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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Spawnofkyuss Lost control stepdaughter.
  • replies: 2

Hello you amazing brave people. I have had mental health challenges most of my life. I attempted to end things a few years ago, but when that didn't work, I started seeing the things I had in my life that made it worth staying. I still have challenge... View more

Hello you amazing brave people. I have had mental health challenges most of my life. I attempted to end things a few years ago, but when that didn't work, I started seeing the things I had in my life that made it worth staying. I still have challenges most days, but I'm here to battle, rather than the alternative. So, I feel really selfish, but we're having a problem with my and my partner's stepdaughter. Since she started High School 3 years ago, she has become so isolated, hateful, uncontrollable, unreachable. Wagging, lying, vaping, drinking, and now marijuana. Last weekend, she bought marijuana, smoked it alone, and has become the worst we have ever seen. When we found out, we wanted to find the dealer, so we could see the police. We confiscated her phone, and then the scary new behavior started. She is smashing her bedroom up, and any time we go near her, she screamed and screamed, completely unreasonable. She hasn't eaten today, and still will not communicate. We are worried sick. Is this just hard core acting out, or could it be a psychotic episode? It is impossible to get her to a doctor, or the police, or even to the hospital. We don't use physical violence as a punishment, and our voice, and phone discipline is all we have left. Any ideas? We are freaking out. Thank you and sorry to jump in so selfishly.

Phoenix29 Narcissistic Abuse in Toxic Families
  • replies: 12

I come from a toxic and narcissistic family. For years I was made the scapegoat of my family, controlled, emotionally and verbally abused, constantly being kicked out and my grandmother especially put me at risk by forbidding me to take my doctors or... View more

I come from a toxic and narcissistic family. For years I was made the scapegoat of my family, controlled, emotionally and verbally abused, constantly being kicked out and my grandmother especially put me at risk by forbidding me to take my doctors orders when it came to my medication and weened me off my medication. (I have bipolar) I excommunicated myself from my family gradually and cut contact with my Grandmother in September of last year. Every few months she tries something, sending a text to my partner to get me to call her, showing up at our doorstep(demanding to see me) and more recently she put an envelope with a key in our letterbox saying I can get my stuff whenever I want but she wouldn’t accomodate me. My partner said that he and my Uncle could pick my stuff up but she said she would only speak to me. So we said if she doesn’t like our terms we would send back the key. Anyways it’s been months and she keeps trying to get her power over me back. She doesn’t care that she hurt me or abused me. She’s not sorry. She just wants to have complete control over me like she always has. The last thing she said to me was that she has now wiped her hands of me. I did find that hurtful and it does make me angry. But at the same time I don’t believe her. I’ve been having trouble with my abusive neighbor recently and even though I am enjoying the stability of my new home with my partner, and I’ve been living here for a year, I’m kind of hoping that we do end up moving because then my Grandmother won’t know where I live and will finally be forced to leave me alone. Do you have any advice for me? Anyone else who has experiences narcissistic abuse in their family?

Jojochiu Seeing husband everyday 24/7 drive me nuts!!!
  • replies: 3

Please don’t judge me, I can’t tand my husband anymore. Early this year, his company closed down the branch office he worked in and letting him work from home 4 days a week. His existence in the house drive me crazy, even his footsteps or the sound o... View more

Please don’t judge me, I can’t tand my husband anymore. Early this year, his company closed down the branch office he worked in and letting him work from home 4 days a week. His existence in the house drive me crazy, even his footsteps or the sound of him flushing the toilet irritates me. I don’t think it’s to do with what he does in the house, it’s to do with the fact that he IS inside the house all the time. I am a very career minded person ( at least used to be before I have kids) if my company close the branch office to cut cost and ask me to work from home, yes, it would be awesome, no commute and more freedom, but at the same time I’d smell the stinginess and unprofitable situation of the company and will start hunting for a new job. However, my husband is very content and have no plan to get out of this comfort zone. He has always been a very chill out and relax person. When I first met him, I was working in a high stress job plus studying master degree. Meeting him at that time made me feel like he’s Mr. Right, his chill out attitude can calm me down after a hard day at work. Now that I have 2 kids, I just want to focus on my kids and work part time and I hope he can be more aggressive and strive for better career-wise and be the bread winner. He always say he wants to take the family to travel, but first thing I think of is how can we afford it if he’s not working hard to earn the money?!? I end up being unhappy everyday, holding a long face both behind and in front of him, especially with him around the house reminding me how obnoxious he is, not to mention khe give me extra work by triggering my kids cry. I feel like I can’t breath, I sometimes have to take the kids out just to escape from him, and he rarely get out of the house. And it’s not healthy to the relationship when we are seeing each other everyday, it’s just more chance to argue, and I don’t want him to see me wearing pjs or lounge clothes with messy oily hair all the time, and sometimes he sees me sitting on the toilet as I need to keep door open to keep an eye on the kids. I am so sad that no one can ever understand this, people always say it’s good to have him at home to help look after the 2 young children. What they don’t know is, he always mess up my groove, he doesn’t know how to deal with the kids and always upset the kids and leaving me to settle, he disagrees the way I look after the kids and make comments that upset me. What can I do to make myself happier?

