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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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PlainJane01 How can I get my happy Mum back?
  • replies: 5

The last 6 months has been so rough for my Mum. Dad had a heart attack, his mother passed away leaving us to run into toxic family members who bullied my mother. Since corona she has only had 3 shifts at her place of work. She feels awful and as if s... View more

The last 6 months has been so rough for my Mum. Dad had a heart attack, his mother passed away leaving us to run into toxic family members who bullied my mother. Since corona she has only had 3 shifts at her place of work. She feels awful and as if she can’t ‘provide for her family like a mother should’. I try to help but I struggle with my own depression and feel like I don’t have my Mum there to help me, as I don’t want to burden her with my problems. She says since Dad had the heart attack she feels like ‘things will never be good again’. It breaks my heart. I need my happy Mum back. I would appreciate there any Mothers or people in a similar situation that could give me advice.

Mumoftwo16 Am I over reacting
  • replies: 1

I've been a relationship for 91/2 years we've had our share of ups n downs like any relationship we have a 6 year old together. But over the last 3 1/2 years it's been more downs than ups. I got a phone call from a guy stating i should check my partn... View more

I've been a relationship for 91/2 years we've had our share of ups n downs like any relationship we have a 6 year old together. But over the last 3 1/2 years it's been more downs than ups. I got a phone call from a guy stating i should check my partners phone as he was texting a girl he worked with so I did found messages staring he had been checking her out and he wanted to take things further that he fancied her. When I confronted him he said it was just two friends joking around 12 months later same thing but different girl again told same thing just me over reacting. Two years ago I lost my dad very suddenly very unexpected he was my word the only person that really got me always knew when something wasn't right with me and always knew what to say and do to make me feel better I've really struggled without him here depression has set in big time. But 4 months i found out my partner had been secretly massaging and meeting up with a 27 year old 18 years younger than him again I confronted him only to be told they were only friends and nothing happened that she had bad depression that he was trying to her. Not once has he been there for me with mine the only support I've got from him is my dad is gone and that he is never coming back i just feel like I'm nothing to him And all he is doing is disrespecting me as a partner, mother because this is something I would never do to him. I asked him to cut all contract with this girl he said would told me he was off Facebook and Instagram but Friday I found out he has still got Instagram and he blocked me from seeing he's account and is now following the 27 year old. I don't know what to think I'm so broken

Belle1223 *TRigger Warning -Struggles with abusive ex, parents in law and kids
  • replies: 3

Ex and I separated in December. He was violent towards me and police became involved. we were together 15 years. Probably for about 2 years he was a abusive and the 6 months before we separated it became physical. It was very traumatising. I’d just h... View more

Ex and I separated in December. He was violent towards me and police became involved. we were together 15 years. Probably for about 2 years he was a abusive and the 6 months before we separated it became physical. It was very traumatising. I’d just had a new baby who is now 1yo. I left a few times but went back as he seemed very remorseful. But the entire pregnancy and her first 6 months were incredibly stressful. We also have a 2yo and 10yo, and I struggled caring for them and going through being treated so horribly. I asked his parents for help a number of times when he was in one of his abusive rants (calling me nasty names, accusing me of disgusting untrue things. Saying he hoped Awful things would happen to me etc). Even one time while on the phone to his mum he started saying he should hurt people. His parents didn’t want to help me. They would talk to him on the phone for a while and then he would get off the phone and tell me how they sent their love. Occasionally I would get a text message after calling for help saying something like ... he seemed ok and they hoped I was well. Even after I left due to the previous violence his mum wouldn’t pass on a message to him to not return to the house after the temporary order ended (I couldn’t Msg him due to not wanting the temporary restraining order to be revoked). She said sorry but it would have to come from me. I understand it was never their responsibility to help me but I just felt so alone over the years this abuse was going on I got a restraining order for 2 years. I allowed him visits every 2 weeks supervised with his parents. They would come to my home and stay about half a day every 2 weeks. There were times my ex was verbally abusive to me and they witnessed this. He would send me abusive messages every couple of weeks. It was mentally draining trying to look after 3 kids, work and deal with his abuse. He sent my parents threats of violence 2 weeks ago and I decided to stop all visits. He came over last week anyway and I called the police. The past few years has been so horrible and draining. I feel as though I can’t cope with him and his family anymore. I hold resentment towards them all. I just want to be in peace and look after my children...I feel I need to look after myself. The parents just keep nagging me to see the kids. Not to help me in any way, but just for me to let them visit, or bring the kids to them. I just feel I’ve had enough.

