What does this mean , wth is wrong with me, is anyone else like this ? l need so much space.

[Guest_1584]

Hi bb .

Really hoping for some insight and feedback here because l can't afford to see someone.

My partner is down again from her city , been down a few wks now and can stay indefinitely right now as she's had legal business up home but it looks like that could be done for at least this yr now.

We've always lived really well together she's easy to be around , does nothing to make me the way l am no one ever has really although my ex w def' use to get a bit much which also made me head for solitude but at least there was a reason . Thing is , with my partner bow , friends or people around , even my daughter , l just become in desperate need alone time after awhile. lt doresn't matter who it is or how much l enjoy them around , l can only take so much of it but then l just have to get away for some time to myself.

My partner doesn't understand how l'm like this or why and she does nothing to bring it on , being around anyone after a certain amount of time just does and if l don go off and hide out alone for awhile l just gt exhausted and in filthy moods.. l'm talking daily. Even her or say my daughter who is the easiest person you'd get to be around , and she likes her space too , yet even with her.

l mean l'm a fun person and do love some fun and social time , but then ok , l've had enough now l have to go. With my partner if we're both around all day night which l work at home and she only works pt so that's quite often. l'll need a few hours to myself before she gets up , then a few more later in the afternoon and even after that l like if l can get it an hour or so before l go to bed , just alone time. Because although we do sleep beautifully together , l just don't feel like being ion bed bside someone all night without another bit of a break first.

l'm bloody weird , l've always been like this but it is a bit worse now as l'm older and since divorce l've either lived alone or spent a lot of time alone, Wth can't l cope and just enjoy relationships and being with special people like everyone else. My gf can be around me 24 7 , so could my ex w , so can my daughter , wth is wrong with me,

Any feed back appreciated . rx

[tranzcrybe]

Hi rx,

Good observations. Perhaps you could liken it to Sprinters and Marathon runners - it's all in the genetic fabric (ie. quickfire muscles vs stamina) where neither is very good at the other's task despite being legs nonetheless.

The best extroverts usually relish escaping their inherent introverted sameness, and do so with far more shazam as a result; but, as with a strobe light, the intensity affects the frequency and duration - swings and roundabouts, I guess, requiring the highs to be offset by the lows.

Labeling is helpful but can sometimes set a benchmark against someone else's perception of 'normal'...

Regards,

t.

[Guest_1584]

Hi T , thanks for that.

And funny but the sprinter would describe me socially , all in until my sprint is done but when it's done l'm truly done .

To me , really there is no normal , l mean there's a lot of normal in life , with people , run of the mill lifestyles yeah but ther's also absolutely anything goes out there too , it's just not as common. l've never had any interest in being some so called normal and never have been. But l do admit in th social area it would be nice just to stay on some ind of level normal, but anyway.

l'd be very hesitant about wanting or giving myself any more labels tbh , but in this case for me it might help , end of the day though l am as l am and not much is gonna change anyway in that department at this stage l guess. l suppose we're always fin tuning but as l get older l know social or even on personal levels on this one , l am how l am and l've fixed as much as l can but where l'm at these days is about as good as it's gonna gt from here.Keep working on manners when l'm done l suppose , and peaceful exits haha, probably about as far as l'll get. lt's not that l mind at all being this way , it's the hassles it can cause with those your close too.

Soldier on l suppose . rx

[Guest_3256]

Hi randomx.

Everyone loves alone time, however, it depends if you are using it as a coping mechanism and not wanting to be around others, that's different from have alone time to do activities that you enjoy like reading etc. There's nothing wrong with wanting some down time.

[Guest_1584]

Hi Jsua.

Nah of course mines a lot worse than just someone wanting downtime though, well they way l get if l don't have it is you would say.

l suppose many would need a bit at times but but for me the solitude is an absolute daily necessity far more than most butttt, tis what it tis l'm realizing and really that's not a problem it's living it with other people that's that problem and working with your weird ways . Threads are good like that aren't they putting your thoughts and issues down kind of put it all out right there in front of you and you realize things .

rx

[CMF]

Hey my friend

Here's something to think about. How is wanting solitude any different to say, someone who cycles? Example- my M is a cyclist and gets in a ride whenever he can. On Saturday mornings, in a group, they do over 100kms. During the week he will try and ride to/from work or after work and Sunday mornings. He craves it, it makes him feel good, mentally and physically. Everyone accepts it. I guess what I'm saying is, if it's what you need, who's to judge?

In answer to.your question re how I am when not in lockdown I guess I'm a little different cos I have quiet time with when kids are at school etc. I'm often out and about but I'm alone. I love doing things alone where I don't have to talk or think about someone else.. Idon't think I need it is as much as you do but I do crave it if I don't have it. Besides my kids, I like people, but in small doses if that helps.

Cmf x

[Guest_1584]

Hey cm and thanks for that.