Sunline Coping with relationship in retirement
  • replies: 4

Hi. I hope there are some retired people out there who can relate to this. I am in my early sixties and retired from a busy and stressful federal government job about 2 years ago. I have been unable to find part-time work in my field of expertise (wh... View more

Hi. I hope there are some retired people out there who can relate to this. I am in my early sixties and retired from a busy and stressful federal government job about 2 years ago. I have been unable to find part-time work in my field of expertise (which would be the ideal scenario for me). My partner of 20 years is still working, from home. I am pretty bored, filling in my time with finishing a major house renovation, walking our dogs, art classes, minding step-grandchildren etc. I am finding the strain of being around my partner for so many hours per week is taking a heavy toll on my feelings for him, and my lack of a meaningful role does not help. I find him so irritating, negative and critical. When I talk about my unhappiness his response is to turn it around and criticise me even more. We have six adult children between us and he has four small grandchildren. When his children want a baby-sitter we oblige but of course he disappears to his study to work and I am left holding the baby (literally lol). I am very fond of them but would like to enjoy them together. I feel like we are living like brother and sister and there is no love and affection. I find myself wondering more and more often what it might be like if I just left him. The thought of setting up my own place is very enticing - not having to compromise over every tiny thing - yay ! I also hate the constant arguments and his knee-jerk reactions to everything. Engaging conversation between us has also become non-existent. I think perhaps we are just very bored with each other. Well, me anyway. I just bury myself in solo pursuits as much as I can. I think he would be appalled that I am thinking of leaving but I could be wrong. He is awful to his ex-wife and I imagine he will be awful to me too and try to prevent me having an ongoing relationship with his kids and grandchildren. It won’t be pretty.

KassJo Devastated. My husband has cheated with a prostitute
  • replies: 6

Hi All. I have been married for only 6 months and I thought we had the perfect relationship. A week ago ago my life was torn apart. My husband has bipolar and has been successfully managing it through medication for the last 5 years. Last Monday, he ... View more

Hi All. I have been married for only 6 months and I thought we had the perfect relationship. A week ago ago my life was torn apart. My husband has bipolar and has been successfully managing it through medication for the last 5 years. Last Monday, he text me at work to say he was going to visit his Dad and have a few drinks and will stay the night. I was more than happy with this and didn’t have any reasons to suspect anything. The following evening I noticed on our Uber account that he used Uber twice the previous evening. I asked him why and where did he go and I heard the reply that has devastated me. He openly and painfully said he went out and paid for sex. I was completely blind sighted and truly did not expect this. I went into a rage and the rest of the evening was a blur. The following day he was in tears saying how sorry he was and said he was drunk and doesn’t know why and swears this was the first time. He also did admit he has been watching lots of porn when I’m not at home and Doesn’t know why. I am completely broken and don’t know what to do. He is so sorry and believe he is, but I don’t know if I can move on from this. He was so honest with me and told me everything. I am not sure if I want to know and maybe he should of not told me. Omg. I can’t believe I think this! I have noticed the last few months his moods have changed and he is drinking more and seems agitated at the smallest things. I know he has bipolar but I don’t know what to do. I dont want to give up on us but I am so hurt and don’t understand why he would do this when we are/were so happy. Do I stay and give him another chance or am I setting myself up for more heartache later? All I keep thinking about is what did I do wrong? Why is wrong with me? I can’t eat. I can’t sleep. I feel very unloved and worthless. I would apprecite any advice.

Cosima Lonely
  • replies: 7

My husband & I have chosen not to have kids. We are both the only child & a family member said to us that we will end up alone. This comment has affected me deeply and has made me really sad & depressed to the point where I don’t know what to think a... View more

My husband & I have chosen not to have kids. We are both the only child & a family member said to us that we will end up alone. This comment has affected me deeply and has made me really sad & depressed to the point where I don’t know what to think anymore. Is this what people will really think of us? My thoughts are really affecting me to the point where I can’t concentrate at work. I don’t know what to do?

Neumei 24yrs together - now I’m on my own - how do I live without her ?
  • replies: 2

I have been with my female partner since we were both 22yrs old. We r now 45yrs old. Been together for 24yrs & not long separated on mutual terms (so I thought). 2wks after I move out to live apart but still b a close family unit with our 2 beautiful... View more