Tmg1710 My husband prefers sleeping alone and is not interested in sex
  • replies: 2

Im married 6 years and its been a tough ride.I think we are just room partners trying to raise our kid together.Im scared to talk to him about it.Because he gets frustrated and angry.He prefers watching porn over having sex. This had affected me ment... View more

Im married 6 years and its been a tough ride.I think we are just room partners trying to raise our kid together.Im scared to talk to him about it.Because he gets frustrated and angry.He prefers watching porn over having sex. This had affected me mentally and physically.His interest in sex has always been low.He prefers virtual things.I feel lonely ugly and rejected. He is always watching movies or playing games or talking to his friends.He does all repsoniblities well the physical duties.Cleaning ,coming with me to hospital if required.But it just seems robotic..

Littlebluescent Seperation grief
  • replies: 1

Hi, My ex girlfriend (I'm female, not that it makes a difference, but she was the first girl I'd ever loved after being in not so great relationships with men) left me over a year ago, because she was struggling with depression along with being in ea... View more

Hi, My ex girlfriend (I'm female, not that it makes a difference, but she was the first girl I'd ever loved after being in not so great relationships with men) left me over a year ago, because she was struggling with depression along with being in early recovery from substance abuse and couldn't handle being in a relationship at that time. I've checked in with her every now and then throughout the year to see how she is going, but I haven't spoken to her since last Christmas. She was pretty much my soulmate and I loved her more than I've loved anyone. I feel I'm still grieving our separation. I've not really spoken about this to family, only some friends. Most days I'm fine, but every now and then I still cry about it. Being single isn't an issue for me and in fact, I've learnt a lot from staying single, but some days I struggle because I miss her. I still hold love for her and I probably will for a long time. This doesn't mean I won't ever move on, it just means she meant a lot to me and the love doesn't go away just because we aren't together. I guess I just want to know if anyone has experienced something similar, because some days I feel like I'm going crazy. Thank you for taking the time to read. Any response is much appreciate.

brendo1234 Telling a girl that you wanted to get to know them as friends before starting a relationship when you ask them out
  • replies: 3

I have recently been feeling like I've been doing things wrong when trying to start a relationship. I used to ask girls out after 2-3 months of meeting them and usually get rejected. I decided to focus on being friends and look at starting a relation... View more

I have recently been feeling like I've been doing things wrong when trying to start a relationship. I used to ask girls out after 2-3 months of meeting them and usually get rejected. I decided to focus on being friends and look at starting a relationship after 8 months or more so I know a bit about the girl I like because I'm thinking about having a long, committed relationship that might end in getting married. But now I feel that this might be doing more harm in starting a relationship and putting me in the so called "friend zone". I realised that I've changed how I start dating because of past experiences of being blinded by love and putting on a mask to try and impress the girls I'm interested in and sometimes ignoring warning signs that the girl isn't the best for me. I'm now wondering if it's a good idea to tell the girl I like that I've been interested in them for a while and wanted to get to know them as friends before starting a relationship, but worried they will think I'm lying. Am I ruining my chances with starting a relationship due to my experiences because of wanting to be friends and getting to know the girl? Is it a good idea to say that I wanted to get to know them first when I tell them I like them and try asking them out? Are girls more likely to say yes to a guy that says they wanted to get to know them as friends because it makes them look like they want to have a long term relationship?

Dan049 Married 20+ years, 3 kids and feel just like room mates!!
  • replies: 4

So we have been married for 24 years. i was a ADHD kid growing up and did not have many close friends at school, so when my now wife showed some interest i latched on as i was not confident of getting anyone else. She was my first serious relationshi... View more

So we have been married for 24 years. i was a ADHD kid growing up and did not have many close friends at school, so when my now wife showed some interest i latched on as i was not confident of getting anyone else. She was my first serious relationship right out of high school and even early on i didn't have that feeling of head over heels being in love, it felt more like - this is what the adults do so lets do that. The last 3 1/2 years it is very rare that we end up in bed (just to sleep) at the same time, she will always go to sleep in the lounge and then come to bed at 4am or 5am. It is now at the stage where i do not think that i could go to sleep with someone else in the bed whilst i'm awake. During this same period there has been zero intimacy. I have suggested seperate bedrooms but she was stunned that i would even bring it up. We have never been super tidy but lately i am now starting to resent her leaving things out as she expects me to clean it up. I do not hate her all, quite the opposite -i care about her alot and i dont want to break her heart but im not sure that i can stay and be happy in this type of a relationship. I work full time, am involved on a Committee of a sporting club, and studying online, so the housework gets away from me and when i ask for help it is promised but never delivered. Im starting to get really frustrated but dont want to hurt her or the kids. Cheers.

