Relationship and family issues

Loneliness... What choices are there?

replies: 140

Loneliness is one of the cruelest underestimated places to be in life. Most of us need people. This is all too common & wayyyy too many suffer this. What's out there to help people? Forums is a good place for many that are shy or depressed and not co... View more

Loneliness is one of the cruelest underestimated places to be in life. Most of us need people. This is all too common & wayyyy too many suffer this. What's out there to help people? Forums is a good place for many that are shy or depressed and not comfortable face on. Excercising outside, amongst people, eye contact often connects a smile with people. Lifting Here & assuming other places in Oz there's through community centres volunteers that visit, take shopping, talk, listen etc or phone calls weekly. (GP would know more) Public transporting, around people, even if not engaged in convo, still amongst it Interested hearing suggests This shouldn't be

Blended Families

replies: 1

Hi I am 8 months into a relationship with a man separated from his wife for 3 years (seems to have no real plans on divorce?) who has 2 children (13 &9). I myself am widowed, almost 3 years now, with 3 kids (well 2 adult teens and a 13 yr old). I am ... View more

Hi I am 8 months into a relationship with a man separated from his wife for 3 years (seems to have no real plans on divorce?) who has 2 children (13 &9). I myself am widowed, almost 3 years now, with 3 kids (well 2 adult teens and a 13 yr old). I am feeling a little lost in our relationship. He has 50% custody of his kids. On the "off"week from the kids he is extremely attentive, messages constantly, can't seem to do enough for me and of late, I feel "love bombed" to a degree; as a friend pointed out recently. But when the kids arrive its like I'm put on the back burner which makes me feel anxious and a little used. I understand he misses them and wishes to spend time with them; and I know I am not jealous of their time with their dad I think its important. I guess I don't understand how when I have my kids full time I can make the time but he doesn't or can't?? I organise to go places, invite them around to our home when he has the kids and for the most part his kids are happy to be with us and don't want to leave. This then leads me to another issue. His youngest is quite obnoxious and rules the roost, he "gets what he wants" - his words......he has some issues I feel, he is an extremely anxious child and has some pica issues which his parents have done nothing about. He has become quite obsessive of my kids, naming his toys after them, which is cute but then comments he'd like to eat their souls?? I feel a bit of a hypocrite in saying anything to my partner - glasshouses and all; my kids are far from perfect. But the disrespect he has to his dad; if he doesn't get what he wants he answers with "I won't trust you again" and displays of concerning behaviour from such a young child is eye opening to myself and my kids. His dad says nothing just shakes his head and eye rolls. So much so my kids would prefer his youngest not to be around saying he should be grateful he has a dad. I suppose I'm asking am I being unreasonable in feeling that I am in a one week on-off relationship; should I be concerned that he has no real interest in divorce as he has stated she cheated she should pay, and am I being too harsh on a child that perhaps is emotionally scared from his parents separating and having to be moved week to week from one home to another?? Are my expectations wrong??? Thank you in advance for reading

Parent of a non-binary child

replies: 5

Hi, My daughter has come out as non-binary and it would be good to get some feedback and support from other parents who can relate. While I support this change in my child's life going forward, it has also been a bit sad for me, while at the same tim... View more

Hi, My daughter has come out as non-binary and it would be good to get some feedback and support from other parents who can relate. While I support this change in my child's life going forward, it has also been a bit sad for me, while at the same time totally fine. I don't care about my child's decision, but there is a sense of leaving their old identity behind (age is 14) and a sense of dislocation on my part in terms of understanding the mechanics. My child's mother rejects our child's decision and refuses to even entertain the possibility. The hardest thing has been remembering the they/their and change of name, which can play havoc on my fifty year old brain and also because I'm obviously used to calling them by another name. Anyway, if there are any support groups or someone that is in the same boat, it would be good to share some experiences. Thanks!

Feeling alone

replies: 1

Hi, I am a working mum to 3 beautiful kids with a husband that works fifo. And I feel alone all the time, we have been doing this for 10 years now and I have had enough but my husband doesn’t want to give it up. I see we’re he’s coming from, that the... View more

Hi, I am a working mum to 3 beautiful kids with a husband that works fifo. And I feel alone all the time, we have been doing this for 10 years now and I have had enough but my husband doesn’t want to give it up. I see we’re he’s coming from, that the money is helping set our children up and that they get more time with me because I don’t have to work full time with his wage. But it’s come at a cost, I’m stressed about making all the decisions for the children and our finances because he finds it hard not being here all the time to keep up, but I feel alone and the all the stress of am I making the right decisions it’s all on me. And the other thing is we no longer have anything in common other then our children, there’s love there but we have become so distance. How do people find a balance and my Fifo work? We talk all the time but it just replace the the distance between us.

