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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Kitty2 Happy Motherless Childless Mother’s Day
  • replies: 7

Does anyone else have to celebrate Mother’s Day on their own not just because of the pandemic? My mother is an abusive narcissist who lost custody of me and then, years later, my younger half-siblings. When I was very young, my mother would be absent... View more

Does anyone else have to celebrate Mother’s Day on their own not just because of the pandemic? My mother is an abusive narcissist who lost custody of me and then, years later, my younger half-siblings. When I was very young, my mother would be absent for many months on her drug binges but would show up unannounced every Mother’s Day. In the past few years, she developed a habit of interfering with the relationships between us siblings. For example, a week before Mother’s Day last year, my sister and I planned to catch up. She is pliable and a people pleaser, so easy for our mother to control. My mother would demand that my sister reveal any plans that we had together so she invited herself along to our catch-up although she knew I didn’t want her there. She demanded to know when I’m going to have children and when I said that I didn’t have any plans, she sulked. She had been inviting herself along whenever my sister & brother had plans together too, even though he did his best to avoid her since he was traumatised by her abuse. When the country was preparing to go into lockdown my brother died by suicide. I haven’t been in contact with my mother at all since then and I’m still in shock, but I have no doubt that she will be acting as if his passing is all about her. Since I’m in my thirties now, people often ask me intrusive questions about my (non-existent) plans to have children. Although I love children, I don’t feel the need to conform to society’s outdated expectations of women reproducing no matter their circumstances. Also, the pandemic has affected my work/income so now I’m too busy trying to stay afloat to worry about financially supporting children as well. I’m extremely tired of dealing with some people’s judgemental, condescending attitudes towards my relationship (or lack of) with my mother and also my child-free lifestyle. The marketing for Mother’s Day this year seems way more aggressive since our economy’s in such a dire state now. I’m wondering if other people on these forums have had similar issues with Mother’s Day?

Honestly_Me Separated after a long time
  • replies: 6

Hi, I have just separated from my husband after 19 years of marriage. I didn't see it coming and was in love with him. He wasn't interested in going to see anyone to try and fix it or work on our marriage. I realise now we have very different core va... View more

Hi, I have just separated from my husband after 19 years of marriage. I didn't see it coming and was in love with him. He wasn't interested in going to see anyone to try and fix it or work on our marriage. I realise now we have very different core values. However how do you get over a broken heart? How and when do you move on?

31thorn I feel trapped and drowning
  • replies: 3

-Myself, 47 yrs old, asian woman, was living with long term partner n his mother for 10yrs. -My partner, 56yrs old, white man, bought a house with his mother n always been living with her - My partner's mum, Sue, 80 yrs old, home owner but very negat... View more

-Myself, 47 yrs old, asian woman, was living with long term partner n his mother for 10yrs. -My partner, 56yrs old, white man, bought a house with his mother n always been living with her - My partner's mum, Sue, 80 yrs old, home owner but very negative, not many friends -Bird, Peter Pan, 2yrs old Sunny, very needy, loud n clingy. -My sister, FIFY worker, bought a house with her. Left home since meeting my partner. My partner co-own the house with his mother and i live there for free. Was away in Melbourne earlier March, got back b4 the outbreak of COVID-19 I got sick when came back n was asked to move back to my place as Sue was freaking out. It's been 8 weeks since i moved back to my house. I still drop the bird off at my partner's place to n from work but not allowed to go inside the house. Bird was given to me by my partner. Sue never like what i do n would tell it to my face when we're alone She goes to Grocery shop, bunnings n got her hair cut And yet no one wants to talk about me moving back with my partner My bird was screaming so much, i wanted to stop it n i dont want to be near it anymore Its Mothers day today n i dont want to wish Sue a happy mothers day I knew she wanted her house n her son back so she is very happy that i 'm not there I feel, angry, withdrawn n hatred. My partner never asked me how i feel. We don't talk about many things. I don't know who to talk to or what i should do. I meant to drop in to see my partner today but i don't want to see Sue I hate everything n everyone at the moment I thought i can cope but recently i'm not coping Not performing at work either, just hated everything n everyone around me I don't know what to do anymore. I feel trapped n drowning on my own Thank you for reading Some asian woman

QuietLily Issues with Mother on Mother's Day
  • replies: 1

My entire life, my Mum has never been a fan of birthdays, christmases, easter, any kind of family holiday thing. I missed out on what I felt like is a lot of family bonding time because both my parents were so negative around all of them. And I used ... View more

My entire life, my Mum has never been a fan of birthdays, christmases, easter, any kind of family holiday thing. I missed out on what I felt like is a lot of family bonding time because both my parents were so negative around all of them. And I used to hate it but now I just accept I can never get involved in Christmases etc like I want to. So, really, I dread my birthday and Christmas the exact same way they did when I was growing up. But now for some reason, for the first time in ever, my Mum got upset with me because I didn't do anything for mother's day for her. Am I a bad guy for not doing anything? Even though any year previously I've asked what she wants she never wants anything, or always blows anything off?