Girl_interrupted1 Boyfriend thinks I’m fat
  • replies: 13

Hi everyone, I’m new here. I decided to post here today to see if anymore can help me or give me some advice on my situation. ive been with my boyfriend for 8 years and over the years he has always been very concerned over my weight and body parts in... View more

Hi everyone, I’m new here. I decided to post here today to see if anymore can help me or give me some advice on my situation. ive been with my boyfriend for 8 years and over the years he has always been very concerned over my weight and body parts increasing. When I met him I was 20kg smaller than I am now. I’ve struggled with body image issues for my entire life which started from when I was only 5 after getting some serious scars after an illness. I started dieting as a child - actually my father put our family on a diet because he himself wanted to lose weight and he thought we all needed to follow the same strict juice diet. Since then I’ve studied nutrition and I know that these diets don’t work and I’ve tried my best not to fall back into restrictive habits. But my boyfriend constantly reminds me that my weight needs to change and has told me in the past that he’s no longer attracted to my body. He’s not a bad person. He’s gentle sometimes, funny, charismatic and a fun person to be with but lately (well for a while now) I’ve been questioning if I should end this relationship. the thing is.... I’m scared out of my mind to break up with him. I can’t imagine my life without him and I want to be with him because I love him more than anything. please help me. x girl interrupted

Ekkie Sensitively and constructively dealing with a partner with serious self confidence issues - it is starting to cause problems
  • replies: 1

I have been seeing someone for the last few months, who late last year ended his marriage for a number of reasons then found out she had been cheating on him for several years. He has been the primary carer for their two autistic boys for the last se... View more

I have been seeing someone for the last few months, who late last year ended his marriage for a number of reasons then found out she had been cheating on him for several years. He has been the primary carer for their two autistic boys for the last several years, as she didn't want to be. He has had to essentially walk away from his marriage with nothing but debt, and given COVID he is struggling financially as well as he's only just re-entered the workforce. These are all big things to deal with, and I am happy to support him wherever I can. He is sweet, caring and funny, and we can talk for hours. The thing I am starting to struggle with how to deal best, is his extremely low self confidence (which I understand and can completely see where it comes from). I want to find an effective way to reassure and talk to him about this, without making him feel worse. I've been trying, but don't feel I am getting anywhere. I know this will take time to build on. He is insecure about the fact that he currently has "nothing" whereas I have a good job, I own (most of) my home and have savings for holidays etc. He is worried about the fact that he thinks I am "smarter" than him and know all this stuff about things he doesn't and that as a result I will get bored and leave. He keeps saying that I am too perfect and he's terrified of doing something wrong and then I'll leave. He apologises constantly for everything. He bought me a mineral water from the supermarket the other day on his way over (on my request) and then was super apologetic as it was a different brand to what I usually get (he saw an empty bottle in the recycling) - which I don't give two hoots about. He apologised for telling me I'm beautiful, and asked if that was ok. He touched me on the arm and jerked back like i'd burned him, apologising again. I understand abuse (and he has talked about a lot of his relationship with his wife), as I was a victim of childhood abuse, and I know that it takes time to rebuild trust etc. I'm just a little unsure how to help someone else navigate this path themselves and would be grateful for any advice, as I'm now being super careful about everything I say and do and I don't want this to come between us as I think we could be really good for each other. I've tried subtly suggesting counselling, but he doesn't feel this is necessary.

Lonely_girl Relationship mental health
  • replies: 4

Ok so I am 20 and have been with my significant other for 4 years and I have major anxiety and my depression is getting worse and worse, they have generalised anxiety. During this time he’s tried to help but I’ve just felt claustrophobic and agitated... View more

Ok so I am 20 and have been with my significant other for 4 years and I have major anxiety and my depression is getting worse and worse, they have generalised anxiety. During this time he’s tried to help but I’ve just felt claustrophobic and agitated by it, just wanting to be left alone and he won’t do this. I feel as though I can’t breath. I have spoken to friends about this and they have suggested leaving as I am happier with friends rather then them. I don’t know what to do as everytime I suggest it they panic and cry. I feel as though I’m trapped during these times but I do love them