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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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ashkey Struggling with a friend
  • replies: 4

Hi there, So like most people, during this whole pandemic and being on lockdown has brought up a lot of feelings for us all that we might not have otherwise felt without being stuck at home with our thoughts. I had some revelations, good and bad but ... View more

Hi there, So like most people, during this whole pandemic and being on lockdown has brought up a lot of feelings for us all that we might not have otherwise felt without being stuck at home with our thoughts. I had some revelations, good and bad but see it all as a positive shift to trying to do things differently. My current issues I am facing is with one of my best friends who has been through a lot of his own personal problems I have helped him through and been supportive for with everything. I know he is greatful and he has told me but recently he has been treating me quite horribly with snappy comments or using me as his own personal punching bag and when I pull him up on it he says he's not doing that. It got so bad that he was being this negative to me if I said or did anything that I had a small panic attack at work the other morning. Our store wasn't open and I was glad to be alone but I calmed myself down with some breathing and have since told my other best friend who happens to have been suffering some similar issues with the same friend. I felt like this all started when I talked to him about feeling alone and forgotten about and pushed aside during quarantine by him and how I genuinely missed my friends as I am a people person and just texting didn't feel like enough. He gave me no comfort this time and was horrible to me. I am the understanding friend, I am told repeatedly by everyone around me but I just don't know how to address this issue with my friend as I feel he will tell me I'm being negative like he has said before and not want to hear it. I don't want to lose him as a friend and I feel somewhere he doesn't want that either. He hasn't had good friends in the past and now has a new boyfriend who is wonderful for him but he seems to be pushing aside his best friends and not nurturing those relationships. The issues he has been through have been big enough to warrant counselling and I told him he should consider it, he doesn't seem to think he needs it which is obviously his call. If anyone has any insight on how I could begin addressing how I feel about how he keeps attacking me that would be greatly appreciated. I am tired of feeling alone and not cared for. I know he has issues to deal with but so so I. Thank you, Ashkey

Cucuboth Lonely at 40
  • replies: 14

Hi, I'm new here, and was actually directed here by Lifeline. So, anyway, I'm 40, and I'm lonely. That's putting it mildly I guess, since I've never had friends. I don't even have any friends online. There's just nobody to talk to, outside of doctors... View more

Hi, I'm new here, and was actually directed here by Lifeline. So, anyway, I'm 40, and I'm lonely. That's putting it mildly I guess, since I've never had friends. I don't even have any friends online. There's just nobody to talk to, outside of doctors, therapist, and my mental health case manager, and of course I can only talk to them between 9 and 5 on a weekday, and they can't do anything about the loneliness really. Like I said, I don't have friends. I can't even remember the last face-to-face conversation I had with someone who wasn't being paid to talk to me. I've never had a real relationship, just a few online ones where I ended up finding out they were still their supposed ex's. I only met one, and she laughed that I thought our relationship was real. So, I'm 40, and still a virgin. I've never held hands, or hugged, or had my first kiss. People seem to find that funny. It's all a bit of a joke because everyone else just takes all that for granted. I've always been told that if I want any of that, I'll have to go and pay for it. Another joke that people always seem to find amusing. Nobody has ever even tried to touch me. Do you know what that's like? To not know what affectionate human touch feels like? To not know what a conversation is like? To not have ever had any good social experiences? They all end in rejection, humiliation, and more isolation. I've done volunteer work, and that just made things worse because I was treated the same was as always, ignored until I did something, and then yelled at for doing it wrong. I've been to anxiety and depression groups, and found nobody there to talk with. I've been to the Men's Shed, and found it was just all elderly men, so I had nobody there to connect with either. I tend to find most things my therapist and case manager send me to are for elderly people. It seems like loneliness isn't taken very seriously in Australia, or that it is only an issue for the elderly. If you're 40, you're not supposed to be lonely. I go to bowling, to a walking group, and an art therapy group, but there's nobody there who wants to talk with me. I've tried groups from meetup.com, with equally no success. And now of course, at this time of year everything is winding down. I just don't fit in anywhere. I'm just so lonely, it's an actual physical pain, and I just can't stand it anymore. Nobody seems to take me seriously, and I just want the loneliness to end.

