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my mum makes me feel sick

wheredidyouvangogh
Community Member

I'm an 18yr old girl, I can't stand being around my mum despite the fact she's done nothing wrong. She's a good mum and has always been very caring and kind to me so i don't understand how I can despise her like this. We used to be close, she even said she considered me to be her best friend, but now the thought of spending time with her irritates me to no end.

Unlike with my father, (who is also a good parent but has spent more time angry than any other emotion and has nowhere near supported me to the extent my mum has) who I feel I have suddenly grown closer to and enjoy his company much more than my mum.

It has been like this for over a year now (so the pandemic has held little impact, if at all). I feel terrible because I know my mum is going through a hard time with my dad at the moment and she feels unloved, but I just can't bring myself to offer her any emotional support. Whenever she is upset I can't help but see her as weak yet I can answer to my father's every need with no issue.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated :)!

2 Replies 2

smallwolf
Community Champion
Community Champion

hi and welcome to beyond blue.

my first thought was... what happened do you think for you to relate better with your dad than your mum?

what sort of things do you and your dad do that make you closer? Could these things be distractions for you?

it would be nice (?) if we were able to get on with both parents even when they have done nothing wrong. As we get older our interests and beliefs ,opinions, values, etc can change and could move away from the way our parents think. At leas that is how it worked for me. Our coping mechanism is to spend less time with them? Covid however might make that more difficult.

actually there are many questions ...

  • What would it take for your relationship with your mother to heal?
  • Perhaps you had worked out ways to deal with you dads angry behaviour?
  • did you see your mother as strong at one time and now not?
  • etc.

While I have not been in the same situation as you,, I can say that reflecting on what has happened can help to work out the cause or the issues. How you move on from there is up to you. Perhaps talking to you mum might be one way. I you want a sounding board here, I will listen and respond.

all the best,

Tim

SarahZ
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hello wheredidyouvangogh,

Welcome to the forums and thanks for reaching out 🙂

I'm sorry to hear that you are dealing with what sounds like a very emotionally complex situation. The fact that you made this post shows that you deep down still really care about your mother and want some assistance to repair this relationship, which is heartening to see.

Do you think there are any specific personality traits/characteristics you and your dad share more of together than you do with your mum?

Speaking from personal experience, I know sometimes I feel my relationship with my dad is stronger as he has a much more laid back personality, which I prefer to be around. My mum is very caring and kind, however she is much more strict and nosey, which I can't relate to as much. However, at the end of the day I love both equally as much. Just some times I have an inclination towards my dad as he has a personality that I much prefer to be around. I don't think theres anything wrong with that. It's normal to be more drawn to people who you can relate more to.

Wishing you all the best and here if you ever want to talk ~