Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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MamaBB One sided separation
  • replies: 5

Hey everyone I have made the tough decision to separate from my husband. We have been married for 3 years and together for 7. He was in the army & I moved interstate after a year of long distance. I really struggled during those two years away from m... View more

Hey everyone I have made the tough decision to separate from my husband. We have been married for 3 years and together for 7. He was in the army & I moved interstate after a year of long distance. I really struggled during those two years away from my family & friends. My mental health took a beating & I experienced suicidal thoughts for the first time. We moved back to Adelaide, got married and had our daughter. He discharged from the army & is a FIFO worker. In all that time I have been through so much and it has gotten to the point where I can't deal with it anymore. I need to heal and do it for me and our daughter. I honestly can't do it with him. The things I can't deal with anymore and just can't forgive him for are: • Not making an effort to understand my mental health. • He ignored my postnatal depression & didn't understand my birth trauma. (the worst dark hole I have ever been in) • Lack of empathy • Verbally forcing me to exercise by telling me to workout every day and be fit. Or He would ask if I had worked out that day. He mentioned many times that he would like to be a fit couple on the beach in a bikini. We would sit down at a restaurant and he would ask if I'm getting a salad. • He has said many times in the past that he prefers a woman with long blonde hair. I have gone light a few times but I'm naturally brunette. • He controls the household to much to the point I'm got allowed to use the heater if it's cold or have the air-conditioning when it's hot. Most of the time he's not even home. There is a lot more than that but they are the things that have hurt the most. I told him how I'm feeling now, how damaged I am & that I want to separate. He is in complete shock & doesn't want to. He is begging me to stay & that he can change. I understand his heartbroken but I need to move on. Has anyone else been in a similar situation where the decision to separate has been one sided? I would love some advice & support please

Sarah86 Feeling like I can’t do anything right
  • replies: 7

Hi, I’m new here. Looking for support. I found out 3 years ago that my husband was having an affair. We separated, he has moved on and I am raising our 2 girls. We don’t co parent very well. He is a typical narcissist and does what he wants when he w... View more

Hi, I’m new here. Looking for support. I found out 3 years ago that my husband was having an affair. We separated, he has moved on and I am raising our 2 girls. We don’t co parent very well. He is a typical narcissist and does what he wants when he wants with little regard for me and the kids. I do 99% of the actual parenting. He cannot commit to a regular routine of having the girls, and when he does it ends in disaster. He yells and gets angry, smacks and they ring me hysterical to come and get them. My 9 year old has decided she doesn’t want anything to do with him. I am still working hard to see if they can have some sort of relationship. I am a single mum, I work very hard so that I can provide for my kids. They both do dancing which costs a fortune. I go without everything so I can provide for them. I don’t buy myself anything or go out. My 9 year old has behaviour issues. She’s always been a challenge. I have her in seeing a psychologist at the moment which hopefully will help. She is always getting in trouble at school and after school care. It seems like every time I pick them up the educators have to talk to me about something. I feel like a total failure. I feel like people must look at my children and think they are from a terrible home. I am strict, I follow through with my punishments and I’m trying to teach them to be kind adults. I feel like I’m up against it though, I have no support. My family live a few hours away. Whilst they do their best to come and visit, it’s really taking a toll on me. I feel like I have been isolated from all my friends as my daughter can be a bit challenging to take out sometimes. I have lost hope of ever meeting anyone, as I don’t have any child free time. I’ve also neglected to look after myself as I just don’t have the energy or the time. My daughter needs to be supervised constantly or she will hurt her sister or do something impulsive. i feel like I am not living life to the fullest and that I’m failing in every area. I’m not giving 100% to my job as I’m worried about what trouble my daughter will get into at school. She’s had a suspension warning from school and after school care now and I’m not sure what I will do if she’s not allowed to attend these anymore. she’s hurting as her father has moved a new family into his place, and she’s feeling abandoned. I love them both more than anything but feel like I’m doing a crappy job and I’m fading into an introverted, unhappy person.

Trying_to_take_care_of_my Feeling lost and confused
  • replies: 1

My boyfriend and I have just celebrated our 6 years together with a trip away. The night we got back he was feeling suicidal (extreme depression and anxiety) and I wasn't sure why. Found out the following day that the day before our trip he went to a... View more

My boyfriend and I have just celebrated our 6 years together with a trip away. The night we got back he was feeling suicidal (extreme depression and anxiety) and I wasn't sure why. Found out the following day that the day before our trip he went to a massage place and got a 'happy ending' and feared to have caught an STI (this is why he was feeling suicidal). I was in shock at first and was more worried about his feelings of wanting to end his life. I have had more time to think about everything that has happened and am feeling very hurt, broken, lost, confused. I am not sure what to do in my relationship.