Pixie_76 Partners Ex Wife
  • replies: 6

Hi I'm new to this forum and would love to hear some views and opinions.... I am in a relationship with a man with 2 teenage children. His breakup with his ex wife was very bitter (she cheated on him). Due to court battles, the children are with thei... View more

Hi I'm new to this forum and would love to hear some views and opinions.... I am in a relationship with a man with 2 teenage children. His breakup with his ex wife was very bitter (she cheated on him). Due to court battles, the children are with their father and their mother sees her children every second weekend although, their father allows the kids to see there mother at their own discretion during the week for a short period of time. He doesn't not want to prevent them from seeing their mother. The problem with the ex wife is, she comes un-announced at times (generally when she finishes work whilst we're having dinner), she constantly brings the kids food (a lot of junk food). As an example, the other night on her way home from work she went to a well known food chain and bought her son a hamburger and came over just as were about to have dinner and gave it to him. Naturally the kid wanted to have the burger and virtually begged his father to have it as he was starving. I was soooo furious about the fact that she's disrupted the household and dinner by coming over and bringing him food which was totally inappropriate and disrespectful. She's making more of a habit to come over on her way home from work to say hello to the kids and 9/10 she always gives them food (chips, chocolate, cheesecake you name it). When she has problems with her partner, she will text my partner inappropriate things and reflects on the relationship they had together, again totally disrespectful towards me. He doesn't reply (or at least that's what he tells me) and sometime he does which angers me even more. This is really starting to have an affect on me and I don't know how I can go on. My partner has even said that he can't deal with living like this and he's sick of his ex-wife having such a negative impact on his life despite not being together. He's basically saying I have to accept that's the way his ex wife is and even if he tried to talk to her she will simply not listen he know's her well enough to know that's what she'll do. He's basically said that he will not live like this and is prepared to sacrifice our relationship. I have to learn to accept she is the way she is... This honestly breaks my heart to think we might break up!!! I need some advice... I'm terrified, tired and frustrated!

Jaydad How to get away from drugs
  • replies: 4

I got issues, unsure what but screws are loose & I'm not myself. I tried councillor's, got frustrated. I was genuinely trying to make it work Anyway Since 14 (now 25) drugs an alcohol have been the norm near me, every way I look. Booze I dont mind as... View more

I got issues, unsure what but screws are loose & I'm not myself. I tried councillor's, got frustrated. I was genuinely trying to make it work Anyway Since 14 (now 25) drugs an alcohol have been the norm near me, every way I look. Booze I dont mind as much. I got bad on it for a few years, not every week but when I did I would go all night. One of my regrets. In reality it comes back to bite me when partner & I argue. I feel dumb. Anyway grog wise I'm OK now had about 5 cans since feb. Mainly weed is present in my life. Then beyond me, the people I care about want to do "party"" drugs and worse and I've lost a few people I considered great people to drugs in the past. As these things naturally progress for the worse. I done bits and pieces (weed from about 15 to 21) & other drugs once a year if that. But I've always fucking hated drugs & what they do to people, except weed to an extent. So I avoid drugs & everyone I know who does them, I only ever cracked when I was beyond drunk an give in. So when mates come to mine for a beer I say no drugs or fuck off pretty much, case closed But moving on to today I'm a father of 2, went cold turkey off weed day my 1st was born. Been off everything but alcohol ever since. Awesome, 3 years of freedom But a loss of licence in Nov meant loss of job due to criteria. I figured the Mrs had been havin the odd joint an no work means no drug tests, so joined in for a one off. Long story short hooks are in and for the first time ever I feel addicted. We been smoking a bag of weed a week between us since like January. No good I caved and broke the bong about 2mths ago because I felt trapped. Like I'm in a dry circle of sand, in the middle of an ocean of people who do drugs. Another bong got pulled out immediately and it was business as usual. Dumb me should have broke both. She wants to try shit I'm fully against & we can't agree to disagree. All I want is to be away from drugs, she is hell bent on trying more. Next month got a mates bday. 12+ people booking a house/villa for 3 nights. Everyone will be taking drugs but me. I wish they wouldn't it was never a problem before 2020 (most been my mates for years and it's been awesome) But no one is gunna stop. I'm not important enough to stop for an I'm lost. Me hating, & my gf wanting drugs is now affecting us as a family. Im a shell of the former me. Find it hard to talk eat or move at times. I feel like the evilist man for trying to be a good person.Help

