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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Guest_9532 Supporting my boyfriend
  • replies: 1

Hi, I have been in a relationship with a great guy for the last 8 or so months. Very shortly after we got together, I learned of the many challenges he has been facing in his life and his previous experience of depression. For some context, he is fac... View more

Hi, I have been in a relationship with a great guy for the last 8 or so months. Very shortly after we got together, I learned of the many challenges he has been facing in his life and his previous experience of depression. For some context, he is facing a lot of challenges personally - financially, balancing work and university, living independently with all family in another country, and a lot more. On and off for the last few months, we have had some tough times.. probably more than happy, carefree times. I have tried my best to be supportive, empathetic and patient with this.. and we have worked together on figuring out how I can best support him. I'm a very nurturing person, so I've done lots of little things to make his life easier, and always showing my love. While he is dealing with some of these issues (the biggest one is meant to have an 'end date' - it's a Visa situation). That will be resolved this week, but he realised he is still feeling anxious and overwhelmed. For the last two weeks, specifically, I am finding it very hard to hold on. While I am being as much of a supportive partner as possible, the relationship is really starting to suffer. He has little to no time for quality time together, he is usually distracted or tired when we're together. This often means he doesn't seem happy to see me, doesn’t check in with how I'm feeling/my day, and I have been feeling unappreciated and lonely. I feel am putting in so much effort and getting very little back.. but I need to feel valued and loved too. I have usually been the affectionate one, but this week, I have felt myself pulling away for fear of rejection. I feel really selfish, but I feel like we've sort of missed out on the fun, 'honeymoon' phase of the relationship.. and I don't have years of good memories to keep me going, as the relationship is still somewhat new. My main issue now is - what is the right path? am I entitled and is it reasonable to voice some of the things that are upsetting me, or should I continue to push my own issues to the side and continue to support him in any way he needs? when we've discussed this before, it has sort of been implied that we'll be able to really 'work on' the relationship once his personal challenges are resolved, and he knows (generally) that I have had to put all my expectations of him on the back burner. Any advice would be great... I'm feeling isolated and lost, but really selfish. Thank you.

Sarah_K Help with a Narcissist.     
  • replies: 4

Hello Everyone, I have been married to my husband's family for a decade. Brothers-in-law (BIL) is a complete narcissist and married my old flatmate who was very antisocial but she was ok with me then. I introduced her to BIL, they got together but he... View more

Hello Everyone, I have been married to my husband's family for a decade. Brothers-in-law (BIL) is a complete narcissist and married my old flatmate who was very antisocial but she was ok with me then. I introduced her to BIL, they got together but he was engaged at the time, I told her but they continued. They ended up married, he cheated on her several times, she knew but they remain together. She once told the family that she makes alot of money and that she is better than everyone else (and wonders why the majority dislike her)... She was very hot or cold with me for years until my husband's paycheck rose, then she was mostly cold towards me. So, BIL and I have disagreements intermittently ... but the last one, ended up with her cutting ties with me. I, at that point, decided I wasn't going to chase after her anymore because she does this to people all the time, and people either go crawling back to her or stop communicating with her, I chose to leave it be. We all have children now, and I want our kids to see theirs but she makes it hard. She kept her last pregnancy a secret from her husband's family and only wanted her family to know. She even got BIL to not say a word to anyone, and he didn't. We had no clue... during this time, we had tried inviting her to family outings and she was always sick, if we went over to theirs, she was always in her room and told her husband that she didn't want anyone over. We didn't ask BIL if they were trying for another baby because he had said mean things about her to everyone and that they were constantly fighting. We were only told about the new baby 2 wks after it was born. I felt angry and upset but not because of the secrets and betrayal of BIL, but because it was a MASSIVE slap-in-the-face to everyone who would have been supportive to her (she had severe postnatal depression last pregnancy) and this was one way to isolate her kids from their own blood. Why would she do that? One of the ex-SIL's (studying to be a counselor), said that she noticed her being "competitive" with me, even if I wasn't aware of it. She suggested that she may be a Narcissist or have a higher-functioning autism.. but I'm not sure. I need some help to understand this.. and what is it about me that she has this animosity for? Is it because I'm not chasing after the toxic friendship, is it jealousy, feeling threatened, just what?? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

