Relationship and family issues

Anything to do with managing relationships and family, including parenting, separation, loneliness, divorce, family and friendships.

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

All discussions

Unknown19 Can someone help me??
  • replies: 6

I feel as though my long term partner of 4 years has been misdiagnosed with BPD. I’m really confused, everything that BPD is described as just doesn’t fit him....he broke things off with me suddenly/out of no where nearly 3 weeks ago (during the brea... View more

I feel as though my long term partner of 4 years has been misdiagnosed with BPD. I’m really confused, everything that BPD is described as just doesn’t fit him....he broke things off with me suddenly/out of no where nearly 3 weeks ago (during the break up he admitted that 2 months ago he was diagnosed with BPD, bipolar and anxiety). I just don’t think it’s right. Has anyone had this experience??

TishaJade I made a big mistake with my boyfriend
  • replies: 6

So I’ve been struggling with relationship paranoia and anxiety and depression for a little over 6 months or so. My partner has been wonderful with supporting me and making me feel better. Unfortunately we’ve had many arguments because of how emotiona... View more

So I’ve been struggling with relationship paranoia and anxiety and depression for a little over 6 months or so. My partner has been wonderful with supporting me and making me feel better. Unfortunately we’ve had many arguments because of how emotional and sensitive and paranoid I am, many resulting in near-breakups. the last couple months I have felt a lot better in myself and our relationship seems to be going well. I know he loves me and I feel better and more relaxed. Im here because early January we went on a night out and we were drinking. We were having so much fun. I left to go to the bathroom and when I came back he had his pants down to “eagle rock” which I learned later is a football tradition. He has a goofy personality and this is the type of stuff he does... I saw red. I was furious. A lot of it is because of my anxiety. I didn’t understand why, and so it scared me. I was angry I told him he was an idiot and immature. We we’re staying in the hotel at the club. He walked off and left me in anger and I followed him back to the room. He was on the couch. In a chain of events it got heated again, he said “why was it so immature and bad?” I had a rush of rage, got up and said “think about it! You were the only one who pulled their pants down nobody else did because they’re not immature and stupid!” I hurt him. I didn’t think anything of it, I just got back in bed. my boyfriend was in shock. He couldn’t believe I did it. He said “when we get back home we’re ending it. I realised what I had done... I didn’t mean to do it, I was drunk and angry. I cried and begged for hours but he was adamant that he didn’t want to be with me anymore. He told me to get off him and leave him alone there’s nothing to talk about and that I should learn by this. I was devastated... I exhausted myself from crying and begging. eventually he told me he loved me and that he didn’t want to break up. He just wanted me to change my behaviour. But sometimes he still brings it up when we argue. I feel terrible and like he can’t fully forgive me. I am afraid he will still leave me because of it even though I’ve sincerely apologised and promised I would never act out of anger like that again. I do believe I am a good person... I just made a big mistake...

Rufusb Pressures of parenthood
  • replies: 1

Hi all, Not sure how all the other Dad's and parents are feeling right now but I am increasingly having thoughts of 'failing', letting my kids and wife down, and just feeling generally overwhelmed and anxious. I am so blessed to be part of a loving f... View more

Hi all, Not sure how all the other Dad's and parents are feeling right now but I am increasingly having thoughts of 'failing', letting my kids and wife down, and just feeling generally overwhelmed and anxious. I am so blessed to be part of a loving family but I catastrophise about loss and letting my family down. I know I'm far from alone. As they say, a problem shared is a problem halved. Not sure if anyone else wants to share or give this some space. One thing that is worrying me is work life balance and being a 'present' father

Wilbur1954 You can't fight the Universe
  • replies: 13

I'm a really young thinking 65 male. Im outgoing, considerate, loyal, trustworthy, supportive.... the list goes on. People seem to like me at first but no-one really wants to have a friendship. This has happened all my life and while having acquainta... View more