Husband left without warning and im pregnant

replies: 8

My husband out of the blue said he needed to leave to work on his mental health, it was hard to accept as im 17 weeks pregnant but i couldn't be mad he needed to sort himself. I should have left him alone but i needed answers. He then went and slept ... View more

My husband out of the blue said he needed to leave to work on his mental health, it was hard to accept as im 17 weeks pregnant but i couldn't be mad he needed to sort himself. I should have left him alone but i needed answers. He then went and slept with someone he deals with through work. I found out and he said he would've never told me. He said he regretted it realised how much he wanted to be with me and how much he cared for me but 2 days later apparently felt nothing for me. I dont understand any of it as we were happy. I knew he had his own problems but he always said it wasnt me it was him. He loved me and cared for me while we were trying for a baby so i cant see what changed. He doesn't want to speak to me he tells me nothing was going on with that other girl before but im struggling to believe that. Is it my fault he slept with her cause i was pushing for answers. Why did he message her the next day about it if he regretted it. So much going through my mind and im unsure if i want to continue with the pregnancy. I cant afford to live so im struggling with all this on top of everything. Im really confused and i dont know why but i want him back but hes not willing to put in any effort with me. One minute he does love me and the next he doesn't its messing with my mind like crazy.

I’m being harrassed by my sister on Facebook

replies: 5

Hello my name is Alison, I am going through depression and anxiety at the moment because I am being harrassed by my sister on Facebook. I recently had a falling out with her a few days ago due to personal issues and I blocked her. But then last night... View more

Hello my name is Alison, I am going through depression and anxiety at the moment because I am being harrassed by my sister on Facebook. I recently had a falling out with her a few days ago due to personal issues and I blocked her. But then last night she kept contacting me on Facebook trying to prove to me that our Auntie said bad stuff about me behind my back calling me dumb, manipulative and controlling by sending me screenshots of the conversations she had with our Auntie. My sister threatened to keep making Facebook after Facebook accounts until I read the evidence she provided and if I refused to read them she was going print them all out and post it to me then if I still refused to read them she was going to show up to my house and watch me read them all. I tried contacting the police but they told me that because she hasn’t done anything criminal their isn’t anything they can do and told me I could put in for an avo if I wanted to but because she didn’t do anything criminal it may not go through. I’ve also tried reporting her messages to Facebook but they haven’t said anything, I have also contacted 1800 RESPECT which I did they just told me to talk to my NDIS coordinator about getting mental health care plan put through ASAP and they recommended I report it on the esafety website and call the police which I did. She’s making up accusations about me that I lied to our family about everything and that they think I am trying to get her out of the picture and that I want the family all to myself because I didn’t have them all my life. I feel like my sister is trying to tear our family apart and I don’t know what to do about it. What’s messed up is that most of the things my sister is accusing our Auntie of saying about me behind my back she’s called me those things too so she’s no better than my Auntie if she really said those things. In the past my Auntie denied saying anything my sister accused her of about me but yet their seems to be screenshots of her saying these things to my sister during conversations they had.

Newly dating issues me/him

replies: 8

Hello, thank you for letting me join the forums: I’m after some advice and hope this will be the best place to get it, I’m newly dating the most beautiful guy, he’s wonderful, on our second date he disclosed that he has been diagnosed with depression... View more

Hello, thank you for letting me join the forums: I’m after some advice and hope this will be the best place to get it, I’m newly dating the most beautiful guy, he’s wonderful, on our second date he disclosed that he has been diagnosed with depression and anxiety and is on medication and still working through this, this did not change my opinion of him at all, in fact I was very supportive and happy that he had sought help and was willing to open up to me about this, we had a long talk about how we won’t judge eachother and we appreciate honesty etc. We get on really well and we both said it feels very natural when we are together. I have Anxiety around relationships due to past abusive experience and I had a bit of an anxiety attack a few weeks ago and he was absolutely amazing, I am really lucky to have met him. Anyway my question is, we had plans this weekend, he didn’t turn up on Saturday or let me know he wasn’t coming and I was freaking out something bad had happened to him, he’s never done this before, I just rang once and asked what time he was coming but when I didn’t hear I just left it, he messaged me on Monday saying he had a really bad weekend and he had shut down. I am trying to be so understanding and said I understand but if he could just let me know so that I don’t worry that would help, I said it in a lovely understanding way and told him I’m here if he needs me. I haven’t heard since, I’m giving him space but it’s really hard as when I am upset I want people around but when he is having a hard time he pushes people away, I just don’t want him to think I don’t care or am not thinking of him but I also don’t want to bombard him and I want him to have space if needed to deal with this, is there anything I can/should be doing, this isn’t helping me own anxiety either as I had an ex who lied about doing stuff which I’m sure this guy isn’t doing but it’s bringing back bad memories which I’m trying to suppress. I really appreciate any advice, thank you for helping x