JennyYanna My husband cheated on me for prostitute
  • replies: 2

2 days ago i found out my husband cheated on me, he often goes to brothel for 2 years, can say everyweek. I feel broken when found out this truth. We have been in relationship for 7years and have a 3yo daughter, we just married for 7months. We dont h... View more

2 days ago i found out my husband cheated on me, he often goes to brothel for 2 years, can say everyweek. I feel broken when found out this truth. We have been in relationship for 7years and have a 3yo daughter, we just married for 7months. We dont have any sex or intimacy since i was pregnant, so could say 4yrs. Also, my husband is a veteran, he has PTSD and broken for 5yrs. He is diagnosed with sexual disfunction (according to the Drs), that was a reason i thought he didnt wanna have sex bc of depression and anxiety medication he has been. He was inpatient in Hospital 2 times to address alcohol and gambling problem, plus PTSD....He used to tell me that he has no interest in sex bc of his mental health problem and medication he taken. That was the only reason i trust on him not cheating on me. 1 year ago, i also found out that he went to brothel for prostitutes but he said that he took his friends there, not him. And i beleive on him. I dont know what to do now, i feel so hurt and pain, i wanna leave as its too much pain for me. But thinking abt my daughter, i cant. I cant put on her what my husband has done to me as its not fair. She loves his dad very much, i cant think abt separate her with her dad, but i cant think abt stay to experience my pain everyday seeing him. I just feel stuck, no way to go. Why he cheated on me for prostitutes? Why he told me that he has been sexual disfunction but still going to brothel? So is this my fault? since i found out, i move into another room and live with my daughter, but still in the same house and i told him dont talk to me unless he wants to discuss abt separation and child custody. We havent talked abt what happened, i want to know why he cheated on me but i feel so painful to listen to. what should i do? Move on to a separation or give him a chance bc of my daughter? I know its up to me to decide but im just empty now to decide anything, i dont want my decision hurt my daughter, otherwise i will live a regret life bc of the affects on her. I should live the life for myself or for my daughter? Please give me advise, im totally broken.

Bgcg Removing all contact - best strategy?
  • replies: 3

Hi all, Long story short, 12-15 months ago my partner ended our relationship of 5.5 years after she had a loss in her family, it was unexpected and nothing to do with 'us' as such. Today I finally decided that it had been enough time of waking up and... View more

Hi all, Long story short, 12-15 months ago my partner ended our relationship of 5.5 years after she had a loss in her family, it was unexpected and nothing to do with 'us' as such. Today I finally decided that it had been enough time of waking up and thinking about it, so I have made the step to remove all contact from her. For those who have had similar experiences, it feels like we broke up yesterday all of a sudden again. Was this the same for you? any strategies for now taking that next step?. If it makes it easier, I found it shes in another relationship and has been for 6 months *face palm*, though I still cant get her out of my mind. Kind regards,

Shyone Confused and alone
  • replies: 16

Hi, First time posting. I don't know why I am doing this, posting here because my mind is all over the place and it isn't going to come out clearly. The last 3ish weeks my husband of 25yrs (been together 29) has been sleeping in our van in our back y... View more

Hi, First time posting. I don't know why I am doing this, posting here because my mind is all over the place and it isn't going to come out clearly. The last 3ish weeks my husband of 25yrs (been together 29) has been sleeping in our van in our back yard. When I ask what is going on and why, in messages he tells me he is done and that we have been drifting apart and isn't sure if he wants to try anymore because he is empty inside, tired, sore and wants to be alone to sort himself out but then tells me if he really wanted to leave he would have and not stay in our van. I just wish I knew the truth of what has happened as I don't s to lose him. I am having trouble giving him space because I just want to be with him and sort this out. I have taken leave from my job as i wasn't coping or able to concentrate. We have 2 children. He comes in everyday, has coffee and dinner with us. I just don't know how much longer I can do this, it hurts so much. I am not allowed to cry because he can't handle it. We have a mortgage together and neither one of us can financially afford to carry it on our own. I have been looking at rentals to move out alone (disappear) but then that will distroy any chance of fixing things if we can. I don't have anyone to talk too. I don't have family or friends just him and our kids. I feel so alone, confused, lost and any other emotion possible at the moment with nowhere to turn. If it wasn't for our kids I probably wouldn't be here now. Like all relationships we have had our ups and downs. I suffer depression and anxiety and I think he does too, just won't get diagnosed. I do have trust issues as well so my insecurities are hightened at the moment too. Thanks for letting me babble if you got to the end.

