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Brother blows up over the littlest things

Community Member

Hey guys

My brother is constantly smashing things in the house like breaking plates, mirrors, remote controls or whatever he can get his hands on. He is now drinking and doesn't know how to look for a job or do anything for himself, and refuses to get help.

My brother is 30 and lives at home with my dad. My sister is moving out when she finishes her degree. My brother has been in & out of work. He did an apprenticeship when he finished high school but was made redundant years ago. He doesn't know how to write a resume or do anything for himself. Dad helped with his resume and I found a factory job for him. He was let off at the start of the year due to covid and is now on job seeker. Dad works in the health care industry and helped him get an accreditation to become a patient services assistance but my brother refuses to do it. Dad said there is always plenty of work.

My brother resents my dad because my dad moved from one side of the city to the other and so my brother is not living close to his high school friends. So anything my dad suggests he refuses to do. Growing up my dad rented and raised us kids on his own so when he finally was able to save up to buy his own house, he moved to a cheaper area as he couldn't afford to buy in the area we grew up in. We told my brother he is old enough to get a job and rent a place back where we grew up and can be close to his friends.

My brother doesn't even know how to organise to get his car serviced so right now he doesn't have a car so will smash the house up out of frustration. Says he can't afford it because he spends all his money on cigarettes, alcohol, takeaway or out with friends. Anything he is frustrated with he takes it out on everyone else. Says he needs to go see a dentist so my sister gives him a list of dentists in the area but he doesn't know how to or refuses to pick the phone to call. It's like he expects everyone else to do it for him.

I told my sister to call the cops when he becomes violent, it's the only way he will learn. He refuses to go see a councilor but I think he realises he has some mental issue. I told dad to kick him out of home if he refuses to see someone but dad said he is an adult and can't force him to go see one. I think dad can be half the problem sometimes because if my brother doesn't have money to go out, dad will give him money just to keep the peace.

Dad has worked hard for his house and now my brother is ruining everything, what can we do?

2 Replies 2


Hi shorti,

Thank you so much for reaching out to the forums today to share your story. We're really sorry to hear what you and your family are going through at the moment, your brother sounds very lucky to have such a caring family looking out for him. Please know that you've come to a safe space to talk about these thoughts and feelings and our wonderful community is here to offer as much support and advice as you need.

If you feel up to it, we'd also really recommend getting in touch with our Support Service which is available 24/7 on 1300 22 4636 or you can visit on our website www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport for online chat. One of our friendly counsellors will be able to give you some information and advice to help you and your brother. 

You might also find some helpful advice on our page "Talking to someone you're worried about" https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/have-the-conversation/talking-to-someone-you-are-worried-a...

We hope that you keep checking back in with us to let us know how you are going, whenever you feel up to it.

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hi shorti,

Thank you so much for sharing such a open and raw post.

I can connect with so much you've said, I hear you. My youngest brother smashed things in the family home all the time, those times were painful.

All I can say is to stay strong as family is number one! No matter what you go through love them unconditionally! The power of family will be there for you, I promise you.

Stay strong and stay safe,