Gees he's a busy guy isn't he considering you guys , kids and good ol sis on top of everything he does . love's he's cycling too eh , his need sounds like my canoeing , miss the water running under the boat so much when l can't go.

But anyway my thing well nah , it makes no difference to other people outside of my own home, it's my business l leave when l leave and that's that. But it can just be really awkward at home with my daughter or my gf or if someone else is around or over when l need my time. Caused a lot of problems back when l was married too, among other things. lot of guilt associated with it too because l need so much of it.

But anyway , no choice but to work around it .

rx

[CMF]

I understand

It's who you are and what you need. Hopefully there will be some understanding that it's not personal against anyone but it's what YOU need to function. Some need a cigarette or coffee , you need alone time.

The right person will umderstand that, or at least try to.

[therising]

Hi rx

The fact that you can choose what you dream about is amazing. You must have a natural ability to tap into that part of the brain/mind. While a lot of people are left absolutely puzzled in regard to their dreams, I find most dreams to be fascinatingly cryptic, just begging to be interpreted. Had an absolute ripper the other night, which revealed a lot about my nature and the lack of direction and self discipline in my life at the moment. It was quite a wake up call.

Do you ever feel fascinated by how you work? What I mean is you can be thinking 'I wonder why I have the ability to consciously dream in a way, whereas other people don't' or 'I wonder how my brain can be such a high functioning calculator (naturally calculating/computing why people do things), when other people miss noticing questionable things' or 'I wonder how I have the ability to detach so easily, without any great effort'. Yes, a lot of wondering. Personally, I've come to find detachment to be a great or super natural ability at times. I can be so incredibly emotionally invested in someone I deeply care about, trying to make a positive difference to them in so many different ways. I can even get thoroughly frustrated and a little angry at times (quite emotional), as I deeply desire to see them flourish beyond their challenges. With the realisation that I'm far more invested in making a difference than they are, BAMM, I can detach from emotion and go straight for practical calculation. I calculate 'You wish to make no difference and continue simply complaining about there being no difference'. Harsh, I know, but let's just call it 'tough love' with elements of observation. Don't get me wrong...if this is the truth and the truth is painful for that person to hear, I can easily become deeply empathetic to them whilst they are in that pain. I feel their pain. Knowing when to be calculating (so to speak) and when you're sensing that call to connect through heartfelt emotion can be a matter of sensing being 'the objective/curious observer' compared to being 'an emotional participant' in life. Mastering the ability to read these calls can definitely be challenging at times. If we're a sensitive person, the emotions can get the better of us if we're not conscious of their influence and how worked up we can get through them.

I wonder if you find yourself interesting. You definitely sound like an interesting person. You sound like you have a number of natural abilities others don't have.

🙂

[Guest_1584]

Hi rising , and thanks for the nice post and awareness. But nope not really l don't wonder l've known since l was little and got plenty of practices in observation with our monster family . My mum and dad were really the only ones , sometimes one ore two others, l'd say that saw these ways and were pretty wary , my dad in particular where as mum was a lot like me anyway so things sort of washed off because she understood.

TBH l really don't like dreaming and l only do that with one dream an obvious fav haha , can't be bothered with others as really even most good dreams l don't like much. l can also wake myself up for a coffee and then go back to my dream later. l do another weird thing too well quite a few actually but this drives me nuts. lf l wake up at say 6-17 for example, if l notice the 6.17 , l'll keep waking up at exactly 6.17 for wks after that. l have a way of stopping it and try to just not take in the exact time l wake so as long as l forget or didn't ltake in the exact time, it won't happen . l was reading a thread once where someone mentioned 7.13 and unfortunately l noticed it and woke up at 7.13 for a mth after that . Didn;t mention it in the thread later they wouldn't believe it anyway haha.

l also have to block a lot of things in life bc l have an extremely quick and very vivid imagination and l'll dream about something bad someone said if l don't block it.

No no not harsh at all you have to look after you and you know what sets you off or gives emotional upheaval and of how damaging it is so you learrt to stop that and imo that's a great idea l have to do it with a lot of things too like so many things happening in the world now and in Australia or with someone l care deeply for.

l also hear you in the empathetic and pain , other things l have to block with people and they may think l'm hard or unemotional or too brush offish but if l don't l literally as you say feel their pain too and really at times can't bare it so we need to look after ourselves too right .

Your an old soul , like me haha , a deep old soul. A lot of people throw that around but you see in time there's nothing old soul and so l didn't say it lightly believe me. l find these day the calls pretty easy to make myself now but it wasn't always and l made some bad ones in the past. But there's also a lot l can't say because l just can't bring myself, like you l'll feel thee hurt so l'd rather not.Self preservation is so important too right.

rx

[CMF]

Hey rx,

Sound like you're an empath. I think that's why you need so much time alone. You need it to recharge cos you're absorbing other peoples energy.

Do you feel like you're absorbing from the forums? You're always here helping to you help me heaps and I feel you really understand me, you get me. I wonder though if it drains you without you realising?

Good for thought?

Cmf x