Am123 No sex in long term relationship
  • replies: 2

Hi, I'm writing because I'm in a long term relationship ( 3 years ) and we don't have much sex anymore. It has been at least 3 months since the last time. We are both 25 and live together. At the start of our relationship, we used to do it multiple t... View more

Hi, I'm writing because I'm in a long term relationship ( 3 years ) and we don't have much sex anymore. It has been at least 3 months since the last time. We are both 25 and live together. At the start of our relationship, we used to do it multiple times a week, then it slowly went down to what it is now. I have brought up the topic with him, asking if there was an issue, what was the reason he didn't want to have sex as often anymore but the conversation never ends well and he always gets annoyed. He has said that he doesn't need to have that much sex, and he is fine like this. But I am not even asking for that much sex, just to meet me half way. The last time we had this conversation he said: "if it's so important to you then if you want just leave". I just don't know how to talk to him about it, without him getting mad. He never seems to see my point. I do not know what to do. I know he loves me and all, but I do not feel wanted, I do not feel 'sexy' anymore around him, it just feels like he doesn't care anymore.

Busymum I feel so angry right now......I don't know where its coming from.....
  • replies: 7

The last few weeks have been very difficult. My 15 year old son decided without communication that he is pretty much moving to his Dads. He is gradually moving more and more things to his Dads. He has never lived with his Dad, I've been the sole pare... View more

The last few weeks have been very difficult. My 15 year old son decided without communication that he is pretty much moving to his Dads. He is gradually moving more and more things to his Dads. He has never lived with his Dad, I've been the sole parent this whole time. I've asked my son to tell me what's going on but his responses change with each person he talks to so I don't really know what is happening. I'm feeling depressed, anxious and angry which I've seen my psychologist about and I am trying to work on. I'm trying hard to do what all the websites say - don't take it personally, it turns out this is very hard to do. So this has been happening and then I had a text message from a friend who was supposed to show up at my house for my daughter's birthday with no explanation and very short messages - I asked if I had upset her somehow but didn't get a very real response. She is going through some tough times also so I understand but I guess I feel rejected there and feel like one of my children is rejected which I know is not the case - she had a great day - but I FEEL rejected. Then not one of my family members or close friends text me or rang for her birthday - this happens every birthday and it hasn't really effected me before - except a little annoyance. Well this time I feel like every other kid in our family gets a message/present/card or something, yet my daughter doesn't. Then my husband and I had a major argument over him talking about the situation with my son in front of my son and saying things he shouldn't have. He just blurts it out and it doesn't matter how many times I ask him not to he continues to do it. Its inappropriate and not fair on either of us. To top it off, I'm not sleeping and now have body aches and stomach cramps. I'm so angry, I just want to leave everyone and be on my own. I can rely on myself and I don't have to worry about anyone else, I don't have to worry about anyone rejecting me or my kids. I feel like I have not one person in this whole world who loves me or cares about me. No-one loves me unconditionally. I always go out of my way for people and I only feel good about myself when I'm doing this. I like doing it and I don't ever expect it in return nor do I ask for it. I genuinely don't feel like it needs to be "tit for tat". But when everyone you know only contacts you because they want something from you and not any other time - it just makes me feel completely rejected.

