Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Gem_85 Feeling very lost
  • replies: 8

Hi all, this is my first post and it’s very tricky to even write all this. I feel so overwhelmed at the moment with so many things going on in my head I don’t even know where to start. I’m so miserable all the time. My husband and I had money and sta... View more

Hi all, this is my first post and it’s very tricky to even write all this. I feel so overwhelmed at the moment with so many things going on in my head I don’t even know where to start. I’m so miserable all the time. My husband and I had money and stability and a nice house. We made some very poor decisions and had to sell our house, go into more debt and now we (plus our 2 year old) are living with my parents. I’m 35 and back home, it’s so embarrassing and all I do is sit and think about money and ‘what if we’d done this differently’ and I’m going crazy. My husband is constantly making me feel awful and I cry alllll the time but my parents seem to like him and have no idea. We’ve only been married a bit over a year and I know we are terrible together & a break up would disappoint my parents so much, I’m just so sad and lost and humiliated. My job is on the line now and so is my husbands, I can’t see a way out of this whole mess. I need help or advice I’m just so low. I think I’ve failed at life.

Holistic_Chick Lost, confused, scared, alone and a prisoner in my own mind
  • replies: 2

Hi, I’m new here, never done this before but finding it really hard to get proper help. Im a mother of two and suffering from severe depression, panic attacks and agoraphobia. my partner and I are fighting and have been for a good year to two years b... View more

Hi, I’m new here, never done this before but finding it really hard to get proper help. Im a mother of two and suffering from severe depression, panic attacks and agoraphobia. my partner and I are fighting and have been for a good year to two years but all the fights involve his mum because she is a liar, very selfish and just nasty. No manners at all and if she wants something done it has to be done right away or the emotional blackmail everyone gets just wow. my partner is not the father of my boys. And all I have asked is for his help to work out what ever his mums problem is but he just wants to bury his head in the sand and ignore and I’m supposed to just put up with it, accept it and move on. Well now his mum has turned the entire family against and I’ve gotten nothing but abuse from them and my partner still doesn’t see the point in stepping up and saying anything. i was starting to see the light again but now I just feel empty and only see darkness. we were supposed to be starting fresh forgetting all past arguments etc and for time being until we sort us out I’ve asked that he tells his family especially his mum anything about us and I won’t ask about them. He couldn’t even manage that for one day and is constantly turning it all back on me. sorry it’s long. lost and confused, please help!

Mjj I don't know
  • replies: 3

Hi, I feel really strange writing this but here goes. I've been with my partner for almost 5 years, we have a house together and are happy. But we don't necessarily display "happiness when we are together. He used to tell me that he works hard and is... View more

Hi, I feel really strange writing this but here goes. I've been with my partner for almost 5 years, we have a house together and are happy. But we don't necessarily display "happiness when we are together. He used to tell me that he works hard and is always too tired. He genuinely falls asleep in minutes at night. I understand that we all get tired but it always feels like there is no effort. It feels like I'm living with room mate instead of a partner. When he gets home he asks me how my day was gives me a kiss etc but then that is all we really talk about. I try to make conversation and I don't get anything back. He always watches stupid videos on his phone and when I say things multiple times I have to repeat myself because his not listening. I simply feel like I am not worth his effort. He will sit out the front of the house and vape while I'm just sitting inside doing other things. It doesnt make me feel connected at all. I have bought this up with him in the past and it's usually "sorry I'm shit, sorry I'm not good enough" coming from him. He tries a little bit for a week then things go back to normal. We do love each other and like any couple we can get a bit snarky at times I just don't know if this is something to be concerned about or if I just accept it and that's just what it is. I just feel like he used to understand me and we shared the same hobbies now he doesn't really care and we barely share any of the same interests.

Einna Don't know how to deal with all these emotions
  • replies: 3

I have been with my fiance for 4 years, engaged for half a year. He has cheated on me a couple of months into the relationship with an escort and we've both decided to move beyond this and give it another go. For the past year, our sex life have gone... View more

I have been with my fiance for 4 years, engaged for half a year. He has cheated on me a couple of months into the relationship with an escort and we've both decided to move beyond this and give it another go. For the past year, our sex life have gone south. I'm mostly always the one initiating play time and giving all my efforts which sometimes he shows no interest. He watches alot of porn and pleases himself. At work he will be very busy and don't have the time to respond to any of my messages. I understand if I'm not interested in sex and push him away, it will oh be fair for him to watch porn but that is not the case as I am pretty much throwing myself onto him. I feel very unattractive and unwanted right now. Fiance keeps reassuring me that he still loves me, but what I'm getting is the complete opposite. I've given him the option to leave me so he can be with prettier girls and he's also declining to that. I just currently do not know how to deal with all this emotion right now nor am I getting any closure as to why this is happening. The more I think our wedding way is getting closer, the more it's stressing me out as to whether I should go ahead with it or not. Due to Covid-19 and the lockdown here, I can't even go physically see my counselor at my next appointment. I honestly don't know what to do and feel so lost.

