hows everything between us but i am tired of lying everyday that everything is fine. Everytime i think abt it i cant stop my tears. I cry every night so that nobody can see me crying. It hard seeing your newly married life crumble like this and even in times like this. I am unemployed right now... This problem is making me hard to concentrate on my studies . I am scared to tell my parents that things are not what it seems because i dnt want to make them sad. I dnt want to tell anybody abt what is going on in my life because it will make them sad too. Although i try to stay happy outside deep down m very very sad.

Shyone What happens now
  • replies: 44

Hi, So I have posted before about my marriage, wanting to save it. Well that hasn't happened and as of tonight it is over. What do I do now we have a house mortgage, van etc loans together. Where do I start?

Hi, So I have posted before about my marriage, wanting to save it. Well that hasn't happened and as of tonight it is over. What do I do now we have a house mortgage, van etc loans together. Where do I start?

Mr K moving on moving forward but I don't know what I'm doing!
  • replies: 1

Hi BB, I've been on a long painful and upsetting journey initiated by my wife (Ex wife) who has decided that she wants to be single again after 11 years marriage. We have two beautiful little daughters whom I will only get to see half as much as I us... View more

Hi BB, I've been on a long painful and upsetting journey initiated by my wife (Ex wife) who has decided that she wants to be single again after 11 years marriage. We have two beautiful little daughters whom I will only get to see half as much as I used too. I know compared to other poor fathers on here that is as much as I could hope for and I am grateful for this small mercy. I also have the ongoing emotional support of my extended family who know I tried hard to be a good husband and remain a loving and nurturing father, this is also a mercy as without them I would be utterly bereft of family in Australia. Part of me will always love my ex and remember the good times shared over the years, part of me now also hates her for splitting me up with my children. Life has never been more intimidating for me as I have to learn all about child support, tax, medicare etc. etc. my wife did all our financial stuff I just earned my wage and paid it into a joint account. I don't want to argue with my ex and hope we can co-parent successfully for the sake of our girls but I struggle with the resentment too. We have drawn up a parenting plan which does seem reasonable. I know my wife is still trying to get more money out of me than seems fair but I need to consult a solicitor about that. I'm wary of the solicitors as I know they make more money from a fighting couple though. Anyway, what advice can you give me to be a successful single dad? I work full time in a good job, I've moved into a small unit close to our old home to be close to the kids, schools, daycare etc. The small unit is easy to keep clean and tidy so I wont spend all day doing housework with the girls. What are the tips and tricks that you have all learned and what do you wish someone had told you? Thanks in advance, K.

Hello4 I feel like a second choice
  • replies: 5

I’m a 15 year old girl and I’ve had a lot of issues in my friendship group since year 7. They have finally stopped and the group has also expanded a lot. But now that it had everyone has that one person they like d most. But I’m constantly being a th... View more

I’m a 15 year old girl and I’ve had a lot of issues in my friendship group since year 7. They have finally stopped and the group has also expanded a lot. But now that it had everyone has that one person they like d most. But I’m constantly being a third wheel and I can’t. I feel like a burden to everyone. I Have just been feeling so lonely and it hurts so much knowing that I don’t have anyone who truely cares for me in my friendship group and I have family but my relationship with my parents is complicated. I can’t talk to any of my friends either because they won’t understand and I also feel like by telling them I’m just being a burden on their life if you know what I mean. How can I cope with this because it hurts a lot thinking about this and Sometimes there r night where I’m hurting a lot and just break down alone.