Diddle28 Overwhelmed and feeling alone
  • replies: 3

I have been feeling so overwhelmed and confused with what to do. My emotions are like a roller coaster. I have 2 kids (2 1/2 and a 5 month old). After having my last one my sex drive has basically gone away and my partner has a high sex drive, he is ... View more

I have been feeling so overwhelmed and confused with what to do. My emotions are like a roller coaster. I have 2 kids (2 1/2 and a 5 month old). After having my last one my sex drive has basically gone away and my partner has a high sex drive, he is always wanting something different every time. He knows I am a very low drive now and doesn't need to have sex every night and he is happy with I just please him sexually but its starting to not be enough for him. He said I never start anything, I only do something cause he asked. I have read that I should take my time, give myself time to heal mentally but I feel like I don't have time to heal or wait. He doesn't want to wait and I feel like he doesn't understand what I am going though even know he has depression too. Not from the same thing. He asked if he should get a side chick. I feel like I am alone right now. I have no friends and I don't have the best relationship with my parents. I don't know what to do. I feel like everything is getting to me right now. I'm sorry if this doesn't make much sense! Thanks for any help!

Lost_in_reality Wondering if “the grass is greener on the other side” of our marriage
  • replies: 6

We’ve been married 4 years and together for 11 with a young child. We’ve had our ups and downs along the way but everything changed after becoming a mum. I changed as a person but he didn’t and I‘m not sure we’re compatible. I’m confused on what to d... View more

We’ve been married 4 years and together for 11 with a young child. We’ve had our ups and downs along the way but everything changed after becoming a mum. I changed as a person but he didn’t and I‘m not sure we’re compatible. I’m confused on what to do. I’m constantly wondering if this is what marriage is like or could we both be happier apart. I’ve been thinking this for over a year now and my main concern is the effect on our child, my selfishness of not wanting to share our child’s time with people besides myself and whether I might be wrong in wanting to leave. The time I spend thinking about this has increased lately which is why I’m here. This is my first relationship really, I’d been on dates and that before I met my husband but no one ever felt right until I met him. This makes it hard for me as well, as I don’t have any history for comparison. I’m constantly questioning whether I should ask for a break and time to find myself and what I need from life? Is that asking to much from him? With what’s going on in the world at the moment timing also isn’t great. There’s a lot of underlying things we’ve been through that I’m not sure I can move passed either. We do have good days but the bad generally out way the good. I’m hoping this might find others who have been through a similar situation who might be able to offer their experiences or advice whether positive or not.

Speechless Best way to mentally deal with partner suffering psychosis?
  • replies: 4

Hi , my partner or best friend who has schizophrenia has recently gone into psychosis and I’m now starting to learn just how terrifying that experience is for him and how powerless I am to help him. before this happened he was unwell and i suspect wa... View more

Hi , my partner or best friend who has schizophrenia has recently gone into psychosis and I’m now starting to learn just how terrifying that experience is for him and how powerless I am to help him. before this happened he was unwell and i suspect was taking illicit drugs. He also had a lot of stress build up since last end of year and depression. Up until a week or more ago we were like always on the phone every night and messaging everyday. We’ve been doing that for nearly over 4 years. usually he liked to come over to my place every afternoon as a place to escape to and have company but once this pandemic happened and I live with my parents over 70 , it resorted to limited time hanging out for an hour or less every now and then at a park for a talk. I hadn’t heard from him within a week expect that he would ring up to go for a walk once and then later tell me he couldn’t with no explanation. Or he would hang up on me when I rang him. a bit about me, I have social phobia and anxiety and have a history or agoraphobia for a few years in my youth. I’ve basically been a hermit for most of my adult life but my best friend was sort of my life line out of the loneliness and helped me gain self identity. up until yesterday I didn’t realise what was going on. I thought he was being cruel to me during his illnesss and I didn’t educate myself on it. but then he rang me and sounded like a terrified young boy and told me he was terrified and his breathing was so laboured. When I asked what he was scared of , he told me He couldn’t explain it but that he wanted to die. He mentioned he felt like the whole town around him was swirling ready to get him or something. he is not in hospital, his mum is looking after him and his sister who recently went through the same thing but was recently hospitalised and returned home. I miss my best friend it hurts quite excruciatingly esp during this pandemic as I haven’t anyone else I talk to. except my parents. i am lucky I am seeing my psychologist today but I am desperate to know what should I be doing to help and how should I healthily be thinking and feeling in this time, I feel such agony for him and his family and just want to help but I can’t really and yet I can’t relax or stop thinking about it as it’s distressing. I am educating myself on psychosis but I scare myself into a spiral of loss. Esp during civil 19 and lack of social support.