Cantthinkstraightsteve New here and breakup problem
  • replies: 26

Hey.... My gf left 4 days ago....she says it was family reasons...but I suspect otherwise due to the fight we had. 2 years ago I left a boring relationship with three beautiful daughters...and met her 6 months later...since then Its been an awesome j... View more

Hey.... My gf left 4 days ago....she says it was family reasons...but I suspect otherwise due to the fight we had. 2 years ago I left a boring relationship with three beautiful daughters...and met her 6 months later...since then Its been an awesome journey...we moved in together 6 months later...man I'm finding it hard to write thithose 5 children moved in....I couldn't of been a more modeled bf and role model..for her children...I can't go on...I'm devistated

JW__123 My Partner Thinks About Other Women
  • replies: 7

My partner and I have been going through a really rough time the last week and a half. It’s only a semi new relationship and we also moved in together about a month ago. But right now I’m hurt and I don’t know what to think/feel. We use to be so infa... View more

My partner and I have been going through a really rough time the last week and a half. It’s only a semi new relationship and we also moved in together about a month ago. But right now I’m hurt and I don’t know what to think/feel. We use to be so infatuated with each other, always complimenting each other, always saying how much we mean to one another and yes eventually it dies off. My partner has become some what paranoid and slightly angry. He thinks he sees me do something and when I try to talk to him he ends up getting upset/angry I don’t understand. This went on for a few days last week and we had since spoken about how he needs to work on his mental health by getting back into meditation, writing in a journal and stretching (he use to do all of this when we first got together but along the way stopped doing it). He said himself that he has been getting paranoid & angry & he doesn’t really know the reason why. Everything seemed fine & back on track until I did something I completely regret (& I know it was completely a breach of privacy & I’m kicking myself for doing it so please no hate on this post as I was only trying to get an understanding of what he was thinking) I read his last entry in his journal. It was addressing that he’s feeling a lot better mentally, then I got to the part that said ‘I can’t stop thinking about other women at the moment & I definitely don’t want to do that to (my name), I can’t.’ So now I am absolutely heartbroken. I confronted him, apologised for snooping and had a good cry (both of us) as he felt betrayed and I felt heartbroken. He swore they’re just thoughts and he wrote them down as he doesn’t understand them and is trying to get rid of them - but he would never ever cheat or entertain someone else which he swears by. It’s hard as he’s told me how he was in a resentful relationship previously and they had both cheated on each other, but our relationship is nothing like theirs was. So I still get worried there’s a possibility he could. I guess I’m torn on what to do and how to think. I’m gutted he’s thinking about other women, I have a million questions going through my head & now I’m wondering if he’s thinking about them while he’s with me.. I can’t stop crying as the sentence keeps popping into my head. What can I do to get over this? We both love each other, we’ve both discussed how we need time and we’re on the right track to making this relationship better - but I can’t stop thinking about it..

lifeisbutadream Feeling very hurt and confused after Ex re-appears
  • replies: 5

My ex and I broke up 3 months ago, due to long distance and I didn't feel like a priority, which hurt my feelings. He agreed that I deserved better. I realised I didn't want to lose him and asked if we could try and talk things through and figure thi... View more

My ex and I broke up 3 months ago, due to long distance and I didn't feel like a priority, which hurt my feelings. He agreed that I deserved better. I realised I didn't want to lose him and asked if we could try and talk things through and figure things out. He was unwilling, but said we could be friends and maybe try again in the future and if there was anything I needed to know, I could ask . I was devastated and said I couldn't be friends while I was still in love with him. I begged just to talk to say goodbye, but he just ghosted me. The next few months were awful, I missed my best friend. I messaged him a few times, but everything was ignored, so I gradually let go. Recently, I've started to feel more hopeful. But yesterday, he sent me a single message saying he missed me and asked if I was alright. I was completely shocked. I replied cautiously and asked why he was reaching out. He said he "just felt like it". I asked if there was anything else he wanted to say, and he declined. I couldn't believe that after all that time he didn't have a single apology or explanation. It was only after I said how much I had worried about him, did he acknowledge it was selfish of him "to retreat inside himself" and I deserved better. We continued to talk and he became colder and colder; I couldn't believe this was the same man I had fallen in love with. I told him I had forgiven him for what had happened, but I wasn't a back-up option for when it suited him. He ignored this, but thanked me for forgiving him. My heart was breaking again, the person I loved so dearly had only reached out to ease their conscience and loneliness. I told him I never wanted us to break-up, I just wanted someone who would put me first. He responded with "I'm sorry you feel like I couldn't be that for you". I was so shocked he would blame me when I had made it clear how much I loved and supported him, and would choose him above anyone else. I poured out my heart - telling him how much I had missed him and loved him, but knew he needed space. All he could say was "I don't know what to say to you, I'm sorry". I asked if we could talk to say goodbye - ignored. So I wished him well and blocked. But - why? Why would he contact me after such a long time only to cause me more hurt? I feel like he has no awareness or empathy for me and I tried to be kind to him but I just feel used and discarded. I still love him and I only want the best for him - why did he treat me like this? Did I deserve it?

