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Separated from my husband

Community Member


I had been in relationship with my high school sweetheart for 10 years before we got engaged and 13 years before we got married. I was ecstatic! I thought life was so perfect I was scared because people don’t get everything they want.
after 4 years of marriage (no kids) we hit a hard patch. We had been living together but not talking too much and fighting a lot. I thought this was just a hard year and everyone goes through it. On January 1 2019 we went to the movies and the Next day we went for lunch. I thought this is great we are finally starting to fix this. That night at 6pm my husband messaged me that he was having a baby with another woman in 5 days!!
I was in shock. I didn’t reply to him. I didn’t even really feeling anything. I called my mum and she came straight away and slept over. I locked the door from the inside in case he wanted to come home (which he did at 3am) but couldn’t get inside. He sent me an abusive message about locking him out. The next day I moved to my parents house with minimal clothing. A few days later I went back to the house to pick up some more clothes to find that my husband had taken everything from the house. Everything we owned together and jointly even my clothes and shoes.
my stress and anger blocked any feeling for a very long time. Occasionally I would feel upset but I was so stressed going through the courts I didn’t have time to feel sadness.
18 months on, the court case is over and I thought I would feel free and excited to start my new life but as soon as everything was finalized I felt empty, sad and like I’ll never find happiness.

3 Replies 3

Community Member

Hi there.

I just want to let you know that I am personally not a professional, however, reading your post made me cringe in how you have been poorly treated by them. Especially after all that has happened. You maybe feeling emotionally overwhelmed, angry and sad. But know that you are so very amazing and strong for having to deal with such a immature and neglectful person. You didn't deserve to be treated or punished for his inappropriate behaviour. That's purely on him, that's something that he needed to deal with and his behaviour is not a reflection of who you are. You are brilliant and by getting through the turmoil, you should understand who strong you really are. This is now your moment to shine, to make yourself the best version that you can be, to wake up every morning telling yourself that you are a great person and that you will naturally attract another beautiful person who you deserve.

Thank you for your kind words. I can’t wait for the days when I start to feel free and excited about life again

Community Member

You are not alone! Your sense of loss is all too common; especially after a long relationship.

The legal matters may be settled but the cuts are deep, and it will take time to heal. Separation and divorce is hard under the best of circumstances. When your other half behaves badly, you being to blame yourself; I know that I did at first. For some reason the victim is usually saddled with the emotional baggage of a divorce; just my amateur assessment of life in general.

Don't give up, you will find happiness again. You have a lot to give to the right person.