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My partner sleeps all day except when working

Community Member

Hi everyone. I'm really starting to get hopeless and just don't know what steps to take. I am deeply in love with my partner and we have been in a committed relationship for over 2 years and we have been living together for 18 months.

Our biggest relationship problem (if not the only one) is that he sleeps all the time, especially on weekend. As I am writing this, it is 4:45pm and he is still asleep (so he has been in bed for over 18 hours) . This is ruining our relationship - basically because I just feel like I'm single most of the time. He also avoids outings and never organises anything.

He does have a history of depression (and PTSD) and has social anxiety. We have completely cut alcohol from our lives because it has given him suicidal thoughts in multiple occasion. He seems to be ok with the fact that he sleeps all day and not care about how I feel or even gets frustrated that I want him to do something other than sleeping. So from his perspective everything is fine. so how do I go about this? I have been thinking about going to see his doctor with or without him to discuss this and see what we can do. My partner is also against couple therapy because he thinks we are fine, so taking him somewhere seems somewhat challenging.

This situation is making me feel alone and hopeless and is really starting to weigh on my mental health. Should I step back and perhaps move out and live in a house that feels more alive?

2 Replies 2

Community Member

Hi elhobe92,

I just want to start off by saying that you are not alone. I am currently going through the same situation with my partner of 2 years. All he seems to care about it work, work, work, then when he gets home, he is too tired to spend time with me, and falls asleep at ridiculous hours of the day. I know exactly how you’re feeling. It makes you feel completely unwanted.

I can’t really give you any advice on whether to stay with your partner or not, as i’m non in your shoes, and I’m sure you love him a hell of a lot.

I just wanted you to know that there is someone out here who can relate , and I’m here to chat whenever you need.

-B x

Community Champion
Community Champion

Dear Elhobe92~

Welcome back to to the Forum. I think that time you were here was a couple of years again and you were very distressed and finding it had to cope with a partner who retreated to bed for most of his life and had PTSD, anxiety and depression.

I'm guessing, though I do not know, that you have reached the end of your tether today -if I've guessed wrong sing out, I'll apologize and start again and try to answer again more closely to your needs.

To try to love with a person who does this is immensely frustrating and worrying, and leaves you lonely and feeling the only active member of an unbalanced relationship. It also leaves all the work to you. Nobody is so superhuman they can do that forever.

I must admit that I am someone with the same problems (PTSD, Depression, Anxiety) but a fair while ago. My behavior was terrible, with anger distrust and wanting just to be alone. Due to terrible sleep patterns and staying awake I too would sleep late, however I'm not sure my problems were the same as your partner's.

I'd suggest your first priority has to be you, no matter what. If you have not already done so a checkup with your GP, and long consultation and say what you have been facing and how you feel. I do not know if you are still with this person, but either way it will have left an ongoing mark with you and may need medical support.

My wife had her mum to support her and care - also take over some of the household chores - do you have anyone at all?

If you are still with him I'd suggest first off that he has a complete physical checkup to ensure there is no physical reason for this. Unless something obvious is found then I guess he needs to have his medical team advised of his behavior. You can give input as much as you like, you simply cannot ask questions. What you say may make a significant difference.

Maybe he has found a lifestyle that minimizes or avoids some of his symptoms and he has become comfortable with this. -I don't know, I'm guessing. If so he may not want to change, however it is all being put on your shoulders and that cannot continue -at all.

May I suggest he sees his doctor and his team, and radically changes his treatment, if not you leave until he changes his mind?

Look, all of this post is guesswork, I merely know you are in distress.

Please come back and set me straight on what you need.

My apologies for such a general reply, you are not alone, and we do care about you