I have been with my female partner since we were both 22yrs old. We r now 45yrs old. Been together for 24yrs & not long separated on mutual terms (so I thought). 2wks after I move out to live apart but still b a close family unit with our 2 beautiful girls aged 9 & 11yrs. I go to the family home & my instincts tell me something is different! Alarm bells r ringing. Yes she has a new girlfriend! After 2wks ! Im so devastated - this female is 22yrs old & works with my partner ! Now I’m dead inside - I cannot even look at her - go to our family home as I do t want confrontation or see anything like the other girlfriends car etc ! My ex-partner says we were over many years ago & I agree yes but it is so soon for me but not for her. She says it did not happen over night so they must have had feelings when I was still living there ! I have to accept I have been replaced already. I’m grieving so much I could not eat - I cry all the time - I’m lost how to live on my own. I want all of us to b happy & move on - like she has but I just cannot as I wanted the white picked fence line everyone does ! We have a 26yr old dog that I cannot see cause I cannot go to the house ! The new female is 22yrs old - I think it’s not right as she could b our daughter at that age ! She says I’m an ageist ! Thanks for listening x

Tia99 Body dysmorphia and a sexless relationship
  • replies: 1

My partner and I are both in our early 20’s and have been together for over a year. We didn’t have sex for the first 5 months of our relationship, as my partner was a virgin at the time. After that first time, our sex life was fairly infrequent, but ... View more

My partner and I are both in our early 20’s and have been together for over a year. We didn’t have sex for the first 5 months of our relationship, as my partner was a virgin at the time. After that first time, our sex life was fairly infrequent, but for the most part, kept me satisfied. For me, I find sex to be very important for a relationship, as it helps me feel connected, understood, and loved. My partner and I both have depression. We both had a few bad months with our depression and our sex life became even more infrequent. At the moment, it’s been almost 4 months without sex. My partner says it’s not me, and that she has a lot of shame and guilt around sex. She says it makes her uncomfortable, and that she feels dirty and disgusting. She also has low self-esteem, and I honestly think she might have body dysmorphia (which we’re trying to get her into a therapist to deal with). The problem is this: for some reason I get extremely sad when I crave sex or my attempts to be intimate are rejected. I try to hide it, but it hurts so much and I just cry and cry in despair. I know she needs time to work through her issues and I’m okay with that. But I still can’t stop the sadness. We’re at the point where we are on the verge of breaking up because she is struggling with seeing how hurt I am. In turn, she feels hurt and hates herself even more. We’re discussing whether or not we break up. We both love each other so so much but she can’t meet all my needs, and I can’t give her the space to heal without feeling guilty. I don’t want to lose her and I honestly wish I just didn’t get upset at not having sex... I don’t know what to do. Please, give me advice.

SunshineMama Husband always angry, blames me for everything
  • replies: 9

Since my baby was born (now 12 months old), my marriage changed. My husband changed. I changed too. I became a mother and my baby really my focus. My husband hated how things changed, I always made him the priority beforehand. I still put him before ... View more

Since my baby was born (now 12 months old), my marriage changed. My husband changed. I changed too. I became a mother and my baby really my focus. My husband hated how things changed, I always made him the priority beforehand. I still put him before myself but not if it impacts the baby. I am feeling resentment as I do everything for the baby. If I ask for help he either does nothing it gets angry at me for asking. He sees me struggle to care for our child, manage the house and work part time but he won’t help. If it was this alone, I could deal with it. But he also has a short fuse, blames me for things out of my control and gets angry at me a lot. He never wants to resolve issues. Even when things have calmed down he won’t discuss. It’s been going on for months. I say to him I want to fix our marriage and be happy together again and he actually says it’s 100% my fault that we are unhappy. He never apologises for the things he says or does but I am always trying to make amends and even letting things go and apologising when I’m not to blame. I’m not perfect and have issues too but I know I’m not 100% to blame. He yells at me and questions the things I do in front of the baby. I truly only try and do what’s best for her. I am being pretty vague I know but I feel like I need to get this out. I either want my old marriage back or I want to leave him. But I don’t want to leave him because I don’t want to share custody of my baby. He doesn’t care for her and he yells at her too and is neglectful. But I know if I left him he would just have his Mum care for her or he would find another woman. I also still love him but I can’t stand the man he is at the moment. He is obviously unhappy too but is not willing to work with me at all. If I try and discuss things he shuts down and gets mad at me. I am so profoundly unhappy. We tried so hard to have a family together and now I feel like it’s falling apart. Has anyone else been here? How’d you get through it?

Guest_342 Moving on
  • replies: 7

Hello. Does anyone have experience ending a long term relationship and then the feeling when the other person starts a new relationship? If so, how did you feel and, if it upset you, what worked for you in learning to accept it? While I feel better t... View more

Hello. Does anyone have experience ending a long term relationship and then the feeling when the other person starts a new relationship? If so, how did you feel and, if it upset you, what worked for you in learning to accept it? While I feel better that I know he’s found happiness and can move on, I feel sort of left behind because I haven’t yet recovered fully from our split and I haven’t had the same success in finding someone else (well, there is someone I have been seeing for 3 months but I am still not quite sure if he’s right for me). We were with each other for quite a while and I can’t picture him sharing with someone else the connection we had together. I think I am still grieving 12 months on. it’s not a jealousy thing, and I don’t want to go back to him, but it’s a sad feeling - and I’m not quite sure what it is. I’d welcome anyone’s stories and/or suggestions