Friendship troubles

[NJS_1]

Hi,
I have two friends who I've been contemplating of removing from my life. Both of them don't support me in some things that I do. One doesn't make any effort of catching up or talking to me at all and when I do try to organise a time she usually says she'll tell me when it's closer to the day. I've thought of organising a day to catch up and when she does say "Can we wait till it gets closer to the day?", then say "Do you still want to be friends? If not, just say so".
While the other, I feel a bit nervous when I see her because I'm worried she'll ask about a certain something (which I don't feel comfortable saying) because I'll be expecting her to look down at me. She has said negative things about it and this thing is something I love, and I don't want unsupportive people in my life anymore and I feel like I can't be myself around her. But I can't leave her because I'm her only friend and she's been going through a tough time with family. I'm worried I'm being dramatic or wrong and that I should just stay friends with them. I would love to make new friends who are supportive and make an effort, but I have trouble making friends and I'm not sure where to find new friends. Am I being ridiculous and is it all in my head?

[Libs]

Hi NJS-1,

I understand where you are coming from. It’s upsetting when the people you trust aren’t supportive.

I agree that one option is to cut them from your life but it might make you feel more isolated.

Another option is to discuss your concerns either face-to-face or in writing. Sometimes writing the letter about the things you want to say without sending it can be helpful.

Another consideration is that they have their own stuff going on and they might just not be thinking about you rather than being purposely inconsiderate.

Sometimes reflecting on what you have in common helps, and doing those activities you have in common. It resets the friendship and reminds them too of your common interests.

Do you have any interests you would like to do? Art classes, Language lessons or sport can be a good way of meeting new people. Art is a great way of expressing how you feel. And it’s not always the end product that’s helpful but what it means to you.

[missep123]

Hi NJS_1,

I think that for a lot of us we can relate to what you are going through. I have had to distance myself from friends and reflect and re-evaluate.

I think Libs's idea of discussing the situation face-to-face or in writing is a great one. Sometimes it can be easier to express how we are really feeling in a letter.

Talking to your friends about how you are feeling can sometimes actually open up communication more and bring you closer, sometimes it doesn't and that's okay too at least you tried and know what the outcome was. When it came to friends who disagreed with things that I liked doing, I used to want to avoid them as well. I then realised though that I can stand up for my passions and the friends who disagreed with me either didn't try to challenge me in the future or liked that I was able to stand up for myself.

Please keep us updated on how you go!