Has anyone had some experience on child stealing big money from you?

replies: 10

Yeah, well, the title is pretty much the gist. I have a 15-year-old live with me, not my child, and I didn't adopt him. The reason he is here is that I live with his dad. We had a really good and stable relationship until this 'stepson' came into our... View more

Yeah, well, the title is pretty much the gist. I have a 15-year-old live with me, not my child, and I didn't adopt him. The reason he is here is that I live with his dad. We had a really good and stable relationship until this 'stepson' came into our life. I think it's partially because what we had were good enough for him to think it's even better if we can get his son a feeling of 'home'. As troubled and rebellious as he always was, we never expected him to steal. I'm not talking about small cash here, I'm talking about thousands of dollars. He bought himself an iPhone 12 Max 512G, pretty much the most expensive phone you can get on the market, together with some accessories with our money, costs more than $3,000. I wouldn't have that luxury myself. I called the school because I can't figure out where that money comes from, he claimed he 'borrowed' the phone from other kids, which is obviously a lie. He then admitted he walked into our bedroom and stole the money inside our bedside table, with the pressure of us and his teachers. And he also admitted it was not the first time he steals, mostly one ticket or two while we were out, shopping or something, without us knowing because we don't count our cash every day. And this time, I guess he just grew bolder. I can't help but want to call the police to get them involved with this. His dad can't let me do that because that will backfire at him. Okay, this is driving my crazy, I just can't have a thief living with me, but I love his dad and he loves me, I don't want us to get separated because of this. By the way, his dad is also really really pissed, but he didn't know what to do either. I know kids sometimes steal, but mostly just small changes, is this even borderline crime? He is 15 after all, can't he take at least a little bit of responsibility?

Forgotten Feelings

replies: 1

My girlfriend suffers from a mental condition called dissociation which creates alters in the brain to safeguard traumatic memories, and after her recent counseling session, her feelings of love towards me seem to have been forgotten. This has caused... View more

My girlfriend suffers from a mental condition called dissociation which creates alters in the brain to safeguard traumatic memories, and after her recent counseling session, her feelings of love towards me seem to have been forgotten. This has caused me immense pain in my heart and I don't know what to do. Will my girlfriend regain her feelings, or is there something I have to do? Can anyone help me? I'm in so much pain, but I love her so much

Advice on what to do

replies: 9

I'm in the process of breaking up with someone. He wants to leave because I have "trust issues", yet he is also leaving his job and the place we live in together! I admit, I'm not the most trusting person. I'm also not controlling or manipulative. Bu... View more

I'm in the process of breaking up with someone. He wants to leave because I have "trust issues", yet he is also leaving his job and the place we live in together! I admit, I'm not the most trusting person. I'm also not controlling or manipulative. But if I ask him a simple question like "who is that you're chatting to" he just goes off! Like swearing and yelling! Nobody knows about our relationship (been two years), and his facebook says "single", and none of his family or friends know about me. He stores me in his phone book with my initials, yet every other person has their full name. Sexually everything was fine, until fairly recently. His family are all overseas. At first it was him saying "I'm sick of my job, sick of the travel to get the job". Then he turned on me! The smallest forms of communication seem to result in him blaming him wanting to move out on me not trusting. And to be honest I do have trust issues, but with him, something doesn't add up. So as it is today, he's still yelling at times, other times we can talk, but anything about him leaving (which he's made it pretty clear he is), and it's war again! He just insults, says cold things, cuts me off, hangs up on me. Then later in the day he just talks normally again. He's applying for jobs in another town and is committed to the fact our relationship can't be fixed. I just feel I'm nothing but an object. He doesn't even appear to be uspet by this, despite having a close and loving relationship. My mind is running at 100% with all of these things. I'm crying at work every day in places where nobody can see. I just feel completely lost and very hurt. I acknowledge that I have things to fix, and this trust things is definitely a result from a traumatic upbringing where I learnt not to trust to survive. He (I'm a gay man), told me that he still loves me, but "love isn't enough". I tried to understand what this could possibly mean, but then he said "trust". It needed trust too. Now he will not give the relationship any further opportunity and any attempt to discuss... well arguments.

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Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about

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