I'm a really young thinking 65 male. Im outgoing, considerate, loyal, trustworthy, supportive.... the list goes on. People seem to like me at first but no-one really wants to have a friendship. This has happened all my life and while having acquaintances is ok there aren't those special someones apart from my wife that i can share things with. But I had an epithany a few years ago that life is governed by a higher power. I call it the Universe but others might refer to it as God, Fate or Luck. The one sure thing in life is that you can't fight the Universe, so I'm destined never have true friends apart from my wife. But while the Universe lets me have my wife as a friend, It has ensured that I can't have a truly fulfilled marriage by making her have a low libido. See, you can't beat the Universe! I wondered how many other people out there feel as I do about the Universe. If you're out there my counsel is to just accept it. You'll surprisingly feel much better. Your expectations drop to zero. When you have no expectations then Life is so much better and easier to accept. From reading a few posts on this site, i reckon my theory solves most of the problems cited.

mocha delight Misunderstood
  • replies: 2

So my mum who is one of the two family members I tried to talk to but completely ignored me obviously does not understand what I’m going through as not long ago she was saying and has said multiple times that I’m (as in me not her) not sleeping at ni... View more

So my mum who is one of the two family members I tried to talk to but completely ignored me obviously does not understand what I’m going through as not long ago she was saying and has said multiple times that I’m (as in me not her) not sleeping at night because I’m spending most days sleeping most of the day. I just wish I had someone in person who understood what I’m going through or tried to and be a support person but I feel like no one except on here gets me. On top of that my gp was supposed to call me again for a phone appointment but never did so I think something urgent may of came up but m not 100% sure but then why didn’t one of the receptionists from the practice not call when they normally do if something came up or if she was running behind with her appointments? I’m hoping I hear something this week coming up as my gp has had a weekly phone appointment with me since I started the antidepressants just to check in to see how I’m going which is great although I’m feeling a bit anxious still as no phone call today. But I’m not worried as from tomorrow including it’s antidepressant tablet I still got 11 tablets left although no repeat as I’m only was trialing it and still am but I’ll definitely have another phone appointment with her before I run out.

Dlsth0708 Is using porn cheating?
  • replies: 3

I would like others feelings on the matter. If you found out that your partner is secretly masturbating to porn while you are sleeping in another room do you consider it cheating. I do, my partner obviously doesn't and says that all men watch porn. I... View more

I would like others feelings on the matter. If you found out that your partner is secretly masturbating to porn while you are sleeping in another room do you consider it cheating. I do, my partner obviously doesn't and says that all men watch porn. If we had a healthy sex life I probably wouldn't care but he shows no interest in me except for pity sex maybe once every 6 weeks or so. I'm no supermodel but I consider myself to be a reasonably decent looking thirty-something woman. How would others handle this situation?

Speaking_truth Another relapse
  • replies: 1

My partner has adhd psychosis but it has been years since his last episode so he stopped taking his medication which has led to him having a relapse 5 weeks out from us having our first child while he was in another state for work which has resulting... View more

My partner has adhd psychosis but it has been years since his last episode so he stopped taking his medication which has led to him having a relapse 5 weeks out from us having our first child while he was in another state for work which has resulting in him being hospitalised in that state and finding it hard to get him closer to home. sometimes these episodes can take weeks to months to recover from which makes things harder for me being so close to giving birth when I spoke to him he couldn’t even remember who I was I’m just finding it really hard to stay focused and hoping that he comes out of the delusion soon but seems unlikely. I’m trying to be patient and I know he just isn’t in his right mind at the moment but it doesn’t make it any easier.

StrongWoman I do all the work in the relationship. Is he using me or are we just too different?
  • replies: 6

We have been together for 5 years. We love each other but we are both not happy anymore. We moved in together after 2 years. He was constantly at my place anyways, so I thought it's just fair if he moves in officially and starts doing his fair share ... View more