Squirrell Mother’s Day BLUES
  • replies: 6

My ex husband became physically abusive to me after we had our son . I left him when my son was 12months old and raised him on my own. His father had two relationships after me both ended with AVO’s . He only saw his son when it suited him and didn’t... View more

My ex husband became physically abusive to me after we had our son . I left him when my son was 12months old and raised him on my own. His father had two relationships after me both ended with AVO’s . He only saw his son when it suited him and didn’t pay child support .My son was diagnosed with special needs at 3years old ADHD and severe ODD.With the help of an amazing psychiatrist and a lot of hard work he grew into a confident adult . I found great schools for him to get special needs education this helped him get his mechanic job. When he was 21years his girlfriend fell pregnant just before he was going overseas away with his mates .He was upset and asked me for my advise so I shared my observations and expressed my concerns .She mentioned a few times she wanted to be a young mum and have four kids close together. She left home when she was 16years old and has chosen not to have a relationship with her parents or siblings . She didn’t have a lot of friends , was very clingy and was isolating him from his friends. My sons girlfriend knew I was concerned about my sons future and she aligned herself with my ex husband who was thrilled being a grandfather.My son listened to his father and chose to continue the relationship and pregnancy . Since then my son has not talked to me but has chosen to become close to his father . When this happened I saw my sons psychiatrist and she said males brains do not mature until they are 25years ,are influenced by sex, she felt he was in a toxic relationship and I did the right thing pointing out red flags. She said as a parent you want your children to be safe ,make responsible decisions and be in a healthy relationship. I didn’t want him to be in his late 20’s with four children and feel trapped .This has caused me a lot of anxiety and i felt like a failure as a mum. I have agreed to go on anti depressants which helps. Unfortunately on special days like birthdays,Christmas and Mother’s Day I feel depressed .My son is now 23years and has two children which I have never met and don’t believe I ever will. I use to have a close relationship with my son and now I have been cut out of his life so mother’s day is A sad day for me and not looking forward to it ! I am lucky to have a wonderful husband who is very supportive and caring .I have stopped sharing my feelings with him because he feels hopeless not being able to change the way I feel so I pretend I am OK but I am not !

lovinghusband_father I want my family back
  • replies: 7

Hi, I loved my wife for 3 years before getting married and she loved me deeply, we got married overseas and moved to Australia to start a new life here. It was very hard, me working 7 days in a very stressful environment & her working casual + Uni. W... View more

Hi, I loved my wife for 3 years before getting married and she loved me deeply, we got married overseas and moved to Australia to start a new life here. It was very hard, me working 7 days in a very stressful environment & her working casual + Uni. We managed to move forward and have two little daughters along the way, but all this time as my anxiety & stress issues increased, her distance and falling out of love increased as well. Till we reached a point after around 5 years where she left me with the kids around 2 months ago, and she’s asking for separation that leads to divorce later. She gave me signs and hints along the road but I didn’t take them into consideration as she can be sometimes “not assertive” of what she wants (but that’s no excuse to me being the way I was). The moment she left was a big shock to me and I started attending therapy (she always asked me to do that but I postponed), and I came to realise my mistakes of falling for my anxiety. We had no sex since she got pregnant which is around 1.5 years ago. Now I am trying to fix things but it doesn’t seem to work although she is very nice to me and we are very friendly together, but rather she is saying that she doesn’t feel anything inside and we’re done. I love her so much and love my two daughters more than anything and I want to keep the family together, and I intend to be the man that she fell in love for but she won’t give us the chance doing that together. I even suggested couple’s therapy but she says she has to deal with herself first. I know separating will take its toll on all of us and she says that she knows that. I really don’t know how to make things work. P.S we are living together now cz she had a back injury and I had to tend to her and the kids + the whole COVID-19 thing. But we have no intimacy and wouldn’t let me get near her, we are very good friends though. Anyone who faced this before or any ideas on how to make it work?