heartstringz Family is about to self destruct
  • replies: 3

My family is about to self destruct & i dont know what to do My relationship with my husband is failing because he is a workaholic. Hes gone long hours 5 days a week but then also apparently has to do 2 hours extra work every evening & now apparently... View more

My family is about to self destruct & i dont know what to do My relationship with my husband is failing because he is a workaholic. Hes gone long hours 5 days a week but then also apparently has to do 2 hours extra work every evening & now apparently needs to do a couple of hours work on weekends too. So we literally never spend any child-free time together because hes always working. And my son has behavioral issues which have gone on for years & ive literally lost all confidence as a parent because nothing seems to work Everything gets loaded onto me - im the one who has to try & fix my marriage, salvage my family & sort out my son's behaviour, because my husband "cant take time off work". im barely coping with the load i have to carry i already had anxiety & a history of depression i don't know how to fix this or who to see for help. i feel like i want to leave my husband, but i don't even know how id afford to pay rent somewhere on a part-time wage. But i can't go full-time as i have a 6 year old & a toddler. im lost & stressed & confused & about at breaking point with the load i have to carry My husband isnt listening to me, hes only focused on work Has anyone else dealt with this? Who would i see for help? I need help with my anxiety, but i also urgently need help with my 6 year old's behaviour, but i also need help to try & fix my family. I don't even know where to start.

Steviep My fiancé and I struggling to conceive. Feeling it my fault.
  • replies: 8

Hi my name is Steven so this very hard for me to talk about but then again I feel like I need to put myself out here cause maybe advice could very well help me But help my fiancé as we atm are struggling to conceive a baby. We been trying for over 12... View more

Hi my name is Steven so this very hard for me to talk about but then again I feel like I need to put myself out here cause maybe advice could very well help me But help my fiancé as we atm are struggling to conceive a baby. We been trying for over 12-18 months and no luck and I feel like it may be my fault. could be anxiety as I have struggled with that my whole life. Could be I overthink things too much and put too much pressure on myself. but what I could think is the problem is that atm the only way I feel like I can actually make myself perform is via the use of watching or thinking of porn/sexual stuff. i just can’t seem to make myself do it any other way than either watching or thinking of porn or sexual stuff. When my fiancé and I have sex nothing is happening. I don’t seem to get eroused enough or excited enough. i just don’t understand it. i also wonder if our overall sex life is maybe been the same and needs a change up. Maybe we need to be more open about our likes and dislikes when comes to sex. but udk I still feel atm the big problem is me thinking and relying on sexual visuals to make me climax. so I ask does anyone have any advice for me? I need this. I’ve been so upset lately cause I’m blaming myself for us not conceiving. Whether I am at fault idk but I feel it is my fault and need To figure this out so anyone have any advice on ways my fiancé and I can improve our chances of conceiving via sex to where I don’t need sexual visual stuff or thinking of it to make it happen? thank you I hope someone has advice for me.