We have been together for 5 years. We love each other but we are both not happy anymore. We moved in together after 2 years. He was constantly at my place anyways, so I thought it's just fair if he moves in officially and starts doing his fair share of housework and paying bills. It was nice at first. I started realising that I do most of the chores myself. If I didn't put the bins out on bin day, no one would. I started to feel resentful and to not enjoy being intimate any longer. I told him that I don't want to be the one doing all the work and it got a bit better afterwards for a while. Still, there were so many things that were left up to me. I was working 40-55 hours a week. He only did 40. Last year we went on a big holiday. I did all of the planning and organising (working out the route, booking hotels & transport, day trips). While I enjoy planning holidays, it felt strange to do it pretty much by myself. When I mentioned to him that I do all the planning, he asked: "But what do you want me to do?" I have been looking at buying a house and doing a lot of research in the last 3 years. I have also been working very hard to be able to save. At first I was believing that we would get a house together, but due to him not showing much interest in the topic and his inability to save money, I eventually bought the house by myself. The deal was that it is my house but our home and that he will only pay very low rent, in return for helping me with renovations. Eventually I got frustrated because again he was not showing much interest in anything. It was meant to be our home, not just mine! I get enthusiastic when I have a great renovation idea or find a great bargain but when I run it by him, he only points out the downsides. When I told him that I finally bought the flooring materials, his first reaction was : "Oh no, you should have bought 10% extra for offcuts, not just 8%." Small things add up. On the bottom line, I put a lot of time and effort into things (holidays, home, tidying up) but he hardly contributes anything. I ran out of energy. Are our personalities just not compatible, me being someone that is constantly trying to improve myself, the house, my fitness VS him being more passive? He doesn't have any plans for his future either. He is a good person, but he is not coming from a very 'sophisticated' background. Am I asking too much, is this just the way he is? Are all men like this? Or is he using me and I am just being a complete fool?

Ghr29 Signs of depression?
  • replies: 5

Hi everyone! My partner of 9 years has recently come to me and said he is no longer happy in our relationship. This come as a total shock to myself as we never fight/ argue (sometimes bicker) and things have always been good or so I thought. We have ... View more

Hi everyone! My partner of 9 years has recently come to me and said he is no longer happy in our relationship. This come as a total shock to myself as we never fight/ argue (sometimes bicker) and things have always been good or so I thought. We have a 3 year old son also. He is saying he loves me and will always love me and care for me etc but just isn't happy anymore? He has undiagnosed sleep apnea which he refuses to do anything about so is forever tired. I feel like this has contributed to how he is feeling but I'm wondering if he could also be depressed? He has lost interest in things he enjoyed doing, everyone around him frustrates him including close friends.. He is going through a stressful situation at work (prior to the covid 19 pandemic) and am wondering if maybe everything has become to much for him and I am taking the brunt of it? I have suspected that he may have depression for the past few years. Starting with a job that was extremely stressful. Once he resigned from this position he was a different person. Then he slowly slipped back to his old self when our car blew up. He drove a cheap car for a few months and then we got him a new car as he said this was making him down. Once we got the new car things were good again for a little while. Now he is saying that everything he thought was the reason behind his depressed feelings wasn't and that it must be our relationship. Could he have depression? Or does it sound like maybe our relationship has taken a toll on his mental health? Sorry I know there are so many parts to my question!! Thanks!

Blue_Adriatic Overwhelmed
  • replies: 5

Hi everyone I’m feeling so sad and overwhelmed and so alone. I’m a single mum and my job was made redundant recently. I finish in May so, I have some time left, but the jobs I had on the boil have all been cancelled due to CV-19. I’m currently workin... View more

Hi everyone I’m feeling so sad and overwhelmed and so alone. I’m a single mum and my job was made redundant recently. I finish in May so, I have some time left, but the jobs I had on the boil have all been cancelled due to CV-19. I’m currently working from home and managing my kids plus putting heaps of work into trying to find a job. I’m not spending any time with my kids and other mums are baking, playing etc.. I feel like a failure. I don’t have my parents anymore and my ex has not wanted to see the kids for two weeks. He’s scared of getting CV-19. They aren’t sick. Perfectly healthy. I’m so worried about not getting a job and am so sad and feel alone in all this. The weight of being fully responsible for absolutely every single thing is too much. None of my friends understand as many don’t work, have husbands, parents helping. I feel myself becoming jealous and that is a terrible way to be. I’m also feeling like I’ll never have a partner to love or who will love me again. Just so alone and miserable and can’t pull myself out of this place. I have seen a psych for a number of years, on and off, but can’t afford it right now. Also have been on anti depressants before. Maybe I need them again?? Sorry to go on about it all. Thanks for reading xo.