Guest_9043 Tired/hurt. Grief/loss surviving family members
  • replies: 1

Hi, I'm really tired, worn out and more than likely completely burnt out. I have been grieving, still am grieving the loss of my family. They are all still alive. Ambiguous grief is just as difficult to go through as grief and loss over a loved one's... View more

Hi, I'm really tired, worn out and more than likely completely burnt out. I have been grieving, still am grieving the loss of my family. They are all still alive. Ambiguous grief is just as difficult to go through as grief and loss over a loved one's passing is. There are differences, though grief is grief. I cut contact with the last one to go. My mum. I cut all contact with her on December 1st 2019. I did it via email and have never heard a word since. It's ever so easy to get trapped and stuck in the past the way you remember and feel it. The question of moving on is on my mind alot. I have been through the grief process many times so it's not a stranger to me. I had an abusive childhood with both parents. Even now I still feel bad using the word abuse. I'm in and out of denial because it hurts to know my parents abused me. I'm not at the acceptance stage of that yet. I did not need to cut contact with my sister. She barely spoke to me anyway. I cut all contact with my father when I was 30. Ten years ago. I still deal with a lot when it comes to him alone. I have no intention at this stage of getting in touch with my mother. I need to take care of me. I'm just wondering what others found useful in healing and moving on. I know therapy, I would prefer other stories than just therapy. The support would be welcome. Thanks.

Guest_9043 Unpacking after a relationship breakdown
  • replies: 4

Hi, Have not posted in a while. I had a massive argument that spanned over two days with my partner. Long story cut short, she asked that I leave and terminated our relationship. It was extremely traumatizing for me. This happened only two days ago n... View more

Hi, Have not posted in a while. I had a massive argument that spanned over two days with my partner. Long story cut short, she asked that I leave and terminated our relationship. It was extremely traumatizing for me. This happened only two days ago now. I packed all of my belongings ready to go and needed to find somewhere to stay quickly. She has asked me not to leave and wants to work things out with me. We are going to go to couples counselling and she is going to start her own individual therapy. My issue at the moment is I'm struggling to unpack my belongings. It was my home and our home. I'm struggling to feel the same and to also unpack with feeling like it's not home nor my home anymore. I can't live out of suitcases and bags. At some point I need to unpack. Any suggestions would be helpful right now. Maybe get her to unpack with me? Thanks in advance all.

Guest_9043 Does anyone know the psychological name for this.
  • replies: 7

Hi, I am trying to find out a name for these behaviours so I can do some research. My father would tell my mother lies about me to my mom that were absolutely a distortion of the truth. My mom would then use physical violence on me. One time I actual... View more

Hi, I am trying to find out a name for these behaviours so I can do some research. My father would tell my mother lies about me to my mom that were absolutely a distortion of the truth. My mom would then use physical violence on me. One time I actually avoided a beating when I told her wait, stop. She found out my father lied. I can't remember what happened after that but it was a regular thing he did with me. I don't know which parent to hate more and it still messes with my head today. I want to understand so I can heal my mind and not carry out behaviours I even understand. If anyone has a name or some information for me as a starting point to start my healing and recover that would be a great help to me.

MummaPetal Strategies for difficult inlaws
  • replies: 2

Hi, I have 2 very difficult inlaws and have had many counselling sessions over their behaviour. They both have strong narcissistic personalities. It has been better for my own mental health to keep some distance but there are some days throughout the... View more

Hi, I have 2 very difficult inlaws and have had many counselling sessions over their behaviour. They both have strong narcissistic personalities. It has been better for my own mental health to keep some distance but there are some days throughout the year where I need to see them. Sometimes when I see them, things can be pleasant but at the drop of a hat, a nasty comment can be made in my direction out of nowhere. I often don't say anything back for fear of making the situation worse. Both my husband and I have tried to make them aware of how their behaviour affects me/us but it is twisted around to be my problem. I am wondering if anyone can share any resilience strategies because I find it hard to let the nasty comments go. Thank you in advance. MP.

Guest_773 Devastated due to husband leaving me
  • replies: 2

My husband left me with no warning just over a week ago. I am an empty shell struggling every minute of the day. I have a disabled adult daughter and I’m am trying to keep it together in front of her but it’s exceedingly difficult. I have zero suppor... View more

My husband left me with no warning just over a week ago. I am an empty shell struggling every minute of the day. I have a disabled adult daughter and I’m am trying to keep it together in front of her but it’s exceedingly difficult. I have zero support. I just need someone to talk to

LosingFaith Long distance relationship - sending and reviving gifts.
  • replies: 16

Hi people, I’m interested in finding out how “others think” in this situation. If you were in a long distance relationship and your partner sent you a handmade gift for Valentine’s Day, you get the parcel delivered on the day but you weren’t availabl... View more

Hi people, I’m interested in finding out how “others think” in this situation. If you were in a long distance relationship and your partner sent you a handmade gift for Valentine’s Day, you get the parcel delivered on the day but you weren’t available to sign for it, Do you; A - Pick it up the next business day? B - Pick it up mid week? C - Pick it up a week later D - Don’t pick it up? And why did you choose your answer? Then... if it was the opposite way around, and it was you that sent your partner something, specifically handmade for them and they say they’re picking it up “this arvo” and don’t end up picking it up, how would it make you feel?

Mr K Urgent advice needed, Telling the children their Mother and I are Separating, I'm scared don't want to upset them unnecessarily Help!
  • replies: 6

It's taken me ages to come to terms with my relationship being brought to an end. I've done that but at this time am still living in the same house with my wife and the kids 9 & 4. Tonight we will be telling them we will be separating and that they w... View more

It's taken me ages to come to terms with my relationship being brought to an end. I've done that but at this time am still living in the same house with my wife and the kids 9 & 4. Tonight we will be telling them we will be separating and that they will spend half their time with each parent. I've decided I will be the one who moves out of what was our family home and I'd love there to be a way to communicate that without having to say "I'm leaving". Any advice would be really great thanks .