Champagne_charlie How do I fix my relationship with my parents and and be okay!
  • replies: 4

Hi, I am going to start from a long time ago. I had an unstable childhood I went to 14 different schools and was home schooled for three years. I left school in year 9. I can't remember the first time but my mother never liked me much. She would say ... View more

Hi, I am going to start from a long time ago. I had an unstable childhood I went to 14 different schools and was home schooled for three years. I left school in year 9. I can't remember the first time but my mother never liked me much. She would say things like I was worthless or make fun of me. She mentioned she regretted having me. At 13 my step father left us and my world was no longer protected and my mother allowed bad things to happen to me. I went to Foster care but she needed me. Finally they put me with my grandmother and I didn't hear from her for a year. Then she called again. I ran to help her. It's always about her and now my step dad's back he isn't much better. Always mad about something at someone. And when it comes to my kids they ignore me. I have cut them out but then. They speak to my friends or kids and make me feel bad. I love helping people too. I have a few kids mostly older but last year I had a child who has an airway defect. She has turned blue many times and is on oxygen and has a feeding tube. And they got stuck in qld with me because they don't drive and the xpt isn't running. Since then they refuse to stay inside my house no matter how much I fight with them and I have asked them to leave tomorrow. I feel terrible but a common cold could kill my daughter and I feel I can't risk it. My mother keeps reminding me I had the same airway defect and that it is my just desserts that this is happening to me because I too turned blue. I understand she feels this way but my daughter who is only five months doesn't deserve this. She is a happy smiling baby. They want to stay the whole lock down but I have said no because I rent. My eldest son and eldest daughter now hate them and my mother keeps pretending to my husband she was the best mother and while he didn't mean to be horrible he said is that why she has to mediate before and wakes up screaming and runs off to hide. I was deeply embarrassed and now my mother thinks I am being dramatic. I have always have self hatred issues so no surprise that I hate myself for asking them to leave, but what I want to ask is how can I fix this? How can I not fear them? Their arrival? Or even fix our past? How can I stop these panicked nightmares? I have been to doctors and currently nothing has helped except meditating. Please leave any suggestions for me. I don't wish to hate them. Nor do I want to keep hurting. Thank you for reading this.

Badluckgirl1 Help my family is falling apart
  • replies: 12

Hi Im new to this but i am in need of help. I seem to have been through so much. Its just one thing after another and i just don't know what to do anymore. The latest thing that has hit me is my son has gone off the rails he is in his 20s with the wr... View more

Hi Im new to this but i am in need of help. I seem to have been through so much. Its just one thing after another and i just don't know what to do anymore. The latest thing that has hit me is my son has gone off the rails he is in his 20s with the wrong crowd and living a thugs life. I want to help him but he has shut me out and doesn't want help. Please where do i go? What do i do?

shucks46 Learning to love again
  • replies: 4

Hi all. I have been separated fro my wife of 19 years for about 18 months now. The relationship was like any other ups and downs. Due to domestic violence on on her part I decided to walk away which absolutely destroyed me and triggered a massive sta... View more

Hi all. I have been separated fro my wife of 19 years for about 18 months now. The relationship was like any other ups and downs. Due to domestic violence on on her part I decided to walk away which absolutely destroyed me and triggered a massive state of depression, loneliness and the feeling of being empty inside. After 6 months or so being apart I tried to rekindle and save the relationship however that didn’t work out so well. I met another female and had a off and on relationship for for about 18 months, she started talking about love after the first couple weeks which I was a bit uncomfortable with because to me love is a strong word, serious feeling and emotions, however I figured I’d stick it out and see how it goes needless to say I just couldn’t develop any strong feelings for her yes I did like and care for her but that was it. I feel as if I would be unable to get close to another female again on the fear of things going sour and sending me back to the state of depression I was in or worse yet I’m not ready to be alone if that makes sense. Honestly I haven’t had much luck with girlfriends even from the early teenage years. I’m just wondering if anyone else has the same issues and if so what’s your strategy please? Thanks.