Josiah_P Failed relationship
  • replies: 3

So i don't know how to start this as there is a lot more to type than I can. A year and eight months ago I moved interstate and gave up my old life to move in with someone who I had hoped would be a future for me. Within 2 months of us being together... View more

So i don't know how to start this as there is a lot more to type than I can. A year and eight months ago I moved interstate and gave up my old life to move in with someone who I had hoped would be a future for me. Within 2 months of us being together she lost feelings for me but she never told me and let me believe that she still cared for me. On valentines day she broke up with me and I was heart broken. As I was so lost in my own feelings for her I didn't see the red flags that were showing the whole time after those 2 months. The thing that hurts the most isn't that she broke up with me it is that she was using me for that whole time after those 2 months. I live with her and her mother plus her best friend as of recently still as my circumstances are complicated. Although I am moving out soon I am constantly treated like dirt even though all I have ever done is love and care about her. I guess i am just asking for some advice on how to stay on top of the blues during this time. Thank you

Breezy104 Feeling defeated
  • replies: 3

Hi I’m new here I separated from my partner a year ago and in that time I’ve tried to meet her expectations but unfortunately about a month ago she started seeing someone else and I really wanted her back. So I tried and tried and about a week or two... View more

Hi I’m new here I separated from my partner a year ago and in that time I’ve tried to meet her expectations but unfortunately about a month ago she started seeing someone else and I really wanted her back. So I tried and tried and about a week or two ago she left him to try and start over with me but we had a bid argument lastnight and I don’t know what to do I love her so much and want to fix everything please help me

medea Losing my mind after breakup
  • replies: 8

Hi, it's my first post here. I may change some details to my story just in case... A few months ago, my boyfriend of one year broke up with me for one reason: I want kids and he doesn't. Now I know that for most people, it's a dealbreaker so technica... View more

Hi, it's my first post here. I may change some details to my story just in case... A few months ago, my boyfriend of one year broke up with me for one reason: I want kids and he doesn't. Now I know that for most people, it's a dealbreaker so technically he made the right decision but I just can't get over him and move on. Things were going truly great during our relationship and he was my first boyfriend (I was his first girlfriend as well). Being in our late twenties, I genuinely started seeing a future with him even though things were not perfect (nothing is). He is a great, caring, patient, loyal, supportive, smart guy, not to mention incredibly handsome in my eyes (my friends revealed after our breakup that theyd found him average but I for my part, would look at him and wonder how little me managed to land a guy like him). I've always had anxiety issues and history of depression and he knew how easily I could freak out over small things but he still loved me as I was. I managed to feel a bit better during our relationship and I would do my best to treat him like a king while he was treating me with the utmost love. It just kills me that he left me, even though he considers that it was the right decision for both of us. I just can't get over the fact that he may change his mind about kids as he truly never seemed adamant about not having any, just "not interested". The fact that he ended a good relationship because of that single issue, while still having feelings for me should be a massive indicator that he clearly doesn't want them but he's still young, none of his friends want kids either (since we tend to be influenced by our friends' opinions and values, could it be that he's just following their lead?) and he's never really been exposed to kids. I feel like it's more a "not now" than a "never" and I resigned myself to wait for him to change his mind both about us and kids. Right now, I mostly feel like I can't be without him. I'm going crazy, terrified that he may move on and find another girl and potentially decide to have kids with her. We've been in no contact for a few weeks but I keep checking social media status and wondering if he's chatting with another girl. I also can't help thinking he will come back to me eventually...

GordonOZ Advice: How to go through with it...
  • replies: 3

hi Folks, I have been married for almost 8 years and we have two young children ( 4 and 6). For years we have had significant issues with our relationship but just can't get along with each other. There is no physical abuse nor have we been unfaithfu... View more

hi Folks, I have been married for almost 8 years and we have two young children ( 4 and 6). For years we have had significant issues with our relationship but just can't get along with each other. There is no physical abuse nor have we been unfaithful to each other. We are not compatible and I am worried about the impact on our children that an unhappy relationship will have on their future. We fight a lot in front of them (even though we try not to) and are not loving and kind towards each other. We have been in marriage counseling twice over the past 5 years and the message seems to go in one ear and out the other. Anyways I know we need to move as it will be the best thing for us and our children. We have had the conversation in the past to separate but we never end up going through with it. A few hours later we agree to try and reconcile AGAIN as we are too scared / fearful to actually go through with separation. My wife is very volatile and looses her temper quite easily. When the conversation starts to get out of hand and heats up I shut off and try to diffuse the situation versus trying to navigate our way forward. Looking for some advice based upon previous experience on how to move forward. thanks