MamaBB Rekindling marriage
  • replies: 2

Hello I separated from my husband at the beginning of March. I felt we had grown a part and he wasn't supporting me the way I needed. The separation was 90% my decision & hasn't been messy, nasty or damaging. We have remained friends & share our daug... View more

Hello I separated from my husband at the beginning of March. I felt we had grown a part and he wasn't supporting me the way I needed. The separation was 90% my decision & hasn't been messy, nasty or damaging. We have remained friends & share our daughter well. Lately I have been thinking what my future holds & I'm getting thoughts about rekindling the relationship. I want more children & I'm not sure if I want to do it with anyone else. There where some issues with support during my daughter's pregnancy, birth & postpartum. Which he has realised & apologized for. When we split & since we have split he has been supportive and seems to show an understanding of how he should have treated me. There's a part of me that believes he has changed. One thing that is stopping me is my sexual orientation. I am definitely caught between wanting to be with him & the idea of being with a woman. Before we split I did express why feelings about women & he did understand. There could be a way we can manage this together & keep the marriage. I'm not sure what to do & what the next step would be. Can I please have some advice & support Thank you

Delma Can't cope after 23 years married
  • replies: 2

I've been married for 23yrs and we have 2 healthy children. We are financially stable and have a successful company. I know I should be happy but I feel depressed and stuck. I no longer want to be married to my husband. I care deeply about my husband... View more

I've been married for 23yrs and we have 2 healthy children. We are financially stable and have a successful company. I know I should be happy but I feel depressed and stuck. I no longer want to be married to my husband. I care deeply about my husband, and he is a good man, but he has always been totally closed off to his emotions and also very determined in his viewpoints. Since the beginning I felt rejected and alone when he wouldn't talk to me after any kind of debate or disagreement. After we had our first child, we moved to Perth for a 4 month post, I asked him to come to marriage counselling, but he refused, saying I was blaming him and I was emotional because I had a newborn. After every holiday there is always a disagreement, it's like he stresses out because the holiday is over, it is just unreasonable and extremely uncomfortable. I hate holidays. I have shut him out the way I had always felt shut out by him. Intimacy is also a problem. For years I was having sex in order to keep the peace and now I just feel used up, like I’m not even capable of enjoying it anymore. The idea of having sex with him makes me so anxious, I know my husband wouldn't handle a sexless marriage. Sex is very important to him, but the real problem is the lack of connection. I don't know how to feel connected to him anymore. I don't think I want to. I know he looks to porn and sites like Mewe, I don't have any proof that he has been unfaithful in our marriage, but he has travelled extensively over the years, so I wouldn't know. I dream of asking him for a separation, but how? I am a Director with 50% share in our company, there are so many elements to consider - our kids, the business, our employees, our large rural property and animals; and I don’t want to move the kids even if I could afford to. And it seems too cruel to ask my husband to move out, and I doubt he would ever agree. My teenage children are now questioning their father, which is heartening to me because I feel like I am not the only one, but I also feel it's so hard to support them because he feels I am not supporting him as a parent - he won't give me an opportunity to disagree with him and make an alternative plan for the kids. Should I stay until the kids are adults and waste another 5yrs of both of our lives? But staying is just adding to my resentment. I need to take some action, I can't stay in limbo. I'm not living just existing.

MYM Where to get help for separation
  • replies: 2

I’m full time stay at home mom of 2 with zero income and zero saving, want to seperate from husband of 13 years. No, he’s not abusive. We just couldn’t work out our issues. I’m about to explode, I can’t deal anything anymore, especially my emotions. ... View more

I’m full time stay at home mom of 2 with zero income and zero saving, want to seperate from husband of 13 years. No, he’s not abusive. We just couldn’t work out our issues. I’m about to explode, I can’t deal anything anymore, especially my emotions. I don’t have family or close friends, just me alone. I was wondering what kind of support or assistance I can get from where? Please help me point to right direction. Thank you.

Kooka51 Getting back up
  • replies: 1

Complex one... how do you get out of a hole that gets bigger because you cant do anything right... or are not trusted. Own a pub with my partner... she not interested in business now for her reasons so have been running it by myself.... but get criti... View more

Complex one... how do you get out of a hole that gets bigger because you cant do anything right... or are not trusted. Own a pub with my partner... she not interested in business now for her reasons so have been running it by myself.... but get criticised by her every day.... no matter what i do or dont do.... even by her snobby friends......... just at point now had enough...